01-Jun-2001

And now for something we hope you'll really like...

the next part of People in Black!

Author: Tigress Pern
Title: People in Black
Archive: GW Addiction 3/4
Type: Parody/Comedy
Warnings: OOC, self-insertion and 4+3 hints.
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing isn't mine, neither is Men in Black. Still poor, please don't sue.

People In Black by Tigress Pern

Part Three

Act Three

Narrator: Heero and Duo have made it back to the P.I.B. base. They present their findings to Wufei who practically screams upon hearing them.

Wufei: BUGS! WE HAVE BUGS!!! OH, GREAT! No wonder aliens are fleeing left and right. And on top of that the Queen of the Catalonias has gone missing. She was on an extended vacation here on Earth and hasn't been seen since yesterday! The Catalonias are breathing down my neck to find her and their emissary that they sent to fetch her. God! Can it get any worse?

Sally stepping into the office: Sir, the Catalonias are demanding action. If we don't find their leader, they plan on using New York for target practice.

Wufei: Oh, thank you very much. It's not like New York hasn't been destroyed before. Remember ID4? Heero, Duo, I want you to find the missing Queen. Check the morgues if you have too, just find her!

Heero and Duo: Yes sir! Ninmu ryoukai! ::They turn and walk out quickly::

Sally: They say after they destroy New York, they're going to blow up Tokyo.

Wufei: Bye, bye Tokyo Tower.again. It gets blown up in almost every anime.

::next scene, Heero and Duo are walking into a morgue.  Duo is holding a sheet of paper and a large red pen::

Duo: Okay, this is the last on the list. If we don't find any bodies matching the descriptions we were given, then we'll have to start searching in the morgues outside the city.

Desk clerk Meullier: Can I help you?

Heero: Were any bodies brought in yesterday?

Desk clerk Meullier: Um.let me check.::ruffles through some papers:: Yeah, two. The doc was about to open them up. Both unidentified.

Duo: Sounds like we have the right place! Of course it had to be the last on the list.

Heero: Naturally. ::They walk into the actual area where all the bodies are being kept in a giant freezer. A nice young woman with dark blond nearly brown hair, dressed in a lab coat is writing something down on her clipboard::

Relena: Can I help you gentlemen?

Duo: Hi, we're here to identify the bodies. A male and female.

Relena: Oh, the two brought in yesterday. Yes they were interesting.

Heero: Interesting?

Relena: Yes, well, you'd have to see for yourselves. Prepare yourselves, I don't want to have to clean up any vomit on the floor. Dead bodies always seem to cause ah.unwelcome responses in people.

Duo: What about you?

Relena going over to the big freezer and pulling open one of the small doors: After a while you just become desensitized to this sort of thing. Here are our John and Jane Doe. ::pulls out two slabs::

Heero in a deadpan voice: It's them. ::walks over and leans over Alex::

Relena: They were stabbed in the back of the neck by some sharp object. Look at this entrance wound. ::comes over and lifts Alex's head so Heero can stare at the puncture mark.::

Neyow. ::suddenly a little siamese cat wanders into the room::

Relena: Hello kitty. ::picks up the cat:: He came in with the bodies. As their relatives, I would assume you would take him.

Heero eyeing the cat: I don't think so. ::Relena's face falls, then brightens::

Relena: Then I'll keep him. ::scratches behind the cats ears. The cat begins to purr loudly::

Duo: I didn't realize Dorothy had so many earings. ::leans over and fiddles with the earrings. Suddenly there is a hissing sound and Dorothy's face comes off.  Inside is a tiny alien.::

Alien: You.must.save.the galaxy. Bugs will destroy.

Duo: Dude! There's a little dude here! ::Both Heero and Relena come bounding over::

Heero: Your majesty. ::the alien looks at Heero, the at Duo, and finally at Relena::

Relena: Oh my god, this whole body is only a biomechanical android shell for that little thing.

Alien: The galaxy.is... in... da... dan... danger. S-save... it.

Heero: The galaxy where?

Alien: T-th-the gal-gal-gal... axy... is... on... Nanashi's b-b-b-b...

Duo: Belt?

Alien: B-Belt. ::Nods, then eyes roll up and it dies::

Heero: The galaxy is on Nanashi's belt. We have to get back to headquarters.

Relena: Say, you two aren't really relatives of the departed? Are you? ::the cat wiggles out of her arms and wanders over to Dorothy's body. It hops up on the table an meows loudly::

Heero: Duo. ::Duo nods, pulls out his sunglasses as does Heero:: * FLASH, ZAP * Let's go. Duo, quit playing with the cat.

Duo: Aw.but he's so cute! ::pets cat:: Bye-bye neko-chan.

::As the two leave they hear screaming, they rush to the front desk. They look up and see that Meullier is being attacked by Tsuborov.::

Tsuborov: Body.

Duo: Eewwww!

Heero: A Bug wearing a Tsuborov-skin in attempts to pass as human. Omae o korosu. ::whips out a huge gun and aims. Pulling the trigger it blasts a hole in the wall, but Tsuborov has jumped to the ceiling and is crawling away. Heero gets an demonic gleam in his eyes and aims again::

Duo: WAIT! If you shoot him there, you'll cause the whole ceiling to collapse! ::to the side:: I'm beginning to see what Wufei meant by survive.

Relena from the other room: AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! ::Heero races in, with Duo hot on his heels. Tsuborov is going after Relena, who has been thrown against a cart full of dissection instruments. She reaches for a scalpel and hurls it at the approaching Bug:: Get away! ::the scapel lands in Tsuborov's thigh, he pulls it out and is about to throw it when the cat leaps on his arm and bites him. He screams and shakes the cat wildly, sending it flying. Being a cat, it does a sumersault in midair and lands on its feet hissing. Duo pulls out a normal gun and opens fire. Tsuborov howls in rage and hurls Alex's cold body at both Heero and Duo. They dive out of the way and are nearly trampled by an escaping Bug.::

Duo: Oi, is everyone all right??

Heero: He got away. ::takes off running again::

Duo: OI! Heero!!! ::But Heero is already out of earshot. Duo turns attention to Relena:: Say, are you all right Miss?

Relena, who now is standing holding the cat: Yeah, I think so. What was that thing?

Duo: A psycho.

Relena: That I could tell.

Duo: I better go after my partner before he blows up something, like himself. ::hurries off:: Later!

Narrator: Outside, Heero has failed in capturing the fleeing Bug wearing a Tsuborov-skin. He has succeeded in making a huge mess though. I'm sure that'll score him big points with everyone. He holds a cell phone in one hand and detonator in the other.

Heero: I have failed in my mission. I will self destruct immediately sir.

Duo: Heero no! ::Launches himself at his partner and manages to get the detonator away from him.:: Give me the phone too. ::is given the phone:: YO! Wufei, look we need a clean up crew, somebody went a little trigger happy. Yeah, I got the detonator away from him. How did his last partner survive this? I'll die of a heart attack long before I'm blown up.

Heero: * GLARE *

Duo: Right, we'll come back.

Narrator: Later back at base, Heero and Duo are in Wufei's office.

Wufei: .And we had to Flash, Zap forty seven people including four old men who probably needed all the brain cells they had left! Not to mention the twenty minutes it took to clean up the mess! And we couldn't replace that pink limo if we tried! Do you know how much you cost us today?! What were you thinking Heero!?!

Sally: Breathe Wufei, breathe. ::Wufei takes several deep breaths in an attempt to regain his composure::

Duo: At least you gave Relena a nice memory. Of course why you had to have her fawning over me, I don't know. ::Sally smiled cruelly:: I didn't find it funny that she was calling me her knight in shining armor. I'm no hero. ::side glance at Heero::

Heero: Hrmph!

Wufei: Anyway, I want you two to go find that Bug.

Heero and Duo: Yes sir! :: they go tearing out::

::scene changes to Relena and the little siamese cat still in the morgue::

Relena: Well now kitty what am I going to do with you?  ::she scratches him behind the ear and he starts purring.:: You know, I really should see what your name is. ::Relena begins fumbling with the collar. Upon finding the license, she reads it out loud:: Nanashi. That's an odd name, but it fits. Hey, what's this little glass bobble next to the tag? ::Pulling it closer so that she can see, Relena finds herself nose to nose with Nanashi. He stares at her with unblinking eyes:: Oh wow. It glows!

::scene shift to Duo and Heero in their car driving down the highway::

Duo: What do you suppose the little dudette meant by the "galaxy is on Nanashi's belt"?

Heero: Hn.

Duo staring out the window: I mean there is no galaxy around any of the stars that make up the constellation Nanashi. We checked. So what does it mean? ::suddenly Heero slams on the brakes, Duo goes lurching forward nearly slamming his head on the dash board:: OI! Watch what your doing!

Heero: Bug!

Duo: Oh no... ::grabs a hold of his seatbelt and starts praying as Heero gets that "I'm being possessed by the zero system" gleam in his eyes:: God have mercy.::VAROOM! Goes the car as Heero guns it:: PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!! ::The car goes tearing off after the Bug who happens to be driving a large van with the bumper sticker that says "I love Mobile Dolls" on it. A chase ensues with Duo praying through most of it while Heero laughed maniacally. Finally the van crashes into the same morgue it had attacked earlier. Relena, who happened to be just leaving, barely manages to leap out of the way. The Bug escapes the flaming wreckage, his Tsuborov skin nearly completely burnt away. Relena screams and runs for her car. Nanashi hisses and tears off after Relena.::

Relena: Nanashi, quick, into my car! ::she holds the door open just as the Bug leaps on the hood of it.:: Back off! I have mace! ::The Bug snarls, but Nanashi, brave little cat that he is, jumps onto the Bug's arm and bites down hard. This of course, only furthers to anger the alien cockroach and he grabs the kitty by the collar and starts whirling him around in a circle. Luckily the collar snaps and Nanashi goes flying off stage, does a triple somersault and lands in the director's lap. Meanwhile the Bug grabs Relena and shoves her into her car.::

Tsuborov/Bug: Drive. ::Relena does as she's told and takes off.::

Duo: Oh my God! I just figured it out! That cat was Dorothy's right? Didn't Relena in the last scene say it's name was Nanashi? So the galaxy my be on THAT Nanashi's belt! Which means it's on the collar. Although I didn't realize galaxies came in chibi fashion.

Heero: Duo, shut up. ::guns the car and takes off after Relena and the Bug::

Narrator: Will Heero and Duo catch the Bug before it realizes it has the galaxy in its claws? Will they save Relena before she becomes its midnight snack? Will the Catalonians get their galaxy back or is this the end of our planet?

Quatre: Will we ever find Trowa?

Narrator: ::sweatdrop:: Stay tuned for Act IV of People in Black!

End Part 3

Tigress Pern

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