04-Jun-2001
Author: Tigress Pern
Title: People in Black
Archive: GW Addiction
Type: Parody/Comedy
Warnings: OOC, self-insertion, 3+4 inclination
Disclaimer: GW and MIB not mine, although the
insanity is. Still very much a poor starving student.
Please don't sue!
Notes: And here it is, the final part of this. ::a great cheer goes up from the cast:: Oh, and they think I won't do another?! ::cast runs and hides:: Enjoy!
Quatre: PERN!
Pern: Yes?
Quatre looking very worried: I can't find Trowa anywhere. I've even had Rashid and the Maganacs looking for him. We've turned the entire theatre upside down and he's nowhere to be found! Catherine said she last saw him heading towards the Props room.
Pern: The Props room? ::thinks:: You don't suppose that he..no.
Quatre: What? Pern, this isn't the time to go all silent on me. Look, he's my boyfriend and I want to bloody know where he is! If you have any idea what has happened to him, you better tell me!
Pern: Well, it's a long shot, but I thought they'd.but if they didn't.
Quatre: PERN!
Pern grabbing him by the arm: If I'm right, then I have a good idea where Trowa went.
Quatre: Good! Because when I get my hands on him, I'm going to strangle him for making me worry like this!
Pern: You better start Act IV Hilde!
Hilde: OK! ::cough::
Narrator: When last we left our heroes, they were in hot pursuit of the Bug who had kidnapped Relena.
::Driving like he's in the Indy 500, Heero pulls past one car and dives in front of another. Duo closes his eyes and prays. The Bug and Relena are just ahead of them. Relena obviously doesn't like driving at very fast speeds with a Bug holding her hostage and is zig-zagging through traffic, her knuckles white on the wheel.::
Relena: Why me? Why does it have to be me? No, I could have been the Queen of the World, but I chose to be a mortician.
Bug: SHUT UP!
Relena: grrr.
Narrator: The chase continues until Relena is forced to pull off at the exit to the 1967 World's Fair Park. At which point Heero misses the exit, but manages to engage flight mode of his car to continue pursuit. Unfortunately, Heero is about as good a pilot as he is driver and crashes into Relena's car. The cars go end of end into the park.
Duo struggling out of the wreckage: Next time, I DRIVE.
Heero: Must kill Bug first, or there won't be a next time. ::climbs out of wreckage unscathed (How does he do that?) and heads towards the other car. Suddenly the Bug rips open what's left of the roof and drags both Relena and himself out.:: HALT! ::The Bug ignores Heero and holds one of his dagger-like claws to her throat.::
Bug: The girl dies.
Heero: Give us the girl and the cat collar.
Duo finally managing to get free and stand: Don't tell him that!
Heero: It's what we want.
Duo whispering: But he'll figure out the galaxy is on the collar if you say that. We need to nick it from him when he's letting Relena go.
Heero: But it would be simpler to ask for both.
Duo: That's the not the point. Strategy, think strategy.
::Meanwhile, the Bug is staring at both the PIB agents, then looks at the cat collar the bauble on it, which thankfully he hasn't dropped yet. Suddenly he figures out where the galaxy is. He starts laughing.::
Duo: That's a bad sign.
Heero: Kill.
Duo: NO, you'll hit Relena!
Heero: Small price to pay for world peace.
Relena: THAT'S IT!!!! I'VE HAD IT!!! ::Suddenly she brings her foot down on the instep of the Bug, who yelps. Then she elbows him in the stomach, followed by smashing him in the face and the rolling him off her shoulder.:: I am TIRED of being represented as some weak little prissy girl who is a total pacifist and whiner. I get angry too! ::For emphasis she slams her heel down on the Bug's back:: And since neither of you were doing anything to help me, I figured it was high time I saved myself. Give me that galaxy! ::She snatches the galaxy.:: I'm going back to the morg. At least I'm doing something important and frankly I LIKE doing autopsies. ::storms towards Heero and Duo who part quickly to let her pass. As they watch her leave the Bug recovers and leaps up towards them.::
Duo: HEERO SHOOT!
::Suddenly a little siamese cat streaks onto the stage and sinks his teeth into the Bugs leg, which throws it off balance and it crashes the ground. As the cat is gnawing on the leg, Quatre storms out on stage followed by Pern.::
Quatre: TROWA BARTON. ::the cat abruptly stops chewing on the leg:: GET OVER HERE THIS INSTANCE. ::Trowa regards Quatre for a moment, then bolts like hell off the stage:: TROWA!!! ::He runs off after him. Everyone looks at Pern::
Pern: Um... well, we found Trowa. Unfortunately, he apparently got hit with some magic dust from one of the fairy tale productions. Um..yeah.well.I better go stop Quatre from hurting him. Trowa won't be his normal self until he's out of the cat's body. Bye. ::She hurries off to retrieve Quatre and Trowa::
Duo: Ah, what do we do now? Narrator Hilde??
Narrator: There isn't much left. You've gotten rid of the Bug, saved the galaxy and Relena.
Heero: She did that herself.
Narrator: Whatever. I guess all that's left is to return to base and tell Wufei. Then it ends.
Duo: Okay, come on Heero, I'll flag us down a taxi.
::Back at headquarters::
Wufei: Well you've done it. Totaled two cars, destroyed property and yet managed to save the day. I'm impressed no one was hurt.
Relena: Excuse me who saved the day?
Wufei: I was referring to you as a group. Now Relena, as the newest member of PIB, you'll have to pay close attention to what Heero and Duo have to say. And please help Duo keep Heero from destroying anymore property.
Relena: Okay. Now, do I get one of those big guns too? ::Wufei sighs and rolls his eyes::
Wufei: Who know she was trigger-happy?
Duo: You should have seen the way she took down that Bug.
Heero: It was scary.
Narrator: END PLEASE!
Duo: But there are still more lines!
Narrator: But the guys from Sailor Moon are here early to work on their Sleeping Beauty play.
Wufei: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Before they make us wear sailor costumes again!
::entire cast flees the stage::
Pern: I guess that's it for this play. ::looks around:: Psst, Trowa, it's okay. He's gone. ::Trowa slips out::
Trowa: Meow?
Pern: Hold still while I sprinkle this magic dust on you. ::sprinkles:: There much better.
Trowa: Thank you.
Pern: You're welcome. Now let's go. Last time we hung around when the Sailor Moon cast was here, they insisted I fill in for Beryl. I hated those fake finger nails.
Trowa: Can I hide out at your place for a while? Quatre's still mad at me. I couldn't help what I did as a cat. Besides Relena found this place behind my ears..
Pern holding up her hands: Okay, but if he goes Zero in my living room again..
Trowa: We'll go out the window. Do you mind stopping by the video store so we can pick up Dogma?
Pern: Sure. I love that movie. ::They go off::
The End??? Or is it???
The End
Tigress Pern