Title: Titanic
Author: NaNa (VelvtWhipLasher@icqmail.com)
Pairings: I'm guessing 1x2 2x1
Category: yaoi, dumb humor, parody, ooc, fusion, puke, deathfic
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don’t own Titanic or GW. Just a fusionic happy humoric parody deathfic. C&C and flames are welcome.
//this// indicates thoughts.
“Onna, get off him!” Wufei yelled as he peeled Relena’s arms off from braided baka’s neck.
“Oh my Lord! That guy tried to rape me!” Relena shrieked.
“Who tried to rape you?” Heero asked as he came out of nowhere.
“He did!” Relena sobbed as she pointed at the boy who’s eyes were in spirals with little chibi chicks flying around his head. Heero stared at the boy. He was gorgeous. Heero coughed couple of times.
“Ahem, Relena…”
“Onna! That baka couldn’t have raped you! You had your arm around him, suffocating him, and you were sitting on top of him, and he’s like unconscious! So you are the hentai!” Wufei accused.
“Who the hell are you!” Relena screeched.
“I’m Detective Chang Wufei! I shall bring justice to this boat! And I know what really happened!” Wufei glared at everyone. Everybody gulped. “You! Relena Peacecraft was about to fall off when that braided baka went by. He tried to save you, but being an onna, you got scared and held him too tight and ended up on top of him. Being a goddamn onna you are, you said you were getting raped!” Wufei concluded confidently. Everybody sweatdropped. Then someone started to clap. Everyone turned to see who it was. It was Heero.
“Well, the boy is a hero!” Heero exclaimed. Heero lifted up the half unconscious baka. “Well son, what’s your name?”
“Ah, um, Duo Maxwell, sir,” Duo babbled.
“Well Mr. Maxwell,” Heero smiled, “Good for you, son!”
“The boy deserves a reward,” Wufei retorted.
“Give him some coins,” Relena cracked. Her plan to gain attention had failed.
“No! That baka deserves something better, onna!” Wufei snapped at Relena.
“You’re right, Detective Chang,” Heero cut in. “The boy deserves something much better – he saved my fiancée’s life,” Heero paused. He walked up to Duo. “Duo, would you like to join us for tomorrow night’s ball?” Heero asked. Duo blinked coupld of times.
“Is there going to be food?” Duo asked with wide eyes.
“Yes, there will be a lot of good food,” Heero chuckled.
“Then I’ll come,” Duo smiled and hopped away.
“Who said that scumbag could come!?” Relena shrieked at Heero.
“Onna! He saved your life! Stop being a bitch!” Wufei snapped.
“No one calls me that ever!”
“Shut up! Onna’s are so annoying!”
“Meow!”
“Ruff!” Wufei and Relena continued to hiss and bark as each other.
“Ah, what a night,” Heero murmured and skipped to his room.
Duo and Relena walked around the boat. Few third class children ran around the boat and one of them bumped into Relena.
“Urgh! Insolence!” Relena raised her hand but Duo grabbed her arm. “Let go of me,” Relena snarled.
“Let them be. It’s not like you never ran around,” Duo retorted.
“Why, I’d never!”
“Thought so, you look like Versailles Barbie,” Duo spat and dropped her arm.
“How dare you! I’m prettier than Barbie!” Relena shrieked.
“Hn. Whatever. You look like Ken dressed like Barbie,” Duo retorted.
“Am not!”
“Is too!”
“Who are you to judge? I don’t even want to see your face right now, so go away!” Relena demanded.
“You are the one that said you’d tell me where the kitchen is!” Duo snapped.
“Fine! Then I’ll leave!”
“Fine! I’ll find someone else to take me to the frigging kitchen!”
“Fine!” Relena started to stomp off to the other side. //What’s that idiot going to do?// Relena fumed. He did not mean a thing. He was a way to gain more Heero’s attention.
“Oi, Heero! What are you doing out here?” Relena could hear Duo’s voice from the distance. //Heero?// Relena turned around and spotted Heero smiling at Duo.
“Say Heero, I thought you were busy,” Duo wandered aloud.
“I was walking by and then I saw you all alone. I thought you might be lonely,” Heero smiled at Duo.
“Yeah well, I was looking for the kitchen that’s all,” Duo shrugged. Heero smacked his forehead. “What? You hungry too?” Duo asked.
“No, I’m fine,” Heero shook his head. “Say, is that a sketch book?” Heero pointed at what Duo was holding.
“Yep. You want to look?” Duo asked.
“Please,” Heero took the book from Duo. It was filled with many people. “You’ve drawn him a lot. Who’s he?” Heero pointed at this man with big mushroom head and a long nose.
“Him? He’s Professor G. He used to buy me drinks,” Duo explained.
“You must have liked him a lot.”
“Nah, I just like his scar. It’s the coolest!” Duo chirped. Heero sweatdropped.
“Well Duo,” Heero paused, “You really got talent. You know people,” Heero stared at Duo’s eyes deeply. Duo stared back and blushed a bit.
“Well Duo,” Relena paused, “You really got talent,” Relena mimicked Heero. “You know people – my pretty butt!” Relena hissed at Duo and Heero but they did not notice her. Relena was getting very frustrated. //Why? Heero is supposed to love me! Me! Then how come he smiles at that street rat and not me? Why?// Relena knelt on the ground and the lights were shone on her. “I want my hubby back!” Relena yelled out.
“Shut up!” Wufei thwapped Relena with his book of justice and walked away. Relena sweatdropped for a moment then turned to see Duo and Heero blushing at each other. //Heavens no, if I’m going to let him take my Heero away!//
“Heero!” Relena jumped on her hubby. “Heero, my darling! I missed you!” Relena rubbed her cheek against Heero’s. Duo gagged.
“Relena, we had a morning tea just a minute ago,” Heero replied coldly. Relena ignored Heero’s reply and continued to hug him. Heero turned to Duo for help but he was nowhere to be seen.
“Kah, twoo!” Heero turned to see what it was. It was Duo.
“Holy Moly!” Relena gasped when she saw what Duo was doing. He was spitting at the sea. “Heero, that friend of yours is disgusting! Do something!” Heero frowned.
“Hm, okay Relena,” Heero walked up to Duo who was continuously spitting at the ocean. Relena held her hands together. //Ah, finally! My white knight had decided to fight on my behalf// But her thoughts were wrong. Heero stopped next to Duo. “Hey Duo, how do you do that?”
“It’s easy, you just get it from the bottom, pull it all the way up, and just let it all go,” Duo explained as he spat again.
“Hm, like this?”
“No, like this.”
“This is quite entertaining!”
“Isn’t it? It’s sometimes better than mugging people!”
“What?”
“Nothing. Try again.”
Relena stared at Heero and Duo in horror. //This cannot be happening to me// Then she spotted her mother, Noin, and rest of the ladies.
“Mother! Over here!” Relena waved at Noin. Noin waved back. They all halted when they saw Heero and Duo spit at the sea. //Yes! Now you won’t be safe, baka!//
“My, my,” Une shook her head.
“I can’t say a word!” Iria closed her mouth.
“Simply unbelievable!” Noin exclaimed. “Relena, who is that man?” Noin asked. Relena let out a victory scream inside.
“Mother, that is Duo Maxwell, the one who has supposedly saved my life,” Relena replied politely.
“Why I’d never! That young man is amazing!” Noin yelled out.
“Excuse me?” Relena raised her eyebrows.
“The way he spits! It’s amazing! I never saw anything like it!”
“The technique, and the distance!”
“What about the accuracy? And the form!” Une, Iria and Noin discussed together excitedly. Relena gaped at them. This is not the way it was supposed to be.
=End Part II=
Oh my, I made Jack an idiot!
Character Review:
Iria: Noin’s friend
Une: Noin’s friend
Not that much new character here.
NanashiNaNa
Please send comments to: VelvtWhipLasher@icqmail.com