24-Jun-2000
Title: Bad Dubbing (Part 4 of 5)
Author: Truth
Archive: GW Addiction (www.geocities.com/fenris_wolf0/)
Category: Parody/Humor
Warning: Strong language, Shounen Ai, Occasional Cross-dressing. Extreme OOC.
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to someone else, sadly. As do X, Sailor Moon, Bubble Gum
Crisis, Tokyo Babylon, Master of Mosquiton, Magic Knight Raearth, Slayers and Karestli Kanojo
no Jijou.
Feedback, comments and criticisms cheerfully accepted
at dhaunea@yahoo.com
This all began when someone wanted to know what the other pilots would do if Heero began exhibiting Sailor Moon-type behavior. I wrote a short spamfic, and some demented people encouraged me.
When last we saw our brave pilots, Heero thought he was Ranma, with Quatre as Ryouga, Duo as Kodachi, Trowa as Happosai and poor Wufei as Akane.
It has been almost a month, and they finally ran out of Ranma tapes.... In desperation, they tried a video none of them had ever seen before....
Quatre looked up from his tea as a blood-curdling shriek rent the air. Trowa did not bother to look up, merely flipping a page in the book he was reading and reaching for some toast. With a sigh, Quatre also turned back to his breakfast, determined to ignore whatever was going on upstairs.
There was a silence and then an out-break of confused shouting. Trowa and Quatre concentrated on their breakfast.
"Why does he have to keep screaming?" Quatre wondered helplessly.
After a few minutes of ever-louder argument from above, the shouting stopped, to be replaced by a great deal of thumping as Heero came bounding down the stairs, towing an angrily protesting Duo with him. The Japanese pilot was gripping a naked sword in his other hand.
"What have I told you about running with sharp objects?" Trowa asked wearily, finally looking up from his book. "You'll poke someone's eye out."
Heero managed to look sheepish, and tried to hide the sword behind his back without releasing Duo. "Gosh, Subaru. I'm so sorry."
Duo finally managed to jerk himself from Heero's grasp and took cover behind Quatre. "Guys, this has gone on long _enough_! He's _scaring_ me!"
"He's scaring _you_?" Quatre asked sarcastically. "Try it from my point of view. Or Wufei's."
"At least Wufei's not the love interest this time," Trowa pointed out, going back to his book. He did, however, keep a wary eye on Heero.
"Depends on whether you go by the anime or the manga," Duo smirked. He lost his smile as Heero made as if to join him on the other side of the table.
"When did he start reading the MANGA?" Trowa asked.
Duo shrugged, "I don't know! After we saw the movie, I found him curled up with my X[7] manga. And I'm missing some others, too!"
Heero attempted to grab Duo again, but the American was too quick for him.
"For the _last_ time, you idiot, my name is _not_ Monou Kotori! I do not need you to protect me!" Duo snarled, keeping the table between himself and the unpredictable Japanese pilot.
"But...," Heero began.
"Yuy!" a voice shouted from the doorway, "put down my sword this instant!"
Heero jumped and whirled around, holding the sword out in front of him. "Fuuma!"
"He's _not_ Fuuma!" three exasperated voices shouted.
Wufei stomped into the room. "You'll wish I _were_ if you don't stop stealing my sword!"
Heero cowered away, attempting to maneuver himself between Wufei and Duo. Duo foiled this plan as he sought frantically for a route out of the room which was not blocked.
"I won't let him hurt you, Kotori!" Heero shouted.
Quatre sighed and rose from the table. "I'll go get a new tape. This is ridiculous."
Quatre, Wufei, Trowa and Duo sat gloomily around the kitchen table. All four boys were wearing earplugs.
Heero, wearing a red leather jacket over a rather tight fitting black shirt and pants, stalked moodily through the kitchen and outside.
After a moment or so, Duo cautiously removed his earplugs. The sound of a motorcycle reached his ears and then faded away. "He's gone!"
The other boys also removed their earplugs.
"I thought we had made a resolution after the whole 'Yellow Dancer' thing, Quatre," Wufei snorted.
"Yeah, no more singers!" Duo added.
Quatre shrugged helplessly. "It wasn't intentional. Just imagine how _I_ feel? I've got perfect pitch!"
"It was an accident," Trowa added. "Although his singing wouldn't be so bad if it weren't so loud.... Besides, none of us had ever seen Bubblegum Crisis.[8]"
"It looked so _promising_ ," Quatre wailed. "There were even mobile suits, sort of."
"At least he's not hitting on anyone this time," Duo pointed out, finding something positive to say at last.
"No," Wufei admitted grudgingly. "He's just plain hitting. What does he have _against_ me, anyway?"
Duo smirked. "Actually, rumor has it that Priss and Leon eventually become an item."
Wufei rose abruptly from the table, grabbed Duo by the shirt front and shook him. "We need to find a permanent cure before Heero gets that far!"
Quatre sighed. "I'll try Dr. J again and if he can't come up with anything useful, I suggest we begin asking the others."
"Agreed." Trowa hid a gentle smile.
"Don't call me a mosquito![9]" Wufei shouted, attempting to pry Heero off his arm. "Duo, give me a hand, here!"
"Not me, man!" Duo backed away, waving his arms. "He tried to shoot me the last time I attempted to rescue you."
"Go away, old hag!" Heero stuck his tongue out at Duo as he pulled his gun and let off a few random shots at the other pilot, all without releasing his death grip on Wufei's arm.
The three young men were arguing at the bottom of the open stairwell at their latest safe house. Trowa and Quatre were leaning over the railing, watching the whole kerfuffle from above.
"I kind of like the earring," was Trowa's quiet observation.
"_I_ don't!" Duo snapped. "Three guesses as to where he got it!"
Quatre at the golden cross dangling from Heero's ear and then over to Duo and sighed heavily. "And just how did he manage to get it off you in the first place?"
Duo chose that moment to stomp off, ignoring Wufei's increasingly desperate pleas for aid.
Trowa, Duo and Wufei were huddled by Heavyarms, carrying on a quiet yet intense conversation.
"We're run through almost all of the safer tapes in my collection, and we've had to start renting the damn things," Duo whispered. "What are we going to do?"
"X was _safe_?" Wufei demanded. "How did you come to _that_ conclusion?"
"At least he wasn't _trying_ to kill you," Trowa told him.
"It could have been Tokyo Babylon," Duo pointed out.
"Or Magic Knight Rayearth," Trowa added. "Can you imagine what it would be like if he decided to take Wing and go on a 'quest'?"
"Or Slayers...." Duo murmured.
All three boys shuddered. "That _is_ frightening," Wufei admitted.
They spent a moment envisioning Heero as Lina and Wing's Beam Cannon as the Dragu Slave. For some reason, visions of Zelgadiss kept getting in the way....
"Let's _not_ go there," Duo snapped. "Any progress on the solution to our little 'problem'?"
Trowa shrugged. "Dr. J is finally taking us seriously, at any rate."
"How did you manage that?" Wufei asked.
"I told him that we were better off without Heero, the way he's been acting."
"And he bought it?" Duo looked amused. "Not that it's not true, but he blew us off pretty fast the last time."
"I told him that we let Heero choose his own tapes again. Then I told him what his precious Wing pilot was watching," Trowa smiled, ever-so-slightly.
"What?" Wufei asked, a note of demand in his voice. He was posed to flee.
"Karestli Kanojo no Jijou,[10]" Trowa told them.
"Oh no," Duo and Wufei breathed in horrified unison.
Trowa shrugged. "I was surprised that you had something like that in your collection, Duo. It's a girl's show, isn't it? At least he shouldn't give us any trouble. No sword, no guns and no mobile suits."
"You've never actually watched any of that genre, have you?" Duo was pale.
Wufei gulped and nodded. "This is going to be hell...."
"Give me a Dragu Slave any day," Duo agreed.
Trowa raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"Think Relena, only without the pacifism..." Duo told him. "Wait a minute.... Wufei, since when do _you_ watch that sort of thing?!"
Wufei fled to the safety of his Gundam. "And I'm _not_ coming out until he's back to normal!"
End Part 4
More weirdness. *sigh*
Truth
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