June 17, 2000
When we last saw our Heero’s - umm, heroes, Heero/Usagi had just taken a nose dive from the roof, watched by an unhappy Quatre and Trowa.
Unfortunately for him, Wufei returned home just about then.
"What are you two doing out here *urk*"
"Mamo-CHAN!!!!!"
By the time Duo arrived, Heero had been tied firmly to a chair and gagged.
The Deathscythe pilot sank into a chair of his own and regarded the frightening sight with something akin to nausea. "Pink ribbons?" he asked of no-one in particular.
"Something has got to be done!" Quatre insisted.
"What would you suggest?" Duo snapped.
"We need to find out why he's acting this way," Trowa told them. "Maybe then we can stop it."
"It's probably some sort of denial," Wufei managed. He was once again sprawled out, unmoving, on the couch. There were ice packs laid out across his back.
"Say what?"
"He doesn't want to be the 'Perfect Soldier' anymore," Wufei's voice was muffled against the cushions. "Therefore, he's trying to find something else to be."
"I suppose I can understand that," Trowa admitted.
"But why Sailor Moon?" moaned Duo.
"The mind boggles," murmured Quatre.
They tried Patlabour[4] this time. It was a bit like being trapped in a sitcom, but they managed. Wufei got a great deal of pleasure out of watching Heero fight with Duo while avoiding the Chinese pilot entirely.
"I'll put up with being Ota if it means he won't glomp me," the Chinese pilot told Quatre.
"And at least he's somewhat obedient," Trowa pointed out. "Being the captain gives me a little control over him."
"But why is he a girl again?" Quatre asked.
"I don't want to know," was Wufei's response.
Duo was out on a mission when the other pilots caught Heero with more Sailor Moon tapes. Luckily, he hadn't begun watching them yet. As an emergency measure, Quatre hastily pulled out a 'giant combat robots' tape at random and shoved it in the VCR.
After the first twenty minutes, they were able to leave Heero alone with the rest of the tapes. He was once again entranced.
In the morning, he was acting almost normal. A bit more prone to staring dreamily into space, but other than that, he seemed fine.
Quatre and Heero were leaving on a mission of their own when Duo returned. He waved cheerfully as they went past, and Heero glared horribly at him.
"Hey," Duo called, bursting into the house. "Heero glared at me! This is great! What did you guys do to him while I was gone?"
Trowa just pointed at the television set.
Duo bounced over to examine the tapes in question and turned a ghastly shade of white.
"What's wrong?" Wufei asked, looking over his shoulder.
"Didn't any of you guys watch this _with_ him?!" Duo shouted. "Don't you know what HAPPENS to the guy in the suit?!"
"He was still alive at the end," Trowa commented.
"You _didn't_ watch it with him!!! ARGH!" Duo grabbed Wufei and headed back out the door. "We have _got_ to keep him out of combat!!!"
Trowa picked up the tape case after Duo and Wufei had disappeared. "'The Vision of Escaflowne'[5]" he read. "I still don't see anything so bad about it."
"Do you mean to tell me that in his current condition he might end up believing that any damage done to Wing will affect him?" Wufei asked. "That's too whacked out, even for Heero."
"The way he's been carrying on? Psycho-somatic disorders can do that sort of thing. And the shock might be enough to keep him locked in Van Fanel mode. And because we don't know who he thinks _we_ are, that could be BAD! There aren't very many main characters in mobile suits in that show, and the way he was glaring at me, I think I know which character _I_ am. It's just a good thing we didn't bring Heavyarms. I don't know what his reaction would be to a red Gundam!" Duo was talking so fast that Wufei could barely follow him.
Wing ended up sitting out the battle. Or rather, lying it out. Deathscythe was once again perched on the middle of the other Gundam's back, keeping it away from combat.
"Maybe we should just go back to Sailor Moon, if it makes him happy," Quatre suggested timidly. "After all, all she ever wants me to do is go shopping with her."
"No way," Duo sighed. "She may get along with you, but Usagi fights with me all the time."
"She's a complete klutz," Trowa offered. "Completely unfit to fly a mobile suit. And she wants me to do her homework for her."
"She GLOMPS me," Wufei snarled. "And I have a florist's bill that's through the roof trying to keep her from crying!"
"We have to think of something!" Duo tugged on his braid.
"Do we have anything we could use to keep him occupied in the meantime?" Trowa asked.
"This one's pretty harmless," Duo pointed to a long row of brightly colored boxes. "That is, if he manages to fixate on the main character. If he picks a minor one, we could all be in trouble."
Wufei examined the boxes and then frowned. "If we watch it with him, maybe we can influence his decision."
"Worth a try," Trowa shrugged.
"And STAY out of my CLOSET!" Wufei shrieked.
"Kawaiikune!" Heero shouted over his shoulder, disappearing into his own room.
"You do know that he's gonna dye that red and black, Wu-man," Duo told him, leaning against the doorway.
"As long as he stays AWAY!" Wufei shouted. "Hentai!!!"
"I'll buy ya a mallet," Duo offered with a smirk.
"At least he doesn't try to beat you up every time he sees you," Trowa complained, peering out of his own room to make sure the coast was clear. "I do _not_ steal women's underwear!"
"He hides from me," Duo smirked. "And I don't even _know_ rhythmic gymnastics."
Quatre came down the hallway, sighing heavily. "And he spends all his time glaring at me, and telling me not to sleep with Wufei."
"We should be _glad_ he decided that you were Ryouga," Duo told him. "If _he'd_ decided to be Ryouga, we'd _all_ be in trouble."
Wufei turned several shades of pale. "Nooooooooo!"
Trowa frowned at Duo. "Stop teasing him."
"We'll think of something, Wufei," Quatre assured him earnestly. "I promise."
"On the bright side," Duo smiled, "there are _lots_ of Ranma[6] tapes. There should be enough to keep him occupied until we can find a cure."
End Part Three
More craziness. Sorry. Can't seem to help myself. I've been really depressed and not feeling well these last few days. It should wear off soon.
Truth
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