1998
Author's notes:
Lyrics to 'Don't Speak' by No Doubt belong to the rightful copyright
owners. Gundam Wing characters are owned by Sunrise, Bandai and whomever
else holds legal rights over them. Unfortunately, it's not me. Or else,
I'd be a millionaire by now ^_^
Please don't sue. You'd only be wasting your money on legal fees.
You and me
We used to be together
Every day together
Always
Heero glanced back to where they had left Duo. The braided boy was laughing as he stood by the tree, talking animatedly with the shorthaired girl. Even as he walked away, he could hear her voice, giggling at one of Duo's undoubtedly stupid jokes. A sour look flitted across Heero's features as he looked ahead, concentrating on where he was going, the pavement under his feet, the cars by the sidewalk, the trees, the grass - Damn it! Anything but that voice!
"Right! Last one in is a -"
"If you say 'rotten apple', I'm gonna deck you one, Wufei!" Quatre chuckled, playfully swatting at the Chinese boy. Wufei ducked, making an elaborate show of avoiding Quatre's hand.
"I was *not* going to say 'rotten apple'! Give me some credit!" the boy pouted uncharacteristically. He held the door of the car open as Trowa and Quatre clambered into the back seat, then hesitated slightly before letting go of the door. Duo hardly looked as though he would be joining them for dinner that evening, so perhaps he would not have to squeeze into the back seat with the other two boys. Heero was already getting into the driver's seat as Wufei opened the passenger door.
"Oh yeah?" Quatre's voice lilted from the back seat. "And what *were* you going to say?"
Wufei grinned. "Rotten orange?"
Trowa chortled as Quatre dissolved into giggles. "One day, you're gonna kill me, Wufei! For all your justice talk, you don't have an original bone in your body!"
"Well, whoever said justice had to be original?" Trowa quipped as he hugged the giggling blonde pilot closer.
"Definitely not Wufei!" Quatre giggled again.
"Wai! Stop it, already! So I'm not the most original person in the universe," Wufei huffed. "At least I don't act like lovesick puppies everytime-"
"OI! Who's a lovesick puppy?!?" Trowa leaned over the seat and tried to make a grab for Wufei's ponytail. Fortunately, the Chinese pilot had still to settle into the car, thus saving his slick hair from death by strangulation.
"An old saying says 'He who eats chillies will taste its spiciness'," Wufei said, striking a pose outside the car, way out of reach of Trowa's long arm.
"Ne, what's a 'chilli'?" Trowa asked innocently.
"Aaargh!" Wufei screeched, throwing his arms up in exasperation. "I give up! Eastern wisdom is wasted on you delinquents!"
"Lovesick puppies," Quatre corrected him, a broad smile on his face. Trowa threw him an annoyed look and the blonde countered by flashing a victory sign.
"If you want a lovesick puppy, I'd say it would be our friend there," Trowa said, jerking his head towards where Duo and Hilde sat, on a wooden bench under the shade of an elm.
Three pairs of eyes turned toward the couple, noting the almost-embarrassed way their braided friend held himself in Hilde's company. Duo was sitting beside her, gazing into her face with a silly grin on his face. He alternated between putting his hands on his head or twisting them between his knees, all the while smiling like he hadn't a care in the world.
Which was probably the case.
The boys were on furlough, between missions, and Earth was as good a place as any to spend a few days of rest. The Winners had a town house available which was immediately turned into a home-away-from-home by the five Gundam pilots. And for a few days, they could forget that they were responsible for millions of lives, for upholding peace. For a few days, they could pretend, or at least try to pretend, that they were ordinary teenagers, living just for the sake of living.
For a few days, they were free.
The thrumming of the engine brought the three boys' attention back to the car. And its driver.
Heero had been silent throughout their banter, not joining in their small talk. But then, he was never one for light-heartedness. Earlier, it had taken all the four of them to tear the Japanese pilot from his laptop and actually go out for dinner. After a whole day of Duo's cooking, everyone, including the cook, had unanimously agreed that another dish by the American would send all of them to the hospital with food poisoning. And that was not how they wanted to spend a holiday. Thus it was decided - dinner, a night out and maybe a movie, or whatever. As long as it was fun.
Until Hilde showed up, that is.
The moment she had shown up on their doorstep, Duo had taken all leave of his senses. Not that he ever had much to start with, Heero growled inwardly. He scowled angrily, watching the couple from the rear view mirror. Damn! Why did that bitch have to show up? And why did Duo have to fall all over her like a - Fine! A lovesick puppy!
Heero turned the key in the ignition and gunned the accelerator pedal, suddenly wishing that he was in Wing Gundam and could fly away from all this.
"Are you coming or not?" he barked at Wufei, who was still standing outside the car.
"Yes. But aren't we waiting for Duo?" the Chinese boy asked, climbing into the seat and pulling at the safety belt.
"He's not coming," Heero muttered as he drove the car away.
I really feel
I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know
Duo walked silently into the darkened bedroom he shared with Heero. The rest of the boys had arrived earlier and had turned in for the night.
Except for Heero.
Duo was greeted by the sight of his friend on the computer, his face lit up by the green glow cast by the monitor. He had thought that the Japanese boy would have gone to bed. After all, it was almost three in the morning. But there he was, paying homage to that infernal invention that probably saw more of Heero than he did. Duo grinned and flipped on the lights.
"Why're you working in the dark?" he asked softly.
"Hn. Why are you whispering?" Heero looked at him, that ever-present scowl all over his face.
"Don't wanna wake the others," Duo answered. "How come you're still awake? Not waiting up for me, ne?" He walked over to the bed, sitting down to tug off his boots.
"I've got better things to do," Heero snorted, turning back to the computer.
Duo flopped onto the soft mattress, sighing loudly. "Heero, can't you switch that thing off? We're on furlough, for God's sake!"
"And what if an important mission comes up?"
"Fuck the mission!"
Heero raised an eyebrow in Duo's direction. "You don't mean that," he said quietly.
Duo raised himself from the bed with a groan. "I don't know, Heero. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. It just gets so tiring..."
"But somebody's gotta do it."
"Well, sometimes I wish it were somebody else," Duo answered with a hint of bitterness.
Heero switched off the computer and walked over to where Duo sat, settling down beside him. He peered into the other's face, seeing the violet eyes from behind the long, brown bangs.
"Wanna talk about it?" he asked.
Duo turned to his friend, seeing something that vaguely resembled concern on Heero's face. Concern? For him? He grinned as he answered.
"About what?"
Duo flopped back onto the bed. "Forget it. I was just thinking, that's all," he said, looking up at Heero.
"Well, that's a first," the Japanese boy said as he stood up and settled into his side of the bed.
"What? Are you saying I don't think?" Duo sat up so quickly, spots appeared before his eyes.
Heero grinned at him as he lay back against the pillow. "You said it, not me."
"Why you -!" Duo searched for something to throw at his grinning friend but found none. "You're lucky this time, Heero Yuy," he chuckled. The boy crawled up the bed and settled beside his friend, his hands behind his head.
"Ne, Heero?" Duo asked, after a few minutes of silence.
"Mmm..?" Heero forced an eye open. He had almost drifted off when Duo's voice called to him. "What?" Heero mumbled sleepily.
"What do you think of Hilde?"
Of all the questions he'd expected, this was not one of them. Heero felt something strange rush up within him, boiling over his insides and spilling its sour contents all over his guts.
"She's pretty, isn't she?" Duo continued, not waiting for Heero to answer. "Don't you think she's pretty?" he asked as he turned his head toward Heero.
"Humph!" Heero snorted as he turned over on his side, facing away from the braided boy. Heero kept his eyes closed, pretending to sleep as Duo babbled about Hilde and their date. He'd almost succeeded in actually falling asleep when Duo said something that made Heero's eyes snap open.
"She said she loved me, Heero."
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
"Heero?" Duo called out softly, glancing at his bed mate. Heero's body moved in sleep's silent motions, accompanied by soft snores. His friend was asleep. Duo sighed. Perhaps it was just as well that Heero didn't hear that last remark. Duo didn't know how Heero would take it. *If* he could take it. Hell! Even I don't know if I can take it, Duo thought. With a groan, he got up and undressed for bed, switching off the lights before he turned in.
Heero felt the mattress shift under Duo's weight. He heard the longhaired boy's gentle breathing, soft at first but deepening as he fell deeper into sleep.
'She said she loved me.'
Duo's words echoed in his mind far into the night, driving away any vestige of sleep that he might have entertained. *He* had wanted to say those words. They should have been said by *him*! Duo should have heard them from *him*! Not Hilde! He had waited too long; had, for once, been too considerate of Duo's feelings. Heero felt his face flush, the heat creeping up his body, travelling to his head. His face and ears felt flaming hot as he berated himself for his slowness. For his stupidity.
And he did feel stupid. Duo had been so close, and so open with him. And half the time, Heero had brushed him aside. But still that longhaired baka stuck by him, almost a constant shadow, keeping him out of trouble. And still Heero had hardly acknowledged that the American had existed. Which he did.
Grudgingly, however, Heero had accepted Duo into his life, acceding that perhaps, having a friend to lean on was not a bad thing after all. And their friendship had blossomed into something more. Neither of them openly admitted it but sometimes, when they were on missions together, or had to share sleeping space, Heero would wake up to an arm flung carelessly over his body, or a head of chestnut colored hair snuggling at his chest. And sometimes, it would be the other around. It would be *his* arm pulling Duo's body towards him. It would be *his* face buried in Duo's luxuriant tresses.
The first few times they had been embarrassed, shying away from each other over the next few days. But, somehow, they had always drifted back together. And after a while, they had given up fighting it, and silently acknowledged the attraction they felt for each other. But that was only between the two of them, and they had an understanding that this would just be another relationship of convenience, of necessity.
Nothing permanent. Nothing real.
Then why the hell do I feel so shitty?
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
"Duo!" Quatre's voice accompanied the loud knocking on the bedroom door.
The tangled heap of limbs and bedclothes moved and shifted, wriggling apart into two separate bodies. Duo yawned, stretching his arms over his head in an effort to drive away sleep's soft shadows from his mind.
"What time is it?" he grunted at Heero, who had managed to sit up.
"Hn."
"That's good. Now how about something in a language I understand?" Duo chuckled.
"Must you do that?" Heero retorted.
"What?"
"Talk so much."
A pillow connected with Heero's head, promptly forcing him into utter wakefulness.
"Oi! You guys in there! Wake up! Or do you want me to break this door down?" Trowa's unusually loud voice interrupted their tussling.
"We're up! We're up!" Duo shouted, his voice muffled by the pillow held in place over his face by a wildly grinning Heero.
Heero straddled the longhaired boy as the latter pushed the pillow off his face. Looking up, Duo encountered a pair of piercing blue eyes, staring deeply into his own.
"Heero..." Heero's lips on his silenced him effectively.
"Duo! Hilde's waiting!" Quatre screamed from the other side of the door.
"Shit!" Duo scrambled off the bed, pushing a bewildered Heero off him.
"What's she doing here?" Heero asked as Duo scampered into the bathroom.
"She asked me to -" Gargling garbled Duo's next few words. The sound of running water drowned out whatever else he could have said, so Heero settled for waiting until Duo came out.
"She wanted to go for a picnic," Duo said as he searched for something to wear, answering Heero's unasked question.
"So you'll be gone all day?" Heero asked, moving toward the bathroom.
"Looks like," Duo grinned.
"Hn!" Heero brushed past him brusquely. "Fine!"
Duo looked towards Heero's retreating back as his friend disappeared into the bathroom. "What? What'd I say?" he shouted out, trying to make his voice heard over the shower. Why was Heero so pissed anyway? Duo frowned. It's not like I promised him ...
"Oh Shit!" Duo slapped himself. He *had* promised Heero. He had promised them *all*. They were supposed to go out somewhere together. And he forgot.
"Heero. I'm sorry...I..I forgot..."
"Don't worry about it. Get going," Heero's voice floated over the pitter-patter of water droplets from the shower stall.
"Are you sure? I could ask Hilde to ... "
"Go!"
"But, Heero... I ...If you'd rather..." Duo stammered, torn between fulfilling promises old and new. "Damn!"
From the shower stall, Heero heard the bedroom door slam. And he felt his heart close.
Our memories
They can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
"What's up between you two?" Quatre asked Duo as they sat on the balcony after dinner.
"Huh? What do you mean?" Duo looked up into Quatre's light blue eyes. The light from the room threw pale yellow highlights on his golden hair, turning it into a luminous halo. Somehow, Duo thought, that image fit his friend.
"You and Heero. What's wrong?"
"What makes you think there's anything wrong?" Duo chuckled.
"You can be such an idiot, you know that?" Quatre sighed, leaning back into the wicker seat and flipping through a magazine.
"Once an idiot, always an idiot, I say. And it's probably all you guys' fault. You're always saying I'm an idiot, so maybe it's actually rubbed off. And now you say I'm..."
"Duo."
"What?"
"Shut up."
Duo grinned. "Make up your mind, Quatre."
Quatre kicked at him playfully. Then he sighed. "Heero's been pretty quiet lately," he said.
"He's always quiet," Duo replied. "That's not something new."
"Well...he's more quiet than usual."
"Maybe he's learned how to relax."
Exasperated, Quatre didn't answer.
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
The street below was quiet, almost devoid of traffic. The puddles left over from an evening shower reflected the glow of the street lights, turning them into bright mirrors. Earlier, it had rained and the boys had decided to stay in, succumbing to Trowa's cooking. Which didn't turn out all *that* bad, considering that the boy was more used to feeding circus animals than human beings, Duo thought, chuckling to himself. Hell, anyone's cooking was better than his own, anyway. Even Heero's...
Quatre was right. There was something wrong with Heero. And Duo realised that it probably had something to do with him. But what? They'd been close before, sometimes even closer than close...
Duo felt the blood rushing to his face. Darn! He still blushed whenever he thought about the things they did, or talked about doing. Not to say he didn't enjoy them. He did. And sometimes, he feared, he enjoyed them too much. Their relationship was getting dangerously serious. And that was the one thing he wanted to avoid. He valued Heero too much as a friend. Hell! He *loved* him too much to risk jeopardising the friendship between them. And at the rate they were going, he'd be falling past the point of no return before the week was out.
If I haven't already...
Duo leaned forward in his chair, cupping his chin in his hands as he eyed the puddles of water on the road. Besides, Heero was in love with Relena, so there was no room for him, if there ever had been in the first place. He and Heero had shared intimate moments - *very* intimate moments - but they were fleeting and happened because they needed to. There was never any real emotion behind their actions, was there? Duo asked himself. Definitely none on Heero's part, that he was sure of.
Once, he'd entertained that perhaps there was something in Heero's smile, his touch, his eyes. Something that said more than 'I want you'. Something that went beyond lust. But after a while, after giving Heero so many chances, Duo'd proved himself wrong. Duo Maxwell was just another bad judge of character. But why did it have to be with Heero? A small moue formed on Duo's face, bringing forth a quirking of Quatre's eyebrows.
"Penny for your thoughts?" the blonde boy interjected, interrupting Duo's train of thought.
"I was just thinking..."
"That'd be a first!" Quatre laughed.
Heero had said that.
"Do you wanna hear me or not?" Duo glanced back at the boy next to him, putting on a scowl that ended up in a lop-sided smirk.
"Okay, okay. Sorry. Go ahead, talk."
"I don't think I want to anymore."
"Duo!" Quatre swatted him with the magazine he'd been glancing through.
Duo chuckled as he fended off Quatre's sub-lethal attack. "Okay, I'll talk!" Duo leaned back, putting his hands behind his head and stretching his legs before him. "You and Trowa, you....you know," Duo gestured nervously.
"What about Trowa and I? I thought you were thinking about Heero," Quatre asked, a faint blush coloring his cheeks.
"Umm..I was. And you two, too." Hey! Nice pun! Duo thought. "What *are* you two to - (Heh! Another one!) - each other?"
Quatre's blush deepened. Duo started to fidget when he saw that Quatre looked decidedly uncomfortable.
"Ne, forget it, Quatre. I shouldn't have asked. Private business and all that," Duo blurted, waving the matter away.
After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, Quatre's quiet voice cut through the night air. "No, it's alright. We're not hiding anything. We...like each other. Very much. Something like what you and Heero have."
"Me and Heero?" Duo squeaked, alarmed and nervous. Were they *that* obvious?
"No. I mean, not exactly. I mean, we're close, like you guys are close. But you're not *that* close. We're closer. Ugh! Am I making any sense here?" Quatre sputtered.
"I think so," Duo grinned, relaxing once more.
For a few moments, silence came over them once more.
"Can you see Heero ever getting close to anyone, Quatre?" the braided boy asked quietly as he looked once more at the empty street.
"Huh?" Quatre looked up from his magazine. "Heero? Well, he seems to like Relena a lot," the blonde answered, turning back to his reading.
"Yeah, he does, doesn't he?"
It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending
Who we are
That night, as Duo settled into bed, he studied his friend seated before the computer. It had become a nightly routine. No matter what happened or what he did, Heero would always check out the latest data before going to bed. His friend had been trained *too* well, Duo thought. And in the flicker of the computer's luminous glow, as he dropped off to sleep, Duo thought he could see a faint shadow of a figure with long, golden hair beside Heero. And just before nodding off, a thought flashed through his mind: They look good together, don't they? Much better than him and me ever could....
You and me
I can see us dying... are we?
Shirin
Please send comments to: shirini@pc.jaring.my