September 2000
Gomen nasai in advance, minna-san. This is the sequel to Any Second Now (which no one probably remembers) and if possible, is even darker. If you want to OD on angst and obsession, go right ahead. I wrote this in response to the wonderful and much appreciated feedback I received. Get out you tissues, folks; it's gonna be a wet one...
Ordinarily, my three muses would be making both yours and my life miserable right about now. But due to the depressing nature of this fic, They choose to be silent and let my do the introduction myself.
::mutters:: Thanks a lot, ya lousy... Ano, as is my tradition, I blame this on certain people/places/things/etc. This one goes to boredom, time-wasting, the ideas I got from the C&C and my evil/angst muse, Kiagara. Another fic that just wrote itself...
I've been told it's kinda predictable. Of course it is; that's the point! You'll see what I mean as you go on.
Warnings: Blatant deathfic. The most angst I could cram into this plot. Psychological obsessions and plenty of 'em. Possible OOC Heero but then again, this is sorta the way he normally acts... 1x2 (duh!) and destructive behavior. There. If you still want to read, arigato.
C&C to Ladydarkangel_1@yahoo.com.
Title: Countdown (sequel to Any Second Now)
Author: Lady DarkAngel
Date: 9/7/00
Archive: Lady DarkAngel's Gundam Wing Fanfiction Library, Darkflame's (if she'll take it...) and anywhere else is fine, just ask me first
Category: Yaoi, Angst, Deathfic
Pairing(s): 1x2
Disclaimers: Gundam Wing or Shinkidousenki Gundam Wing is copyrighted and trademarked by Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency and associated parties with all rights and privileges. The characters were used without permission for the purposes of entertainment only.
This is not meant for sale of profit. Any characters not created by those listed above are mine and hereby considered the sole property and copyright of the author.
Anyway, I'm just a poor college student. So can I play with them? I promise I won't break them... much.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: As much angst as I could stuff in here, delusions, possible OOCness but I doubt it, suicide
Feedback: Kami-sama, YES!!! Ladydarkangel_1@yahoo.com; any and all comments are welcome like the sweet ego-sustainers they are.
Three years. Three years to the day. Well, to be precise, there was still 43 minutes and 17 seconds left to the exact moment. The moment he lost everything. Everything that had ever mattered to him.
His entire world. The part of him that was his soul. As he sat on the cold hard floor, on the very same spot, his eyes watched the clock with frantic obsessiveness.
Three whole years. An eternity of hell, it seemed. Heero's face betrayed none of the agony or guilt that raged in his mind. Masaka. How could so much time have passed? How could he have let it pass? Too long; much, much too long. But not much longer now...
He let his mind drift back to the past, something he didn't often do. Far too painful, even if he deserved it. His thoughts instantly leapt to his angel; but then, they never really left, now did they? Always and forever thinking about him. Remembering, wishing, hoping, dreaming.. These were his constant companions, along with the nightmare of reality. That terrible moment... When his entire universe came crashing down and his fractured spirit had finally shattered into a million pieces. The moment Duo had died... 3 years ago in 39 minutes 21 seconds from now.
The psychologists had been worried about his counting.
Obsessed, they said. Obsessed with time, precision, consistency..with *him*. They had tested and tested and tested him, only to come up with the same conclusion over and over again. 'Massive obsession complex as a result of pot-traumatic stress disorder and survivor guilt.' They'd tried to get him to 'work on these unhealthy neuroses' and 'heal' himself. When it became apparent he would do no such thing, they had locked him away. For his own good, of course. Uso. Because he wouldn't do as they said. Because he wouldn't let go... The final straw had been finding him here on the one-year anniversary, waiting to do what he was doing now. That's why he missed the first year mark. 31 minutes 2 seconds.
He vaguely remembered being taken away. He hadn't resisted until he had realized that they were going to prevent him from being Here. That could *not* be allowed. He had to be Here. Here was where it all had ended and Here was where he was going to stay. He had turned quite violent, killing a number of the orderlies sent to retrieve him. Only a near-fatal dose of the most powerful sedatives known to man was enough to subdue him. He had been dragged out in tears. 'Hanase.' They told him what they were doing and how they planned on helping him. 'Urusai! Let me go! You can't fix me; no one can!' They took him regardless. He had failed again... 27 minutes 59 seconds.
The other pilots had come to see him in the ward. But not for long. Wufei only came once. Standing on the other side of the transparent gundamium shield, he had solemnly pronounced this justice for his crimes. Hate had burned in those dark eyes as he declared the Wing pilot would suffer for the unthinkable act he was responsible for and that honor dictated no mercy be his. Heero had just stared back, silently agreeing with his eyes. He *did* deserve this. He should be punished for the terrible sin on his heart. The pain he felt was justice, plain and true. The only thing that struck him as wrong about it was that they took him away for the place he swore he'd never leave.. Trapped in his special room, built to house the Perfect Solider and keep him safely contained. So very different from where he should be; so much colder and lonely. There wasn't a trace of Duo in the room at all... 21 minutes 10 seconds.
Trowa hadn't said anything. Not in the entire two years of his imprisonment. Just gave him frozen glares that rivaled some of Heero's own finest. He made it clear by his ice-cold gaze exactly what he thought of the Japanese boy. If he could have reached him, death would have been too good. He would have killed Heero with a second thought or trace of guilt. Trowa placed the blame for Duo's suicide entirely on the Wing pilot and made no qualms about flaunting that opinion. In fact, the *only* reason he came was to lend support to Quatre. Heero knew this; he just didn't care. Trowa was right. His fault, all his fault. He once had an angel's soul in his hands and he carelessly broke it like cheap glass. He had earned the taller boy's hatred; he completely and utterly hated himself, every aspect of his personality. 18 minutes 47 seconds.
On the other hand, Quatre had cried and whined and pleaded with him. Trying to understand. Trying to accept. Trying to ' heal' him. Heero snorted. The blonde boy had been just as furious as Wufei and Trowa; he wasn't blind enough to miss that. But Quatre was Quatre. He couldn't let someone he had once considered a friend to be lost, even if the bastard totally deserved it. He had come nearly every week of the two years he was in that godforsaken place. The petite boy had talked almost nonstop through the shield about anything, everything and nothing at all, trying to engage him in conversation. Trying to get a response. Always trying. He got nothing. Heero had spoken a word since that day; it seemed only right. He hadn't been able to say what needed to be said and look at the result. No more sounds save those that were forced from him and the occasional sob. He was past the point of caring about such trivialities as speech. He had only one purpose in mind. 12 minutes 3 seconds.
He reached over and removed it from its hiding spot. It was still untouched.. Apparently, no one had ever found it. He grasped the precious object reverently in his hands. Almost there. Almost time. Soon everything would be fine..
Relena never understood that. Baka onna. She practically had *LIVED* there with him, torturing him day and night. Her delusions and incessant pleading and babbling were nearly more then he could take. Such a shrill voice, so unlike the soft alto he so longed to hear.. She had spent nearly ever second of the day attempting to convince him he was fine. That he'd done nothing wrong. That if he's just snap out of this funk, he could leave this hellhole and be happy with her. A low growl echoed from his throat. Only *she* could provoke him anymore. Only she could make this rage in his blood rise like that. He'd lost count of the number of times he'd had to be restrained and/or drugged because of her. Because of her... Ironically, she was the reason he could be here tonight. 8 minutes 37 seconds.
The baka had opened the door to his room. She'd wanted to hug and kiss him or some nonsense. Relena was aware of what day it was and in her misguided and unwelcomed way, she had tried to comfort him. She'd unlocked the last barrier between him and freedom. It was simple enough to escape. They really didn't stand a chance. *NOTHING* and *NO ONE* would stop him from his mission. It had always been like that. Tonight was his final and most important one. 6 minutes 51 seconds.
Heero gazed at the knife he held so gently in his rough hands. His prussian eyes rested on the russet stain on the blade. It was at once one of the most horrid and beautiful things he'd ever seen. The crimson that covered the flat of the blade and the hilt was Duo's life's blood. He had hidden it from them; he knew that they would take it away. They took everything. He had so little left. When they had committed him, they had even taken Duo's gold cross... 3 minutes 12 seconds.
The near sacredness of the moment almost overwhelmed him. Heero had planned this so very carefully. Everything was perfect; everything was as it was then. The only change was the two new candles in front of him. One had his beloved's name in English and in kanji engraved on it. It was a midnight black with lily with carvings and it burned with a brilliance that was denied its namesake. The other was his. The blood-red candle with its ebony cravings was a perfect match for his tattered and tainted existence. His candle was unlit and rightly so. Its light left a long time ago. Three years to the day in 2 minutes and 4 seconds.
He placed the knife to his wrists and slashed in the exact manner Duo had. Gazing at his handiwork, he nodded. A perfect match. Just like his. Everything must be the same. <It is; I've seen to that. Now all that's left is to wait...> His eyes fastened on the picture of them Duo had near him when he had been found. <So beautiful, so perfect. I tried, Duo. I'm sorry it took so long. They kept me from you. But they can't keep me any longer. Did you wait for me, koi? I've prayed to your God every night so he might let you be with me. Why he'd let an angel be soiled like that, I don't know, but I've been told He's merciful. Maybe he'll have mercy on me and give me my soul back. Give you back...>
One minute.
<Soon, Duo. You won't have to wait much longer. You won't have to be alone anymore. Together again. I can almost see you. Such a lovely angel you make! But you were always that way, weren't you? I was just too blind to see...>
45 seconds.
<Gomen nasai, koi. I can't begin to tell you how much. Hidoi ne, how can you stand the sight of me? I was such a fool..>
30 seconds.
<I lost you because I couldn't say it and make you believe. I lost you because I lied. But I can say it now. I waited so long to say it...>
20..
<Ai shiteru; itsumo zutto. From the bottom of my soul. I know I don't deserve you. I can only hope...>
10..
<I'm coming Duo...>
1...
~ ~ Owari ~ ~
Alisande: WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! ::sobs like a baby::
Another one's dead...
Rynvi: Damnit, why'd you have to kill Hee-chan?!
Wasn't taking Du-koi enough?!?!
::meanwhile Kiagara is suspiciously silent::
Rynvi: ::turns on her fellow muse:: And YOU!!!! What
do *YOU* have to say for yourself?!?! HUH?!?!?!?
Kiagara: ::softly:: Damn... ::louder so everyone
can hear:: I'm **GOOD**!!!!!
Alisande and Rynvi: NANI?!?!?!?! ::proceed to pounce
and beat on Kiagara::
Saaaaa, I knew it wouldn't last... So what do ya think?
Lady DarkAngel
Please send comments to: Ladydarkangel_1@yahoo.com