26-Feb-2001
Authors: Laekin and bonnejeanne
Category: Action, Adventure, Romance, ANGST
Pairings: 1x2, 3x4x5 (Combinations thereof)
Rating: R (Adult Situations)
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money being made or sought here.
WARNINGS: Angst. If you like these characters, you might want a box of tissues for this one, too.
NOTES: What is being posted here was written by myself and Laekin together, just as everything else in the Companions of Fate series. The plot is hers, with a few small contributions by moi; she writes for Quatre, Trowa and Duo. My contributions are confined to Wufei and Heero and some brainstorming.
Heero saw Wufei leave the room where Trowa was. He knew that the Chinese boy would not have left if Trowa were still in immediate danger so he touched Duo's arm briefly, got up, and went to the door.
Opening the door silently, he saw Quatre, with his head pillowed on the bed in front of him. He looked at Trowa and saw that the tall boy's eyes were open. He moved silently through the room to the other side of the bed and looked down, assessing what he could see of the green-eyed one's condition.
Trowa's face was back into the almost impervious mask he'd worn throughout so much of the war. The only thing that marked a hint of difference between that boy and the young man who loved, was the way his long fingers were at full extension to be able to grasp hold of a couple blond hairs. It was all he could reach but as Heero watched, Trowa seemed to relax a little more once he had those hairs in his grasp.
Trowa looked up at the movement at the door. It had taken a moment to penetrate his normally lightening quick responses and he tensed a moment, then relaxed again as he saw who it was. Trowa didn't smile, his face didn't do much of anything, but his dark emerald eyes tracked Heero's approach.
After looking Trowa over thoroughly, Heero met those eyes. Then he reached down and brushed a small bit of errant bang off Trowa's forehead.
"Told you it hurts like hell," Heero said, his voice too soft to disturb the exhausted blond. "How are you doing?"
"You said dying hurt like hell." Trowa said, equally soft. His voice still rough and strained. "There were a couple of times I figured it couldn't hurt much worse." Though the words were perhaps... witty, there was a certain seriousness in the way Trowa said them, that testified to the fact that more than once the green eyed boy had wished, fervently, for death.
"It's not that easy for you... for us," Heero said simply. He placed a hand over Trowa's on his side of the bed, then shook his head slightly. "I hope you proved whatever it was you were trying to prove. This is your last infiltration."
Trowa's face, while not physically battered, was still ravaged by the signs of his ordeal. The cheeks were thinner and the eyes sunken, tears in his lips where he'd bitten through them more than once. But the eyes burned. The flame was dim, deeply banked and tentative but it was still lit.
"Negative. I won't let this rule me, Heero. If I never do this job again, I'll never know if it's my choice, or my fear making the decision."
Heero's deep blue eyes met Trowa's with calm, simple, clear understanding. "Too bad," he said just as quietly as before. "We all let you try that this time. Now it's time for you to think about someone besides yourself. I understand wanting to face your fear, but it's costing other people too much. The ones you leave behind... don't make me go to the person who I know can persuade you."
Trowa frowned. "There is no need for Catherine to be upset by this."
Heero's mouth twitched. "Then don't forget what she told you. Don't let her tears have been for nothing. There are other people who care about you just as deeply... some of them don't shed their tears where you can see them, but that shouldn't make it easier for your to ignore."
"Heero, we're soldiers. Danger is a part of our lives." Trowa coughed a little, taking a slow swallow to keep his throat moist.
"In that case, we don't have to go out looking for it, it will come all the same. All I said was, this is your last infiltration. Just accept it. It's time... time to stop trying to be who you.. who we used to be. Those guys were miserable most of the time - that's why they didn't mind dying. There's nothing very noble about that."
Trowa was trying to figure out which hand he could use to get his water cup, when, true to form, the small blond made a couple of noises in his sleep and wriggled about, sitting up without opening his eyes, Quatre then curled into a tiny ball in the hospital chair, almost upside down. Trowa sighed, but used his now free hand to get to his cup. It was a big of a struggle but the set expression on the green eyed boy's face showed that he *would* succeed.
Taking a sip of the water, Trowa looked back at Heero, his eyes direct. "You first."
Heero shrugged. "I *have* been trying." He glanced at Quatre tucked in a ball, his mouth twitching slightly again. "Ask him." He lifted his hand from Trowa's, brushing it softly in the process. "I'd better go. I can see I'm upsetting you. I didn't mean to do that. Just rest. We'll work it out in time - all of us. Can you live with that?"
Trowa gave his head a little shake, his fingers turned upwards to return the gentle stroke to Heero's palm as the Japanese boy withdrew his hand. "You're not upsetting me Heero. There is just... so much going on, it's hard to put any sort of order to it all." Trowa leaned back against the pillow, looking up at Heero. He gave one of those small grins, a very quick physical expression. "I'll hold you too that. But later."
Heero nodded. He leaned over Trowa, not quickly, but slow and gently, and pressed his lips to Trowa's forehead. "See you later," he said softly. "Got some cleanup to take care of. Have someone call me if you need anything."
Surprisingly, Trowa was not as shocked as Quatre had been to the soft touch of Heero's lips to his forehead. Something in his green eyes alerted to the subject of clean-up but he didn't pressure Heero for details. "You and Maxwell be careful. I meant it. I'm holding you to that promise."
Nodding, Heero made a brief gesture of leave-taking, and slipped silently from the room.
Going to Duo, he gave the braided boy a nudge. "You want to see him or shall we go and finish what we started?"
Duo was leaning back against a wall, his arms crossed and his eyes closed. He didn't jump when Heero nudged him, but those bright violet eyes opened slowly and blinked at Heero. Duo gave an exaggerated yawn and stretch, as his arms reached up over his head, Heero could see a medical chart in Duo's right hand.
"Let's finish with that hell hole. I don't want to risk Catalonia or someone getting it out of sight." Duo gave Heero a dangerous grin then he walked over to the nurses station.
"Hey! Someone dropped my friend's chart in the middle of the floor, what kinda establishment is this!"
The nurses blinked at Duo in obvious shock and Duo gave them a winning smile and swept on down the hall.
The hospital had kept Trowa for three days. They'd stabilized his condition, then run a battery of tests on him to check for further damage. He'd come up clean. His body was young, strong, in peak condition and though it had taken a hell of a beating, it would recover. Ashworn, not a man to keep an active person cooped up in a hospital room for long, had released Trowa into the care of Wufei and Quatre with the stipulation that Trowa was quiet, kept on his strict dietary regiment and came to the hospital every other day for a check-up.
That had been four days ago, and so far all was running smoothly. Trowa was actually a very good patient over all. He was quiet and obviously wrestling with his own inner demons but if engaged in conversation he would interact with the world around him. It had taken Quatre a little bit of string pulling... well actually a lot of string pulling and a couple of favors from Relena but the three of them had been allowed to set up temporary house keeping on the large animal sanctuary in Kenya.
The conditions were comfortable if perhaps a touch self-serving. In short... Quatre and Wufei had to cook, do laundry... dust. The pay off however, was already worth it. They were in the main camp of the sanctuary, where the resident veterinarians would bring wounded or sick animals to be cared for with an eye on releasing them back into the wild. Trowa took to this like white on rice. The needs of the animals around him helped draw Trowa out of his mental wanderings more effectively than any physiologist's babble.
Also, with a few exceptions, being back on Earth meant that Quatre was close to unknown. No reporters or other busy bodies shoving their noses into the three boys' business.
Besides trying to learn how to cook, without blowing up the place, Quatre also fell into cahoots with the veterinary assistants who rode horse back out across the dessert to make patrols of the area, checking on the well being of the animals on the sanctuary. He took to riding for long days like a duck to water, someone had joked about his having a gene for it.
It helped Quatre to get out and be active in something where he was expected to work just as hard as the people he went with.
Wufei took care of most of the cooking, guaranteeing edible meals at least once or twice a day. He stayed closer to Trowa, but at the same time seemed at times rather far away from everything. There was no diminishing of affection or care, but when Quatre was off riding, and Trowa occupied with the animals, Wufei would walk until he found a place with no humans, and meditate, or practice, for hours at a time. He seemed to stare out across the grasslands as if seeing something in the distance that no one else could see.
Trowa leaned on Wufei as much as Trowa ever leaned on anybody. Quatre tried to find a balance between two forces that were completely conflicting for him. He stayed, because he'd promised he wouldn't *leave*. At the same time it was a battle not to try to make himself close to Wufei. To give Wufei the space that each young man sensed the Chinese boy needed.
For Trowa, daily activity was exercise enough. At this point in his recovery, half a day spent helping the vets medicate and change dressings was enough to wipe the green eyed boy out for the night. Quatre compensated with the vigorous physical activity of the rides and the captures.
Both of his lovers devoured the delicious meals Wufei served up at night, not a single grain of rice was ever left on a plate and already Trowa was showing the positive effects, his face filling back out and the pallor being replaced by a more healthy glow.
Wufei sent for some items which arrived in a package from China. He fixed special teas for Trowa, never forcing, just fixing them and placing them nearby. Another part of the package included a bottle of capsules labeled 'yunnan paiyao'. One of these capsules was placed next to the tea, twice each day. Wufei never ordered, asked or did more than silently suggest by placing them there. When asked, Dr. Ashworn seemed surprised, but said there was nothing in the herbal extract that made up the capsule that would conflict with his treatment. Within a day after Trowa began taking the small yellowish capsules, he noticed that the damage to blood vessels and other wounds was healing at a surprisingly increased rate.
There was one other thing that came in the package from China. Quatre happened to see it when Wufei was opening and unpacking. The last item was a box which was longer than it was wide. This box Wufei put aside on a shelf in the small abode and did not look at for several days.
Trowa took the capsules along with his tea. He didn't have the same taste for tea that Wufei and Quatre did but the brew was usually warming and helped chase the chill out of his fingers and chest that sometimes assaulted him. Though neither of them talked much about what happened, as Trowa's strength returned, he and Quatre often worked together with some of the more recalcitrant members of the hospital wards. The smooth partnership still in step, whether they were wrapping a tricky bandage or hauling ass out of the tiger cage.
Quatre had been there when Wufei opened the box. He'd kept his curious comments to himself, watching as he folded up some fresh laundry. He'd noted every item and it had taken him a couple of days before he realized the mystery of the box. He found himself keeping track of the box. He never went near it, or touched it but he just kept an eye on it, watching, as he quietly watched Wufei.
One day, Wufei took the box from the shelf and opened it. He gazed down at the contents for a while. Then he closed it and put it back on the shelf.
The following day, he picked up the box, and walked outside, a few feet from the front door of the bungalow. He sat on the grass, with the box, a small cup of water, and a thin board. He opened the box and removed the brushes, each with natural hair bundled at the head, and slender bamboo shafts. He took from inside the box a thin roll of paper and spread in on the thin board. Then he took out a smaller box, with cakes of pigment.
Dipping one of the brushes in the cup of water, he swirled it over one of the pigment cakes, and then touched it to the paper. A single brush-stroke. He stopped. Looked at the paper as if trying to divine a mystery, then swirled the brush again, and made another stroke.
Slowly, one stroke at a time, Wufei began to paint.
Trowa had decided it was his turn to try his hand at cooking. Baking to be precise. After tripping over a small blond in the batter bowl for the third time that late morning, Trowa booted said small blond out the door. It was a rest day, no rides going out so Quatre was a bit at loose ends. He contemplated finding a communications panel and checking in with Heero and Duo, or perhaps Marylin but something in him shied away from anything that had to do with space. Taking a deep breath, Quatre trudged back into the small house and looked for some house work to keep him occupied.
As he was looking around, he noticed the small box was missing. Hmm. He poked cautiously around the house, for signs of Wufei, but seeing nothing he figured the Chinese boy was somewhere outside. Taking a long slow breath, Quatre tucked his hands into his pockets, a habit easily picked up from Trowa, and walked outside.
He found Wufei, not far from the bungalow. The box beside him and Quatre's eyes widened a little as he finally discovered what had been in that box. Not wishing to disturb the Chinese boy, Quatre folded himself down on the last step of the small porch and leaned back against the railing.
His quiet, turquoise eyes watched Wufei. With no one around to witness it, Quatre allowed the emotions of confusion and longing to creep up into his eyes.
Wufei continued to paint... slowly, perhaps even a bit uncertainly, as if reaching for something left behind long, long ago.
At last, he stopped, putting the brush down, looking at the results for long moments. Then he picked up the brush, cleaned it, poured the water onto the ground, and neatly packed the brushed and pigments back into the box. He stood up, with the box in one hand and the picture, still on the thin board, in the other.
He turned, and saw Quatre sitting on the steps. His mouth curved slightly. Now that he was facing Quatre, trails of water could be seen tracking silently down his cheeks from dark eyes slightly reddened.
He walked over to Quatre and placed the picture in his lap.
It was a very minimal representation, but each brush stroke defined something with utter simplicity. Quatre saw only... a suggestion of a field of flowers. Perhaps a small figure curled and resting among them. A stroke or two... and Quatre could visualize a colony sky.
Quatre remained in his spot when Wufei stood. Even when his heart felt like someone had just grabbed it and squeezed at the sight of the tears and the reddened eyes, he remained still, on the step. He moved only when the paper rested in his lap, studying it.
His fingers traced just above the surface of the paper, careful not to disturb the still damp brush strokes. He could remember, laying entwined with Wufei, talking about that field of flowers, and how Meiran had died in Wufei's arms, desperate that he be proud of her for saving the field.
Quatre once again felt his deep down despising of the war and its cost. To Wufei, to Trowa... to them all. The paper continued to rest on his lap as he looked out across the grasslands.
"Trowa is attempting to make fortune cookies. I think he needs help."
Wufei sat beside Quatre on the step, looking out as well. "Too bad," he said softly. "They are an American invention. I have no idea how to make them."
"Well, he thinks he's making them for you."
Wufei nodded. "I won't spoil it for him," he said.
"All right then." Quatre said quietly and let the silence lapse back between them.
After a little while, Wufei reached over and took Quatre's hand. He continued to stare out across the yard and into the wilderness beyond. After another moment he said, so softly it could barely be heard above the whisper of a light breeze, "I miss my home."
Quatre closed his eyes, feeling a lot of emotions with those four simple words. He shoved them all aside and answered just as softly. "I know. I'm sorry."
Wufei tightened his hand just a little. "I haven't wanted to face it," he said. His hand trembled just slightly, then stilled.
Quatre returned the pressure against Wufei's hand. A warm comforting strength without gripping too tightly. "I don't blame you."
Wufei took a deep breath and let it out. "I didn't want to leave that room." He swallowed, then continued. "I didn't want to see Trowa and what they had done to him again. What my... my cousin.. my family had done. I wanted to take a black cloth and hang it over my face before walking out of that room. I wanted to destroy the satellite and everything and everyone on it... send you and Trowa, Heero, Duo and the others, send you off... and destroy it all the way... the way it was destroyed the first time... my colony."
It took a lot of thought and... at the same time surprisingly little, but Quatre released Wufei's hand with his one hand, so he could slip that arm up across the Chinese boy's shoulder. He then wrapped the fingers of his other hand back around Wufei's, holding the pigmented fingers in a cherishing grip.
"We wouldn't have gone. None of us. I don't think that Heero would have left you, or Duo. Trowa sent me back to you, for you. I'm sorry Wufei. I know that... it would have, ended the pain. Maybe we're selfish for keeping you."
"Maybe... maybe ending the pain... is not the best thing," Wufei said softly, as one last silver drop slipped down his cheek. "Kuang, and I... he wanted to recreate everything... but without honor. My clan... were correct. Someone had to stay... to make sure there would be justice."
"But it's not easy." Quatre spoke softly. "I'm sorry Wufei. I wish I had... the words to help you, the wisdom."
Wufei placed the box on the step, and then turned and took the picture from Quatre, placing it carefully down as well. Then he slipped his hands around Quatre's face.
"Then let me help you," he said, looking down into Quatre's eyes with his own dark pools of midnight. He smiled, a slight, almost tremulous smile.
"My clan would approve of you. They would accept you. They would honor you and they would honor Trowa. They would know you for pure and righteous people. And they would be grateful that you have given me something to live for besides duty and pain."
Wufei's words fell softly, and then his lips followed, touching Quatre's with the barest brush, almost trembling.
He'd nearly fallen off the step with Wufei's first words. His mind had been so focused on helping Trowa, and helping Wufei, Wufei's words were not what he expected. His slender body trembled a little as he listened to the rest of what the young dragon said. A smile, small but full of the warmth and joy that always seemed to lurk so near to the surface in him, filled the expression.
He would like to think that Wufei's family would approve of he and Trowa... even if the situation was less than conventional. His lips parted slightly, to say... something... but the words were intercepted by the soft touch of Wufei's mouth to his own and instead of the verbal 'I love you', Quatre returned the physical expression into the kiss.
The kiss slowly deepened as Wufei released the last bit of tension around his heart. In a little while, he lifted his head. Brushing Quatre's forehead lightly with his lips, he released a breath.
"Let's go in," he said softly.
It was nice, Quatre thought to himself, as they sat out there, under the shade in the warm air. The sounds all around them and the kiss. He quietly lost himself to that kiss, blinking a little when it stopped, only to nuzzle against Wufei as he kissed Quatre's forehead.
Quatre smiled gently and nodded, keeping his fingers linked around Wufei's. "Anywhere, you wish to go, koi."
Wufei picked up the box and placed it in Quatre's other hand. Then he took the picture in his. Rising together, they turned and went into the little house, and Wufei moved towards the kitchen.
Quatre held the box carefully as he followed Wufei into the little house. The scent of fresh baked cookies was in the air, and as they entered the kitchen Trowa turned towards them both. The quiet green eyed young man took in the linked hands and the way Quatre was once again close to Wufei and he smiled. That broad, gentle expression that seemed almost shy, as if Trowa didn't know what to do with such emotion.
Turning, he picked up a cookie from a cooling rack and held one out to each of them.
"Here, try them."
Quatre obediently took his cookie and looked at it. It... was sort of... shaped like a fortune cookie.... sort of. And it had black specks in it. Lift the cookie up to his mouth, Quatre licked at a speck and blinked.
"Um... Trowa, are fortune cookies supposed to have chocolate chips?" He asked dubiously.
Trowa gave Quatre his best, non-expression glare and the little blond quickly popped the cookie into his mouth.
Wufei smiled, and selected a cookie from the rack. He looked it over and then put it into his mouth and chewed and swallowed. He nodded approvingly. "Perfect," he said quietly. Then he moved over to Trowa and placed the small painting in his hand. He placed both arms around Trowa's body from behind and squeezed him gently.
The cookie was actually very good. Trowa was a good baker; his creations just never looked normal. Trowa brushed his hands off on the small towel he had tucked into his waistband and he looked at the picture. At first a gentle expression of pain came to his features. Pain for the hurt he knew that his beloved dragon was working through, then a small smile touched his lips as Wufei's arms encircled him.
Trowa leaned gratefully back against the warm strength as his back, reaching up with one hand to wrap it around Wufei's.
Quatre watched this and then walked over to the oven. He peeked at the cookies, nodded to himself and turned the oven off. Then he looked to both his lovers. The expression on his face was warm, gentle, loving. There was no hint of ulterior motive when he said, "I think, that Trowa has been on his feet an awful lot this morning. I believe a nap is in order. Don't you agree Wu-koi?"
Wufei nodded seriously. "Yes," he said, supporting the tall boy easily. "I think I would like one as well."
Quatre smiled and since he didn't have anything in his hands, he moved ahead of the other two to one of the rooms that had the largest bed. A little bit of finagling produced a couple more pillows, for Trowa's comfort and a light blanket. A ceiling fan rotated lazily up in the ceiling.
Once again, in silent partnership and understanding, Trowa and Quatre maneuvered so that they had Wufei between them. Both boys curled up against the Chinese boy's side, arms settled protectively across him.
Wufei gazed into Trowa's eyes for a moment. He'd placed the picture on a small dresser, propping it against the wall.
"That meadow," he said softly. "Some would say it doesn't exist any more," he told Trowa. "But I'm giving it to you. I hope you will never need it... but if you do, it will be there for you. A place where you can rest among the soft blooms - a place of peace where nothing can disturb you. Nataku protects that place for all time, my love. It will always be waiting for you."
Trowa reached up and brushed back a stray dark hair, then let his hand cup Wufei's face. He looked into midnight onyx eyes, understanding Wufei's words and nodding his acceptance of the gift. He lay his face down against the curve of Wufei's neck and spoke in the barest of whispers.
"I can tell you now. In those days, I spent a lot of time in your arms."
He'd *escaped*. Not away from everything, but to his lovers.
Wufei nodded, and kissed the green-eyed boy gently. "I'm sorry it took so long to get there," he said.
Trowa gave his head a little shake. "You were always with me. I wasn't alone. This time, I knew that."
Wufei gazed into Trowa's eyes for a long time. Then he nodded, kissing his cheek. "I will always hurt for what was done to you," he whispered. "But I will remember what you just said. I promise."
Trowa gazed into Wufei's eyes for a long, long moment, then he gave a small nod, reaching up to stroke his fingers across soft lips. He laid his hand then across Wufei's heart and closed his eyes, smiling, very slightly in dozy contentment.
Wufei placed one hand over Trowa's and the other he slid to cover Quatre's arm around his waist. With an inaudible sigh, he closed his eyes as well.
End Part 9
Laekin and bonnejeanne
Please send comments to: seregill@aol.com or bonnejeanne@yahoo.com