10-Mar-2001
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or any of its characters. If anyone tries to sue me because of this, I'll give you my kids. That'll teach you.
Warnings: None, except for the total desecration of a very beloved fairy tale.
Prince Heero was riding through the forest one bright and sunny morning. The birds were chirping, the chipmunks were chipmunk-ing and the rabbits were doing what only rabbits can do best multiplying. (Where they get those little calculators is still a mystery.)
As he rode deeper into the forest, the sky began to darken and the wind began to blow chilly as it whistled through the weeping willow trees that replaced the happy oaks he had passed earlier. He had entered the enchanted part of the woods, having taken that wrong turn at Albuquerque (that'll teach him to get directions from a certain wascally wabbit).
Traveling further, he found a small clearing of trees. In the middle of the clearing was what looked to be a glass coffin, surrounded by five little people (it's not PC to call them dwarves, you know). Inside the glass coffin was what appeared to be a young beautiful woman and the five little people seemed to be grieving. He dismounted and slowly approached on foot, not wanting to startle anyone during this most solemn of times. But as he walked, he stepped on a twig, snapping it in two. The little people turned toward him and gestured him to come closer.
"You've come!" the one with the metal arm and thick glasses exclaimed, "she is saved!"
"Huh?" Prince Heero responded, //these five really ugly little guys seem to know me//.
"My boy, you have shown up in the nick of time," the one with the long nose and mushroom shaped haircut answered, "the wicked witch Une (not to be confused with the Wicked Witch of the West that's a different story) has placed a terrible spell on our darling Snow White, she appears to be dead but she isn't."
"So she's only mostly dead, then?" Prince Heero asked.
"No, you twit, that's The Princess Bride' we're doing Snow White', get your fairy tales straight, will you?" the little person wearing a silver nose answered, "geesh, you'd think they'd know which story they're in by now," he shook his head in disgust.
"So what is this enchantment and what can I do to help?" Heero was eager to help, having been embarrassed by Silvernose because he forgot where he was.
"She is merely sleeping but cannot awaken unless she is kissed by a prince with a kind heart," the bald dwarf excuse me little person replied.
"My heart is pure, or at least that's what the doctors said about my last blood tests," Heero offered.
"He said *kind* you dweeb, but we guess pure will have to do," the almost normal looking little person (whew, got it right that time) said sarcastically.
"So what do I do?"
"You kiss the princess, you moron. Remember? We just said that four paragraphs ago," the sarcasm was getting deeper and the little people shook their heads harder.
"Then let's get to it," Heero said, rubbing his hands. He hadn't had a kiss in a long time and was looking forward to it.
The five little people removed the glass cover from the coffin and Prince Heero knelt down to place a kiss on the rosy red lips. Lower and lower his head dipped, closer and closer his mouth came to hers. As he was about to brush a kiss against those gentle petals, the princess's eyes fluttered, her nose twitched and she sneezed, knocking off the black wig she was wearing. Prince Heero fell back in horror as she opened her eyes and raised to a sitting position. He scrambled away from the coffin, jumped on his mount and rode away as fast as the horse could gallop.
The princess climbed out of the coffin and the five little people straightened her dress and brushed back her golden locks.
"Damn!" Princess Relena exclaimed, "I thought I had him that time."
~Fini~
KwyckSylver
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