22-Jan-2001
Em-san's manga is _definitely_ going to take longer than I thought. I'm starting to doubt that I'll be able to finish it this winter.
Again, another of my horrible fics. As per request, the sequel of 'Cold'. Thank you for everybody who has commented for it. You guys really make me want to write more. And to think that next week is final exam. T_T
C&Cs are very welcomed.
A beeping sound emanates from my computer. Quickly I jump out of the bed and sit in front of it. I open the mailbox and read the message Dr. J sent me. As usual, it is a new mission outline. This time, it's not a solo mission.
I ponder a while at it. The doctor must have decided to put the five of us Gundam pilots to maximum use by cooperation. And also to prevent what happened in New Edwards, I suppose. I feel myself winching. A good decision, though I don't have to like it. I prefer working alone. But if it can prevent my earlier... mistake... then, mission acknowledged.
I look around the room and felt a pang in my heart.
We're moving out again.
I don't know what makes me hard to leave this place. Or the place before. Or another place before. I know I shouldn't grow an attachment to places; after all, I usually don't stay in one place more than three weeks. It has been two weeks after the event at New Edwards and we've been moving around three times. I lived in Dr. J's lab for 4 years when I was under training though, but when I leave, I don't bring anything as any memoir. Unfortunately, somehow every place that I ever stopped by, I can still remember. And those memories hurt me.
I want to stay in one place. Living in one place. Not wandering around like the lost boy I am. I want to go home.
The sky is dark as we climb into the truck containing our Gundams. Duo turns on the key and after a few minutes, we are already on the highway, heading toward the new mission. Just another mission in another place, another time.
Just as usual.
"Where's you home?"
"Home?" Duo turns his head to look back at me funny. He might be surprised that I was the one who initiate the conversation this time. "I don't know. I don't think I have a home. Well, not yet."
"You said you want to go home when the operation is over."
He looks as if me remembering his past words was a miracle. "Yeah, I did say that."
"So where's your home?" I insist, ignoring his confusion at my unusual talkativeness. Well, if you can it talkativeness.
The rain is starting to pour along with our journey. It is only pitters and patters of it at first, but soon it turns stronger and stronger. Damn. Why does it have to rain at this kind of time? Just when I am in a bad mood for one.
Duo is silent for a moment, watching road that turns wet fast, before he finally says, "Home can be a place, for all I know. But I think 'home' is more to what you feel inside your heart."
I give him a confused look.
He leans back against the seat, his eyes are still on the road. "Home is... where you don't want to leave again." His voice is different, different from the boy I know. It sounds a lot older... and pained. "Home is where you don't feel lonely anymore. Home is where you feel save even though you are in a deep shit. Home is where you care and are cared. You don't know where it is, but you instinctively try to find one. Once you're there you'll know it by heart because Home is where your heart is."
The sound of the rain hitting the window is loud in my ears. For a moment we are in silence, listening to the white noise. I am the one who finally break the silence. "I wonder where my home is...."
There is another silence before he replies, "...Me too."
And we continue the drive in complete silence.
Hime D.
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