Duo prowled nervously around Mina's office. He had been seeing her for a few months, as his therapist. He had been making some progress, he no longer woke up screaming in the middle of the night from his nightmares, to take a shower afterwards because he still thought he smelled Zechs on him. He just woke up and wandered around the house. Mina didn't think that it was progress, but he thought it was. He had been doing that for years, the only time he had been sleeping through the night consistently was on the PeaceMillion when he was in training. Total physical and mental exhaustion would do that to you.
"Duo." she cheered. Dr. Harker was a perky lady. She thought everything was wonderful. Duo was torn between laughing with her and throttling her sometimes. He wondered if he stuck with her just as punishment for the way that he had drove the others insane during part of the war. When he was with them. When they trusted him.
"Uh-uh," he mumbled, wandering again. He was a little strung out. The flashbacks had not really stopped, so she was trying to see if drugs would work to stop them. They weren't really, all they really did was make him nervous, after the third night that he was up washing the floors at four in the morning, he went back to Mina and told her that they weren't working. At least they were better then the first two that she tried him on. They had both made him so nauseous that he stopped eating altogether and just survived on coffee for the weeks that he was on them. Une wasn't too happy about that. She thought he was too light as it was, watching him loose more weight didn't endear Mina to her. He hadn't gained any of it back either, the queasiness had only been an excuse not to eat. He didn't eat a lot, things still tasted flat or odd. So he would live with the flashbacks, he didn't want to try anymore drugs. He hated them, even if they were legal. There were still nights that he wondered if taking the whole bottle of whatever medication he could find wasn't a good idea. He squashed those thoughts, they were counterproductive. And he didn't tell Mina about them, she'd have him in the nuthouse fast.
"I think that you're ready to try something new." Mina announced. "And stop fidgeting."
"It's they stupid pills, I told you they made me hyper," Duo said, "I was up again early, weeding the garden this time. I ran out of floors to wash. What's the plan?"
"I think that you should go on vacation. Someplace busy, not that cabin you were living at." Mina said sternly.
"Why?" Duo asked, making another round of the room.
"Because beside the visits you make here or the occasional run over to Maria's school, you never leave that damn estate." Mina scolded him.
"I like it there." Duo defended himself. "Its good to be in one place for so long."
"I'm not asking you to move, just get out of it. Go to the movies. Be with people."
"I...I...can't." Duo whispered, standing still at last, staring off in the distance. "I was on the outside looking in for so long. All my life, I just watched people go by it seems. Not getting close to them. And when I did, they died. I thought that about that a lot. Not being with my team mates at all because I didn't want that to happen to them. The last months of the war...I was alone for so long. Out in space, waiting to ambush convoys. Doing hit and run raids. Whatever Quatre's orders were. All I saw was the dead or Shinigami. I talked to him a lot. I talked to T-chan too. In my mind, telling him what I did. About once a week or so...I'd go to one of the Winner holdings, to shower and get my orders. And Quatre's sisters and his people would be there and all they'd do was look at me. I'd get to eat with them, but they wouldn't talk to me. Then the last day, they'd give me messages to take to Quatre and that was it. But no one talked to me. It was at me or they'd ignored me. I gradually stopped trying. I'd eat in my room. At night when I couldn't sleep, I'd walk about the place if I could, but I'd talk to no one, not event the guy that was following me for whatever reason Quatre thought that I was going to bolt. But I wasn't going to bolt. He told me I couldn't visit T-chan on Earth and I'd follow his orders."
"Why Quatre's orders?"
"He was in charge. The man that had the plan. I found out later that he was doin' some not nice stuff, that I'm not telling you about because it's sort of secret." Bouncing back to answer Mina in a cheery tone. "And he knew that I'd freak if I found out he was doin' it, so he kept me away from him."
Mina shook her head, "I'll drop that then. But I think that you should go someplace for a week. And see if you can get one of the other Gundam Pilots to go with you. It would be good for all of you to get away from together. Try and get to know each other again."
"We're sort of doing that now.' Duo protested. "I'm calling them once a week, like you told me too. It was awkward at first, but we talk a lot now. It's just that they have lives, sort of and I'm still screwed up. They may not want to go with me."
"Talk with them. If they say no, you don't have to go, but I think that they will say yes."
Duo called Heero later on that night. He and Wufei were working as part of Quatre's security staff. "Hi Heero,' Duo started shyly, "I'm just calling for a favor, do you think that you and Wufei would be willing to spend a week with me in London? It'll give Trowa and Quatre some alone time sorta if he can get rid of the rest of his family." Duo said the entire sentence in a rush, he was so nervous.
Heero quirked his lips. "I and Wufei would be delighted. We have some free time coming up and it would be nice to spend it with you." He wasn't lying about that. He still was attracted to Duo. Wufei knew and maybe this vacation would be something nice for all of them. "And Duo, is this part of you therapy too?"
"Yes." Duo admitted, blushing.
"Then Wufei and I can tell you about some of the odd things that our therapist has us doing." Heero said.
"But, Mina, my shrink, said that I should go away with someone and I thought of you and Wufei right away because you tried to help, in the cabin by telling me that I should see some of the places that we were at." Duo replied.
"I understand, Duo." Heero reassured him, "I would like to spend time with you, getting to know you."
"Then I'll call you back with the arrangements. Relena makes them for me, her secretary has a way of just getting stuff done and she owes me for doing the baking for her son's fourth grade class Christmas party." Duo said.
"Call back anytime, Wufei and I should be up for a little while longer."
Duo stared at the painting in front of him. It was a picture. Big deal. Duo realized that most of his hostility was from the fact that his feet hurt, he was hungry and this series of Impressionistic paintings that they had been looking at all involved food. He sighed. He'd see if he could persuade the other two into eating lunch and then go back to the hotel. Too much art made his head hurt.
"Wufie, Heero. It's beautiful. It's wonderful. Nice technique. But could we have lunch since we've been looking at these things for hours and all I can think of is food, because all these people are either eating or painting food." Duo semi-whined.
"Maxwell you think of food a lot. It's a miracle that you do not weigh a hundred kilos." Wufie scolded lightly. "But I do understand that you are getting into overload from all that we've seen. Especially since you do not like the Impressionists to begin with." But you are eating again from what Relena told me, you weren't for a while. I may not like her, but she did ask me to take care of you.
"Just because I'm a big fan of the Renaissance and you aren't, don't get huffy with me. I can hear your stomach growling, like it had for the last three analyses that you've been doing with Heero." Duo retorted.
Wufei and Heero exchanged a smile. At least Duo had been looking at the paintings this time, the last museum they were in had been crowded and Duo had spent more time trying not to scream then admiring the artwork. It was good that he was relaxing, it only took a week. And admitting that he was hungry was a first. It usually took one of them to make him eat what little he did seem interested in.
Bantering lightly the little group made their way out of the Museum and some place that they could find lunch. Duo wasn't too worried about that, it was London. The English ate all day, which is one of the reasons that he chose this place for a vacation with Wufei and Heero.
They found a nice place that seemed deserted, in the East End. They were the only ones in there, except for someone that was in a corner booth. Duo was tired from the museum and let the other two order and deal with the waitress. They received a lot of personal attention, which made Duo want to scream more. He was tired and just wanted to go home. If he saw another painting he'd cry because this was all reminding him of the week in Boston with T-chan it was making him feel worse rather then better. He'd stick it out and then go home and have a breakdown.
It hadn't been bad in the evenings. The nights were tolerable too, just the usual bad dreams. They had arranged for a suite, so that he didn't sleep in the same room as the other two, that would have been unbearable. Seeing them at breakfast and the tender glances that they had gave each when they thought he wasn't looking other made him feel lonelier. He missed T-chan even more after almost two years and he didn't know if he was ever going to get better. But he'd try because he promised he would. Just had to get through the rest of the week
Plans was made for the next day, Duo managing to talk the other two into postponing returning to the museum until another day. Duo was paying he bill when he noticed the other customer was also leaving the restaurant. Duo was about to make a comment to Wufie when he really looked at the other person and almost vomited up all the food that he had just eaten. It got worse when he looked over at the little group leaving and made eye contact with Duo. Duo felt the blood drain from his face and he couldn't get out of their fast enough in response to the look that he received. He tried not to hustle Wufei and Heero out the door, praying the entire time that he was wrong, that he was crazy, it was another stupid flashback, that it was a dream, and he would wake up. There was no way that the person the caused him to almost run from that place could be who Duo thought he was. Zechs Merquisa had been dead for over a year. Killed in the explosion of the Libra.
Wufei shook Duo awake. Duo opened his eyes, astonished to find both Wufei and Heero staring at him.
" Duo, you were screaming," Heero said simply. You sounded like one of the damned. So lost, so frightened.
"Before the hotel decides that we're torturing you Maxwell, I decided to wake you up." Wufei said gruffly. When did this start? Not that your sleeping habits were anything that we kept track of, if we had, we might have found out about your little affair sooner.
He was worried though. Duo had been quiet ever since they had left the restaurant. He hadn't eaten and spent most of the evening staring at a book, but not reading it. Wufei had decided to leave him alone, Duo had calmed down a lot since the war, but he usually wasn't this quiet. He went to bed early, mumbling something about being tired. Wufei had still been awake when he heard the screams from Duo's room. He'd woken up the other boy before hotel security decided that they were killing each other in here. The hotel management hadn't been too happy that the Peacecraft party consisted of three boys under the age of twenty one. And they were renting out a suite. They almost refused to let them check in. Screams from their hotel suite wouldn't make them any happier. And Duo hadn't done this in ages from what Relena told him, in the long list of things she told him to take care of Duo while they were on vacation together. So what had spooked Maxwell?
"Sorry." Duo muttered, feeling like hell. He was covered in sweat and his hair and clothing were plastered to his body.
" Duo," Heero started. "You were quiet all evening. No bad memories because of this trip?"
Duo hugged his pillow close to him. "I'm having a good time. Just somethin' spooked me. Don't worry about it." Don't push it. I hate telling anyone anything that could be used against me. The shrink says its just embarrassment. Mina doesn't believe that it's a habit left over from the streets, you didn't let anyone know of your weaknesses. But she doesn't know the streets and I do, so....
"Maxwell?" Wufei asked cautiously.
"Wufei, I'm fine." Duo assured him. He was fine. He was awake and if he was lucky wouldn't sleep for the rest of the night. Then he wouldn't dream.
"Maxwell, you are lying through your teeth." Wufei scolded him. "But I won't force you to talk about why you woke up screaming and shaking."
"Wufei. I will talk about it if it happens again. I'm not going to spoil the first vacation that you've had with my horror stories. Okay?" Duo said quietly.
"It's the only vacation we ever had, which is not the point of the discussion. Your waking up screaming is." Wufei said firmly, distracted by continuing his lecture by a loud knock on the door.
Duo cursed and went to answer it, giving orders as he went to the door. "Wufei check to see if security sent them up here. This shouldn't be a problem but you never know." He waited for Wufei to start dialing the main desk before he acknowledged the knocking on the door. Yeah he was being paranoid, but they all thought it was a good idea, no one was arguing with him.
"In a sec, 'kay?" He called out, pushing his hair out of his eyes. He looked like shit, but if it was hotel security, they'd believe him more them Wufei. Wufei looked like he'd just stepped out of a GQ cover. Forget about Heero though, he retreated into his and Wufei's room as soon as he heard the knocking, just in case they needed him for cover. He probably was grabbing a gun and waiting to shoot someone.
"We heard screams, are you alright?" came a muffled male voice.
"Yeah, just a bad dream." Duo replied meekly, peeking though the security peep hole. They looked legit. He always looked semi legit on a mission too. He'd stall them until Wufei gave him the okay that they were legitimate.
"The hotel would like to us to check that out in person."
Sure they did. Wanted to make sure that the three under aged kids weren't doing anything weird. Duo knew that they were baby steps from getting kicked out of this place. Une would love that. So wouldn't Relena. He'd never hear the end of it.
Wufei called out softy in Japanese, "They're legitimate. Desk sent them up. Complaint from next door."
Duo opened the door at that and let them in. "Sorry to keep you waiting just wanted to check to see if the desk really sent you up."
Wufei shook his head at their exchange and smiled at the security guards. "I apologize for the noise. We'll try and not have it happen again. Please convey our regrets to out neighbors about disturbing their rest. I'd not thought that the walls were that thin." He implied that for the price that Duo was paying for the suite, the walls should have been as sound proof as an OZ interrogation cell.
"Wufei, next time we hit town, I'll book us in someplace with thicker walls." Duo said cheerfully.
"Do so Maxwell. I thought that this was a decent hotel. Not one with paper walls" Wufei commented huffily.
Duo swallowed a smile, his eyes dancing. Wufei did do the irked noble routine so well. The video phone chiming startled all of them. Duo and Wufie exchanged quick worried glances, wondering who would be calling them at this hour of the night. Duo shrugged and went to answer it, not switching on the video. He still hadn't gotten out of that habit.
"It's your call, who do ya want?" he asked. .
" Duo, your manners do leave a lot to be desired." Une said dryly.
"At this time of the night you're lucky that I am coherent. Oneesan." Duo replied "What's wrong?"
"The hotel called, they think that you're being odd each other." Une replied.
"No kidding, that's why security was knocking on our door almost as soon as the last scream died out." Wufei remarked snidely. "You think that they were actually listening next door."
"I take it that they are there?" Une noted calmly. "Their response time rivals that of the Preventers it seems."
"So why did they call you?" Duo asked.
"Because I am listed as your next of kin. You were the one screaming, weren't you?" Une asked worriedly. "You hadn't done that in ages." You said that you were okay, which is why I let you go on this trip. I don't care if it was therapeutic for you to go, that damn doctor hasn't ever listen to you scream. You sound so lost, so frightened.
"Before you start blabbing stuff in front of the hotel staff, can I have Wufei kick them out of the room? Or were you calling us to tell us that we have to go home?" Duo asked, listening with half an ear to Wufei's escorting the security out, exchanging empty pleasantries with them. He was good at that now. He learnt the art of small talk, dealing with Quatre's people in business. He and Heero did most of the security for the Winner Empire now, they had gotten a little better at the social skills having to deal with both their own staff and the public.
"The hotel was upset over the fact that the Peacecraft party was made up of minors." Une said. "They called me because they thought that none of you were responsible adults."
"Hey Wufei's responsible." Duo pouted. "Heero's pretty damn responsible too. I'm just cute. 'Sides you're not much older then me."
"What was wrong?" Une asked, ignoring his attempt to divert her.
"I got spooked, thought I saw a ghost." Please let it be a ghost. If it was real, I'd be in Hell. Again.
"Treize?" Une asked quietly, that wouldn't have him waking up screaming though. Not with fear.
"No, worse. Zechs." Duo replied with a shudder. "And I swear he knew me. That he recognized me and he smiled. That same damn smile after he..." he let his voice trail off, remembering that he had company. He didn't want the others to hear this.
"You don't have to come home, but if you want to leave early I think that others will understand." Une said softly. If they don't, I will explain it to them.
"No I'm okay. You're just are sick of your own cooking." Duo teased her. "I thought I left you enough stuff in the freezer. All you have to do is reheat it, it can't be that difficult can it?"
"Duo, you don't have to laugh it off." Une said. "If it's getting bad again, you can talk to Sally, see if she can recommend someone else if this woman is not working out."
"No, It's just one nightmare. And a little one. I was overtired and strung out from too much sight seeing. I'll let the two of them go out alone tomorrow and I'll rest. Mina's doing okay with me."
Une frowned at him. "you're planning something, I just know it. Rest though. I know that you're not going to get back to sleep tonight."
"And chance that those idiots are going to knock on our door again? I know that they weren't happy. Checking in was a nightmare. The front desk couldn't figure out what was happening. That three kids had that much money, but didn't look it. And there were a hoard of tourists that were laughing listening to Wufei, Heero and I argue in three different languages."
"I know that you're an adult. And the other two are adults too. However society thinks that you are too young to stay in a hotel, alone."
"Next time I have to save the fucking world, I'll tell them that I'm too young. Most of the hotels that we checked into didn't care about how old we were, just wanted to see the green." Duo grumbled.
"Next time I think you should 'borrow' one of Quatre's sisters. He has enough of them."
"How about next time you take a vacation with us." he counter offered. "Sally can take care of things. Noin can take care of things.""
"You are adorable, Duo. The hotel thought that I was too young also." Une replied with amusement.
"Well no one gives you crap for long. You just look at them and 'ping' things get done. Plus you're like a girl. I think that was half the problem. Those idiots were pissed that they thought I was a girl, until I opened my mouth. And then they realize that three guys were checking in."
"I'll let you get some rest. And if you want to call me again, you can." Une told him, a slight frown on her face.
"I should be alright. One nightmare and you all fall to pieces. It's not like I never had them before." Duo said, exasperated. They were all fussing over him like he was made of glass or something. It was nice, but it was beginning to bother him.
Une shook her head before cutting off the connection, "We're here for you. You don't have to suffer on your own. You are so giving of all of us, just let us try and take care of you for once."
"I know, it's just strange." He admitted. "No one really worried about me for a while, I got out of the habit of having someone do it."
"I know Duo, let just let us. We like worrying about you." Une smiled at him as she cut the connection.
Une sighed as she returned to her bed and Relena. As Une was getting comfortable again, Relena cracked open and eye and sleepily asked "How's he doing?"
"Not good. And he's denying that there was a problem." Une said, cuddling the younger woman to her. Relena shifted position and returned the hug.
"What was the problem? Why did the hotel get upset? When my secretary made the arrangements we told them that they were minors."
"Duo woke up screaming."
"Not again. He's not done that for a while. I thought he was getting better." Relena muttered. I listened to that idiot doctor. I should have known better.
"What happened on the Libra? Did he tell you anything more then he did me?" Une asked, running her hands through Relena's hair.
"I don't know, but I can guess. My brother wasn't too stable towards the end. I don't care what Noin told you, she didn't want to believe that he was sleeping with Treize at the same time he was sleeping with her. Or that Epyon had driven him insane, even after he blew up that island."
"She loved him and didn't want to believe the worst of him." Une said quietly.
"I know, but you never were that far gone over Treize." Relena exclaimed irritably.
"I was never the romantic that Lucrecia was. I saw all his flaws and loved him anyway."
"And he treated you like a long lost sister."
"Worse," Une laughed lightly. "His lover treated me like a long lost sister." Like we were two kids, trying to pull a fast one on our older brother. The two of us trying to protect Treize from how low people would be because we both thought that he needed it. But he knew, because he did some despicable things in the name of peace.
"Duo's eyes lit up when he realized that we were having a relationship. He was so happy that you had found someone." Relena smiled at the memory.
It had been the last time that she saw him so happy, so relaxed. Zechs had broken Duo. Relena still cursed him for that in middle of the night. Duo scurried around like a shadow most of the time, taking care of the house, her, Une and Maria. Occasionally venturing outside the grounds to pick up something, but not often. Therapy had helped, but he was still skittish around large groups of people that he didn't know. London was supposed to help him with that. Heero and Wufei had promised her that they would take care of him.
"So what happened when he went to rescue you on the Libra?" Une asked, getting back to her original train of thought.
" I don't know. He came to my room and said that he was getting me out of there. We got intercepted by Dorothy Catalonia. She threatened me and got the drop on Duo. Then my brother came across us and dragged Duo away after knocking him out. It was another day or so before I could get out and find him. After I dropped Dorothy like a sack of potatoes, I stole her keys and her access card and went to rescue Duo. He was in a storage room, and really beat up. He wouldn't let me see him, not that I really could, it was so dark in there. But the smell of blood was over whelming, so I think that he was pretty badly hurt, besides the dislocated shoulder and his ribs. It almost drowned out the other smell in there. I think that my brother raped him, besides torturing him."
"He thought he saw your brother today. That's why he woke up screaming. And your brother did do a number on him." Une said. You don't know the half of it. I don't either. That therapist might, but I doubt it. Duo will keep it a secret for as long as he can.
"My brother died on the Libra. If he didn't I don't care, he is no longer my brother. I disowned him for what he was doing to the Earth. For what he had become. Not that we were close at all, but from what I had just seen and what Treize had told me, he wasn't my brother, I didn't think he was human even by then."
"That must have been interesting." Une said quietly.
"Duo screaming at me and me screaming at my brother. Very interesting." Relena remarked wryly. "Moments in your life that you want to remember." I dream of that sometimes. And I try and figure out what went wrong, was it me? Him? Our parents?
"But what if that was your brother? Would you want to know?" Une asked seriously, "It could be. We never found a body or a lot of wreckage. And he wasn't inconspicuous, not with that hair and face. If Duo thought that he saw your brother, I'd believe him."
"For Duo's, Heero's and Wufei's sake I hope not. They are the worst people in the world to stumble across my brother. The man that killed Treize, the man that tried to kill him throughout the war and Treize-sama's lover. I don't know what would happen if he was still under the effects of Epyon." Relena said gravely. The three people that he should never be alone with, because his ego was so overwhelming. Epyon must have fed it until it burst.
"Duo probably going to check it out tomorrow, so we'll find out then." Une replied, kissing Relena. "Let's sleep because you have a meeting tomorrow and I have to worry about my budget session."
Duo sighed and settled on the coach. He'd read for the rest of the night and nap during the day. They had been in London for about a week, there wasn't much more that he wanted to see. Actually he hadn't wanted to see any of it. This trip was more therapy then anything else, Mina wanted to know if he could handle a week in a busy city. Duo wondered what she had been tripping on to think up this form of therapy. It had been hard, but he had managed it. He was still nervous in crowds, but that was controllable, a little. His personal space had shrunk from about three meters to about half a meter. He didn't scream when people came up behind him and touched him suddenly, just jumped.
On the whole, he thought it had been fairly successful, until he saw that Zechs clone. That's who it had to be. He heard that everyone had double someplace. That was Zechs's double, it had to be. The guy was dead, like T-chan. Even if they never found the bodies. He wasn't going to start believing that he was alive because then he would hope that T-chan was, and if he started that, he was going to end up in the rubber room. Even after all these months he wanted to see him, feel him, listen to him talking.
Duo shook his head, trying to clear out the cobwebs. He wasn't going to get any better if he still held on to the past, according to the nice lady that he was paying outrageous amounts of money to for counseling for him. Duo thought that she was the one that needed therapy at times, she appeared to be more out of touch with reality and what happened during the war then Relena had appeared to be when she was doing her Total Pacifism Academy in the Sank Kingdom. But she admitted that she was in denial, she told him that once. That she had done the bleeding heart routine when she first got her degree. She had lasted five years before she quit, after she had been mugged by one of her patients and nearly raped.
At least Maria was going to get her head screwed on straight, which was good. She was T-chan's daughter, she deserved to be sane. She wasn't too happy about living with him and Une, but she was less hostile then she was in the beginning. She couldn't understand what he father had seen in him, and Duo didn't blame her. He was an emotional mess now and had been on the wrong side of the war also.
Duo settled down on the couch, hoping that the book he was reading would keep him awake for the next few hours, he didn't want to wake up screaming again. Duo started reading, but didn't notice that his eyes were getting heavier and he gradually nodded off after reading for a little while. Heero found him curled up on the couch, the book fallen on the floor beside the couch. He shook his head. Duo looked innocent and peaceful curled up like that, his hair was still loose. Heero jumped a little when Wufei came up behind him and gave him a hug.
"Looks beautiful, doesn't he?" Wufei whispered in his ear.
"He always did." Heero said, "Even after I saw what Zechs had done to him."
"He's going to get a stiff neck if he's going to sleep there." Wufei commented, "We should get him into bed." What did Zechs do to him? You never told me and Duo doesn't say anything that he doesn't have to any more. I've turned out to be the talkative one of the bunch.
"Ours or his?" Heero asked with a smile.
Wufei stared at him and smiled back, "Ours, if he has trouble sleeping...."
"We can make sure that he gets tired out." Heero smirked back.
They had discussed this before, when Duo had asked them to go on this trip. They had thought that Duo had an ulterior motive for inviting them, but after a week, he still hadn't said anything or responded to their hints. Duo had retreated to his own room, night after night and they hadn't had an improper suggestion out of him. In fact they had never seen him less then fully dressed and groomed until tonight. So why not take advantage of this opportunity to get Duo into their bed. He could always say no later.
Heero scooped up Duo and carried him into the bedroom. He was slightly disturbed at how light Duo was. He knew that he didn't eat as much as he used to, he had trouble finishing off his meal most of the time, but Heero swore that he hadn't gained any weight from when he was a pilot, even though he managed to grow a few centimeters. Not as much as the rest of them had, but he was still short, but taller then the shrimps that they all had been. The rest of them had gained in mass and height. He and Wufei were still the best built among the group, Trowa the tallest, that wasn't much of a surprise, he had always been taller then the others. Heero gently deposited Duo in the bed, briefly debating whether he wanted to take off his clothes. He decided against it, Duo was still probably a little body conscious, if he didn't let them see him in shorts. Wufei followed him in and smiled again.
"Gorgeous and innocent looking. I can see why Treize wanted him," Wufei murmured.
"I don't think that Treize ever thought of Duo as innocent. Not if he was crawling into his bed fairly regularly." Heero said sarcastically.
"It was something, not love in the beginning, but towards the end it was, on both parts." Wufei said softly. "He looked at Duo like he was the only thing in his world that mattered when I caught them together. Treize was terrified that we would do something to him. And Duo...I couldn't read him, but...I think that's when he began to shut down, hide behind another mask."
"I almost did. I didn't realize until we went to see him after the war, that Treize knew that he was there on orders from the beginning. That Duo was trying to protect us in the only way that he could. At least from that aspect of our mission." Heero said thoughtfully. "Love probably didn't enter into it until they had been screwing around for a while. And that terrified Duo given his history."
Duo whimpered and curled up, causing Heero and Wufei to look at each other and stop talking, crawling in the bed on either side of Duo. Duo curled up tighter and shivered when he felt Heero's arms going around him. He relaxed fractionally at Wufei's soothing whisper and sighed his sleep. After a minute, Duo unconsciously snuggled closer to Heero, uncurling to stretch out next to him on his side.
Heero let his hand rest gently on Duo's body, putting pressure on where his legs joined. Duo wiggled and his hips thrust into it, hardening at Heero's touch. Heero felt himself responding to Duo's reaction, and he slipped out of the shorts that he was wearing. Wufei smiled at that and moved closer to Duo, leaning over to kiss him. he hadn't bothered to get dressed when he went out to check on Duo. Subtly had been wasted earlier, the direct approach worked better, like they were doing now.
Wufei started to caress Duo's nipples through his top, enjoying the small sounds of pleasure that resulted in this action, moving his lips down the side of Duo's neck. He tasted good. Heero stroked Duo though his pants, amazed that Duo hadn't woken up yet. Or was it that he was afraid to open his eyes? That he thought this was a dream? Heero smiled and slipped his hand down the front of Duo's pants, playing with the heated length of flesh hidden there.
Wufei slowly unbuttoned Duo's top, surprised to feel scar tissue under his hands and lips. Was this the reason that Duo was so shy? They all had scars from the war, none of them were untouched. Duo just had gotten hurt more then they had, most likely from Zechs, from the hints that Heero had dropped. Heero smirked at Wufei's actions and stopped stroking Duo long enough to slip his pants off his body. The small whimpers that he was making inflame Heero and he pressed his body against Duo, rolling his hips so that he rocked slowly between Duo's thighs. Duo felt so good. Wufei was slowly working his way down to where Heero's hand was, licking at Duo's skin, enjoying the taste and feel of him. Duo was squirming under their attentions, moaning in his sleep. Wufei looked over and smirked at Heero, holding his eyes until he leaned down and swallowed Duo, he was sure that the boy would wake up for that!
Duo was dreaming, he'd fallen asleep on the couch and for once he was having a good dream. T-chan was with him and he was slowly making love to him, like he used to. Duo writhed and moaned with pleasure, enjoying the sensations that were in his dream. He tried to ignore the little things, that there were too many hands on his body. That there seemed to be more then one person in bed with him. He just wanted it to stay this way, dreaming about T-chan making love to him, it was much better then the nightmares he had. He knew that it was about as real too, he just wanted to have a good dream for once.
Duo didn't force himself to wake up until he felt someone behind him and a second person starting to go down on him. Duo panicked, afraid that he was back in that storeroom on the Libra. He struck out blindly, not caring about any damage that he might take, he had to get away. He had to escape, not again!
Wufei stopped what he was doing at the first sign of Duo trying to get up, and rolled out of the way. Duo tried to scramble off the bed, falling when he got tangled in the blanket at the bottom of the bed. He twisted out of it and was running for the door, when someone grabbed him and shook him, talking to him. He recognized Heero's voice after a while and calmed down. It had only been a dream. He blinked and opened his eyes, trying to figure out where he was. And why he, Heero and Wufie were naked.
"Duo, calm down. It's okay." Heero soothed him. "I'm sorry, we might have gotten our signals crossed on this one."
"Huh?" was the only thing that Duo could get out, as he let the other boy lead him to the bed and made him sit down.
Wufei curled up behind him and started stroking his back gently, trying to get Duo to relax. He was disturbed at the amount of damage that had been done to Duo, he thought that the front had been bad enough. He felt the small line of burns down Duo's back and the other scars. Duo flinched at the first touch, but didn't move after that. "What do you mean by signals crossed?" he asked though he could guess. From the fact that they were all naked, sex was involved, probably with him. Heero stood in front of him and gently brushed back his bangs, staring into his eyes.
"I'm sorry, we thought that this meant something more then a vacation to you. We thought...." He began softly.
"You thought that I invited you to London for some fun and games?" Duo asked harshly. "That I wanted the two of you? What part of not interested didn't you understand that time you asked about it Heero?"
"I thought you were talking about Tony. Or Ian" Heero said. "And it's been a while, you could have changed you mind."
"Heero and I thought that you were being shy." Wufei said at the same time behind Duo, still stroking his back, trying to relax him. It wasn't working though, Duo's body was stiff and he was holding himself very still, like he was trying not to attract attention. Wufei was disturbed at how thin Duo was. He was bony, the lack of muscle emphasizing his slenderness. Wufei knew that Duo had always been thin, but now he was hovering on the edge of emaciation. His vertebra and ribs were too prominent and he looked ethereal. He looked worse then when he saw him with Treize that time.
"Not interested means not interested." Duo repeated. "I am not interested. I don't need a pity fuck or whatever you want to call what you just pulled. I understand that socially you both are a little backwards still, so I'm going back to my room now and pretend that this didn't happen. Have fun." Duo tried to get up, but Wufei had wrapped his arms around Duo trapping him on the bed.
"Its not a pity fuck," Wufei whispered into his ear, "Heero and I just learned to count beyond two. So enjoy what we are offering. Would Treize wanted you to mourn him this long?" he leaned over and traced Duo's outer ear with his tongue.
Duo squirmed and opened his mouth to protest that he really wasn't mourning Treize, that he was still screwed up from too many things to even think about sex, never mind a relationship, when Heero leaned over and kissed him, forcing his tongue in his mouth. Duo went still, just letting the other two do whatever they wanted to him. Fighting back made it worse, he had learned that lesson early and remembered it. Wufei and Heero were stronger then he was. They'd hurt him if he fought them. So if he didn't fight back, just went limp, it wouldn't hurt as much. He'd get though this. He always survived it. He just had to block out what was happening to him. If he found someway to hide inside himself, no one would hurt him. it had been a while, but he could do it. He survived Zechs, he could survive two people that he thought were friends. They wouldn't be hurting him deliberately like Zechs did. But...it did hurt that they would do this to him, even though they meant well.
Heero ended his kiss, worried that Duo was so still. His eyes were closed, his breathing was slow and regular. Heero shook his head and kissed him again, Duo dutifully opened his mouth, when Heero probed it with his tongue, not fighting what was happening to him. Wufie pulled Duo to lie back on the bed, to make him comfortable. He was unnerved that Duo fell back at his tugging like a limp sack, he looked up at Heero, concerned about Duo's reactions. It was like he was a puppet with all the strings cut. The total opposite of what Duo had been earlier.
"Heero?" he asked softly, "Is he alright?"
"I don't know. He just went limp. I think he's okay, but I also think he was serious when he said that he wasn't interested." Heero replied, looking worried and guilty.
"Then we should return him to his bed and hopefully he forgives us." Wufei said softly. "I didn't think that he'd be that adverse to a little playing around."
"I didn't either," Heero said as he leaned down to pick up Duo, "But as he said neither one of us are too good with people skills. We might have misread his intentions."
"We'll straighten it out in the morning," Wufei said. "Worse thing that could happen is that he tells us to leave."
Heero grunted his agreement and walked across the suite into Duo's bedroom. Wufei turned down the sheets and let Heero gently deposit his burden on the bed. Duo curled up, shivering a little. Wufei stroked his back a little more trying to comfort him, frowning at the scars and burn marks. Wufei remembered that Duo usually spread out all over the bed, hogging the covers and generally was a nuisance, if they were sharing a bed. Now he curled up like a frightened child trying to hide. Duo whimpered at Wufei touching him, so Wufei pulled the covers up and tucked him in, hoping that Duo would forgive them and that he would sleep though the rest of the night. Heero hugged Wufei and they left the room, closing the door quietly behind them.
"I think that Duo's ashamed of his body." Wufei said, as they crawled into their own bed. "He's got burn marks down his back and what happened to him to make him that scarred up? He wasn't like that on the PeaceMillion." He liked touching us then, I never noticed it until now, he doesn't like to be touched anymore, which is strange, I remember him hugging me on the PeaceMillion and saying that he missed being hugged.
"It comes back to Zechs." Heero said, cuddling Wufei close. "All Duo said was that he roughed him up. I think that he did a lot more then that and Duo isn't going to tell us."
"Why?" Wufei asked, puzzled.
"Pride." Heero answered sadly. "Duo doesn't want any one to know that he's in trouble. So he lived out in the boonies for a while before he could admit that he needed help. More then he was getting there. I think that he wanted us in London in case anything went wrong. In case he lost it. We were his backup and we screwed this one up royally."
Duo opened his eyes as he felt Heero and Wufei leave. He just lay there for a while, thankful that they had stopped touching him. He was shivering, trying not to cry. They'd hear that. And come in again and they might start touching him again, wanting him again. He thought he was getting better, he guessed from his reactions in the other room that he wasn't. And he trusted those guys. Maybe not as much any more. He wasn't interested. Maybe someday, but not now, not with them. And they saw him, not all of it, or they would have commented on where some of the burns were. He still could smell the flesh burning as Zechs marked him, in his dreams sometimes. Showing the world that he wasn't worthy of being anything but street scum.
Duo waited until he stopped shivering to get up and get dressed. He didn't care what time it was. He'd find an all night coffee shop and he'd drink coffee and stay away from those two. If he stayed here he was going to start crying, or get depressed or do something stupid. He brushed out his hair, braided it and got dressed in the dark in a hurry. Duo laughed silently to himself. Another useful lesson from his childhood, how to get out of a hotel room without waking up the John. Duo shoved some money in his pocket and just left, he didn't care where he just wanted to be moving and not thinking.
Nightmares, old friends acting wrong, his paranoia kicking in, he just wanted to get away from it. It was like he hadn't made any progress at all these last months. Duo went down to the lobby and ghosted his way past the front desk, it wasn't hard. At this time of the night, the clerk usually was in back doing something else to keep busy and awake. But he didn't want any trouble so he sneaked. He hit the outside and was wondering where he could find a coffee shop when he felt someone watching him from the shadows. Duo turned to see who it was, when he heard someone else come up behind him. That was the last thing that he remembered before smelling something very sweet in the cloth that was suddenly covering his face.
Heero and Wufei woke up the next morning and groaned simultaneously when they remembered their stupidity from the night before. They had slept late and were wondering why they didn't hear Duo moving in the other room. They thought that he was hiding, ashamed or afraid to talk to them.
"We should apologize," Wufei murmured, moving closer to Heero.
"Hnn" Heero grunted, "Sorry we wanted to screw around, doesn't sound too good."
"How about we are attracted to you and we want to make you feel better. We should have not started things while you were asleep, but...." Wufei said.
"We decided that after we got you turned on, you'd say yes?" Heero finished sarcastically.
"I didn't know. He didn't tell us anything, as usual," Wufie complained, "We were supposed to read his mind that he wasn't interested?"
"Was the first clue that he didn't flirt with us?" Heero asked sarcastically. "Remember, before things got crazy and you found him in bed with Khushrenada, he'd flirt with rocks, our Gundams, almost anyone. He flirted with Trowa for an hour once, just to get Quatre to make a move. That was...funny." Quatre had blushed at Duo's whispered "watch this" but then almost took notes watching Duo flirt with Trowa. Trowa had no idea what was going on, but after the first almost bewildered look, ignored Duo, for the most part. Trowa had spent his time watching Quatre watching Duo flirting with him. But it worked, something had happened.
"That was," Wufei smiled at the memory. "I should have figured it out. He didn't say anything to us beyond what he needed to, all week. And at the restaurant yesterday, he kept his eyes on his plate whenever someone came around, I thought it was strange, but...." Gods Duo was so alive then... not like he was now. Duo had followed the itinerary that was laid out for him docilely, not deviating to see anything else. And not really seeing what they had gone to. He was too busy trying not too scream when someone got too close to him.
"But I should have known. You didn't see where he was before he moved into the Sank Kingdom. An isolated little cabin, end of a dirt road that jarred your kidneys out of you body driving over it faster then a crawl, outside a little hick town. He said he liked it there because he was alone. He went into town about once a week for groceries and other stuff. We were talking and he said that people made him nervous. I was ready to jump him then and there, if it wasn't for Quatre in the next room." Heero said.
Wufei made a face and sighed, leaning over to kiss Heero. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you like that."
"Why?" Heero asked, puzzled, "It may not have been the best thing to do, but it did help us a lot. You needed to work things out. I needed to work things out. And we finally got to admit that we loved each other. Trowa and Quatre were able to work things out too. We were all still screwed up from the war. And it got Duo out of the woods."
"But not very far. Relena said that he barely gets out of the grounds of their house. Even with the help that he's getting. Duo is still hiding. Just changed the location. I was hoping that last night might have given him some confidence back." Wufei sighed. "We ended up scaring him more. How come two smart guys can screw things up so badly?"
"Because Duo summed it up perfectly, we not to socially adept." Heero admitted. "Even with all the help that we are getting working with Quatre and his sisters, we still can't understand some things. "
"So we better stop hiding and go out and grovel?" Wufei asked with a smile. "Worse thing that he sends us home to Quatre and leaves himself." Funny calling Quatre's place on L4 home. I never thought that I could after seeing my own colony blow itself up. But Duo said that you could survive if you were strong and I was strong, even if I didn't feel like it at the time. And I pay him back for his help by treating him like I did. It doesn't matter that I didn't know exactly what happened, I should have guessed it was bad when he had Une and Relena fussing over him.
"No," Heero said soberly, "The worst thing is that he's still curled up and whimpering in his room. I haven't heard him out there and look at the time. He should be up and poking at his breakfast by now." He doesn't like to eat any more. He told me when we were going out to L3, that everything tasted flat, like ashes. I don't think that it has gotten better over the months for him.
"Who would imagine that Duo doesn't eat anymore?" Wufei asked thoughtfully, echoing Heero's thought.
"He's changed, I never thought that Relena was right about that." Heero said thoughtfully as he pulled on a pair of pants.
"May be he didn't, really." Wufei said, "May be we've changed and how we look at him has changed."
"He's changed. And its not the fact that he doesn't like crowds or that Zechs hurt him so badly. We all hurt him, whether we meant to or not. Starting with the way that we treated him when you caught him with Khushrenada . I know that it was war, we were fighting an enemy in any way that we could, but...." Heero's voice trailed off.
"We could have been nicer about it. He was there on orders." Wufei said, "Not by then, but in the beginning. After Boston, we knew that we could trust him, that the Docs had been screwing with him, what do we do...send him out into space, all alone. Then...then I kill the only thing that he'd been actually was fighting for. We hurt him so badly by not being there for him. He was always there for us, starting with crawling into Khushrenada's bed in the first place. And when we try to make it up to him, we screwed it up even worse."
Heero sighed and gave his lover another hug, bracing themselves for what they might find. Neither one wanted to admit that they were scared that they might find something that they couldn't handle. They walked out into the shared living space and were disturbed to find that Duo wasn't there. That it looked like hadn't been out of his room yet, his book was still abandoned on the floor and the coffee hadn't been brewed yet. Duo survived on coffee more then anything. Wufei and Heero exchanged worried glances and went to knock on Duo's door.
After a few moments of knocking, and not hearing anything Heero opened the door quietly, worried that he didn't hear Duo in the other room either. There wasn't a sound of someone walking around or taking a shower or even snoring. Heero opened the door wide, not caring if he embarrassed Duo by walking in on him naked. He'd seen it before. Hopefully he'd see it again. But Duo was gone. The covers on his bed were thrown back and the clothes that he wore yesterday were missing from the corner they had been thrown in. Nothing else looked like it was missing though.
"Wufei," Heero called back, "Duo's gone." He had a hard time keeping the fear and concern out of his voice. The way that things had gone last night still didn't cancel out the fact that Duo was someone that he counted on. May be not as a friend, Heero hadn't been that nice to him. But Heero would prefer Duo, as messed up as he was, at his back then a lot of other people.
Wufei poke his head in the room, and brushed passed Heero to check out the bathroom. "It's not been used recently, so if he bolted, he didn't take a shower first." He walked over to the bed and touched it. "Its cold, he might have been gone for hours."
Heero was busy searching Duo's luggage, finding his IDs, credit cards in two different names and his keys. Heero was also faintly disturbed that he found ID for Treize Khushrenada and for a Trevor Solo, who looked an awful lot like Khushrenada. Heero was disturbed that Duo was carrying this around. Did he still hope to find him? The man was dead. Or was it just something that he couldn't let go of yet? But nothing was missing, probably just a small amount of cash. Duo must have gone out to breakfast or for a walk to avoid them.
"Nothing." Heero announced flatly.
"So where is he?" Wufei asked.
"Out for a walk, hopefully. Or at breakfast. Or someplace. We give him a couple of hours and then we look for him. He couldn't have gone far, he's got no ID or anything on him." Heero said.
"That we know of." Wufei comment dryly, "He's got two here for him under different names and a couple for his dead lover. It looks morbid, but that's probably the only picture that he has of Khushrenada, that's why he's carrying them around. But if he doesn't come back?"
"We ask around, someone has to have seen him." Heero said.
"There are over twenty million people in London, are we going to question all of them?" Wufei asked sarcastically.
"That's better then telling Une that we lost him." Heero said, a note of dread in his voice. If he told her that, she'd make him self destruct again. She didn't want Duo to go with them in the first place. She thought this was one of the stupider things that his therapist had asked him to do. And the only thing that he agreed with that psycho-bitch about was that Duo's therapist was nuttier then he was.
Wufei patted Heero on the back. "Facing Une is probably better then dealing with Relena. I'll handle her." I don't like her that much. I still resent the way that she reacted towards us during the war. But she's matured enough to try and help Duo through this, so I will tolerate her.
"You know we're in deep shit if he doesn't show again. Or if he ran back to that hick town." Heero muttered.
"No matter what happens we're in deep shit." Wufei agreed with Heero, "Because what we did last night doesn't sound very good, no matter what our original intentions were."
End Part 13
Christine
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