Jul 28, 2000
Again these should be said with believability. IE, they are meant seriously, not some strange thing the guys just sprout to meet the challenge. After all, what fun would that be? ;)
We'll see. ^_~ I had to change one of them slightly... *^_^* But all of them are in here. ^_^v
It was a dark and stormy night... well, not really. It was more like a bright and sunny afternoon. The only thunderclouds were those hovering over the head of Quatre Raberba Winner as he burst through the trailer door with a sound like a thunderclap.
"Quatre, please knock next time," Trowa said, arching one eyebrow at his unexpected guest. "Catherine and I were rather busy."
"This is an emergency!" Quatre said with uncharacteristic urgency. "I don't have time for a polite discussion!"
"What's so important you had to interrupt our interior decorating planning session?"
"It's Duo!" Quatre cried. "He... he..."
"QUATRE!" a high-pitched voice interrupted, and with a muffled whimper of terror, the trained fighter dove behind the sofa and peered over Trowa's shoulder as a long-haired shadow fell across the doorway. "Where is he?"
Trowa blinked. The... person stepping in the door was obviously female, yet she wore oversized priest's clothing and sported the trademark Duo Maxwell braid and bright violet eyes, which were currently snapping with ire. Duo had a twin sister?
"Where is he?" the girl repeated furiously, then, spying Quatre's bright hair behind the sofa, dove over Catherine to get at him. Trowa blinked again. Duo's twin sister must be an Evil Twin(TM).
"Duo," a quiet voice said from the doorway, and the long-haired girl turned to snarl at Heero Yuy, her hands full of pale blond hair.
"You stay out of this!" the girl snapped.
"Duo, let him go." At the simple command from Heero, Trowa's eyes all but bugged out of his head.
"That's DUO?" he yelped. The girl straightened and turned to face him, still keeping a firm grip on Quatre's hair with one hand.
"You got a problem with that?" Duo asked, her poisonous violet glare rivalling Heero on his worst day.
"That's the best disguise I've ever seen," Trowa said, reaching out with one hand to squeeze Duo's left breast, which felt remarkably life-like.
"Watch where you're putting that!" Duo snapped, slapping the offending hand away and losing her grip on Quatre, who scurried away on his hands and knees just as fast as he could.
"They're... real..." Trowa gasped, and then fainted in shock.
"And I'm going to KILL QUATRE!" Duo howled, and vaulted over the couch, intent on catching the little blond who was crawling for his very life. In one swift movement, Heero scooped up the nearest thing handy, a bottle of Trowa's favorite conditioner, and flung it at the long-haired boy... er... girl... er... at Duo. Duo fell to the floor like a rock, and while little stars and birdies circled around her head, the conditioner leaked out and coated her braid.
"Now that's one use for a bottle of conditioner I never would've thought of," Catherine said. "I expect you to pay me back for that, you know. That stuff is expensive, and I just bought that bottle this morning."
"Hn."
Catherine sighed. That was the closest thing to an apologetic speech she was going to get from Heero, and she knew it.
"That was Duo?" Trowa mumbled, waking from his swoon to find Heero kneeling beside the unconscious girl.
"Quatre poured a 'bottled curse' on him," Heero answered.
"He did WHAT?" Trowa gasped.
"I didn't know it was real!" Quatre whimpered. "I thought they were just a joke!"
"So Duo is cursed to be a girl?" Trowa asked.
"Looks like it," Heero answered, and tossed an empty glass bottle to Trowa, who deftly caught it.
"Bottled curse - beware, bottled curses can have permanent consequence," Trowa read. "Is very bad you use water from Spring."
"Where did you hide that thing, Heero?" Catherine wanted to know; the bottle had seemingly appeared from nowhere. Wing's pilot merely gave her an inscrutable look in reply.
"In your shorts?" Quatre suggested, slowly inching his way around the still-unconscious Duo. Heero didn't bother to reply to that one.
"And here I thought spandex left nothing hidden," Wufei said with a smirk as he stepped into the open door. "Looks like the party started without me."
"Wufei, what in the world do you have in your pocket?" Catherine asked, noticing the prominent bulge in Wufei's trousers. The Chinese pilot reddened slightly, then answered her with another smirk.
"Nothing, I'm just happy to see you." Catherine's eyes widened, and she blushed deeply while Trowa offered Wufei his best approximation of the Heero Yuy Patented Glare o' Doom(TM).
"Nnngh... anybody get the number of that semi?" Duo mumbled, rubbing her conditioner-slicked head as she slowly sat up, then suddenly noticed the weight of her ample bosom. "Oh, f***. I forgot about that."
"Being a terrorist is no excuse for being impolite," Catherine answered with a hint of maternal sternness. "Please watch your language."
"I just got turned into a GIRL!" Duo cried, brushing gloopy bangs out of her eyes to glare at Catherine. "Watch your own f***ing language!"
"Look, we should all just calm down for a second," Quatre said, flinching because Heero's grip on Duo's arms was the only thing keeping the infuriated girl off of him. "Seriously! Just take a deep breath for a second!"
"What's the problem?" Wufei asked.
"Jusenkyo curse," Heero answered.
"Oh. Why not just heat some water?" Everyone turned to look at Wufei, who rolled his eyes, crossed to the kitchen area and heated a kettle of water. When it was hot but not scalding, he poured it over the still-fuming girl, who suddenly grew taller and wirier.
"I'm... me again!" Duo cried, grinning up at Wufei with huge puppy- eyes.
"And your hair is beautifully conditioned," Quatre added meekly. Duo turned and slowly grinned at him.
"No hard feelings, man," he said. "Now that I'm back to normal. But don't ever do that again!"
"I promise!" Quatre answered fervently.
"So, everyone's happy," Trowa said. "Now, if you don't mind, Catherine and I were rather busy..."
"Cold water will reverse it," Wufei warned. "Hot water will turn you back to your normal state."
"You're not mad, are you, Duo?" Quatre asked anxiously.
"Nah. It was just one of those things," Duo said. It was easy to be magnanimous, now that he was back to his own gender. "I'll just avoid cold water."
"Being philosophical about it?" Heero asked.
"Sure thing, man. After all, life is like a box of chocolates... very fattening!"
"I don't think that's how it goes..." Quatre began, but he was too glad to be in Duo's good graces again, and didn't want to ruin it.
"It doesn't matter," Duo said. "I'm just glad to be a guy again. I mean... the idea of being a girl for the rest of my life... to never again experience the joy of being the seme..."
"Would someone please explain this whole seme, uke thing to me?" Trowa interrupted, frowning in confusion.
"Seme is on top, uke is on bottom," Heero said, as though that explained everything.
"Ah," Trowa answered, as though it did explain everything.
"There's more to it than that," Duo said with a grin.
"I think I'll go get us some supper, Trowa," Catherine said pointedly. "This is hardly the sort of discussion to be having in mixed company."
For several minutes after she left, silence reigned. Wufei sighed in exasperation.
"Why can't women be more like men?" he asked. "Here we had a discussion going, and she had to go interrupt. No offense, Trowa."
"None taken."
"So, it is true what they say about tall guys?" Quatre asked, blushingly drawing the conversation back on-target.
"It's a rule that the tallest guy in a pair is the seme," Heero answered solemnly. Trowa started to smirk.
"The height rule says you are all my ukes," he pointed out.
"Only if we cooperate," Duo answered. "And I don't think that would work at all, if I was still a girl."
"Just can't get your mind off yaoi, can you?" Quatre asked, teasingly nudging Duo with his shoulder.
"Yaoi, yuri. Who cares?! I just want to get laid," Duo answered with a devilish grin.
"Yuri?" Heero asked. "Girl/girl?"
"Sure. I can be a girl whenever I want to now, right?" Wufei nodded.
"Kinky," Quatre whispered.
"You'll be able to have experiences we could never have," Wufei commented.
"Was there any curse left in the bottle?" Quatre asked wistfully, but Trowa upended it, proving that the bottle had been completely emptied.
"It's water from the Springs of Jusenkyo," Wufei said. "If you want, I can show you where the Springs are."
"Purely out of a sense of scientific curiosity," Heero said.
"I'd like to... well... it's fine weather for swimming," Quatre said, blushing furiously.
Trowa didn't bother to speak, but his emerald eyes were gleaming with excitement.
Within five minutes, all of them had clambered into Shenlong and crammed themselves into the cockpit - a feat which would have been impossible, if Trowa wasn't a contortionist in his spare time.
"You all have to clear the front, or I won't be able to see where we're going," Wufei announced crossly. How had he ended up doing taxi service?
"A Gundam is probably not the best place to be doing something this strenuous," Heero commented, but somehow they all managed to clear enough space for Wufei to see. After a mishap that involved Quatre's crotch and the gear shift, Shenlong took off and wobbled its way toward Jusenkyo.
"What is that?" Treize Khushrenada said, gazing at the signal that had appeared on the radar screen.
"Gundam?" Zechs guessed.
"Follow it," Treize said, stifling the urge to smirk. Perhaps it would even prove to be his Dragon...
"My pleasure, sir," answered Zechs, hiding a smirk of his own.
"Here we find Cursed Springs of Jusenkyo," Wufei intoned. "Please be careful, sirs, it very bad you fall in Spring."
"So which one is it?" Heero asked, his eyes alight with a near- fanatical gleam. If Duo was going to experience yuri with anyone, it was going to be Heero.
"I think it's this one," Wufei said. "Watch!" With that he executed a perfect dive into the nearest Spring, leaving barely a ripple behind.
"Showoff," Duo groused light-heartedly. Moments later, Wufei surfaced, then clambered out of the Spring. He was still male.
"Must've been the wrong..." he mumbled, and behind him another Wufei surfaced and clambered out of the Spring.
"Wrong Spring," the Wufeis said, their eyes widening as they saw each other. "Cursed Spring of Drowned Twins!"
"Ah." Heero decided discretion was the better part of valor, and he was turning to leave when Treize Khushrenada and Zechs Marquise appeared behind the Wufeis. Both Chinese boys pulled huge swords out of their pants (thus explaining the huge bulge that had so amused Catherine), and Treize parried their blows easily, stepping aside as the swords slid into the murky waters of one of the Springs. The Wufeis scowled, and attacked him with fists and feet. One of them accidentally bumped into Zechs, who fell into a Spring and surface with a decidedly shocked expression on his lovely face as he opened his shirt to reveal a magnificent cleavage.
"That's the one!" Heero cried, and he paused to pull his gun out of (apparently) nowhere and lay it safely on dry ground before jumping in, followed by Trowa.
"Where do you hide that thing, Heero?" Duo wondered aloud, then shrugged. Ah, the wonders of spandex. As his fellow pilots surfaced, Duo couldn't help but shake his head ruefully.
"What a mess," he said to himself, and waited with a grin as Heero and Trowa both emerged from the Spring, smiling in their newly delicate and feminine way.
"Ooooh!" Treize cried, and rushed over to the lovely ladies, leaving Zechs pouting in the Spring and the Wufeis screaming at his back.
"Back off," Duo snarled, stepping between Treize and his new quarry. "They're mine."
"But I'd do anything..." Treize said with a pitiful sigh. Trowa's feminine heart went pitty-pat at the sound of that sigh, and she was overwhelmed with the desire to comfort Treize.
"Would you even promise to be the uke?" Trowa asked.
Treize paused a minute, then shrugged. "Ok," he said. After all, how seme could a girl be?
Trowa took Treize's hand, and led him to the nearby cabin which had served as a home for generations of Jusenkyo Guides. "Just let me heat up some water..." she whispered seductively.
"Anything you want, my dear," Treize answered. The door closed behind them, and Duo, Heero, Zechs and the Wufeis stood gaping. A short time later, a series of ungodly howls commenced.
"Good God!" Zechs gasped. "What is she doing to Treize?"
"Want me to show you?" Heero asked, with an evil glint in her eye that was answered by mischeivous smiles from Duo and the Wufeis.
The ungodly yowling from both inside and outside the hut was just reaching a crescendo when Heavyarms landed nearby, so nobody actually realized Catherine had arrived until she stalked into the clearing.
"Shame on you!" she said to Zechs and Heero. "Young ladies shouldn't be cavorting around in their altogether outdoors... and Wufei... who knew?" Both Wufeis blushed and covered themselves from Catherine's amused perusal, and Duo quickly pulled his pants on. Catherine was just turning to say something to him when the door to the hut opened, and a very smugly satisfied Treize and Trowa sauntered out.
"Treize Khushrenada, you screwed my brother!" Catherine shouted, grabbing a sword from an unsuspecting Wufei's hand. "Prepare to die!"
"Pardon me," Treize said, dodging the sweep of the sword and somehow managing to give Trowa a rose and one last, lingering kiss before running for the other group, sweeping Zechs off her feet, and carrying her away at top speed.
"We'll meet again," Trowa said softly, rubbing the rose gently across his smiling lips.
Eventually, Catherine calmed down. The group headed back to the trailer, after the Wufeis both took a dip in the Cursed Spring of Drowned Girl. Catherine happily explained the Art of Yuri to her eager students - Heero, Duo, Quatre, and the Wufeis. She didn't notice until the next day that Trowa had run off to elope with Treize Khushrenada, but by then she was too relaxed to mind. She even offered to act as a bridesmaid for the wedding of Zechs and Quatre, even though the glare from all that blond hair nearly blinded everyone present. Heero and Duo wandered off together to explore all the variations of yaoi and yuri, and even gasp heterosexual sex that they could imagine. Catherine moved in with the Wufeis, and enjoyed searching their pockets to find out whether they were happy to see her. They were. ^_~
And they all lived happily ever after.
THE END
^_~
Please send comments to: Yoiko