Author : Whiteangel
Song fiction : The Last Song
Lyrics By : Yoshiki
Music By : X - Japan
Created in : 16/10/99
Finished in : 26/11/99
Revised : 21/02/00
Author's Note:
This is another song by my favorite group, X - Japan^^ You may find the lyrics not really fit this story but my purpose in choosing this song was because it suit the mood of the story^^
~....~ denotes the lyrics of the songs
"...." denotes the speech
*....* denotes thoughts.
~Watching the stars till they’re gone
Like an actor all alone...~
Staring at this beautiful sea with the color of shimmering black, so calm and peaceful.... I looked up at the sky filled with the twinkling stars, it’s easy to imagine that I am not a warrior fighting for a cause...... Who could ever anticipated that the war would exist with such a peaceful day? I decided to lay down on this soft, lush green grass patch on top of this cliff over looking the sea and stared at the sky, not registering the sounds of the wind whispering as it gently caress my cheek. I was focused at the view the maker of the jeweled sky had presented to me. My hair flew across my face, teasing my cheeks and my eyes, sometimes obscuring my view...
*How long must I assume this identity??...How long?? When can I have my very own identity? .... When??* I closed my eyes, letting the music of the sea, together with the wind washed over me... The sounds of the wind... sounded so much like the song I always played with my flute.... The sea... so rich in their tone, their texture of the sound... so smooth, like the sounds those strings that his violin had made.
*Quatre....* the name suddenly flashed across my mind. I opened my eyes immediately, expecting to see his baby face looming above me, a look of concern gazing at me...
Alas!! He was not here, sitting quietly beside me.......... ' Trowa Barton ', a name I had assumed in order to escape the Barton family, and also to carve a niche for myself... I sighed, looking at the darken sky, the stars above reminded me the twinkle, the sparkle in Quatre’s eyes.
~Who never knew the story he was in
Who never knew the story ends...~
~Like the sky reflecting my heart
All the colors become visible
When the morning begins
I’ll read last line......~
Quatre:
I arrived at the cliff, knowing he would be here. He always came here after a battle to ‘cleanse’ himself , washing away the filth, the ugliness of war.. I crept silently towards him, brought his favorite instrument with me. Music was the only solace he had. I thought sadly to myself, feeling a little tinge of anger that he couldn’t confide to me.. Looking at him pricked my heart. I wanted so much to be in his arms, kissing his lips right here, right now... Though I was aghast at the thought running through my head but I just could not resist this emotion..
*Since when had the friendship turned to this?* I asked myself umpteen times, but as I looked at him, I knew that from the first time I set my eyes on him, I knew that I had loved him more than anything in this world.. Unfortunately, he did not felt this way about me.
*How could he not see the love for him shining in my eyes? Is he that obtuse?*
I watched his lone silhouette , understanding his need for solitude. But I.... I need to see him, to feel his warmth, to feel him beside me, to look into his green eyes.. I need to feel him , to breathe him.. I close my eyes, allowing the sea breeze blowing onto my face, I faintly caught the scent of him in the breeze . I took in a deep breath before approaching him.
~OWARANAI AME DAKISHIMETA YORU GA ASA O MUKAERU
KOKORO WA M ADA NURETAMAMA~
Trowa:
Whenever I closed my eyes, my mind would start wandering, images of you started filling my mind. Truly, my heart belongs only to you.. Nothing, absolutely nothing is going to change my love for you... Only you... only you can break my heart, tear it into pieces... You had that much power of me. I sighed, knowing that perhaps you would be disgusted with my thoughts, my desires, my longing for you. But then, you might accept my love, my longing for you. Nah... it was impossible... How could you? You.. you were the star that was beyond me. You had wealth, I had none... You had a loving family, I had none. You had friends, I had none..... What could you see in me? Who am I to want you, to hope that you would want me too?
Quatre:
"Trowa.." I called out his name softly, unwilling to disturb him but I had no choice. He looked so forlorn... *why? Why does you not confide in me? Aren’t I your friend?*
*No.* he thought again, *I am not his friend as yet...* Trowa had never acknowledged me as a friend yet... My heart wrenched at this thought. Suddenly, I heard his deep voice calling me,
"Quatre, why are you here?"
Trowa:
"Trowa......"
When I heard his soft voice calling my name, my heart almost leapt. That soft voice, so gentle, so sweet. His voice always had this magical pull over me, it made me wanted to rush and pulled him into my arms, into my heart, into my soul, into my world.
"Quatre, why are you here?" my voice sounded gruff, even in my own ears as all these thought kept on racing into my mind over and over. *No.. No I mustn’t think these impure thoughts.. It will polluted him, stained his pure soul, tainted his heart...* he thought to himself alarmingly.
Quatre:
I heard that gruff tone, I was frightened by it. Did he want me here? I’m not sure... Perhaps, he didn’t want me here. Perhaps he never wanted me at all, but still, I could not leave him. I knew he needed me. He needed me to calm his anger, his hatred for this war. He wanted me here. I moved a little closer to him, replying him timidly ,
"I brought your flute..." He sat up first before turning to me and looked at me. He looked at me with his green eyes... his deep, expressionless eyes... That pair of eyes spellbound me... emotionless yet affecting me, trapping me, looking deep into me... I held my arms straight out, hands grasping the flute, the violin and the bow tightly.
Trowa:
I looked at what he was holding... I was very disappointed, *so that is why he came to look for me... To make music.* I glanced up at him, trying to hide my disappointment from him . I had enough of this, I don’t want to be his accompanist, I had no wish to duet with him... what I want was to be his partner for life... I had made up my mind in a flash, I want more.. It was not enough just being friends, I want more...
"Fine...but.." I looked at him real hard, trying to tell him what I wanted, "I wish for this to be the last song as a friend."
Suddenly, I heard an inhale of breath. I swirled around to catch that small quiver of his lips, his plush, red lips..
"Nani?" he replied in a soft voice. Disbelief written all over his face. I felt hurt slashed across my heart as I saw that look of pain on his face. I did not expect what had come out from my mouth would hurt him that bad..
"Quatre?" I whispered, afraid of myself, afraid of what might come out from my mouth..
Quatre stared at me blankly with his big blue eyes, "The last song? ...as friends?"
~In endless rain I’ve been walking
Like a poet feeling pain..~
Quatre:
I stared at him, with my arms outstretched when he dropped that bomb onto me,
"Fine, but.." He paused for a while, looking at me with his solemn green eyes, "I wish for this to be the last song as a friend..."
So he finally said it. he did not want me...
I was stunned initially when he had said this to me. Why ? Doshite? What had I done ? I looked at him, not believing what he had just said...
*No, this is not true!!* A little voice screamed inside my head.. The sting of his words stabbed my heart, creating wounds that etched deeply onto my soul and heart.. I tried to swallow my tears, which were threatening to come out, and responded in choked voice,
"fine, the last song... as friends..." I passed him the flute and got ready my instrument, and sat beside him, not glancing at him.
~Trying to find the answers
Trying to hide the tears...~
Trowa:
I looked into his eyes intently, trying to see some sort of expression, trying to find the answers from his eyes, the supposedly the windows into a human’s soul, but I couldn't find anything... I tried to hide the tears that were threatening to fall. My heart ached, judging by his nonchalant behavior, he felt nothing for me... I looked down, at my flute and said in a matter of fact tone, "You start the music.."
Quatre:
When I’ve heard his request, I nodded. I tried to find an answer within my heart. I always felt that I knew him best, but it turned out otherwise.
~But it was just a circle
That never ends...~
Quatre:
I laid my head onto my violin, and started playing a song, as I closed my eyes, letting my fingers do the talking. The notes flew across the violin, as my fingers fluttered within the six strings. The melody rang high and melodiously, sad and heart wrenching...
Trowa :
When I’ve heard the melody being played, though I had never heard such a tune, somehow, I was able to complement it with my flute. As Quatre climbed higher and higher, I blew the air into the hole and the notes danced into the sir, sometimes soft, sometimes fluttering, accompanying the high strung melody from Quatre’s violin. The piece was getting faster and faster as Quatre ran the bow across the strings rapidly and I begin to transpose my notes down an octave lower. I begin to close my eyes, letting the music washed over me. The sadness of the piece suited my mood exactly. It seemed that Quatre chose this composition on purpose. Suddenly Quatre gave a yelp of pain.
"Ah!"
I was snapped out of the trance immediately, turning to look at Quatre. To my horror, I saw his fingers bleeding.
~When the rain stops, I’ll turn the page
The page of the first chapter...~
Quatre:
I was in a trance, the shock of it all had not subsided yet.. I did not know how to react as yet. * Does Trowa mean that we could not be together anymore? Does that mean he no longer regarded me as friend?* When I thought of that, my heart felt heavy, felt a throbbing ache...
Suddenly, one of the strings broke and cut me. I almost screamed in pain.
"Ah!"
Immediately, I stopped playing. The hurt was too much, I turned to see how badly the injury was. Just then, I felt someone held my fingers gently and a voice cried out gently, "Are you all right? Does it hurt?"
I saw his face filled with concern for my bleeding fingers. He was examining the wound and I was entranced by his expression. *So gentle, so caring...*
"Trowa?"
I called out his name lightly, wanting his attention yet unwilling to end the moment...
Trowa:
When I saw his injured fingers, I almost fainted with horror. His fingers were bleeding badly. The wound must be deep. I could not help myself but asked him,
"Are you all right? Does it hurt?"
~KIZUTSUKUDAKE KIZUTSUITE WAKATTA HAZU NOKOTAEO
DOSHITE MADA TOIKAKETERU~
Quatre:
Why? Why? Why must he treat me so tenderly? Why? I cannot take it any longer and hugged him impulsively.
The impact of the hug had pushed him onto the ground. I hugged him real tight, not wishing to let go. The feel of his hard chest makes me feel safe, makes me want to shout out to him that I love... love him!! I cannot stand it any longer. I hugged him even tighter as I yelled out my frustrations, my longing, my desires.
~Am I wrong to be hurt..~
"Why, Trowa? Why must you hurt me this way? Have you got any inkling of what I am feeling for you? Am I wrong to feel this strong attraction to you that you must hurt me this way? Doshite, Trowa?"
~Am I wrong to feel pain~
"Am I wrong to feel this way about you? Am I wrong to love you like the way a man loves a woman? Am I wrong to choose this path? I am sorry if I had makes you feel uneasy but I truly love you! I truly do!! From the very first time I’ve met you, from the very first time you held me in your gaze, from the very first time I... I found out that I had loved you the moment I laid my eyes on you!!"
I could not stop myself, I blurted out all my bottled feelings to him. I had no courage to look into his face as I divulged my hidden feelings, my hidden desires, my hidden sorrows , my hidden anguish to him. I burrow my face deeper into his chest, unable to see the contempt he had for me now that I had revealed my hidden secrets to him..
~Am I wrong to be in the rain~
Am I wrong to cry for your love? Am I wrong to wish for you? I felt like on a scale, waiting for your final judgment. I am very confused, I do not know what is right or wrong. I lay there, not daring to move, afraid of your verdict..
~Am I wrong to wish the night wouldn’t end~
Oh God!! Please!! Please give me a hole in the ground for me to be buried. I am dying of embarrassment!!!!! Trowa! Give me an answer, quick!! I had enough of the suspense already... Please, be it good or bad, I don’t mind, I just want an answer... No, don’t tell me, my heart cannot bear the bad news... No, tell me you love me too... Allah!! I have never ask you anything before, please give me Trowa.. That is all I ask of you.. Allah, Please answer my prayer... please..
~Am I wrong to cry~
Trowa:
I’m shocked, I did not know what to do.. I could not respond to his endless chattering. My mind was a blur.
This was what I’m always hoping for... This was what I always wanted... I felt the weight of his body on me, I knew this was real... Too good to be true!!! I could not believe my ears when he yelled out his confession but... he was here... on top of me.. burying his face onto my chest... I’m feeling him... I never thought that he had harbored such feelings for me, never thought that we actually harbored the same feelings for each other.
~But I know, it’s not wrong to sing the last song Cause forever fades~
"Quatre..."
He lifted his tear stricken face up to me... My heart tore at that expression on his face, like a lost puppy that yearned for approval from its master... Am I that important to him ? Me, of all people ? Me, the nameless one, the one who had no idea why he was in this world, the one who didn’t even know where he had came from.. Yet, it was all shown on his face... That love shining in his eyes, mixed with hope and tears... That heady combination made me lightheaded, I pulled him tighter, close to my heart and pledged my love for him,
"Quatre, Aishiteru..."
~KIGATSUKEBA MATA HITORI YORU NO SORA O MITSUMETERU
SUKOSHI TZUTSUKIETE YUKU OUR MEMORIES~
Quatre :
*I cannot believe my ears.... No.. this is not happening He does not say all those words, my mind.. it’s playing a trick on me... But yet, that face .. is before me.. this embrace... It’s got to be true!!!*
I turned to look into his eyes, that deep green eyes. No, he was not lying to me.... I smiled.
Trowa:
I’m no longer alone.. I had someone at last. Just as I was feeling blessed, he got up and looked at me, I had this sudden fear that... that he did not want me anymore.. That he was just kidding me... But when I saw his smile, so blissful, so sweet... My fears were put at rest.. I hugged him one more time.
I whispered softly into his ears,
"Quatre, that was our last song together as friends.. and our first song and many songs to come as lovers."
Quatre:
When I heard his soft voice spoke those words into my ear, I was very happy. I realized what a mistake I’ve made... What he meant earlier was this... He was making a confession to me... and I had mistaken him!!! I am glad that I had mistaken it... If not, I will never reveal my inner thoughts to him, never come clean about my own feelings...
~KIZUTSUK DAKE KIZUTSUITE WAKATTAHAZUNOKOTAEO
DOSHIITE MADA TOIKAKETERU~
Trowa:
Suddenly, I had remembered something.. I got up immediately and pushed Quatre away, grabbing his hands and checked his wounds... It started bleeding again...
My heart tore at the injury Quatre had suffered... I asked brokenly,
"Is it painful?"
Quatre:
I was a bit taken aback when he pushed me away but when I saw him so concerned over my injury, I was touched... The concern was evident on his face, the first emotion I had ever seen on his face... I was filled with this strange happiness that I was the one who had brought out the sentiment in him.
I shook my head and replied,
"No.. It is not painful... To know that you .. you.." he blushed a little and turned hid head away as he continued, "To know that you love me too... That took away all pain, all unhappiness I had felt just then.."
~I see red
I see blue
But the silver lining gradually takes over
When the morning begins
I’ll be in the next chapter~
Trowa:
When I heard his soft-spoken words, I was ecstatic. I took in him into my arms, and as the sea breeze brushed over us, I felt strangely at ease with myself. The sea continued its journey to unknown areas, the clouds above continued their journey across the limitless sky.. But I need not roam around anymore, need not fear that I had no home to go to anymore, because I had found a dwelling now.. I looked at the creature that was snuggled warmly in my arms, I felt belonged..
~OWARANAI AME DAKISHHIMETA YORU GA ASA O MUKAERU
KOKORO WA MADA NUREETAMAMA
KIZUTSUKU DAKE KIZUTSUITE WAKATTA HAZU NOKOTAEO
DOSHIITE MADA TOIKAKETERU....~
~Owari~
Whiteangel
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