Auhtor : Whiteangel
Fan fiction : Goodbye, the instrumental version.
Created in : 15/05/99
Finished in : 18/05/99
Revised : 20/02/00
Author's note:
This is an instrumental piece, a song composed by Hide. Yoshiki had made it an instrumental to pay a tribute to Hide, who had died on Feb 15 1997. I found it strangely stirring and thus this fic was fashioned. I always love Yoshiki's music and thus I enjoy writing song fics using his songs. This is no exception. I hope you will like this story as much as I enjoy writing. The lyrics were my own and though it sucks, it had come out from my heart as I wrote this fic.
A.C 196
The war has finally ended. The time for pain, for sorrow, for anguish had finally ended, along with the death of Treize Khushrenda. The time for peace has finally arrived. It was amazing how empty this peace felt to me.... Could it be that this finally awaited peace was in exchange for his life?? I felt nothing, absolutely nothing... even as I saw pieces of his mobile suit floating past before me. This victory against the Oz, it felt so hollow despite the people on Earth were cheering their hearts out. Why am I not feeling happy then..... Why do I feel this emptiness inside of me?? Could it because that you weren't here beside me? Or that the thought of this peace you had fought so hard for..... at the price of your life sickened me to the very pit of my stomach that I just cannot bring myself to rejoice?
~ Goodbye.
Goodbye to those good times we've shared,
Goodbye to your kisses,
Goodbye to your touch..~
The empty space stretched infinitively before me, I seemed to see you smiling at me .... You looked at peace with yourself. This death, it appeared to be that you had finally found a place to rest. You seemed so carefree.......
" Why am I not your resting place? Why can't I be your harbor, where you can rest after a long and arduous journey? Why?" I looked at the visual, staring at the place where you were blasted into pieces. " Don't you love me anymore?" I whispered as tears began to gather in my eyes. I closed my eyes tightly, refusing to let them fall. I withdrew into that space inside my mind, where I always hide myself when I felt tired and weak. Goodbye, Treize .. Goodbye, my love .... 'zai jian le' ..It all ended, it finally did....
( Flashback.)
Treize was walking towards his room. He had just came from his daily duties. There was a haggard look on his face, much like one on an old man's face where one had seen all atrocities of life. He wanted to rest badly, but he had stopped short as he opened the door to his room quietly. There was a creature sitting on the window still, reading a book titled <Sun Zi's Art of War> . Treize stood there at the doorway and observed the creature. He saw the absorbed expression on the creature's face, found the look to be so adorable that he smiled. His hands reached out to the entity as if he wanted to stroke its face. The entity seemed to respond to the touch. It tilted its face as if it knew it was being caressed. Treize continued to stay at where he was, but his hands had fallen by his sides. The creature looked up from what it was reading, frowned a little as if he knew that the invisible hand was no longer stroking him. It stared at Treize standing at the entrance of the room. It smiled, being soothed by his presence. The entity closed its book after book marking the page where he was reading and then turned to give the man standing there its fullest attention if he knew that the man over there was troubled and needed consolation. He extended his left hand out to the person, wanting to call him to its side, wanting comfort him.
Treize saw the outstretched hand, almost lost his calm composure as he walked briskly towards the entity. He knelt down on one knee as he grabbed the hand and placed it on his right cheek.
" Wufei.."
The entity looked down at the kneeling Treize. He felt instinctively that something was troubling Treize. He asked soothingly, unlike his usual self , " What had happen. Treize?"
Treize looked up as he caressed the captured hand, gazed into the eyes of the boy in front of him, into the twin black orbs. He reached up with his other hand to cup Wufei's chin reverently. " Nothing... Just... miss you badly.. That's all." He paused for a while as he stared at the face fixedly, as if he had not seen him for a long time. He reached for Wufei and embraced him tightly, knocking the orient boy's book off his lap. He burrowed his face deeper into the warmth Wufei's body was emitting.
" Treize?" Wufei asked, puzzled at Treize's actions. He never seen Treize to be this weak, to be this tired, to be this helpless.
" Nothing.." he stressed again and continued to hug the slender petite boy. Wufei then kept quiet seeing that Treize had no wish to confide but he knew intuitively that Treize wanted comfort. He stroked Treize's hair tenderly as Treize leant to him.
"Aren't you going to tell me?? Its better than to keep everything bottled....." But Treize just kept quiet. Wufei then help his peace, assuming it must be Treize's never ending duties that was making him this tired.. "Treize, I'm here.... Let go all your burdens...." He smiled tentatively, not knowing how to let Treize be at ease. Treize lifted his head up to look at Wufei. Wufei was shocked at the look Treize was giving him. A combination of a lost puppy expression and a reluctant look that said 'I have no wish to talk so don't bother asking me'. He decided to soothe Treize's worries away by the only way he knew how. He took off the band that tied his ponytail. His black ebony hair came tumbling out as he shook his head lightly. Loose, wavy tendrils framing his delicate heart shaped face .
Treize took a sharp intake of breath as he saw the sight before him. The beauty of the Chinese boy before him never failed to amaze and dazzle him. Gentle doe eyes looking back at him, black shiny shoulder length hair outlining a heart shaped face which displayed a shy expression, like a small flower opening up its petals to the warm sunshine on an early spring's morning. Up till this instant, he could not believe that this delicate boy was a gundam pilot, feared by his force.
Wufei, seeing there was no action taken by Treize, moved forward to kiss lightly and shyly at Treize's thin lips. Though they had been intimate before but Wufei still could not shook off his shyness whenever he tried to kiss Treize. Treize was overwhelmed at this initiative. He grabbed Wufei's shoulders and pulled him tighter as he kissed harder, fierier and more passionate. Treize's tongue lashed inside Wufei's mouth the minute he was granted entry. He thrust his tongue deep into the recess of Wufei's mouth, burning with need to taste Wufei. He pulled Wufei closer, wanting to feel Wufei more fully against his body, wanting to ravish Wufei, wanting to be inside Wufei..... He groaned with need but he stopped the on slaughter and grunted huskily, " Wufei. No.. This is not right..." Wufei was heady with desire and his eyes were glazed with longing as he turned to look at Treize. His mind was filled with Treize's kisses, Treize's touch...
" Huh?" Treize gazed at the lust stricken Wufei before him, he could not bear to take Wufei in his state of mind, and turned away with regret. He did not want to treat Wufei as some sort of stress release tool, he cared for Wufei too much to use him in this manner.
" What is stopping you?" Wufei asked in concern, and with a little fear. He mistaken Treize's rejection as Treize having a new lover and had no wish to continue with him.
Treize got up and replied harshly, " Go away!" He turned his face away from Wufei, not wanting him to see the turmoil he was going through. The evitable had finally arrived and he had to tell Wufei... to ask him not to come to his estate anymore. But he could not bring himself to say it. All he wanted to do now was to hold Wufei in his arms, to whisper sweet nothings in the chinese boy's ears, to assure him that they would be together after the war.... But this was impossible. The time has come for him to face the five gundam pilots....
" Nani?" Wufei asked in fear. He was both scared and shocked. He was scared because he thought what he feared was true and shocked because Treize had never used such a harsh tone on him. " Treize? Look at me.. What's wrong with you?" the hurt was apparent in his voice. He could not believe that he was actually begging for Treize's attention-- Treize, his enemy, the one who had brought massive destruction to his homeland, the one who had killed his family, his wife, who had destroyed everything he had. He could not believe that he had actually had come to love this man, had come to forgive this man for all he had done. Since when had all those feelings of hatred had turned to love?? There was no answer to it.. However, he cannot deny the attraction for this man, who was ten years his senior, who was more knowledgeable, more worldly wise than him. Treize heard the hurt in his dragon's voice and felt guilty. He did not know what to do, did not know how to tell Wufei what was bothering him, did not know why he loved him so much that his heart ached with the weight of his overabundance of his love... Wufei saw the hesitation in Treize, he ran to him and hugged him from behind, not caring about his dignity, his identity , anything but Treize's acknowledgement of him, Treize's love for him... " Treize, wo ai ni a.... bu yao zhe yang dui wo...bu yao ah..."[1] He hugged Treize tighter, not willing to let him out of his sight. Treize was touched. He turned around to look at Wufei. He knew a proud boy like Wufei will never bow down and was humbled by his capitulation. He knew he was lost the moment Wufei had hugged him. He cannot bring himself to untangle from the boy's embrace. He need this orient boy too much, more than he cared to admit. He hugged Wufei in return, kissed him fervently like this was the last kiss they were sharing. His hands began to roam about Wufei's body aimlessly, as if they were trying remember every contour, every curve. Wufei was taken aback at Treize's need.
" Wufei.. Wufei... I need you, I.love you..." he whispered over and over when he broke the kiss and continued to hug him. " Don't go.. Don't go.." He whispered hoarsely into Wufei's ears as he gently lowered this boy who had intrigued him so much to the floor.
( Back to the Present.)
~ The memory of you,
has never gone....
It was you,
Yes, it was you who took the pain away
But I still wish for the pain
Coz it will not remind me of you,
Of your laughter, of your death..~
The dark empty space reminded him of the darkness he had felt when Treize had left him on the bed after the love making session. This was the first time and the last time he had heard such confession. Now he knew the reason why Treize was so troubled...Now, he knew why the young Oz general had behaved in that manner. He took out a crumpled piece of paper inside his pocket, a letter left by his side when he awoke that morning. He slowly smoothed the paper and glanced at the paper. The graceful handwriting, line after line had filled the whole piece. His tears now, started to flow uncontrollably as he reread those lines again.
' Wufei, as you are reading this letter, I am now preparing for the battle, the final one with the gundam pilots.. It seemed so ironic that we are enemies yet lovers at the same time. I never thought that things would turn out this way. Never thought that we will part after what we had went through. It seems that though we are fated to meet but are not destined to be together, to spend the rest of our lives together... I never wish for you to be sad, but yet I am hurting you, making your tears to flow from your beautiful eyes. You cannot imagine how I felt when I realized how much I would hurt you to know that we will be facing each other in this final showdown. I wanted to run away, to run far far away from this showdown. If it means running away to make you happy, I am willing to swallow my pride and be a coward. But I can't run away, not even for you. The deaths of those who had sacrificed their lives for me, I can't let down. Their deaths weighed heavily in my heart, just as you do. Please forgive my selfishness as I will be standing before you later on the battleground. Please remember this, Wufei.. Wo ai ni [2]. This is the first three words I've learn, specially for you... You are the one and only whom I ever loved, whom I wanted to spend my whole life with, the one whom I am willing to give my life up for.... Wo ai ni yi shen yi shi...zai jian le, ai ren [3].... From Treize Khushrenda'
~ Goodbye to those memories we've shared
Goodbye to the love we once had
Goodbye to you, my love, my all...
Goodbye..~
~Owari~
Explanatory note:
[1]: " Wo ai ni ah.." I love you..
" Bu yao zhe yang dui wo...bu yao ah" Please don't treat me this way, please don't..."
[2]: " Wo ai ni" I love you
[3]: " Wo ai ni yi shen yi shi ...zai jian le, ai ren" I love you for this lifetime.. goodbye, my love.
The above are rough translations, so if there is any discrepancies, pls tell me. I will definitely change it. ^^;;
Do you like this story?? Do you want to hear the music?? Well, you can download it here >> goodbye by Yoshiki Hayasashi
Whiteangel
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