January 1, 2001
Name: Whiteangel
Song fiction: Before I fall in Love.
Performed By: Coco Lee
Created in: 13/10/00
Finished in: 01/01/01
Author's note:
When I first heard this song, I was enthralled by this piece. The words are
meaningful, reminding me of how a rejected person finds love again, wanting
to believe yet not able to trust himself/herself to love. This brings to
mind Treize.^^ I fancy Treize shared some intimate bonding with Zechs, but
as we all know, Zechs loved Noin. Thus, this song fiction was written in
Treize's perspective. Tell me what you think about it, okie??
NOTE: This story has not been revised yet and thus be subjected to changes in the
future.
/.../ denotes thoughts
"..." denotes speech
My heart
Says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
Cause my heart's been fooled before
I could not believe my eyes; when you flew into my chambers with your sword brandished before me. You were a vision of loveliness, with that lush lips of yours pulled taut and your large doe eyes full of quiet challenging fire. From that moment henceforth, I knew you would be the one - the one whom I would love to spend the rest of my days with. The one my heart would belong to. Yet, I could not trust my fallible heart. I had given it once, to a man who could not give any commitment. To one who loved me in return yet not loving with all his heart and soul. I was hurt deeply for he was one I trusted completely, revealed my vulnerable self to, and it was not a mutual exchange. Now, could you be the one? Could I trust this heart of mine, giving my faith once more to the dithering sentiment called love. Could I love you the way I love the masked man? Or perhaps even more? I don't know...
Am I
Just seeing what I want to see
Or, is it true, could you really be
As you walked towards me, slow with purposeful strides, you seemed to be walking straight into my guarded heart, finding all its hidden secrets. I could not bear it. I almost faltered in my steps as I went to where my sword was kept. You've shattered all my barriers, my defences, and my cynicism. Oh God, had I gone mad? How could you possibly shatter all my scepticisms I'd built for the last decade from the moment you've jumped into my room? How... how in the world did you do that, when Zechs couldn't manage to do that? I must be mad; you were not what you seemed to be. You were not real... were you real to begin with? Was I just seeing what I wanted to see all this while? To wish that there would be someone out there who cares for me as deeply as I to him? Could it be that this fervent wish of mine that conjured you? Was it true? Oh God, please tell me that you were real, you were the one for me...
My heart could not take another rejection again; my pride would not allow me to subject my heart to such pain again... yet, you were standing right there before my eyes...
I'm at
The point of no return
I found myself wanting to love you, wanting to give this new budding seed of love a chance to grow. There was no turning back now, wasn't it? I winced inwardly, knowing this showdown with you would changed my life dramatically, whether the change would be for the best or worse, I have no idea; I didn't even want to think about it either...
So afraid of getting burned
But I want to take a chance
Yet I was willing to give it a try -- this new relationship -- in the hope that it would work. No doubt I was afraid, very afraid that you might be the next Zechs - one who would break all my defences and then my heart. No, I mustn't compare you to him. You were different; I know because you had this quiet dignity that stole my breath away the minute I laid my eyes on you.
Oh please
Give me a reason to believe
Say, that you're the one, that you'll always be
I don't have any illusions that you would accept my love, not when my sword was resting on your neck. But your eyes, so large and so solemn, made me want to kiss you, to take away that murderous look on your face... I wanted to let my responsibility go as the Oz general, wanted so badly for someone to end this miserable life for me, but my convictions, my pride and my sense of responsibility refused to let me take the easy, cowardly way out. I put down my sword, giving you a chance to escape unscathed. I have no idea why I am doing this; my common sense was telling me to pull out the 'weeds' that obstructed my plans yet my heart was telling me not to. You were the one that was destined to be my other half, to be my soul mate. My common sense could not find any logical reason why I believe that... Could it be? That I would, at last, have a love that would last a lifetime and beyond? Could you be the one that would change my life so drastically that I no longer recognized it? Could you be the one that I would sacrifice everything I possess just to be with you? Tell me, my young dragon... tell me that you were the one...
It's been so hard for me to give my heart away
But I would give my everything
just to hear you say
Time to go, time to leave everything behind... I may not love another... may not have joy any longer for I am the Oz general, respected by all, awed by al...
But I am Treize Khushrenada, an ordinary man wanting to be loved, needing to be recognized as a human being, and wanting to have an ordinary life with my other half.
I am Treize Khushrenada, a General wanting peace for the whole world, where there won't be wars and terrorism.
I am Treize Khushrenada, a human being, of flesh and blood, of sweat and tears...
I am Treize Khushrenada, a tired man needing sanctuary...
I mentally shook myself, knowing this was wishful thinking created by my mind. Knowing myself, I just need an excuse to escape the harsh cruelties of the world. After all, I am the Oz general, the high and mighty, the untouchable... I am one above all, being worshipped and all... But I was only human, humans have feelings...
Someone to have and hold
With my heart and soul
I thought I have found the one, in the form of mask and cape - Zechs Marquis. But I was wrong... No doubt we known each other since young, shared some intimate moments, and that our relationship had gone beyond the boundaries of friendship, one of general and subordinate, yet he was never mine to have and hold. Relena Peacecraft had his attention, not me. Noin had his love, not I. Zechs, what do I have from you? What do I have?...
So when you came into my room through that window, I thought I have found someone to have and to hold, with all my heart and soul… Someone who'll understand me...
I need to know, before I fall in love
Tell me, young one... Are you going to be the one? Sometimes, I looked around this room, and it made me tired. There was nothing in this room that sustained my spirit, nothing at all...
But when you've arrived, the atmosphere of this room seemed changed; charged, no doubt. But still, it was a change, a change from the stifling room filled with loneliness.
I need to know, my dear dragon. I need to know whether you would be my other half... I need to know before I fall into the web of love...
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now, before I fall in love
You, you were the one that would really change my life. Change my life in every sense... take away the responsibilities of the whole world off my shoulders. Please tell me you would be mine forever, hold me tight when I needed a shoulder to lean upon, be the one to wipe my tears, but alas, it was not to be so. You, the gundam pilot 05 and me, the great Oz general, we stood on different sides of the war, fighting each other for our beliefs. No way would our paths cross like lovers but of enemies, the worst one in fact. Neither would your view of me changed, and mine of yours.
As you climbed out of the window, my heart almost cried out in pain. The very thought of you leaving, never to return had created a hole in my heart. I wished fervently that I had met you under a different circumstance, but that was just wishful thinking. Yet, I found myself still wishing. Still wishing you to be my one and only, still wishing to have you and to hold, still wishing for the impossible...
Well, my dragon... its time for me to face up to reality-that you will never be mine. I should forget you and get along with my life. I shouldn't let emotions take control of me ever again... I released my sword and turned around, letting you go, the possessor of my heart, angel of my soul, the other half of my whole...
Before I fall in love...
Owari
Whiteangel
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