Written: July 7, 2000
Revised: June 20, 2001
Title: Beth
Author: Truth
Category: Songfic, sort of. Angst. AU. Set after the war and the Gundam Boys are in their early to mid-twenties.
Rating: Non-rated.
Warning: Angst. Possible OCC in regard to Hilde. This is just my take on a relationship between Duo and Hilde.
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to somebody else, sadly. Beth belongs to KISS. Lyrics by Peter Criss, Stan Penridge and Bob Ezrin.
Feedback, comments and criticisms cheerfully accepted at dhaunea@yahoo.com
*gentle piano music begins*
It was the end of a beautiful day in the early autumn. The setting sun painted glorious color over the hills, and crickets could be heard just beginning to sing.
A young woman with short dark hair watched the sun set from an Adirondack chair just outside a pretty two- story house. The leaves on the trees around the house are just beginning to turn, and as she sits, we see one or two fireflies appear. From her position, the woman can not only see the sunset, but the long road that winds along the hills.
She watches until the very last traces of pink and purple turn to black before rising and passing through the sliding glass doors into the house. The interior is decorated sparsely, but the furnishings are in good taste.
Without pausing, she crosses the room and picks up the telephone which is lying on the arm of one of the chairs. She flips the handpiece over and begins to dial.
Beth, I hear you callin'
In a small, almost featureless grey room, a young man in his twenties was concentrating intently on a flickering computer monitor. Another young man was leaning over his shoulder, watching the changing images intently. A third young man was seated at a small desk, flipping through a large mound of paperwork.
There was no sound at all save for the click of the computer keys and the occasional hiss of paper against paper. All three men are focused on their tasks to the exclusion of anything else.
The young man actually seated at the computer was going from screen to screen so fast that it seems to be impossible for anyone to actually follow what is going on, but his dark blue eyes appeared to be tracking, sorting and discarding the data as fast as each image formed.
"There!" The young man leaning over his shoulder flipped an enormously long tail of hair out of his way as he leaned forward, one slender finger pointing to the screen currently open in front of his friend. "That's it, Heero."
The dark haired youth at the desk left his mound of paperwork and crossed the small room to lean over Heero's other shoulder. "Are you sure?"
"Sure as I can be, Wu," The braided young man frowned. "This doesn't look good."
"No," agreed Heero. His fingers again began to dance across the keyboard, although the images came more slowly now.
"Duo?" the soft voice came from the doorway. None of the three young men leaning over the computer terminal moved, but the braided one responded by waving one arm over his back.
The young man in the doorway smiled ruefully. "You have a call," he paused. "I think it's Hilde."
Duo suddenly straightened and stepped away from the computer, his eyes flicked to the clock on the wall. His expression was slightly sad as he left the room, clapping the new arrival on one shoulder as he went. "Thanks, Quatre."
But I can't come home right now
Hilde held the telephone with both hands as she leaned against the door jamb, staring out at the first few stars as they winked into sight. Her face showed resignation, but her voice was even and almost cheerful. "You promised me that you'd come home tonight...."
Duo stood in another mostly featureless room where Quatre and a fifth young man were working on a stack of reports. "I know, and I'm really sorry." He closed his eyes and sighed, his expression tired. "But we're so close to a break through. We may have finally found the clues we need."
"Duo, please. Come home. Just for one night." Hilde stepped back inside the house and slid the glass doors closed. "I haven't seen you for over two weeks."
Duo leaned his forehead against the wall, acutely aware of Trowa and Quatre's presence behind him. They were trying not to eavesdrop, something which was patently impossible in the small room that they were sharing. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "Truly sorry. But they _need_ me, Hilde. We have to find these people and stop them before they succeed in starting another war."
"I understand," Hilde bit her lip. She did understand, just as she understood the need that drove him to concentrate on that task to the exclusion of everything else. He would have had to have left the moon base yesterday in order to be home this evening, as he had promised. He hadn't meant to abandon her, but his self-imposed task came first, and so he had forgotten....
Forgotten as he so often did.
"How's Relena?" she asked, managing to ignore the inner voice that wanted to beg Duo to come back to Earth. To come back to her and cease this madness.
Duo breathed an inaudible sigh of relief at Hilde's acceptance. Even her tolerance had its limits, and he had been certain that he'd finally reached those limits. "She's doing much better. The doctors say she can go home in a few weeks."
"I never would have expected someone to try to poison her in this day and age," Hilde responded softly. "How is Heero?"
"Taking it as the personal insult it is. He takes his promises very seriously, and he's promised her to find the perpetrators and bring them to justice." Duo sighed. That was a very polite way of describing Heero's homicidal vow of vengence.
Hilde wasn't able to bear it anymore. "When will you come home?" she asked, her voice small and worried.
"As soon as I can, I promise." Duo's voice rang warm and gentle in her ear.
"And you never lie," Hilde wasn't sure if she was agreeing with him, or hoping for further reassurance. "All right."
"I'm sorry Hilde," he repeated, "but they _need_ me."
Hilde softly turned off the telephone and placed it on one of the small tables by the door. It was the first time one of their calls had ended without the familiar "I love you".
She reached out and picked up a photograph that was standing on the table. It was of Duo, taken just after the end of the war. He was sitting on the shoulder of his Gundam and grinning madly. She looked at the picture for a long time.
"I need you too...."
Me and the boys are playin'
Duo re-entered the room where Heero and Wufei were working, his expression cheerful. Wufei noted the expression with narrowed eyes.
"You were right Duo," Heero told him, never looking up from the flickering display before him. "This is the information that we needed."
"And now that I know what I'm looking for...." Wufei waved a handfull of files at the braided man. "I've found at least three possible suspects."
Duo's eyes lit up. "That's great!"
"Get Quatre and Trowa in here," Heero told him. "It's time to find these bastards and plan our counter- attack."
As Duo left the room, Heero turned from his computer screen and raised one eyebrow at his companion. Wufei shrugged. "He's upset."
"I noticed." Heero frowned at the closed door. "Will he be all right?"
"Duo is always all right," Wufei told him. "He knows how important this is. Don't worry about it."
And we just can't find the sound
Duo, clad in black pajamas, his hair unbound, sat cross-legged on the metal floor. He leaned his upper body against the bottom bunk of the bed, moodily staring at the reports and files spread across the coverlet.
Trowa and Quatre, also pajama clad, leaned their arms and heads over the edge of the top bunk, studying what they could see of their fellow pilot's self-imposed workload.
"How could they be moving so fast?" Trowa asked, idly dropping yet another report down on the lower bed. "We should have caught up with at least one of them by now."
Duo snagged the floating paper out of the air and added it to the mess on the bed. "They're keeping just one step ahead of us, and while we're busy chasing our tails, they're plotting something new."
Quatre nodded solemnly, adding his own contribution to the assault on Duo by dropping another set of papers. "But it's beginning to look like we've come full circle and now they're after _us_."
Duo swore as Trowa turned to raise an eyebrow at the handsome blonde. Quatre just shrugged, flipping himself over and dropping to the floor. "We _are_ fairly obvious targets, these days."
"Which means that we're going to have become just a little less obvious," Trowa frowned. "Remind me, just how _do_ you hide a rebuilt Gundam?"
"Ha. Ha." the sardonic voice came from under the bed. "We're undercover even as we speak and they _still_ know our every move."
Duo had to struggle not to laugh at the inadvertant pun as Wufei poked his head out from under the bed.
"That's right, hair-boy. Laugh it up! If you hadn't covered _my_ bed with your stupid reports, I'd have somewhere to sit!"
Wufei pulled himself completely out from under the bed and had a difficult time moving past the seated Duo and the standing Quatre to where he could find room to get to his own feet. The tiny cabin was meant only for sleeping, which meant that even with only the prescribed _two_ occupants, it was a tight squeeze.
Trowa almost smiled as he looked down at the impromptu game of twister. "Duo, why don't you and Quatre go back to your own quarters."
"And take your blasted files with you!" Wufei growled.
Quatre just grinned and began to help Duo clear the papers off the bed. His smile faded as he saw Duo's dejected expression. "It's all right Duo. We'll jump ship at the next stop and go back to the moon base. I'm sure we'll be able to work out something then," Quatre took the last of the files and steered his gloomy friend off to bed.
Trowa frowned down at Wufei. "He's worrying again."
Wufei shrugged as he stretched out on the bed. "He'll be all right."
"Will he really?"
"He's a Gundam pilot first, last and foremost. We're the only ones who can do what needs to be done." Wufei stared up at Trowa, his expression serious. "He knows just how many people are counting on us . He won't let us down."
Just a few more hours
And I'll be right home to you
Heero surveyed the glum quartet and sighed. "You did your best. We're just going to have to split up altogether, I guess."
As they began to discuss further plans to find and infiltrate their mysterious enemies organization, Heero caught Duo's look of resigned sorrow.
"Duo, if you need to go back to Earth..." he began.
"No." Duo cut him off. His face was serious. "You need me. Relena needs me. We all need each other. We are the only ones who can find and stop these people."
Everyone just stared at him. Yes, the situation was serious. Besides Relena's poisoning, there had been several bombings and at least one attempt at rigging a colony's air supply with poison gas. But of them all, only Duo really had a home.
They had expected him to want to go back to it....
"You don't understand," Duo told them softly. "I never really stopped being Shinigami. I never really put aside my position as a Gundam pilot. I can't leave now. It would make everything that I went through before a lie."
Trowa and Heero both looked at Wufei. He shrugged, his face bearing a faint smile.
//I think I hear them callin'
Trowa and Duo stood together at a crowded spaceport, waiting for the last boarding call.
"Be careful, Trowa," Duo told his friend solemnly.
Trowa nodded once. "This is our first real chance. I promise I'll be careful."
"I don't see why I couldn't be the one to go!" Duo clenched his hands, momentarily overcome by frustration.
Trowa just looked at him.
"Hilde," Duo sighed. He clutched at his braid and stared angrily at his friend.
"I'm sorry, Duo," Trowa told him. "But you're going to have to stay put a while longer. You're my back-up. If I need you, I promise I'll let you know."
Duo sighed again and turned away, heading back toward his temporary offices. "Why can't they understand...."
Beth what can I do
Beth what can I do
"It's been three months." Hilde's hand slowly bent the fork that she had been about to place in the dish drainer.
Duo ran one hand through his bangs and took a deep breath. "I know...."
The mangled fork fell back into the sink and Hilde reached out to shut off the running water. "How long is this going to go on?"
"I don't know." Duo shifted the telephone to his other ear as he leaned back against the wall and slid into a sitting position. "As long as it takes, I guess."
"Why?!" Hilde stormed into the living room and threw herself down on the couch. "Why...?"
You say you feel so empty
That our house just ain't a home
"Because they need me, Hilde." Duo closed his eyes and struggled to explain. "You always knew who I was, what I was. I didn't fight for so long just to see the peace fall completely apart without trying to save it."
"Duo," she was fighting back tears now. "It's always been like this. Anytime they needed you, you'd run to them. Anytime _they_ called, you'd disappear into the night without even stopping to pack. I've spent years being loving and understanding. I know what this means to you. I know that what you're doing is important, but you can't spend your whole life giving yourself away to others!"
There was a long silence as Duo clenched his teeth and bowed his head. She had been so patient. She had been so sympathetic. But what she wanted wasn't something that he could give her.
Her voice came drifting to his ears again, broken and lost. "What about me? What about us?"
And I'm always somewhere else
And you're always there alone
"Hilde...."
There was another long silence as Hilde tried to pull herself together. She had sworn that she'd never do this, never demand an explanation. For him, this was as essential as breathing. And she had known it, all along. Duo Maxwell couldn't see pain and injustice and not try to do something about it. If only he weren't so good at what he did.
"Hilde, I'll try to come home tomorrow. I promise."
There was a click and a quiet hum as Duo broke the connection.
Hilde couldn't decide if she should be deliriously happy or whether she should just burst into tears.
"I have what I wanted. Why do I feel like I've just lost everything?"
Just a few more hours
And I'll be right home to you
The telephone rang, and Hilde just stared at it for a moment. Her eyes flew to the clock almost against her will. Duo's shuttle would be leaving in just a few minutes, and she would be meeting it in six hours....
With reluctant fingers, she reached out and picked up the telephone. "H-Hello?"
"Hilde?" the sharp voice was familiar.
"Wufei." Her heart sank. "He's not coming home...."
"I'm sorry." He did actually sound sorry, Hilde noted with detached surprise. "But Trowa is in trouble, and Duo...."
"Duo had to go save him." The words came out bitterly, and Hilde could have bitten her tongue.
"Yes," Wufei didn't seem surprised or disturbed by her reaction. "He'll be back soon."
Hilde cut the connection and stared down at the telephone.
"No. He won't." At last, her tears began to fall.
I think I hear them callin'
Oh, Beth what can I do
Beth what can I do
Duo cursed softly to himself as he maneuvered himself and Trowa's limp body down a ladder. It had been sheer bad luck that Trowa had gotten himself shot as they had been escaping. Luckily, Duo had memorized all the escape routes.
Trowa had all the information they had been looking for. The names of the highly ranked traitors. The names of the dissatisfied nobility who had bankrolled the new effort toward war. All he had to do was get Trowa patched up, and they could go home.
Heero would take care of the mopping up. And with any luck, Quatre would be waiting for them in the furthest shuttle bay, and they'd all be back to the moon in just a few days.
He could be back on Earth by the end of the week. For once, the thought brought him no joy.
"Hilde, I'm so sorry. I'll do my best for you, but things will never be different. I never meant to hurt you. I thought you understood."
Beth, I know you're lonely
And I hope you'll be alright
Hilde closed the door of the small house behind her and hid the key on the edge of the door sill for the last time.
"I'm sorry, Duo. I loved you, and I know that you loved me too. I forgot that you.... No, I _wanted_ to forget that you have always had another calling. I wanted you to be someone different, someone just for me."
She turned to the car that was waiting for her in the drive, thinking of the message she had given Heero to save for Duo.
"You should never give up who you are for someone else. You chose to become Shinigami. You chose to become the pilot of a Gundam. You chose to fight a war, and you chose to try to preserve the peace. You chose to try to find a place in your life for me, and I told you that I understood."
Hilde settled into the back seat of the car and it pulled away. She turned back to look once more at the house.
"I do understand you, Duo. For the very first time. And I love you. Please, never stop fighting for me, for all of us."
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she finally turned to face the road as it unrolled before her.
"You never asked me to marry you. And now I know why."
'Cause me and the boys will be playin'
All night
The End
Truth
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