26-Apr-2000
Okay, my mind decided that I needed something to do besides my homework. This fic is inspired by my stuffed animal and one day of feeling really sick.
Disclaimers: I don't own them, 'nuf said.
Wufei was depressed. He was depressed because he was sick and he hated being sick.
"Ah-choo!"
"Tissue?" Trowa asked presenting Wufei with a half-empty box.
"Yes." He snatched several at once. Using one, he stashed the rest in the space between the couch arm and the cushion. Trowa watched him for a moment before pulling the blanket he was wrapped up in about his shoulders.
"I hate being sick." Wufei growled.
"Me too." Trowa sympathized before a series of coughs took his breath away. The two were huddled on the beige couch of their current safe house sick as dogs. The others had left on a mission that morning, so Trowa and Wufei were alone for at least a week. Trowa snuggled down in the blanket further. He felt so light-headed, his fever was probably getting worse.
Wufei glanced over at him. Amongst the folds of fabric, he could see the tips of tiny brown ears.
"What's that?" he asked. Trowa blinked and then produced a stuffed animal from inside his blanket.
"Quatre gave this to me."
"What is it?"
"A tanuki. A raccoon dog from Japan. Sort of like a badger I guess." Trowa lay his chin on the soft plush head of the tanuki. "It's soft."
"I want one." Wufei whined. Trowa looked at him.
"We can share." Wufei inched closer and the two snuggled down into the couch. Both were too ill to care what was going on. Randomly, Wufei looked for the remote. Spying it on the floor, he weakly clawed at it until he had the black object in his grasp.
"Wanna watch some TV?"
"Sure. No more daytime soaps though. Their lives almost seem normal compared to ours and that frightens me." Trowa pointed out. It was amusing, Wufei thought, that Trowa talked more when he was sick than when he was well.
Wufei began channel surfing. After six infomercials, one British sitcom and twenty game shows, they settled on a talk show. The only reason they stopped was that Trowa has grabbed Wufei's wrist and told him to go back to the weird guy in the pink flamingo costume. The topic was "The True Me" and featured ten guests illustrating their true selves to their spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, and about 3.2 million viewers. Wufei and Trowa were entranced.
There was a never-ending parade of people making absolute fools of themselves.
The boys were so delighted by the sight, that they decided to tape the show. Their fevered brains thought that it was the best thing they'd seen in years. The next day they cuddled up on the couch, tanuki squished between them. Trowa remembered Quatre telling him about how sick children loved stuffed animals, so he didn't mind Wufei holding the tanuki too. If they'd been in their right minds, they probably wouldn't have been sitting so close, but sick people don't care.
All around were boxes of tissue, blankets, pillows, some of Wufei's herbal remedy cough drops and two mugs of tea from Quatre's secret stash. Eagerly they waited for the next episode of the Jerry Springer Show.
Today featured twenty psychic midgets prophesizing the winners of everything from the Oscars to the Super Bowl. The calm demeanor of the show didn't last long, as half the Dallas Cowboys attacked four midgets who said that their team would lose in an upset to the Seattle Seahawks. Three other midgets ended up in an argument over who would win best actress and then the chairs started flying. Someone from the crowd tried to take a bouncer down, but was bounced out the door instead. The midgets started biting ankles and exclaiming that the next presidential race would be won by a monkey. The boys loved every minute of it. They couldn't wait until tomorrow's show.
The next day featured men who slept with dogs, goats, their girlfriends, and their best friend (who was also sleeping with their girlfriend). The following day was people with lip transplants. Trowa and Wufei taped each one, including the commercials for the next days show. When the others got back, they'd appreciate that they'd gone to all the trouble, they were sure of it.
The tanuki was propped between the two as they waited for yet another afternoon of Jerry Springer. They were all prepared for the three hour special.
"Today on Jerry Springer, people who use have obsession with stuffed animals." Trowa's jaw dropped.
He looked at his present from Quatre as the first few guests appeared. They were mumbling about how they'd gotten this bunny or bear from their mother, boyfriend, father, sibling and so forth. Meanwhile, Jerry was busily making sarcastic comments and telling the people that they needed help. He brought out a psychiatrist.
"People who latch onto stuffed animals have problems socializing with others. For instance." the expert said. Wufei glanced at Trowa, then down at the tanuki. Something in their fever-racked minds snapped.
Quatre walked into the safe house. It'd been a week since he, Heero, and Duo had left. The mission had been a success although it'd taken longer than they'd suspected.
"Trowa, Wufei. We're back."
No answer. Quatre wandered into the living room. He took notice to the overflowing waste basket full of tissue, the empty mugs, cough drop wrappers, blankets and pillows.
"Oi." Duo commented. "Where are Trowa and Wufei? They're not in their beds." Quatre looked confused.
"Heero, have you found them?" he asked hopefully. Heero shook his head. Again Quatre scanned the living room. Something was missing, besides the two other pilots. Oh, the stuffed tanuki he'd given Trowa in hopes that he'd feel better. He remembered cuddling his stuffed animals when he was sick and thought Trowa needed one.
"Um. You guys." Duo said. He had the remote to the TV in his hand. For some reason it had been left on mute. Turning up the volume, the announcer's voice blared out.
"Oh my God! I can't believe it! Two Gundam have appeared and are threatening to destroy the building if we don't stop broadcasting. Wait! One of them is yelling something. It sounds like, long live the tanuki and justice is ours."
"Wufei?" Quatre began.
"The other has rounded up the guests and is assuring safe passage for them and their stuffed animals."
"Trowa?" Duo and Heero stared at Quatre.
"Tanuki?" they both said in unison.
"It was a get well present to Trowa." Quatre said meekly. From the TV came more shouts and the clear sound of Wufei's voice demanding justice for stuffed animal lovers everywhere.
The End
Tigress Pern