Disclaimer: I own neither anything Shakespearian nor do I own anything Gundam Wing related, and no money was made off this stupid fic. Also, Spam is a registered trademark of the Hormel Company, and I mean absolutely no offense to them, as I eat the stuff myself. Please keep in mind that Spam is a ham product and is actually not only pretty good tasting but rather good for you.
Four pilots eyed the sandwiches in front of them nervously. Duo, however, simply grinned and tore into his. The other pilots studied their sandwiches for a moment, then Heero turned a sharp glare to Duo.
"What," he asked firmly, "is Spam?"
He shrugged and tossed the can to Heero, who furrowed his brow and glanced at the ingredients list. His eyes grew very round and wide. The other pilots (except Duo) pushed their plates away and waited for him to start reading. Quatre looked at his plate as if it were about to attack him.
Very slowly, in a steady monotone, Heero began reading. "Ingredients: Toad, that under coldest stone, days and nights hast thirty-one swelter'd venom sleeping got; Fillet of a fenny snake; eye of newt, and toe of frog; wool of bat, and tongue of dog --"
"I wonder if Rashid would be willing to build a bat-sanctuary," Quatre murmured, passing his plate to Duo, who happily began munching on his friend's sandwich. Trowa nodded, then made a mental note to visit the pound and adopt some puppies at the first possible moment.
Heero kept reading, "Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting, lizard's leg, owlet's wing --"
"Isn't that what goes into hot dogs?" Duo inquired absently, tearing into another bite of his sandwich.
"Scale of dragon --"
"I resent that!" WuFei snarled, pushing away the plate. Duo quickly snatched up the second un-eaten sandwich and ploppled it beside Quatre's on his plate.
"-- tooth of wolf, Witches' mummy; maw and gulf of the ravin'd salt-sea shark; root of hemlock... Oh, that's a poison, might have some potential after all... digg'd i' the dark, leaves of Wandering Jew1, gall of goat, and slips of yew silver'd in the moon's eclipse2, tiger's chaudron, salt, red 40, and yellow 16."
Trowa was about to dump the sandwich onto Duo's plate, but Heero snatched it up and took it for himself. Duo smirked, cut one of the uneaten sandwiches on his plate in half, and gave one half to Heero.
Trowa, WuFei, and Quatre watched bemused for a moment. Then WuFei shrugged and said, "I could always make fish..."
"Only if you promise to cut the head off this time," said Quatre.
The End.
[1] In the original text, it said, "Liver of blaspheming Jew," but that was just a tad sick for me, so I altered it a little. A Wandering Jew is a very pretty purple plant that spreads like wild-fire if in good soil.
[2] I couldn't find any way to alter the next bit of text, which was Nose of Turk, Tartar's lips, and finger of birth-strangled babe, all of which were a touch too cannibalistic for me, and since I couldn't think of anything to change them to to make it less gross, this part just got left out.
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