Disclaimer: Gundam Wing, its characters, and all things associated belong to Bandai, Sunrise, and other parties. The other characters that I've thrown in, including but not limited to Fran Drasier (sp?), Roy Rodgers, The Godfather, Robert DeNiro (sp?) and Crocodile Dundee, are not my property, nor do I claim them. I am making no money off this fic
Notes: Intentional OOC, very weird, hopefully amusing, rated PG for language.
Tabs: ::walking into the room:: Good Afternoon. First thing I must say, blame Ad-chan for this whole mess.
Heero: ::rubs his forehead as he leads the other pilots reluctantly onto the stage:: I thought you said you weren't going to torture us anymore.
Tabs: I lied.
Duo: Figgers. ::mumble grumble::
Tabs: As to why I gathered you all here today, I came to protest some of the protests ya'll have been protesting about Gundam Wing's dubs.
WuFei: You haven't had your caffeine today, have you?
Tabs: Blow it out your ear.
WuFei: ::starts to say something, probably a justice rant::
Tabs: Remember, I can write you int a Sandrock x 5 if I want to.
Quatre: Hey! ::gets suddenly very protective of his Gundam::
WuFei: ::says nothing, just fumes silently::
Tabs: At any rate, it has come to my attention that the dubs coulda been a helluva lot worse. Here to demonstrate are the GW boys themselves. I hold in my hand ::holds up five small microchips:: total evidence that we could have done a lot worse. Gentlemen, if you will kindly insert these under your tongues, we can begin.
::There's a moment's hesitation, then Duo says, "Oh what the hell," and pops it under his tongue. The others follow suit, although they all still look wary::
Tabs: Now then ::holds up a small box with lots of pretty lights and switches and makes a few adjustments::. Here is why I think we could have done a lot worse as far as the dubs go...
Imagine, if you will, that the people doing the dubbing are intentionally out to make our lives miserable. I can imagine them getting a seriously worse dub for Duo than what he has. Actually, in the last couple of episodes, I thought he sounded really good. But, if they *wanted* to make our heads ache every time he spoke, I could imagine it something more like... Duo Maxwell IS Crocodile Dundee!
Duo: Nah wayt jest a daymn min-- EEP! ::Duo throws his hands over his mouth and stares in horror. The other pilots gaze at him, wide-eyed, and look very very very nervous:: Th' 'ell didja dew ta me voyce?!?! 'Eero, wha didshe dew ta me?!
Tabs: See? Now, in comparison, doesn't he sound a *lot* better with the voice actor he has now? Or imagine what we could do to poor Heero!
Heero: ::sweatdrops and takes a hasty step backward:: You wouldn't --
Tabs: ::throws a switch on the little box:: Heero Yuy IS Roy Rodgers!
Heero: ::eyes narrow and burn intensely:: Omay oh k'rous, ya'll!
::Everyone sweatdrops as he hastily covers his mouth and looks at Tabs in shock::
Tabs: Awful, isn't it? Can't you just picture him with a belt buckle bigger than his head, in cowboy boots and stirrups? Isn't that just FRIGHTENING?!
::everyone except Heero and Tabs nods violently::
Tabs: But it gets worse!
Quatre: ::whimpers::
Tabs: Everyone is commenting about the fact that Quatre's voice actor is obviously male in the dub, whereas he had a higher voice in the Japanese version, thanks to the female VA. But, we could easily eliminate the whole problem by making it impossible to tell *what* he is...
Quatre: ::eyes get very big and wet:: Oh no...
Tabs: ::plays with the dial on her box thingie:: Ladies and gentlemen, Quatre Winner IS The Godfather!
Quatre: ::gapes:: Mumble mumble mutter grumble mutter grumble!!!
::Everyone kinda... looks at him::
Tabs: He said that was a cruel and vicious thing to do.
Quatre: ::buries his face in his hands::
Tabs: Two more pilots to go!
WuFei and Trowa: ::shudder and look around for an escape::
Tabs: Now, we've neglected the New York region... specifically Brooklyn...
WuFei: Onna! If you even consider --
Tabs: ::presses a button:: Chang WuFei IS Robert DeNiro!
WuFei: -- fuckin' whit my voice, I'm gonna cap your ass, stupid broad! ::stops dead, then his eyebrow twitches in a nasty sort of way::
Tabs: Now, see, aren't you happy with the dubs that we have at the moment? Could you just picture the mess we'd have if they weren't as nice as they are? But, I still have one pilot to go...
Trowa: ......::sweatdrop::
Tabs: Ladies and Gentlemen....
Trowa: ::hides behind Heero::
Tabs: ...Trowa Barton IS Fran Drasier!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Trowa: ::jaw drops, and then he begins to speak. Remember how Heero's Japanese voice was always commented on as being nasal? It doesn't even hold a candle to what Tabs has done:: Oh My God! I cain't believe you'd even *consider* doing that to me! ::For the record, writing doesn't *begin* to describe the way it sounds. Picture Fran speaking through Trowa's mouth and you've got it.::
Tabs: So you see, there we are. Now, count your blessings... ::the black box in her hand begins to fritz:: Um... uh oh.
Everyone: ::in their unnatural Tabs-induced voices:: Uh oh?!
Tabs: Well, goodnight everyone, sorry to have to run but I rather like my life... Oh dear... Heero! Put down the duct tape! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
::runs like a bandit, followed by five boys about ready to kill her::
~The End.~
Tabs