16-Sep-2000
Hi people, sorry for the crossposting but well, I've been a busy little fic writer ^_^ Tabs and I had a whole bunch of fun with this one and we hope you guys like the complete drama ^_~ So anyway,
Disclaimer: We don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters. (But we still have our fun ^_~) We're also not making any money off this so please don't sue us.
Dr J meticulously poured the hot green serum into the tube watching its reaction with the clear liquid already present. The result was a bubbling bluish color. He turned to the young pilot sitting on a lab stool watching him. He hoped that it would work. If it did they would have a valuable new tool with which to combat Oz. And he would be the one known for developing the perfect truth serum. Heero eyed the concoction curiously, if a bit wary. Drugs of any sort had always concerned him. He wasn't particularly interested in damaging himself with something harmful. Still, Dr. J was concerned enough about the safety of the pilot to keep him from being hurt by anything if he could avoid it.
"That's it?" he said at last, looking at the rather harmless-looking vial.
The doctor shot him a "look."
"What were you expecting? Me to pull a rabbit out of it?" He was somewhat irritable having foregone several night of sleep to work on this. Still it would be worth it if it did indeed work. He wasn't so certain about the flavor of it but that wasn't his main concern. He handed the vial to Heero.
"well, drink up and cross your fingers," he said then stood back to watch pen in hand making sure he had his clipboard on the lab table to record the results. Heero took the vial and looked at it, then looked at Dr. J, brows furrowed.
"Not a rabbit... I just thought it would look... less innocent." He shrugged and gulped it down, then blinked in surprise.
"Blackberry?"
Dr J shrugged.
"I tried to make it somewhat pleasant." He observed him carefully.
"So, how do you feel? Anything different?" he asked marking down a few small n otes regarding the lack of a physical change. Heero didn't say anything right away, but his eyes kept unfocusing, and he rubbed the center of his forehead as if he had a headache.
"Lightheaded, I think," he admitted. "Drowsy."
This was made note of and Dr J circled Heero poking him. He shone a small light watching Heero's eyes constrict he listened to his heart noticing it was beating more rapidly than usual. He motioned for Heero to hold his arm out taking his blood pressure marking it down, Systolic-109 diastolic-77 Pulse-102/min That concerned him slightly but he continued onward finally taking a small wooden mallet rapping it smartly on Heero's knee. The boy winced as the mallet hit, though his reflexes were still beyond excellent. He became aware of the flutter inside himself and raised his fingers to his wrist, counting carefully.
"It's beating too fast," he told J. "Is this normal?" The concern was naked on Heero's usually unresponsive face.
"Your breathing appears to be normal," he said trying to sound comforting.
"I don't know the exact side effects of the serum... I didn't want to test them on any animals..." he mumbled looking at a cute little white lab mouse which chittered at him happily. Not that a mouse was more important than wing Zero's pilot... but he *had* grown awfully attached to it. He turned back too Heero.
"Do you feel hot? Anything physical? "Heero blinked. There was a slight... distortion... in what he was hearing. There was something oddly soothing about J's voice right then, warm and dark and very grown-up. Not at all unpleasant. His body felt as if someone had wrapped him up in a big fuzzy quilt. Everything his hands touched felt so pleasant. His clothing was very nice, comfortable.
"Warm," he confirmed. "But not unpleasant. Nice. Cozy."
Dr J continued scribbling. He set the pen down then watched Heero who seemed rather dazed. He decided to check skin temperature brushing his hand over Heero's forehead underneath those unruly bangs. His head was hot but didn't seem feverish. Skin on skin contact, as a matter of fact, was very pleasant indeed. Heero leaned into his teacher's touch, eyes half-lidded.
"Feels nice," he murmured, sighing contentedly.
"Ooo, my heart's back to normal!" There was a delighted smile on Heero's lips. His fingers felt the pulse-point in his wrist and registered wonderful sensations that went directly to his brain. Yes, the world felt very nice.
Hmm... this was an interesting development he noticed. This was behavior unusual for Heero. He removed his hand unsure of what to make of this new finding. He ran his fingers lightly down Heero's neck wanting to see if what had just occurred was a fluke or not. Heero almost purred. He looked like a kitten high off of catnip, eyes half-closed and grinning so happily. Yes, this felt absolutely delicious. He looked at Dr. J sweetly and blinked those large blue eyes at him.
Dr J swallowed the lump he felt in his throat. His mouth was dry all of a sudden and he licked his lips. He turned back to his notes pondering side effect. He didn't want to think of the implications of this. The young man was infinitely desirable and he didn't want to think of the consequences of letting his body rule his head. No, he must remain distant, concerned only with the science of everything.
"Apparently there seems to be a problem with the serum. Your body right now is highly sensitive to touch."
"And sound!" Heero added helpfully. "And smells are good, too! You have a nice voice, Doctor." He swayed very slightly where he sat, feeling a little dizzy and enjoying the ride. He looked Dr. J over and smiled. Yes, J was a very handsome man, nice to look at, a good person at heart. Heero always admired him. And he was nice to touch, too, but he didn't touch so much. Heero reached out and touched J's hand, feeling very good, his body responding happily to the pleasant stimulus.
Dr J drew back quickly barely catching himself on the lab table. He goggled at the young pilot his heart nearly skipping a beat. This was not good. For him to get involved with his own student, it couldn't be good, nor healthy. It wasn't right.
"H-Heero..." he stammered out, "What are you doing?" That hard, nervous tone of voice swept Heero up in it, making him nervous, and unhappy. The niceness went away, replaced by unhappiness. He upset the doctor.
"I'm sorry," the boy whispered, head down, eyes filling with tears. "I was touching... it feels good. I'm sorry..."
Dr J relaxed, though he still felt guilty. He hadn't meant to seem so harsh in his rejection.
"I'm sorry Heero... I shouldn't have said that." He didn't want to hurt the boy... "I overreacted... you can touch me if you want..." he offered extending his hand brushing against Heero's arm. He took a deep breath trying to not think about what this could possibly lead to. But he was unused to such emotion from Heero and it unsettled him. Oh, the doctor was happy again! Heero beamed and ran his fingers over the doctor's hand, shivering in pleasure at the touch. And the doctor's voice was so nice, and the doctor was so handsome...
"You're lovely," Heero announced, then shut his eyes and purred as he wiggled his toes against the cotton socks inside his boots. Oh, those felt so *nice!*
This wasn't at all what he had anticipated happening. Dr J resolved to later determine what could have caused such a response. In the meantime he had to figure out what to do about Heero. He couldn't engage in anything unethical. It wouldn't be right. But he couldn't hurt the boy either and damned if his body wasn't telling him to throw ethics out the window.
"I'm... honored you'd grace me with such a compliment but... maybe we should... try to fix the problem?" he asked hopefully though still pausing to admire the shuddering boy and stroke his hair. Heero blinked and figured that one out rapidly.
"Oh, there's no problem. This feels good. I never thought I'd appreciate cotton socks so much! You are very handsome. My toes itch!" The last was said with some amusement. Apparently they tickled as much as they itched.
Dr J tried to calm down checking himself.
"I'm just going to sit down on the stool next to him, write this down and not pay any attention to what he's doing," the doctor whispered to himself. He picked up the pen once more and sat down clipboard resting on his lap. He began feverishly scribbling feeling himself grow a bit apprehensive. He didn't want to ask the next question but he had to for observation.
"Heero.. Does this... heightened feeling... is it" he gulped. "All over your body?" Heero thought about it for a moment.
"I don't know," he admitted. "My feet and hands..." One hand came up to his neck and touched where J's hand had been. It felt *very* good. "Here... and here..." He ran his hand down his chest, visibly jumping when it brushed against his nipple by accident.
The doctor felt his breath catch and he struggled a moment to regain it.
"alright..." he murmured writing it down. He didn't want to push things any further but he just had to find out. All for science he said to himself before voicing the next question.
"That only leaves the area between your chest and your feet. Does any..area... feel particularly sensitive?" he questioned willing himself not to look but turning nonetheless. Heero nodded vigorously. Oh yes, *everything* felt good, especially with those tight spandex shorts of his... He wiggled around a little and smiled dreamily.
"Yes, everything... but skin on skin feels the best." He tried to grab the doctor's hand again.
The older man jumped back knocking a few plastic containers over on the lab table. He immediately calmed himself remembering how upset Heero became the last time. His breathing slowed and he allowed himself a tentative and chaste touch on Heero's face.
"Heero.." He said affectionately. "Please understand... that in my position that I can't allow myself certain feelings... it's unethical... and it would be taking advantage of you.
"I love you." He spoke honestly and without menace. Of course, he had to. The stuff was truth serum. Very potent stuff, actually. And it made him feel so damn good he didn't *want* to lie, or hide his feelings.
The doctor stared at him not able to catch his breath. Was this... the truth? Had his serum malfunctioned? He decided to ask a question as a test.
"Heero.... now... you can't ...lie" /I don't think anyway/ he thought to himself.
"I want to ask you... why do you say that?" He looked at him intently.
"You've taken care of me. You always are there. You're what I want to be, and you always worry about me when I'm flying. You don't always like me, I don't think," and here his voice got very sad, "but I've tried hard. I wanted to make you love me, that's why I worked so hard at everything, that's why I let you do things to me."
"Heero... of course I'm proud of you. You're... well... perfect." he said with his own honesty.
"I... trained you to be perfect. It isn't that I don't like you Heero but..." He was nervous, and anxious and he didn't want to give anything away. It wouldn't be safe.
"You're..dangerous." The fuzzy happy warmth was gone. Everything was icy and cold and so very distant now. A tiny part of Heero's brain that was still functioning at its peek noted that his physical sensations changed with his emotional state, and vice versa. He was distinctly unhappy, hurt... ashamed.
"I'm sorry," he choked out. Dangerous? How could he be dangerous? He liked children and puppies, he liked flowers, he liked to take long walks in the park or to run barefoot over grass or drink hot tea. He was very normal in so many ways. How could he be so dangerous that Dr. J wouldn't like him? The fault must be his own, of course.
He couldn't bear the unhappiness on Heero's face. He had to be blunt with him even at the high cost which might arise. He walked over leaning in closer whispering lowly,
"You're dangerous because I want you. Your body is a temptation for me... and it's not right of me to feel such things," he confessed running his thumb over Heero's bottom lip. His eyes softened. Worship. Adoration. It was all there, naked emotion on Heero's face. Doctor was beautiful, he was brilliant, he was thoughtful and dedicated and complex. Heero loved him with every fiber of his being, and always admired him, and now here was his doctor sitting in front of him, loving him back. Heero kissed the thumb against his lip and smiled.
Dr J tried to stop his heart picking up beating, he tied to stop himself from gently removing his hand and pulling Heero nearer to his feet by taking his wrist. His mind was screaming at him
"No This is wrong!" That he shouldn't want this boy, That he was still just a child that he shouldn't abuse the boy's trust.
"Heero," he pleaded with him a final time. "Please... this isn't right..." he said breath still heavy. "Why not? You want me, I love you. That's what you need for it to be right." He slid his hand over the doctor's flesh, shivering. Yes, skin to skin contact was the best.
"I...I..." he was beginning to falter feeling those small warm hands on him. He looked away. He couldn't possibly refute the boy if he looked into those beautiful wide blue eyes.
"It's... unethical of me... it's morally wrong Heero... no matter what I might feel about you. No matter...what..." he trailed off looking back at Heero, his perfect flawless face, pale skin beautiful full soft inviting lips heavy lidded sparkling blue eyes.... God he wanted this angel more than anything. /Please don't let him touch me again.../ The boy leaned forward and kissed his lips, gently. Heero blinked those eyes at him as he drew away.
"Then I don't want to be your student or subordinate anymore. I just want to be Heero and be yours."
*That* got his attention in an instant.
"H-Heero do you *know* what you're saying? There's a war to fight. You're a soldier you just can't..." He still couldn't take his eyes off those wanting pouty lips. /I won't kiss him I won't kiss him.../ he had to stop his body from reacting but it was becoming very difficult.
"I don't want to think about it!" Heero's eyes went a little wild and he buried his face in his hands. All those memories... Noventa's plain blowing up because of *him.* Heero shuddered in fear and self-loathing. No wonder J didn't want him! He caused all the worst parts of this war, and because of this war J couldn't even love him...
Dr J felt like losing control of his emotions watching Heero so upset he couldn't take it anymore. /Damn the consequences!/ He grabbed the boy holding him close in a tight embrace kissing him on the cheek.
"Don't be upset. I'm here... I... care about you... and I'm not going to let anything hurt you." Heero clung to him, feeling oddly dizzy. The pain he was feeling had been magnified, but was slowly dimming. Whatever the serum was J gave him must be wearing off. He felt a wave of relief at that, and embarrassment at the way he'd been behaving. The emotions were still coming to him at triple what he would normally feel, but they were slowly fading. He looked up at J with tears in his eyes, clutching his teacher tightly.
"I'm s-sorry about all this... I think... might be a little potent." He managed a weak smile, then leaned against the other.
"I need you," he admitted. "I didn't want you to know that."
"It's... alright Heero." Inwardly he cursed himself for such unprofessional conduct. "I can fix the serum..." he said changing the subject. He didn't want Heero to realize how close he still was to losing control. He needed the boy too... didn't even know how he had lived without him. He was at war with himself. One more step in the current direction and he would find himself unable to stop. He gently disengaged Heero then sighed turning back to the half emptied vial.
"I suppose we can consider this a successful experiment," he said taking a final longing look at Heero.
"Not really," Heero said glumly. "You didn't even kiss me." He jumped off the table and stalked toward the doctor before the other knew what was going on. He grabbed the older man by the shoulders and stood on the tips of his toes, pressing his lips to the Doctor's. The kiss was innocent and hungry, affectionate and wanton. Dear Lord, if this is what a kiss felt like when the stuff was diminishing in his system, he'd *have* to try it at full strength. It was like drinking ambrosia!
Before he had even registered what was happening the clipboard he'd starting to write on had been dropped on the floor and his arms both flesh and metal were wrapped around the boy's waist pulling him closer. The doctor was kissing Heero back with all the repressed longing he had pent up. His tongue licked at those soft lips, nipping at the bottom one, then urging them to part. Heero yielded gratefully and sighed, letting the Doctor plunder his mouth. He felt warm again, but it wasn't the artificial warmth the drug gave him. It came from the inside out and surrounded him like a protective covering, encasing both himself and his love. He looked at J with a silent tenderness.
The older man regained control of himself though barely. Still holding Heero, he wasn't as panicked as he thought he'd be though he was still somewhat shaken.
"What have I done?" he whispered mostly to himself. All this time he'd managed to hold back but something inside of him just couldn't. He knew what his body wanted, what even his heart wanted but his mind was telling him this was so wrong, it went against every professional ethic he tried to uphold. But how could he deny that beautiful boy, in his arms or those sweet lips. Heero pressed up against him gently and sighed, looking off, away from J. "I'm sorry if I upset you." The drug was working out of his system now, and he was crashing hard. His heart hurt. He wanted to act, but all of his old training was coming back. The Perfect Soldier was utterly mortified by his earlier behavior, no matter how much he had wanted to do all of that, to say those things. But those were a secret, now no longer.
/I don't know what's gotten into me./ Dr J was appalled by what he was thinking but he could see what was happening to Heero and for some reason he missed the beautiful sweet innocent he'd held in his arms only moments before. He fingered the second vial of serum he had made and carelessly tossed in his pocket, then walked over to the small fridge.
"Please sit down Heero, I'll get you something to drink. Then you'll feel better," he pulled out a bottle of Cranberry juice and poured it into a glass turning his back to the boy. He then quickly emptied the entire vial into the cup swirled it a little and handed it to him. If the boy acted first he rationalized, then he wouldn't he responsible. And there was enough in that glass to certainly induce such a reaction. Heero nodded unhappily and sat down again, ducking his head. The high had worn off, but it hardly mattered. He was unhappy with himself, for failing, for involving the doctor, for forgetting who he was supposed to be. He felt dizzy and displeased... and lonely. The drink was offered and he emptied the glass in a split second, only noticing a moment later the sweet aftertaste of blackberries.
Dr J watched the boy carefully. He didn't want to be the one to make the first move, but that pretty perfect skin was so inviting. Besides he told himself he needed to see if Heero's reaction would be any more intense to the same stimulus. So lightly he trailed his fingertips across Heero's cheek wetting his lips waiting for the boy to react. Heero stared at him long and hard as his body temperature started to rise to that wonderful warm sensation. That could be considered unethical... evil... cruel... but Heero didn't care. In a way he was glad, it gave him an excuse to be who he wanted to be, not hidden behind a mask of indifference. At J's touch he shuddered, his back arching. It was only his cheek, but what a feeling...
Dr J smiled noting the intensity of the reaction to that single touch. He could feel his cock hardening just at the thought that he could probably make the boy come without even actually penetrating him. It was so perfect... He knew soon enough Heero would be the one to make the first real move, and then the doctor would be absolved of his guilt. /One more touch ought to do it/ he mused his finger ran along those pretty pouty lips. Heero captured the doctor's fingers in his mouth and nearly came right there. The intensity of the wonderful taste, and how *good* every touch felt... He released the doctor's hand and pulled J down, pressing his lips tightly against his teacher's.
Dr J prayed the drug would last longer as his breath increased plundering the boy's mouth ruthlessly. He recalled it had been the entire vial and not just a small portion this time though realizing this would indeed last. It was perfect. Heero had been the one to break first and now he felt himself free to take every advantage of the situation. With a surge of strength beyond his years, he lifted the boy off his feet and against him, the desire he felt giving him a rush of adrenaline while his metal arm cleared off the entire lab table contents falling to the floor. Shivers ran through the boy's body, and a pounding under his flesh from the rapid heartbeat, but that, too, was slowing back to normal. He clung to his lover and opened his mouth, yielding to his master, his lover, his everything. His body thrust against the older man's, and a hot moan escaped his lips.
The moment was hot, and moving at such a fast pace the doctor didn't know that he wanted to slow it down. He was struck with an intense desire to simply take the writhing moaning boy right there on the table. Instead he lifted him up onto the table pressing forward into him, feeling his hard throbbing erection needy and straining through his clothing as he moaned into Heero's mouth. The boy's body short-circuited at the slightest touch. God, if only physical touch was like this all the time... He thrust his hips hard against the doctor, bordering on a mind-blowing orgasm, but just hovering there, not going over the edge. His mind was numb. He gripped the doctor's arms and held on, moisture trickling from his eyes.
Dr J could tell the boy was close... he didn't mean to be cruel, but he knew how efficient Heero's body was... and with the drug coursing through his system, he'd probably be able to have multiple orgasms without any trouble recovering. He hardened further at the prospect, lips moving tongue tasting Heero's neck and ten circling around his outer ear then flickering inside his hot breath still on the boy's neck. The boy cried out loudly, his body arching as he went over the edge. It hurt, but it felt good, more good than hurting, and everything was warm... The sensation of orgasming was tripled, much the way his sense of touch where skin on skin contact had been. He collapsed in the doctor's arms, shivering, and already aroused again.
Dr J watched him with no small amount of fascination then felt the smaller body completely sink against his. He knew it probably wasn't right to have drugged Heero the way he did, but looking down at the shuddering form all those thoughts were pushed aside. He then tugged somewhat impatiently at the boy's tanktop. Heero blinked up at him, uncomprehending for a moment, then sat up and raised his arms to accommodate his lover. The cold air hit him like a caress and he moaned quietly, enjoying the soft kiss of crispness across his chest.
Dr J didn't allow him to feel the cold for very long because he was on the exposed skin in an instant tongue everywhere, hand running all over the taut muscles of his back. He gently pushed Heero to lay down, luckily the table was low enough to allow him to lean over the boy and taste his smooth skin. The boy moaned happily, sinking his fingers into his lover's hair. The warmth of each kiss spread through his body and drove away the chill, replacing it with something more pleasant. His arousal was once again alive and aching. The doctor's lips moved down Heero's chest and to his smooth flat stomach. His tongue licked at wet path around and then flickering inside the small navel. Heero tasted so perfect all over. His fingers slid into the waistband of Heero's spandex and he gave a soft tug urging the pilot to allow him to discard them
Without a word of protest Heero lifted his lips and let the material slide off his body. His erection, now free of the constricting material, was red with blood and very attentive. The boy's eyelids dropped; even the soft rub of his clothing was enough to coax a moan of desire from his throat. Dr J let out a soft warm breath against Heero's skin. Every inch of the boy was beautiful. His gaze followed the harsh yet alluring lines of his young body from his slender supple legs to his tussled hair damp with sweat. But what really drew his attention was the throbbing arousal which was needing of attention dripping small beads of precome from the tip. He bent over and licked a minor questioning taste of the tip tasting the slick fluid.
The boy arched up into his mouth and gasped, panting heavily. God, this was heaven on earth! His whole body responded violently with need. His hands curled into fists so tightly that his nails broke the skin, but the painful sensation couldn't beat the velvety feeling of pleasure. The doctor wanted desperately to taste more of the boy but he didn't want to rush. So he slowly took the head of Heero's weeping cock into his mouth tongue swirling around the sensitive area. He stroked the base lightly with the three pronged grip of the smooth metal appendage while his hand stole up playing with Heero's nip ples.
Heero's eyes glazed happily. Oddly enough, he could feel the effects of the drug in his system seep away, leaving only his own natural reactions to deal with the overwhelming stimulus. He wasn't exactly coherent enough to do anything about the situation except enjoy it, and maybe maneuver J's hand to a more sensitive spot on his body. Slowly, Dr J took more of Heero's length into his mouth not rushing, but at an unhurried pace inch y inch until his nose was pressed firmly against his pelvis and Heero's cock was throbbing against the back of his throat. His fingers moved from the boy's hard nipples, down to his sides, running tender caresses on his tender skin.
The boy shuddered and thrust his hips against the doctor's lips, overwhelmed by the intense sensation of wet heat surrounding his cock. His hands gripped the doctor's tightly, the hand wrapped around the metal appendage already suffering from unconscious bruises. His mouth moved in a strange sort of non-speech, crying out but unable to speak. Dr J wondered absently if he could drive the boy over the edge a second time that day before he actually took him. He increased his pace taking Heero in head bobbing up and down, tongue snaking along the sensitive vein on the underside of his shaft, humming lowing in his throat the vibration thrumming around the head of Heero's cock.
Heero fought off the feelings and lost, badly, as he was totally overwhelmed. Once again his body betrayed him, sending shockwaves of pleasure through him as he climaxed in his lover's mouth, sobbing quietly. Dr J swallowed every drop of that sweet salty fluid loving finding that there was no part of him that wasn't perfectly delicious. He released Hero's cock from his mouth watching the boy infinitely beautiful and desirable his breathing heavy, and eyes filled with passion. The doctor smiled and then leaned forward kissing Heero softly then increasing his passion, deepening the kiss, allowing Heero to taste himself in the older man's mouth.
The drug had worked itself out of the boy's system again, a little slower than before because of the quantity, but he was definitely in control of himself again. In as much as he could be, at any rate, given the circumstances. He yielded to the doctor's insistent kiss, his arms wrapped tightly around the older man's waist. It was strange, tasting himself, bittersweet and strange. His own mouth tasted of blackberries, the two producing a strange flavor in his mouth as they mixed, all underlined by the strong taste of his lover. J finally let him go and he collapsed, gazing at him unseeing. /Somehow, I think I failed something,/ he thought unhappily. His lips were drawn in a tight frown, unable to speak for a long time. When he finally did, only one word came from his mouth.
"Gomen."
Dr J looked at him with a bit of astonishment.
"I don't understand what you're apologizing for." He kissed Heero's forehead. You didn't do anything wrong." His tone was soothing as he stroked his hair.
"If anyone did wrong it was myself." He swallowed not wanting to admit what he'd done but he had to.
"Heero... what you're feeling now... it's not real..." he indicated the empty vial... "I'm so sorry I gave you that drug... I shouldn't have taken advantage of you. He brought his fist down hard on the table.
"I... I raped you..." he choked out. The boy shook his head violently and grabb ed the man's arm, pulling him close, then laying his head on his lover's chest, shivering.
"No," he whimpered. "It... wasn't... it didn't stay... in my system the whole time. If... I mean... I could have told you to stop, if I wanted you to. I d-didn't. Y-you must hate me." He hated being so open with anyone, but he was frightened and needy and didn't want to loose J, not now that he found him. But J was going to abandon him. He didn't want to be left alone.
"I feel so awful Heero... I shouldn't have done that. It was taking advantage of you. I just had to act on my feelings because I l...lo… I care about you so dearly." He finally stammered out.
"I could never hate you," he still felt ashamed for being so weak and for making the pilot feel so badly. "I...need you too much..." he whispered. Heero was shaking, but there was something of resolve and acceptance in his eyes, and he managed a smile before his eyelids started drooping. He'd been through a lot, both mentally and physically.
Dr J watched his eyes falling shut. He must've tired the poor boy. Even the perfect soldier could only take so much in a day he realized. The doctor sighed then eyed the door on the other side of the room where Heero often slept whenever he was back for a "visit." Wishing he was about 30 years younger, Dr J lifted the b oy as best as he could pulling him near carrying him to his room. It wasn't much, but at least it was something. Heero's feet, dragging on the ground as J moved him, suddenly went flat down, stopping their progress. He shook his head but did not look up into J's eyes. Instead he quietly tugged on the man's shirt, leading him away from the door and towar d J's own bed.
Dr J was surprised when he felt the boy leading him over towards his own room. He wasn't exactly sure what Heero was doing or trying to prove.
"Are you...sure about this?" he asked uncertainly. "I'd understand if you did this out of guilt or pity for an old man but... You don't need to needlessly sacrifice yourself just for me I'm... not worth it." Heero finally managed to look Dr. J in the eyes. His heartsickness and weariness were there, plain as day, as well as his self-loathing and anger, and something else, strong but subtle.
"I'm sick of being all alone. I'm tired of not being able to t-t-touch anyone or to laugh, or scream if I want to. I w-want to be human, just for tonight. I c-could p-pretend it was just the drugs before, but they're gone, now. I c-can't p-pretend anything anymore. If you d-don't want me..."
The doubt he heard in Heero's voice tore at his heart. He'd do anything to take away that awful pain, to make him feel better. It also didn't hurt that his feelings towards the boy were quite a deal more than simply a platonic teacher/student emotion.
"I can't believe you'd even suggest such a thing. You need reassurance that I want you. I want your heart, your mind... your body..." he trailed off unable to hide the desire with which he gazed at the boy. Heero looked startled and then turned his eyes down on himself. Nothing there seemed very appealing. He remembered what he'd been called, what Odin told him a time or two. The words "worthless" and "ugly" came up a lot in those days, when he was still a small child. Not all that much had changed, as far as he could tell, except now he was bigger in general.
"Odin said," he started, then trailed off. Anything "Odin said" wound up hurting.
"Odin isn't here right now." The doctor interrupted him. "But I am." he regarded Heero seriously examining every inch of Heero's nude body. In his eyes the boy was perfect.
"Heero..." he began, "Do you want to know what I see when I look at you?"
"No," he admitted quietly. "I don't even know why you bother to look." He wasn't able to look up at the older man. His unhappiness wasn't shadowed by the Soldier's face as it usually was. He felt ashamed. Dr J cupped his chin and tilted Heero's face up so that the boy was looking straight at him.
"I'm going to tell you anyway," he gave Heero and appraising once over from head to feet then responded in a quiet whisper. "I see soft flawless skin covering a beautiful frame of sculpted muscle, I see a lovely cherub face, blue eyes that are endless, and full, pull lips, infinitely kissable and desirable. I see the most pretty perfect child ever created."
Heero could only stare at him in shocked disbelief. His voice was hardly audible,
"But Odin said..." Desirable? Pretty?! It was frightening to think that anyone could want him. He'd always believed himself to be stained somehow, tainted. Unlovely, and unlovable. That was why, in spite of his desires for the doctor, he had never even hoped. Too young, too ugly, too imperfect. Dr J looked at him and smiled slightly.
"But Odin isn't here. I am." he looked somewhat upset though. "Unless of course his opinion of you is more important than mine?" He inquired cocking his head to one side regarding the boy with some speculation.
Heero looked shocked.
"No! You're more important. To me." Odin didn't matter anymore. He wasn't here to torment the boy, or to mock him. J cared for him, and that was by far more than what Odin had done. J was beautiful, and kind, and a bit idealistic. And Heero loved him. The doctor laughed and then hugged Heero to him tightly.
"Then that's all that matters isn't it?" He kissed the boy softly on the cheek, inhaling the fresh smell of his clean hair, and the faint traces of gunpowder. He stroked Heero's back in a soothing gesture. Odin is long gone. I'm still here, And I love you, and think you're the most beautiful perfect boy I've ever seen."
Heero sank against him and clung to him, comforted and relaxed for the first time in a long time. He kissed the older man's mouth gently, his eyes wide with invitation as he pressed against his lover's body suggestively. Dr J gasped then instinctively rocked back against him.
"Don't tell me that you're still ready to go after all that?" He said it fondly hand moving down to cup the roundness of Heero's ass. "Well,... I suppose I could try and keep up with you... Just be gentle," he murmured with a chuckle.
"Always," he promised breathlessly. "Make love to me?" The boy curled a possessive arm around his lover, gazing at him steadily. He felt a lot calmer now, without the drugs running through his system, and oddly, that made the idea of having sex more appealing. It would be *him* involved, not the drug. It was habit but he shut the door to his small room behind him. It wasn't much, just a desk and a bed barely large enough for the two of them. He didn't mean to question Heero's sincerity, but he wanted to give the boy one last chance in case this really wasn't what he wanted.
"Heero... I know there still might be traces of that drug in your system... you don't need to do this just to relieve the tension..." He sighed stroking the soft skin of Heero's face.
"I know," he answered honestly. "I just want to be with you. You're someone I could love. Do. Maybe. Please don't make me leave. I hate being alone,"
"alright. I don't want to push you... like I did before. I just.... Need you... want you so badly I can't think straight anymore," he sat down on the bed looking at Heero running fingers through his long gray hair.
"I'm... a man of science. I'm used to numbers, formulas, not... people... I'm afraid I've failed you. That I've done nothing but train your body but never your mind, your heart. I'll never leave you as long as you want me."
"I'm glad," the boy said, and sat down beside his lover. He grasped J's wrist and pulled him closer, kissing him gently. There was still an air of clumsiness to the boy's action, bb ut they were genuine, as were his feelings. He sighed and gripped J's arm with one hand while the second curled slightly around his arousal.
It had been years... decades even if he had to admit it to himself, but he had never felt someone rouse that much passion inside of him. He kissed to boy back somewhat hesitant at first but feeling Heeroyieldd to his insistence he began kissing him harder then moving from his lips, to the soft skin of his face to his neck while his metal appendage fumbled with the buttons of his lab coat.Hee uttered a small curse at the helplessness of the situation. The boy swatted his ineffectual hands away and helped J to remove the coat, as well as the rest of his clothing. There was something inherently beautiful about his lover, something that spoke of his youth anddaringg. Something Heero loved very much and wanted to give back to his lover. He leaned forward and bit down very lightly on his lover's nipple.
The doctor gasped, his head going back. Feeling Heero's teeth set his body on fire, inflamed him, made him desire the boy so much. He leaned backwards onto the bed pulling Heero with him, on top of him then recapturing the boy's mouth hotly hard, but not rough plundering those soft lips, wet tongue, exploring everywhere inside. Heero straddled his lover's hips as their mouths remained entwined. His hands crept up to J's chest and gently stroked his nipples, teasing with light caresses. He moaned as the Doctor's own hands started mimicking his actions, running over his young body.
Dr J moaned into Heero's mouth hips bucking and thrusting up into Heero's arousal which ground against his own furiously. He had an idea, something which struck him in the heat of the moment. He desperately wanted to taste Heero again, every inch of him. Slowly, and quite reluctantly he pulled Heero's head away seeing those beautiful heavy blue eyes, and kiss swollen lips slightly pink and pouty. He tried to think of a delicate way to phrase it. He doubted the pilot would have any concept of what the word 69 meant as anything other than a number. The boy knew his lover wanted something, and he tried to make his face show how much he wanted to please. "What is it?"
Dr j licked his lips finding it silly that anything should embarrass him at his age but nonetheless finding himself speaking in a hushed tone. What the hell he figured, perhaps one of the other pilots he had contact with was more...worldly.
"Heero..." he began rather quietly, "do you... know what the word 69 means?" He was hoping he wouldn't need to go into an explanation but prepared himself either way. Heero blinked. Thought about it. Blinked again.
"Duo's mentioned it... but nobody would tell me what it means." Had the situation not been as serious he would've given into the sudden urge he had to bang his head against a wall.
"remind me to strangle G when I see him..." he muttered darkly under his breath then regarded the confused boy above him.
"It means that... what I was doing to you earlier... with my mouth... we both do... at the same time," he prayed that made some sort of sense. "think of the 2 numbers," he added... a 6 is just a 9 upside down..."
Heero turned bright red. He didn't look unhappy, mind you, just very embarrassed.
"You want *me* to do *that??*" Yes... this was quite awkward... It had been a while since he had been with anyone intimately... but still... he never needed to *ask* before. he sighed.
"If the thought doesn't... disgust you that much," he said a little sadly.
"Disgust?" He was truly confused. "Why would it? But... I don't know how to! What if ... I..." He couldn't bring himself to say, what if I do something wrong. What if I fail? Dr J visibly relaxed then smiled at him.
"My dear child, everything you do is perfect," he reeassured him kissing him softly. "There's no secret involved, just do your best, and I'll be completely happy with that."
The boy nodded slowly, content for the moment, then shyly allowed himself to be repositioned as the Doctor saw fit. Once they were settled and somewhat comfortable, Heero tentatively pressed his lips to the tip of his lover's cock, one brief kiss before starting. The older man gasped, that single point of contact feeling so heightened, so wonderful. He needed a moment to get his breathing back to normal before once more that day tasting just Heero, that soft gunpowder musk that was all him. His hand massaged the inside of Heero's thigh while he continued to slowly lick.
The boy shivered and curled his lips around his lover's shaft, careful not to let teeth scrape. He had a feeling it wouldn't be very pleasant. His tongue flicked over the older man's erection, enjoying the taste very much. He tried mimicking J's movements, hoping they felt as good to him as they did to Heero. Dr J gasped and tried to still his hips which instinctively thrust into the hot wetness around his cock. HE absently noticed Heero seemed to be copying his own actions. /In that case.../ His mouth worked Heero's arousal taking it in slowly but continuously not stopping until he felt that wonderful familiarness of his cock striking the back of his throat.
Heero's fingers dug into the older man's flesh, leaving bruises on his hips, as his cock was taken that far into his lover's mouth. Dear God, that felt good! He nearly wept, then remembered what he was supposed to be doing... After a minute he tried to copy the action, choking twice before he started to get the hang of it. The doctor moaned around Heero's cock, Oh the boy might lack in experience, but he more than made up for it with his enthusiasm and quick learning. He wanted to make this perfect for the boy, so Heero would never forget. His tongue moved down past Heero's cock, his hand still stroking while he licked Heero's nearly hairless balls, thoroughly wetting them, taking both into his mouth sucking.
The boy nearly lost it right there, startled. /Just how many kinds of sensations *are* there?/ he wondered, copying those actions as well. Seemed to him that he was a quick learner, even in this. After a few minutes, though, he had to admit defeat. "Please," he gasped, not quite sure what he was begging for, but unable to concentrate on his end of things with all these wonderful feelings running through his body. Dr J let up giving Heero's cock one final small swipe with his tongue. He knew what the boy wanted, and he wanted to be the one to give it to him. He watched the panting boy, feeling a rush of renewed desire surge through him. He looked at Heero, into those heavy glazed blue eyes. He just needed to hear it from Heero's own lips.
"What do you want Heero? Do you want me... inside of you?"
The youth nodded, mouthing "yes," but unable to speak. His mouth was dry and his body shook slightly. He hurt, everything ached, but it was a good ache, one he didn't want to stop. J could do it, could make the feelings stay, he knew that.
"Only you. Please?" The older man quickly tried to think of anything he might have which would make things easier. He recalled a small jar of Vaseline still on the dresser next to his bed. He reached for it, then quickly unscrewed the lid. He handed the jar to Heero. He hoped the boy could figure out what it was for.
Startled, he sat up and took the jar, trying to figure out... oh. He blushed slightly and glanced away for a moment. /I know what I want, damn it, you'd think I'd have no problems with this.../ But he could feel himself turning slightly red. Dr J smiled at him reassuring.
"Don't worry." To relax the boy, he dipped his own fingers in then smeared a small amount on his cock. He then turned back to Heero. "See, nothing hard," he chuckled slightly at the pun. He managed a shy smile, looking thoroughly amused, then stuck his fingers in the Vaseline and coated the tips well before reaching out to rub the stuff on the Doctor's erection. He felt his cheeks redden slightly as he did so.
Dr J moaned slightly at those small hot hands then sat up so he could kiss Heero's cheek. "Perfect," he said pulling the boy on top of him moving his still slick finger behind him and slowly inside Heero's tight opening.
"You know what I really need from you don't you?" Heero's eyes shut tight after the first touch. He nodded in answer to the question, trying to force his body to relax for what was to come. His breathing was hitching slightly as he straddled the doctor's hips. "Just tell me when," he whispered. The doctor nodded. "I don't want to hurt you or rush," he said gently. He worked his first finger inside loosening before adding a second to it trying to find Heero's sweet spot feeling around for that small fleshy lump inside of him.
His eyes opened at the contact, looking into J's with shocky pleasure, gasping softly as his fingers probed deeper.
"God, more..." Dr J watched him carefully inserting a third finger wanting this first time to go as smoothly as possible. He stretched the boy further fingers thrusting a little faster making sure that Heero would be completely adjusted before he entered him. The boy's fingers clenched around J's upper arms, so tightly the flesh below was bruised and his hands were white with strain. His breathing was coming in quick pants now. "Please," he managed to beg, pushing back against the intrusion.
Dr J regarded him seriously. "Are you sure? I'd never want to do anything in the world to hurt you," he said honestly withdrawing his fingers. He nodded again, fingers gripping the older man's arms. "Please."
"Alright... but... it will hurt at first," he warned then lifted the boy off him enough so that he could slowly begin sliding his cock into Heero's tight virgin body. Dr J moaned feeling that perfect tight heat around him continuing to push until he was completely inside the boy not moving allowing his body to adjust to the larger intruder. Heero shuddered, somewhat frightened by the pain, but he ignored both sensation and fear. There was nothing to fear. J would take care of him. But it hurt, more than he thought possible, more than he wanted to admit, and it hurt so badly he was nearly in tears.
"Please don't cry Heero," the man said softly bringing his head down so he could kiss those trembling lips tenderly. He then started pulling out slowly and then pushing back in taking great pains to be gentle, thrusting shallowly not wanting to hurt him. He fought off the tears, biting the inside of his lip hard as the doctor moved within him. The pain subsided to something more tolerable after a moment, and then was displaced when his lover's member hit that spot inside him, making him shiver.
Dr J noted the shift in Heero's demeanor, and relaxed himself a bit making sure this time he was aiming for that special spot once more thrusting a little faster and deeper watching Heero's face for any signs of discomfort. The discomfort was gone. All that was left was desire. Heero shifted slightly, then tightened his muscles as he felt his lover penetrate him deeper. He almost purred every time he hit that sweet spot. Dr J watched that beautiful boy writhing above him that look of total pleasure on his face and he slowly gave in to the desire to thrust up into him harder, deeper moaning at the tightness he felt. Everything inside the boy was so hot, intense and that angelic flushed face above him was truly a vision. "God... you're so beautiful..." he gasped out.
Heero slid down his lover's shaft, a wicked gleam in his eyes as he started gyrating his hips, very slightly, to see what would happen. The look on his lover's face was reward enough; he kept up the treatment, panting and gasping as J did amazing things to his body. The man gasped, almost forgetting to breathe when Heero moved so seductively with such wanton abandon. He almost lost it when the boy moved like that, milking his cock, tightening around him. So that was how his young lover wanted to play it? He thought with a small smile well, he could drive the boy out of his mind too. His hand wrapped around Heero's shaft pumping and he began thrusting up harder, deeper into Heero whenever the boy moved down.
The boy's head went back, throat corded as he moaned. He swore, very softly, and very creatively in several languages. One hand left J's shoulder to wrap around his lover's fingers, pressing them harder into his cock, before moving up his body. Those wicked fingers toyed with his own nipples teasingly. Dr J watched him those erotic actions, his small hands roaming, enticing. He licked his lips grinning wickedly then sat up with a monumental effort, hadn't never leaving Heero's shaft, continuing his ministrations, still thrusting into the tight heat of Heero's body. He gently moved Heero's hand from his chest and replaced it with his mouth, tongue moving, tasting while he sucked the hard nub biting gently, then spreading small light kisses all over Heero's chest up to the pale column of Heero's exposed throat.
The boy shuddered, feeling the heat rise through his body and rock him violently. His eyes flew open, staring sightlessly at the ceiling as pleasure started shorting out his thought process. Another moment and he was over the edge, tightening around J's shaft painfully, not that he noticed. He was too busy being lost in overwhelming sensation, more than what he experienced when drugged. More genuine. Dr J felt Heero release into his hand and the impossible tightness constricting. It was too much for him. He gave one more deep thrust into that quivering young body then came filling Heero with his seed. Then slowly relaxed, pulling out kissing the boy softly.
Heero's mouth found his easily. He yielded to his lover's insistent kisses, giving himself over completely. His blue eyes slowly opened again, gazing deeply into J's. There was love there, and softness never seen in the Perfect Solider before. A gentleness that was for J only. The doctor looked into those pretty crystal eyes watching his and he smiled. It had been so rarely that he was able to glimpse the boy as the young innocent he truly was. It was an inane thing to say he knew, but it was the only thing he could really think of.
"I really wish I could see your eyes more often... Heero." He knew the boy would probably never guess what he meant, but he still felt he had to say it.
The youth frowned, trying to puzzle out what he meant by that. Maybe he was thinking of the fact that, because of the optical implants, he couldn't really *see* Heero's eyes, except as electrical impulses that the machine sent directly to his brain. He tilted his head in thought. Truly, the eyes were the most vulnerable part of the human head, in so many ways more than just the physical. He always tried so hard to prevent anyone from seeing within him, from reading his true self in his eyes. Abruptly he took the doctor's flesh hand and pressed his fingertips very gently to the outer edge of his eyelids. The man smiled feeling the soft tender flesh beneath his fingers. His brain registered the vision, but his own eyes never could. He stopped himself there. The memory was too much. Only one small photograph remained as he had left it. And that he could never reveal.
"Perfect." He said simply. No if Heero ever saw that photograph he'd feel so cheated. The boy should've had him when he was young, when he was a whole man. It hurt to think of such things so instead he simply sighed and tried to push the memories out of his head.
"I love you," the boy said simply. It felt right; there wasn't anything else he could think to say. The doctor could have his heart. It was pretty beat up, but it still worked, and he could still feel, despite his wish to rid himself of emotion. Anything he had he ought to give to Dr. J. He owed the man. Dr J swallowed hard.
"I... love you too Heero... but... please...I don't think you should be so... free with your words. He unconsciously turned towards his nightstand and the small picture inside the brass frame. Cursing he hoped Heero hadn't seen it. The boy had never been in his room before, had never seen... that.
But Heero had seen it. It took some deduction, since the photograph was so vastly different from how J looked now. Deep blue eyes surrounded by wavy blond hair, But the cheekbones were the same. He was clean-shaven in the photograph, but the beard J sported now wasn't enough to divert attention from his face shape. J had been very handsome as a young man. Heero looked back down at his older lover.
"You told me I should always be honest with you," Heero reminded him.
"I did..." He admitted quietly. "But... I don't understand how you can look, and see that, see a perfect pretty young man, and then look back at me and not be sickened, not say to yourself 'what happened.' Compared to that picture. I'm... a monster." He couldn't face Heero, it was too painful. He was so afraid of seeing rejection in those eyes instead staring at the gold frame engraved letters reading /Shumei Jukoto./
"You should hate me, wonder why you got the last bitter years of my life, and not when I was young, in my prime, when I could've given you the world."
The doctor told him to be honest, and though he hated to admit it,
"I... I don't understand." He looked between the photograph and his lover.
"It's still you. You haven't changed that much, have you? Because Zechs Marquis is beautiful, but I hate him, and Duo is beautiful, but he has a sadistic streak... I don't think it matters if you're beautiful outside or not, just as long as who you are is someone I could love." Dr J felt somewhat ashamed for underestimating Heero, for assuming he could ever be so shallow.
"I'm sorry. I never should have assumed that you would but... I look at you and I see the most beautiful perfect creation and wonder how you could ever want my lowly existence. I suppose I've changed a little bit... I always used to be so sure of myself," he kissed Heero softly. "You give that back to me you know."
The boy's voice was hushed.
"I'm sorry you were hurt. But I'm not sorry because you look this way. I don't care about that. I'm sorry because I think... maybe…" Now the child blushed.
"Maybe if you hadn't been hurt you could have said something sooner than this... I always thought you hated me."
"Never!" he objected immediately. "Oh dear god no. I could never hate you Heero. You tested my ethics, made me question my own position, tempting me, so many times I watched you sleeping looking so beautiful so desirable. I hated myself sometimes for having such feelings about one so young. I never meant to be so harsh with you but... I didn't want you to have to deal with the lewd advances of an older man... not while you're so young."
Heero snorted. "I'm not that young. Physically, maybe I am, but damn it, I've been through hell already, I've seen more than most people do at sixty! I'm not a child, J, no matter what you like to make yourself believe. I never have been. And I need you." The doctor drew him closer in a warm embrace.
"I need you too Heero, and that's what scares me... I'm not accustomed to needing, wanting people. I've been alone for a very long time. Until you came, so perfect, so innocent... you may have seen a lot dear one, but there's something surrounding you this war, or the world can never touch." He chuckled a little. "I know how terribly precocious you are, but I don't list cradle robbing as one of my credentials. You're 15. That's one thing. But when you were 12 it was different.
"I suppose," Heero relented. "I was in love with you when I was twelve, actually. I don't think I could ever stop." He curled up in J's arms, tucking his head beneath his lover's chin.
"I think that would've been quite a scandal," he said smirking. He couldn't help the wicked thought which entered his mind.
"Would've been quite an interesting introduction to puberty in any case." Oh yes, feeling elated and happy for the first time in a long time Dr J was in quite a mood.
"First hand demonstrations. Would have made the abstracts a lot easier to understand. Of course, I was stuck learning about Sexual Development in health class at more than one school I went to while on missions... I had to learn about the whole concept of an 'orgasm' from Duo." He made a face.
"Oh I'm sure it couldn't have been that bad. After all hasn't he been living with anyone save G since he was what 11 or so." Dr J snorted a little. "I'd just love to know what he thinks he could possibly explain.
"Not enough. I wasn't expecting... well." The boy's face turned red. After a moment, he chuckled quietly. "I suppose that serum you were working on is a success."
"Yes, That it is." Dr J smiled. "I suppose I'll have to try and remove the... aphrodisiac which seems to be prevalent." He mused quietly a moment. "At least it works in any case." he trailed off then said sudden;y.
"I probably should have been the one to teach you all these things. About life. Not just war."
"There are too many things I still don't know," the boy admitted. "I don't understand people or the way they think. Nobody makes any sense, least of all myself. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me."
"There's nothing wrong with you Heero. No one can understand everything. But it'll come to you in time, age, understanding... not necessarily wisdom but experience. Even moreso than now. I don't know everything myself. Just that you're here with me now, and that I love you very much."
"I'm glad." Heero's eyelids drooped as he dozed lightly in his lover's arms. "Love you too." Dr J kissed his forehead lightly turning a final glance to the picture on his dresser, then back to Heero. He watched as sleeping boy feeling perfectly content with everything. He smiled at the ceiling then turned doing something so juvenile and ridiculous he had hoped it went unnoticed. He stuck his tongue out at the photograph before falling into a light doze along with his young lover.
Owari
Whew, that was a long one ^_^;;
Cyrelia J and Tabs
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