1998
It really looks beautiful from up here. The Earth, I mean. I still can't get over it, how such an innocent-looking entity could have hosted such a bloodthirsty war. It looks ridiculously unassuming. Old Big Blue. At this point, I can't see the whole thing yet, just a section of the planet that I spent nearly a year fighting on, and nearly a lifetime fighting for.
Heh! There... Now the blue sphere is clear. Lovely view, I must say. There's the sea where I first found Wing. Uhm...and there...I think that's where Sandrock blew up. Can't be too sure... I always did stink at geography.
Yeah...
I thought I was fighting for the colonies. That was what everyone thought. But in the end, it dawned on me that I was actually fighting for Earth and what it represented. Mankind and civilisation, peace and freedom, and all that jazz. After all, what were the colonies without Mother Earth? What were children without their parents?
Nothing.
But now, was it all worth it? Was all that death worth it? I wonder...
Heh! That was a weird turn. Just me, I guess.
I lean forward, pressing my nose against the pane of the shuttle window. It's hard to believe that it's finally over.
And I - we - are all still alive.
I turn back, settling into the seat and adjusting the seatbelt so that it sets more comfortably across my middle. The interior of the shuttle is dim - almost dark. They turned down the lights so that we could all relax, I guess. It would be a long journey, after all.
Even at top speed, the shuttle would take some time to reach Mars. And even though we wouldn't be doing anything on board, the inactivity can get tiring. I suppose I'd better get some shuteye while I still can. You never know what might be waiting for you on the red planet.
Goodbye Earth. It was nice knowing you. Maybe I'll come back some time.
I smile at the thought, my eyes sliding half shut as the soft in-flight music casts its spell.
Quatre is already fast asleep beside me, his blonde head listing to one side. Now there's one person I'd never expected to see so actively involved in the war. He just didn't seem the type. But he's tougher than he looks, this kid. Though sometimes I just feel like decking him whenever he pulls one of those stupid stunts. Giving the enemy a fair chance, he says. That would be good if the enemy thought the same way. More often than not, they didn't.
I didn't think he'd make it through. But he did. And he came out of it stronger than I could ever be. He has more to look forward to now. He has a future. For all that he lost, he's gained a lot.
Wonder why he chose to come with us? Perhaps...
I stifle a snort. Could it be? Could it be because he wants to be sure not to lose another friend to the vast reaches of space and the unknown? Again? After all, he'd lost him once...
Those overly long bangs hide his face from my scrutiny. Not that I ever scrutinised the guy, you understand. His eyes scare me sometimes. They're so flat and ...and dead. They don't belong in that face. And him sitting on the other side of the aisle isn't helping me get a good look at him either. Good thing he can't see me then. Can't do that with closed eyes, after all. But were those eyes open, would he look at me? Or at the boy by my side?
Trowa, dear Trowa. Never try hiding things from a thief. What your tongue doesn't whisper, those dead eyes scream out.
I wonder if you've told him? Or are the two of you playing a cat-and-mouse game where no one will win?
Hell, it's none of my business, is it? If it's meant to be, it will be.
Just like something Wufei would say...
Feh! But he'll probably say that I had no honour - suspecting my friends of something I have no proof of. Not that I don't approve. I do, actually. Quatre and Trowa. Somehow the image fits, ne? I don't think I need much proof. It's as clear as day to me. Just not to them - the ones to whom it should matter most. Or maybe they just want to keep it quiet...
Wufei. He'd respect their privacy, but he'd still rail on about it. It's just his way.
But Wufei's changed, you know. He's changed a lot since we'd first met. He totally disgusted me at first, what with his high and mighty ways and how he'd go out of his way to avoid all of us. I always thought he had this holier-than-thou attitude that grated on my nerves like nobody's business. I always felt like I could never measure up to his vision of humanity. His idea of Utopia. Hell. No one could, to hear him talk. But somewhere down the line, I realised that he has a hard time measuring up to his own expectations.
He's trying so hard to be what he can't be. At least, not yet. Not now. Give him a few years. Maybe when he's grown up more...
Hah! Listen to me. The way I talk, I'm as bad as he is. Well...maybe not as bad...
But Wufei has a shrewd brain in that thick skull of his, you have to admit. Gotta give him credit. He probably has his secrets too. His reasons...
All of us do.
And I would be the least qualified person to judge. Who am I, after all? And what do I have left, now that the war is over?
But then again, I'm not the one worst off, perhaps.
Heero.
Now, he has a problem. Where would he fit in? He was born and bred to fight, to kill. What place and function has he in this time of peace? How would he survive, now that no one's dying? How would a killer exist now that there's no one to kill? What's a soldier without an enemy?
Even now, as everyone is nodding off to sleep, he's still wide awake. He looks so stiff, staring off into nothingness. I wonder what he's thinking about?
"Ne...Heero? Whatcha thinking about?"
Silence greets my sleepy query. I'd expected it, of course. He seldom responds to my teasing anyway. Why should he now, when he has no need to? He used to get on my nerves too, this Heero Yuy. He always seems so inaccessible. What did they do to him to ever make him that way, I wonder? When did he lose his humanity?
Doesn't he know that life is meant to be lived?
But from the number of times he'd flirted with death, you'd wonder. Ah, Heero. You can take care of yourself better than anyone ever could. Perhaps that's why he never stuck to Relena-san. Though I have to admit they look good together. But they're both too similar. Too driven.
They'd kill each other before too long. If not physically, then emotionally.
I sigh, fold my arms about my chest and prepare to doze off. It's gonna be a long ride.
"Duo?"
Huh? My eyes snap open. Will wonders never cease?
Heero is still staring up at the ceiling of the shuttle, his face as inanimate as ever.
"Now that the war's over," he says softly, almost whispering. "Will you still be my friend?"
I grin. For all his intelligence and strength, my dear Heero is such an idiot.
"Only if you want me to."
Shirin
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