11 Jan 2000
Looky, looky! Sheira wrote a Wu-chan ficcie :::giggles cause that rhymed::: It’s kinda introspective and from Wu-chan’s POV about Meiran. I'm warning you now, I've never read Wufei's Ep Zero (cuz it's in Japanese!) and I'm probably COMPLETELY wrong about most of this stuff, so don't kill me k?
It’s a songfic, and the lyrics are from “Treasure” by The Cure. I love these lyrics, my friend has a Cure shirt with part of the lyrics from “Treasure” on it and it’s what got me interested in The Cure. Robert Smith BTW, is a TERRIFIC lyric writer and so many of his songs are so beautiful, thus why I use The Cure lyrics in so many of my fics. And I’m not a bit Cure fan either, but now I’m rambling so I’ll let you read the ficcie…
~~denotes song lyrics ~~
____________
To be honest, when I first met her, I hated her at first sight. She was the complete opposite of me; where I was shy, she was outgoing. Where I preferred silence, she preferred noise. Where I was calm, she was flamboyant. And she was so cold and arrogant! As if she blamed /me/ for that stupid arranged marriage, as if it were /my/ fault! But now, I realise that was all part of her charm, what made her who she was. I never truly understood her…until it was too late, until she was laying dead and cold in my arms. I never told her…..
~~ She whispers
“Please remember me
When I am gone from here.” ~~
It’s strange, you never truly appreciate your loved ones until they are gone.
And then you have to live with the regret of things unsaid for the rest of your life. And that’s what she is. Nataku was the biggest regret of my life. My regret was not that I was married to her, I’ll admit I wasn’t too keen on the idea though. And that regret wasn’t something so sappy and /womanish/ as not telling her I loved her. Because I’m not sure if I did, she was so hard to get along with. No, my biggest regret is that I failed her. And because of my failure, she died. It’s /my/ fault she’s dead.
~~ She whispers
“Please remember me
but not with tears ~~
But it was only with her death that Nataku acomplished her dream in life. To help free our people, and thus, she became a martyr. Somehow, I think she would hate that. Not because of the attention, she always loved being the center of attention. No, I think she would hate being a martyr because now, people only remember her and not her cause, they’ve forgotten /what/ she died for.
And that….would have enraged her, it angers me. They’ve all forgotten the reason /she/ fought.
The reason she fought when no one else, including myself, would fight.
~~ Remember I was always true
Remember that I always tried
Remember that I loved only you
Remember me and smile…. ~~
And that’s how I failed her, I didn’t stand by her side, I was not a worthy husband. I was…am a coward. I cared more for my books then I did for my own wife.
No, I was not worthy of Nataku, and I’m not now either. Somehow I doubt I ever will be. Whenever I do something good, think I have done something worthy of Nataku, I can just imagine her frown darkly at me. I can see her stare at me imperiously and I know that what I’ve done was not good enough. Yet, when I’m at my lowest, when I find myself thinking that nothing is worth the pain I am always going through, I see her smiling down at me in encouragement. She did that once, and for one bright, shining second, I truly felt worthy. I had been given a precious gift, Nataku’s smile.
~~ For it is better to forget
Then to remember me
And cry” ~~
But that smile doesn’t help me at night when the nightmares come to attack me while I am vulnerable with sleep. And it’s not surprising I dream of her; dream of her death. I can still see her dark eyes shining brightly up into mine even as her lifeblood was pooling on the ground. Her voice, strong and serious even while dying still haunts me to this day, nearly as much as her final words.
“Now, you are Nataku.”
~~ “Remember I was always true
Remember that I always tried
Remember that I loved only you
Remember me and smile….~~
Those words, how I wish I had never heard them, how I wish I wasn’t given such a responsability. I am not Nataku, I could never be Nataku. I lack that vitality that she had, her love for the fight, especially those with such overwhelming odds. And the odds were always against her, maybe that is why I chose to re-name Shenlong. Because like my Nataku, Shenlong and I are but one facing thousands.
But our fight is one that I know Nataku would be proud of, we are fighting for what is right. We are fighting not only to free one colony, but all of them
. And I know that somewhere, Nataku is smiling.
~~ For it is better to forget
Then to remember me
And cry.” ~~
And maybe just maybe one day I’ll be worthy of Nataku, maybe…But no matter what, wherever you are Nataku, keep on smiling. Wo ai ni, Nataku……[1]
[1] “I love you” in Chinese BTW (hopes she spelt that right -_-;;)