16 Jan 2000
Okay, sorry I've been lurking lately. But this weekend has been hectic cuz I FINALLY learned how to drive stick-shift. So all you drivers in Houston beware, I'm on the road now ^_^
As for the fic, my standard disclaimers. Shounen ai, not much of what would be considered /real/ yaoi. There is some slight OOC, at least IMHO so be forewarned. Um....I'm putting up a warning for violence and language because the first part of the fic is a more violent then most of my stories. But it's not that bad, so don't run away just cuz I got this warning up. I think that's about it.
C&C are very welcome and criticism will be most welcome because I want to know how I an improve my writing style. Thanx
Duo grinned cheekily at the Oz guard. The man’s eyes narrowed into slits of green fire as a snarl curled his lips.
"All hail the ‘all powerful’ Oz." Duo murmured and the guard decked the long-haired boy again. "Who questions the ‘all powerful’ Oz?" The American sneered and the guard’s fist cracked across his face, slamming Duo’s skull against the wall of his tiny cell.
"Mouth off will ya!?" the guard cried, enraged. "I’ll wipe that smirk off that pretty little face of yours, ya little shit!: The guard continued to rain blows down on Duo and a thin trickle of blood ran from the corner of Duo’s still smirking mouth.
"I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore Toto." Duo grunted and he winced as he was roughly shoved against the wall. The guard kicked Duo’s knee and it gave out beneath the braided American , who slid to the floor gasping in pain.
"Kisama!" the guard shouted as he repeatedly kicked Duo viciously in the ribs. Duo’s vision began to gray as he listened dully to his own ragged breathing. He heard a rib crack and a sharp pain filled his chest; causing him to whimper painfully. When he heard the sickeningly wet sound that accompanied each of his breaths, he realized that one of his broken ribs must have punctured a lung.
"Kuso." He thought furiously. "Maybe I shouldn’t have provoked him so much." The pain radiating from his ribs, the burning sensation that spread with each labored breath, slowly ebbed. Duo grimly smiled as his eyes drifted shut. How fitting he should leave this world just like he had entered it, alone and uncared for…
"Omae o korosu." Those words uttered in a bone-chilling growl reached Duo’s ears. He heard a fearful and pain-filled scream followed by a dull thud. But he lacked even the energy to open his blue-violet eyes. Strong, yet infinitely tender arms wrapped around his broken body as he was held against a wiry, trembling chest. "Duo…oh please Duo…open your eyes. Please…" Heero whispered brokenly as he pushed Duo’s heavy fringe of bangs back from his pale and
blood smeared face. The Japanese pilot cradled Duo’s slight body in his arms as he raced down the hallways of the Oz base. The sirens wailed behind him as he disappeared in the desert. Heero awkwardly climbed up the side of Wing, Duo still in his arms. The brown-haired pilot settled into his cockpit with Duo laying across his lap. With a high keening noise, the bird-like Gundam took to the skies. Heero set the auto-pilot as he stared down at the beautiful boy in
his arms. Duo had spent most of the escape drifting in and out of consciousness, yet the rough feel of Heero’s callused hand caressing his cheek sent a shaft of warmth through him.
"Duo, please stay with me, okay?….don’t leave me alone." Heero’s voice held an almost pleading note to it and the American pilot tried to conjure up a reassuring smile for Heero. Duo cracked open his eyes laboriously and stared in detached shock at the thin trickle of a tear running down Heero’s tortured face.
"Please, don’t leave me alone."
"Ah, Heero…" Duo thought to himself, too weak to express his thoughts vocally. "We are all alone." The blue-violet eyes drifted close as the blackness welled up and consumed Duo once again.
Cold…
Dark…
Alone…
The child shivered as he wiped his face with the sleeve of his grubby shirt, only to track more dirty across his filthy face. With furtive blue-violet eyes, the child looked around, pushing his shoulder length greasy, unwashed, chestnut-brown hair behind his ears.
Someone grabbed the back of his shirt and the child’s eyes widened in terror. "You stupid little runt!" The child squawked as he was roughly pulled into an alley and shoved against a wall. "How many times to I gotta beat the shit out of you before you learn that this is /my/ corner?" The beefy hands that clasped his shirt tightened and the brown-haired child never saw the fist that slammed into his face. He fell to the ground and stifled a scream as the bully, Jessah, viciously pulled back his head with his long hair. "Worthless piece of trash, I’ll teach you to work my corner without my permission you little thief!" The wild-eyed child whimpered as Jessah dug through the pockets of his threadbare jacket and pulled out the wallet he had stolen. The child made a sound of protest and shrieked as Jessah ground his hand beneath the heavy, sole of his boot.
"Leave him alone." Someone snarled furiously and Jessah was thrown back by a tall boy, who glared furiously at Jessah with cold eyes.
"It’s him..." One of the other numerous pick-pockets breathed. The boy glared at the gathered thieves and bystanders, his eyes chips of green glass. The small crowd shrank back and disappeared under that angry glare, and the boy pinned Jessah with his glacial gaze.
"Stay away from him." He uttered. "If you come near him again, I’ll see ya personally ruined." Jessah paled and ran away. The brown-haired child stared at the green-eyed boy confusedly. The taller boy shed his coat and wrapped it around Duo’s shivering body.
"Who…" Duo croaked as he was helped to his feet.
"I’m called Solo." The boy’s green eyes glowed and curled up in a warm smile. He led the smaller boy through the streets to his hideout and began to prepare some food. "What’s your name kid?" Solo asked as he handed the ravenous child a bowl of synthe soup.
"Don’t have one." The blue-violet eyed child murmured.
"You too huh?" Solo asked grinning. "I was like that myself, had to name myself. Solo means single, or alone."
"Aren’t we all?" The child asked bitterly and Solo nodded sadly.
"Yeah, I guess it everyone for themselves on the street huh?" Solo peered at Duo. "I’ve been watching you, yer good. But I gotta ask you something."
"What?" the child asked, not even looking up from his soup.
"Why are you running the risk of getting caught thieving when you could make good money turning tricks?" The child stiffened and stared at Solo warily, preparing to bolt if the green-eyed boy made a move in his direction. "Whoa! I didn’t mean it like that!" Solo protested. "I don’t go for guys." A devilish glint appeared in Solo’s eyes. "Especially little skinny shrimps with long hair." Duo relaxed minutely, but his eyes remained distrustful. "I meant what I said though. Yer certainly pretty enough and there are plenty of people that go for that kind of thing…"
"I will starve before I sell myself like that." The child interrupted harshly. "My mom turned tricks till she died, and look where it got her?" The child’s eyes hardened. "I'll never be like her." Solo nodded solemnly and smiled slightly.
"Good." He murmured. "How’d you like to be my partner? I could teach you some things about living on the streets and thieving. Yer mark won’t even notice you till yer long gone with his wallet." Suddenly things clicked for the child.
"You’re /the/ Solo?" the boy asked suspiciously. "The thief?"
"That’s me. I run, I hide, but I never lie." Solo grinned cockily and Duo smirked back.
"So you’ll teach me some tricks….why? You’re supposed to be a loner, and you /always/ work alone?"
"Yare yare. Don’t you know better then to listen to rumors?" Solo asked. "But to answer yer question, yeah I normally work alone. But I decided to take on a partner and you’ve got potential, along with a pride most of those two-time thieves don’t have. ‘Sides, there are plenty of marks to go around."
The blue-violet eyed boy nodded. "Also…I’m lonely…" Solo’s eyes were large and vulnerable. "Do you…do you wanna be friends?" The child was suddenly struck with the realization that Solo was only a few years older then himself. He nodded and sat down next to Solo.
"Sure, I always wanted to have a friend. So it will be just the two of us right? Forever right?" Solo nodded and wrapped his arms around the other boy’s waist. The younger boy leaned comfortably for the first time in his recollection. "Can I be called Duo then? The pair of us, get it?" The newly named Duo grinned sleepily up at Solo.
"That’s a great name." Solo murmured and hugged Duo tighter. The two children huddled together, lending warmth and comfort to each other. Duo was drifting off when Solo spoke.
"Don’t leave me alone Duo, please." Then Duo drifted off to sleep, warm and no longer alone…
Warm…
Dark…
Alone…
A soft touch, barely even a caress, woke Duo. A callused fingertip brushed against his forehead gently. Then the feather-light touch caressed his cheek and another pushed his heavy bangs from his face, Duo fought the urge to purr. Instead he peered up at the source of those delightfully gentle touches. Heero stared down at him with an unreadable expression in his vibrant blue eyes.
"Daijoubu desu ka?" he whispered and Duo smiled weakly.
"Yeah." Heero looked down and noticed he still had his hand laid against Duo’s forehead and blushed.
"I was checking to see if your fever had broken." He made a move to release Duo, but the braided boy grasped his hand.
"Thanks, Heero." Duo murmured as he looked around. "Where are we?"
"At the Sweepers base. They have access to better medical facilities then I did. You almost died, you long-haired baka!" Heero whispered, his voice filled with choking emotion. "Baka ne…careless idiot." Duo painfully sat up, never taking his eyes off of Heero’s distraught face. He tugged at Heero’s hand and the Wing pilot didn’t resist as he was pulled onto the bed next to Duo. Nor did he resist as the American pilot gently hugged him, instead wrapping his arms around Duo’s bandaged chest and splaying his hand through the long, silken chestnut strands of Duo’s hair. "You shouldn’t take such foolish risks." Heero growled.
"How was I supposed to know he couldn’t take a joke?" Duo asked innocently. Heero pulled away, his blazing eyes boring into Duo’s.
"One of these days that mouth of yours is going to get you killed." Heero scooted over next to Duo and leaned against the headboard. The American pilot leaned against his shoulder and Heero wrapped his arm around Duo’s waist. The two sat that way for a long time, simply lending silent comfort and support. Duo was surprised at the stark similarity between this situation and his first meeting with Solo. The first time anyone had offered him anything without expecting anything in return. Memories of Solo overwhelmed Duo as he leaned against Heero. He saw Solo chasing after him while they played a rare game of tag. The two of them taking off their clothes and dancing about in their underwear during one of the precious and rare showers on L2. Duo closed his eyes as the memories gently lapped over him like warm water.
"You’re thinking about Solo, aren’t you?" Heero whispered softly and Duo stared at him incredulous.
"How…"
"How did I know about Solo? You were mumbling in your sleep."
"Wait a minute." Duo thought to himself. "He was here the whole time I was sick? He stayed with me?"
"Who is Solo? Are you…you are lovers?" Heero asked, stumbling over the word ‘lover’
"What?" Duo exclaimed, eyes wide with surprise. "No! Solo was my best friend when I was a child. My first friend…" Duo’s eyes darkened with sorrow and Heero tightened his grip on the long-haired boy. "He took me in when I no one else cared. He protected me from bullies like Jessah and he taught me how to be the best thief." Duo’s eyes were unfocused and distant.
"We were inseparable, like two peas in a pod. Man, I learned so much from Solo. Learned about life, learned how to smile in the face of everything. Sometimes during the winter, we’d lay under a pile of blankets we’d managed to steal and we’d talk about what we would do if we ever got a break. Ever had the chance to get off the streets. He wanted to be a teacher, Heero." Duo looked at the blue-eyed pilot, tears blurring his eyes. "That was his dream. He wanted to help keep kids like us off the street. Take them in so they wouldn’t have to steal like we did." Heero slowly stroked Duo’s hair and laid his head against the top of the trembling American.
"We completed each other. We had a bond that few siblings experience, almost like we were twins. But then some weird plague struck and he got real sick. I tried to help him, tried to steal some medicine but there wasn’t any. The upperclass could get the vaccinations, but not the street rats. We were nothing but a nuisance and the plague was just one more way to exterminate us like rodents. And Solo, he just died in my arms…he broke our promise. He said we’d be together forever but we weren’t. He died on me and left me all alone again."
Duo laughed, a hollow and bitter sound. "I shoulda named /myself/ Solo, not Duo."
"Why do you say that?" Heero asked confused. "Because it takes two, to make a duo and I’m alone." Duo stared down at his pale hands and refused to meet Heero’s eyes. The Japanese boy was about to hotly retort when the door of Duo’s room banged open.
"Oi Heero!" a grizzled old man wearing sunglasses and a bright Hawaiian shirt peeked in the room. "There’s a communication coming through for you." Heero’s face set into its cold, expressionless mask. He rose from the bed and walked to the door. Duo’s eyes were momentarily filled with pain, but then he plastered his most cheerful grin onto his face. "Howard!" Duo cried ‘happily’ and the old man passed Heero as the Japanese pilot walked out the door and Duo’s cheerful chatter accompanied Heero down the hallway as he strode towards his Gundam.
Two weeks later, Duo was awakened to the sound of his door opening only to see Heero standing in the doorway. The light showed behind Heero and silhouetted his lean figure, masking his face in shadow.
"H…Heero?" Duo whispered as he sat up and turned on the light. The Japanese boy didn’t answer, but instead, he walked over to Duo’s bedside and sat down in a nearby chair. "Oi, Heero. Are you alright, man?"
Heero nodded and stared at Duo intently. The American looked at Heero puzzled and not a little unnerved.
"So….how was your mission?"
"Fine." Heero murmured, not taking his eyes off of Duo’s face.
"Oi, why are you staring at me?" Duo asked and Heero stood up, closing the space between him and the bed.
Duo’s eyes widened as Heero reached out a hand gently caressed his cheek with the back of his hand. Heero laid his hand against Duo’s cheek and splayed his fingers through Duo’s hair.
"I’ve been thinking." Heero murmured. "When you almost got killed last month, it scared me." Heero’s eyes seemed to darken and they appeared black in the dimly lit room. "I’ve decided something Duo." The Japanese pilot sat down on the edge of Duo’s bed and the mattress shifted under his weight. "I…I don’t want to be your friend anymore." Duo stared at Heero, his face a study of betrayal and shock. Heero lifted Duo’s head back and brought his other hand up. Trapping Duo’s face between his strong fingers. "I want to be more then friends." Heero’s eyes bore into Duo’s, "A man once told me to follow my feelings. And my feelings tell me to do this." Heero leaned forward and kissed Duo. The American froze; his lips unresponsive.
But then he relaxed and began to return the kiss. "This is…nice." Duo thought fuzzily as Heero deepened the kiss. "Oh yeah, veeerrryyy nice." Duo grasped hold of Heero’s arms and darted his tongue against the Japanese boy’s bottom lip.
"Okay, it’s official," Duo thought as Heero tentatively opened his mouth, allowing Duo better access. "I can now die a happy man." Duo’s eyes snapped open as he suddenly remembered Solo saying that same thing once, his green eyes alight with life and laughter. But then he had died……
Died…
Dead…
And he was left…
Alone…
Duo gasped and jerked away; his eyes wild. He whimpered as the sharp movement disturbed his half-healed ribs.
"Duo?" Heero asked, his voice husky.
"Gomen." Duo whispered, refusing to meet Heero’s eyes.
"I…I didn't mean to hurt you." Heero murmured. "I’m sorry."
"Oi, it’s okay, really." Duo said with forced cheer as he mentally thanked every deity he knew for Heero mistaking the look of inner pain in his eyes for physical pain. "Saa…I just need to rest is all." Heero nodded; his eyes shuttered and his face devoid of emotion.
"Of course." He murmured as he looked down at Duo; an odd glint in his eyes. "But we /will/ finish this."
With that, Heero left without a backward glance; leaving Duo to his thoughts. Duo huffed out a breath and lay back. He reached out a hand and switched off the light.
"Oi." Duo murmured. "Duo no baka." The American squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lips hard enough to draw blood. His memories, his ghosts rose up from the dark corner of his mind to assail him. "Why God?" Duo silently asked. "If you exist, please answer me… Why? Why does everyone I care for die? Why can’t I stop loving him, he’s only going to die. So why put me through all this pain?" A tear leaked down his cheek.
"Why did Solo, Father Maxwell or Sister Helen have to die? Was it because I loved them? Will I kill all whom I care for? Will I kill Heero by loving him?"
Duo sniffled. "Gomen nasai Heero." He whispered. "It’s got to be this way." Long into the night, Duo pondered his questions and hoped in vain for some answer from God, any God. But he received no answer and he was left with the only God he knew, Shinigami. Eventually the boy fell into a fitful slumber and he dreamed of his life and all the people who had left him….
Alone…
Three weeks sluggishly passed and Duo did his best to avoid Heero; and succeeded wholly. Every night, Heero would come to Duo’s room and would stare at the American pilot from the doorway. But he never entered the room, nor did he speak. Duo, who was awake, pretended to be asleep and thus avoided the ending of their ‘conversation’. But avoiding Heero rankled Duo and he pushed his body to the limit so that he could recover swiftly. His plan was to take Shinigami and fade into obscurity until a mission came up, and then disappear again.
"He runs, he hides…." Duo thought to himself bitterly as he was giving his final check-up.
"Okay Maxwell, go easy on those ribs for a while okay? Otherwise I don’t see anything that would keep you from performing your duties." said the Peacemillion doctor.
"Oi, thanks man." Duo said as he left the office and walked to the hangar where his precious Deathscythe was being kept. Not for the first time, Duo was happy that he had gone in solo the night he had been captured. He didn’t know what he would have done if his ‘mate’ had been destroyed.
"Oi mate, you ready to blow this popsicle stand?" Duo questioned the looming black and gold Gundam. He never heard Heero step up behind him, and he jumped as the Japanese boy’s hands fell heavily on his shoulders. The long-haired boy whirled around and then yelped as Heero grabbed his braid and started to drag him towards an empty stockroom. Heero none too gently shoved Duo against the wall and glared at him fiercely.
"You. Me. Talk. Now." Heero growled, his eyes alight with anger and something else.
"Let go of me, man!" Duo cried.
"Duo, why are you avoiding me?" Heero asked evenly and Duo laughed nervously.
"Oi, what are you talking about, Heero?" Duo asked smiling.
"You’ve been avoiding me." Heero stated as he glared at the American. "Why?" Heero’s eyes narrowed and his face reflected the hurt confusion that had been plaguing him for the last three weeks. Pain and regret flashed across Duo’s face and he closed his eyes. "Do you hate me because I kissed you? Is that why you can’t stand to be in the same room with me?" Uncertainty tinged Heero’s voice. "Did I disgust you that much?"
"It’s not that." Duo protested as he shrugged off Heero’s hands and walked to the opposite side of the room, but Heero’s hand snaked out and grabbed his wrist.
"Then what is it?" Heero asked as he walked around to face Duo. The American refused to meet his gaze, but instead stared down at where the Japanese pilot’s hand laying on his arm.
"I…you wouldn’t understand." Duo whispered finally.
"Then make me understand. Do something!" Heero pressed. "Dammit Duo, don’t leave me in the dark!" The Japanese pilot’s grip on Duo’s arm tightened almost painfully. "Duo, I want to know what’s going on in that mind of yours." Heero reached out his hand and brushed Duo’s cheek; the boy flinched. "I want to know why you flinch whenever I touch you. And if something is bothering you, I want you to tell me." Duo’s eyes narrowed and he abruptly backed away from Heero.
"I. Don’t. Need. Your. Help." Duo ground out; his temper fraying.
"Duo…whatever is bothering you, tell me, then maybe I can help and you won’t have to go through this all alone.
"Alone!?" Duo barked. "You don’t understand the /meaning/ of that word! You’d have to be able to /feel/ in order to understand /that/!" Duo snarled, his eyes snapping with anger. He stalked forward and shoved the surprised Heero back until the Japanese pilot was against the wall. "But you’re Heero, the perfect soldier, Yuy! Such human emotions are beyond your reach."
"Duo…" Heero began but the American glared at him.
"Shut up. You wanted me to explain so I will! Let me clue you in Yuy, there is /one/ thing you can be certain of in life. Death. It’s that simple! And when you die, you are going to die alone! That’s something I learned the hard way. /Every/ single person I have ever loved or cared for has died, and they died essentially alone. You come into this world alone and you leave the same way, end of story. There is no fairytale ending, it’s life. And Death is a part of every life, especially mine! So unless you wanna die, I suggest you find someone else to hang around with. ‘Cause I’m cursed, you’ll die and once again I’ll be left alone. And I can’t take that anymore Heero, I can’t"
Something suspiciously like tears gleamed in Duo’s eyes as he stared at the shocked Wing pilot. "So /that/ is why I’ve been avoiding you, I don’t want to get you killed just like Solo or Father Maxwell. Or even the /countless/ other people I have killed. I am Death, so stay back or else." With that rejoinder, Duo stormed out of the room, but Heero made no move to follow his fellow Gundam pilot. Instead, he stared into the middle distance as Duo’s angry words echoed in his head repeatedly.
"He thinks that whoever he cares for is going to die…?" Heero wondered silently. "Baka!" The Japanese boy shook his head fiercely. "Duo no baka, how can you think that?!" Heero scowled and ran out the door, intent on catching up with the long-haired maniac. He froze when he heard Deathscythe take off and he rushed to the hangar bay where Wing was being worked on.
"Oi Heero!" Howard ran up to him.
"What?" Heero snapped and the older man looked sheepish.
"Duo…he kinda took the navigation chip from your Gundam…. I guess he didn’t want you to follow him."
Heero’s eyes hardened and he glared fiercely at the retreating form of Deathscythe.
"He planned this…" Heero whispered angry. "Chikusho!" Heero whirled around and looked at Howard. "Fix Wing please, I’ll make sure you are compensated as always."
"Iie." Howard said with a grin. "This one’s on the house. Just promise me you’ll save Duo from himself, okay?" Howard rubbed the back of his head shyly. "I’m kinda fond of the lad myself."
"Ninmu Ryouki." Heero murmured as he turned around and stared at Deathscythe as it disappeared into the blackness of space.
Duo blinked his eyes rapidly as he flew away from Peacemillion. His eyes were watering and he was having difficulty seeing clearly. The braided boy angrily wiped at his eyes as he pushed his Gundam to the limit. He wanted to put as much distance between him and the possibly homicidal Heero; especially when said pilot discovered that his Gundam had been tampered with. Duo laughed self-deprecatingly and tried to ignore the slightly hysterical note in his laugh.
"Man, Heero’s going to /kill/ me." He whispered, giggling desperately to himself. A manic gleam showed in his blue-violet eyes as he and Deathscythe flew farther and farther away from Peacemillion…..and Heero.
He had to find a place to hang low for a while, he needed a place to think, and to hide. Duo’s lips quirked in his familiar smirk, he knew just the place. And even /Heero/ would have a hard time trying to find him here. Duo nodded to himself as he flew towards his destination.
Heero scowled darkly as he pushed his way through the crowded streets. After tracking Duo for nearly two weeks, the Japanese pilot had come to the grim conclusion that he was going to wring Duo’s scrawny neck when he caught up with the brash American. Either that, or something else…Heero jerkily shook his head at his errant thoughts. Heero’s eyes narrowed as he saw the tail end of a brown braid through the thick crowd. A feral smirk flitted across Heero’s lips as he stealthily followed Duo. The long-haired American was completely unaware of his shadow and continued to walk briskly towards his destination. Heero watched amused as Duo casually snatched an apple from a produce stand.
"So /that’s/ why he wears those ridiculous pants." Heero mused as he saw Duo’s pants fill out with each additional pilfered item. The American finished his spree of theft shortly and suddenly disappeared into a side-alley. Heero peered around the corner.
"Hey mister, what are you doing?" Heero turned around and looked for the source of the overly loud voice and saw a young child around eight years of age staring up at him with bright blue-green eyes.
"None of your business." Heero growled.
"Why you hiding behind this corner?" The kid asked a little too loudly for Heero’s comfort. Heero growled and peered around the corner again; he was shocked at the sight before him. Duo was kneeling in front of a bunch of children and was handing out his pilfered items to them, a genuine smile on his face. One of the little girls, a small child with greasy and ratty blond hair hugged Duo.
"Thank you Duo-Oniisan." The little girl whispered and Duo hugged her back gently. Heero looked at this scene with undisguised curiosity.
"Hey mister!" Heero’s head jerked up and he looked at the child exasperated.
"What?" he asked, barely keeping himself from snapping at the child.
"Why are you spying!?" The child asked loudly again and down the alley, Duo looked up as he heard the child’s loud voice. His blue-violet eyes narrowed slightly and he pushed the children behind him.
"Stay here." He murmured as he walked warily to the entrance of the alley.
"Look kid, don’t you have something better to do?" Heero asked, exasperated.
"But I wanna know what /you’re/ doing!" The child cried petulantly. Duo peered around the corner and nearly found his nose buried in a familiar, hunter green clad shoulder. The American gulped and backed hastily away. Heero finally gave up and turned back towards the alley, only to find Duo standing there; looking at him uncertainly.
Heero pinned Duo in his spot with blazing eyes and Duo became nervous. The child that had drawn Duo’s attention ran over and hid behind Duo.
"Good job, Liam." Duo whispered, reassuring the child. "Go get the others and leave okay?"
"But Oniisan…" Liam whined.
"Do it!" Duo commanded but he ruffled the child’s dirty hair affectionately. "Heero and I have some things to discuss." Duo handed the child some food and smiled at him. "I’ll come play with you guys tomorrow, k?" Liam frowned but did as Duo ordered. With a parting glare at Heero, the child scampered back to the rest of the children. Duo looked over at Heero and attempted to smile; failing miserably.
"Long time, no see, ne?" Heero glowered at Duo and the American sighed. "Come on, we’ll go some place safer to talk."
Heero nodded curtly and followed Duo as the long-haired boy swiftly walked through the thick crowd.
Heero tensed and put his guard up as he noticed that Duo was taking him into one of the seedier parts of town. Duo continued to walk confidently down the street, past homeless people lying on street corners. Past the drug dealers and hookers, past the children with haunted, ancient eyes that belied their age.
Finally the American jumped a fence and ducked under a board and entered an abandoned building. "Watch your step." Duo murmured as he pointed out a hole in the floorboards. "Just follow me." Heero nodded and followed the black clad youth as he made a precarious journey across the weakened floor. Heero eyed the rickety stairwell Duo was heading towards with trepidation.
"Duo…." Heero murmured. "We’re not going up /there/, are we?" Duo chuckled softly and walked past the stairs. He pushed something in the wall and a door opened.
"Come on." Duo motioned and Heero followed him down a dark set of stairs. "Sorry there’s no light, but we couldn’t chance anyone seeing the light from the outside." Duo apologized as he and Heero reached the edge of the stairs. Duo fumbled against the wall and flicked on a switch and the room was suddenly lit softly. Heero looked around his new surroundings curiously. It was a small, cell-like room with just enough room for the scarred and scratched table and the small cot against the wall. Two less-than-steady looking chairs were shoved under the table and what looked like a half-eaten synthe sandwich was lying on the table. Duo picked up the sandwich and finished it off in two wolfish gulps.
He tossed an apple at Heero who caught it in mid-air. Then Duo hooked his leg around a chair and pulled it out. He motioned for Heero to do the same as he sat down. The Japanese pilot eyed the chair but sat in it gingerly, trying not to wince as it groaned and creaked under his weight.
"Duo, why did you run away?" Heero murmured and Duo closed his eyes. He bit into his apple and a trickle of juice clung to his bottom lip. The American chewed the fruit deliberately.
"Because, I needed space, some time to think." Duo murmured after a while. "Why did you follow me?"
"Because I love you." Heero nearly blurted out. "Because I never got a say in this." He said out loud. "You never gave me a chance to say /my/ piece." Duo
cocked an eyebrow and gestured lazily with his hand. "You say that everyone you love dies on you correct?"
"Yeah, it’s the only thing you can be sure of, death." Duo said and the familiar grin of Death settling over his features.
"Well you’re wrong Duo, /dead/ wrong." Heero strained the word ‘dead’. "You will /never/ know when Death is coming for you. No one does and just because you love someone doesn’t mean it’s /your/ fault if they die."
"Easy for you to say Heero. You’ve never lost anyone you cared for."
"Yes I have." Heero said softly. "I lost my parents and I lost the man who raised me for most of my childhood[1]. I cared about him deeply, but he died. Does that mean I killed him?" Heero reached across the table and grasped Duo’s wrist. He felt the rapid thump of Duo’s pulse beneath his fingertips. Heero stood up and not letting go of Duo’s hand and walked around the table until he was standing next to Duo. "Tell me this Duo. What happens if I /don’t/ die, or if you don’t. What happens if by some odd twist of Fate we /both/ survive this damned war. Would you be willing to pass up the chance at love, if only for a fleeting instant, because of something so fickle as Death? I’m not."
Heero turned Duo’s hand over and laid a gentle kiss in the center of Duo’s palm. "And fifty years from now, we could still be alive, and we could still be together. Would you pass up the chance at those fifty years? Or would you prefer to actually see me with someone else and live with the knowledge of what could have been?" Heero leaned over and moved his face close to Duo’s. "And the worst part would be, we’d both be miserable. Because /no one/ can make me happy like you do, and I’ll never be truly happy without you." Duo trembled and his eyes shone too brightly.
"I don’t want to be hurt anymore Heero." Duo choked out. Heero brushed Duo’s bangs from his face and smiled slightly at him.
"Pain is a part of life, and at times it can spice the moment up. But it’s part of life, and I won’t promise you I won’t hurt you. Because I might. And I won’t promise you I won’t die, because as far as the war is concerned, my life is expendable. But I will promise to try my damndest to come back to you. You are more then enough reason for me to live." Heero whispered and he gently kissed Duo.
The American clumsily stood and leaned into the kiss. He broke it shortly and buried his face in Heero’s shoulder.
"Promise me you won’t leave me alone." Duo whispered. Heero pushed Duo back and held him at arms length so he could stare him straight in the eyes.
"Duo I will /always/ be with you here." Heero reached out and touched the place on Duo’s chest where his heart beat steadily. "You will always carry a piece of me with you, just as you carry a piece of Solo, Father Maxwell and Sister Helen with you. So long as you remember us, you will never be alone. Never." Heero assured Duo and the American wrapped his arms around Heero’s waist.
"Arigatou, Heero." Duo whispered against Heero’s ear. "Do you….do you really think we could be together fifty years from now?" Heero nodded.
"Yes, that’s how strong my love is. It’s the eternal kind of love Duo. Ai shiteiru." Heero whispered against Duo’s lips.
"Hai, ai shiteiru." Duo answered a moment before Heero kissed him again. "From now on, I’ll never be alone again." Duo thought to himself. "No matter where I go, I have my past, the good and the bad, with me. Heero’s right, so long as I remember them, Solo and the others will never be dead, they’ll be alive within me. And we’ll keep each other company so that none of us will never have to be alone again.
~owari~
[1] Massive thanx go out to Trowa who was patient and kind enough to fill me in on Heero’s childhood.
Arigatou Trowa!
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-Sheira
Keeper of Heero's Yellow Sneakers
Co-Keeper of the Voices Inside Duo's Head (with Sailor Zoisite)