19-March-2002
Title: Ten Years
Rating: PGish
Pairing: None, duh.
Warnings: Angst, death of characters we know died, oh
yeah, and one swear word.
Spoilers: Duo's Episode Zero
Disclaimer: Not mine, make no claim as such.
Feedback: Feedback, I want. Like it, I do.
Notes: It's angst, it's odd. I really don't know what
to say. I was trying something completely different.
It’s here and now, and his ghosts won’t leave him alone.
It’s AC 195, and now death isn’t only his life; it’s his job.
It’s AC 194, and another year of training has gone by and he’s beginning to wonder if it’s worth it.
It’s AC 193, and G tells him how many casualties might result. How many people he might have to kill. He tells G to “fuck off” and walks away.
It’s AC 192, and he gets caught stowing away for the first time. For some reason, he’s not disappointed.
It’s AC 191, and he is so sick of L2.
It’s AC 190, and he can’t go to church anymore. There are too many memories and every time he looks at the face of Jesus on the cross, all he can see is Father Maxwell.
It’s AC 189, and even though he prays, he can still hear her voice.
It’s AC 188, and he has no idea what he’s going to do once he stops crying.
It’s AC 187, and he can’t shake the feeling that one day Sister Helen is going to leave him.
It’s AC 186, and he wonders if he has anything left to give the children who follow him. Seven more die that year.
It’s AC 185, and he wonders why the plague didn’t kill him too.
It’s AC 185, and Solo grins and slaps him on the back when he lifts a mark’s wallet. “You’ll be a great thief someday.” Solo says. He just grins.
It’s AC 186, and everyone sleeps warmly thanks to him. It makes him feel better.
It’s AC 187, and for the first time in two years, he belongs.
It’s AC 188, and she looks so kind as she bandages the wounded. She even lets him help.
It’s AC 191, and he’s finally got away. He can’t wait to explore space.
It’s AC 194, and he begins to believe he might actually be able to pull off his mission.
It’s AC 195, when he sees Earth for the first time and feels more emotions than he can name.
It’s AC 194, and G tells him what Operation M is really about. He can’t believe it and he’s pretty sure he never will.
It’s AC 190, and he sees a war orphan on the streets. He offers up a silent prayer that she won’t turn out like him and then he wonders when he stopped believing in God.
It’s AC 188, and he doesn’t even want to think about it.
It’s AC 187, and three kids are in a hospital because of him. They said he smelled like a sewer, but he can’t understand why he cares what they think.
It’s AC 185, and Solo dies in his arms.
It’s AC 187, and Sister Helen wipes away his tears, smelling of lavender and soap.
It’s AC 189, and he washes and braids his own hair for the first time.
It’s AC 192, and his busy schedule keeps him happy. He feels useful again.
It’s AC 194, and he decides that peace is worth giving his life for. Believing in something makes him feel good. He decides to steal Deathsycthe and is relieved when G helps him. He never thought G bought the *real* Operation M stuff anyway.
It’s AC 195, and he’s not surprised when everyone close to him almost dies.
It’s AC 194, and he says goodbye to the Sweepers. He’s leaving again, and he hates himself for being happy that this time he’s not the one who’s being left.
It’s AC 193, and it doesn’t occur to him that maybe he doesn’t believe in peace anymore.
It’s AC 192, and it’s the first time he calls himself death.
It’s AC 189, and he wonders if he’s getting to used to them leaving.
It’s AC 188, and there are a million question he knows will never be answered. Like, “why?”
It’s AC 185, and he figures he’ll eventually learn why they leave.
It's here and now, and he just can't stop remembering them all. How they smelled, or sounded, or looked. Even the ones whose names he can’t remember. It's here and now, and he can't remember how he felt each time anymore. He just knows that it’s been ten years and he still hasn't figured out why they leave.
OWARI
Riko
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