09-Jan-2001
Title: I Want You Out of My Life
Author: Lady DarkAngel Ladydarkangel_1@yahoo.com
Category: Yaoi, angst
Pairing(s): 1x2
Disclaimers: Gundam Wing or Shinkidousenki Gundam Wing
is copyrighted and trademarked by Sunrise, Bandai,
Sotsu Agency and associated parties with all rights
and privileges. The characters were used without
permission for the purposes of entertainment only.
This is not meant for sale of profit. Any characters
not created by those listed above are mine and hereby
considered the sole property and copyright of the
author.
Anyway, I'm just a poor college student. So can I
play with them? I promise I won't break them...
much.
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Warnings: ANGST, violence, LANGUAGE, abusive
relationship, obsession
Feedback: Kami-sama, YES!!!
{Here we go
Goodbye
Chapter one
Tell 'em how the story goes...}
Yet another screaming match shatters the peace of the forest safehouse. Followed quickly by crashes and flying objects. The vicious words being hurled in the air are no longer sensible and are just barely coherent. Nothing makes any sense anymore but it doesn't matter to the participants. A chair goes flying through the plate glass window and the shards of glass rain down the front of the house. The sounds are getting louder; crashes, bangs and the smacking sound of flesh against flesh. A pointless fight grown out of control, the two attack each other and anything within reach. The sheer devastation is incredible, as is the pure anger and hatred that shimmers in the air. Shouts of fury and curses clutter the air along with books, tools and a laptop. A particularly loud smashing noise is followed by a shriek that echoes through the woods. "Bastard! That's it; I've had it!"
"Where the hell do you think you're going?! Get your ass back here NOW!!"
The front door flies open with a bang and a lithe figure clothed in black rushes out. Blood trails down one arm and drips from his hand. But from the size of the gash it's obvious that its not all his own. A deep vivid purple bruise mars the right side of his cheek and tears stream down his angry face. His clothes are ripped and basically shredded. His braid is falling apart and loose strands obscure his already blinded vision. He's clutching his chest like he's lost a rib or two. He races towards the motorcycles parked nearby and jumps on to the nearest one. Gunning the engine, Duo races off as soon as possible without a glance backwards.
Standing in the doorway watching is an equally damaged Heero. His clothes are a lost cause and blood mattes his normally untamable hair down. Deep gauge marks that run perilously close to his left eye are weeping blood copiously. Scattered all around his form are various shades of blue and purple bruises. He's standing a little funny, as if his right leg weren't capable of holding his weight. His cobalt eyes are fixed on the figure fading in the distance, never noticing his injuries or the devastation their fight created. Fury is clearly written across his face, as is disgust.
Heero stands there for hours, waiting for the baka to return like he always does. This wasn't an unusual occurrence at all. They fought often and it turned ugly more often then not. Most of the time, there wasn't really a cause. And if there was, it was later shown to be not worth the effort and damage it caused. Their relationship was nothing if not rocky. More downs then ups, mostly, but it was the ups that mattered. No matter how much they fought, how nasty it got, how badly they injured each other; Heero and Duo were in love. They... just weren't compatible most of the time. But that could be fixed. That *will* be fixed. They promised each other after every fight. But somehow, things never seemed to change enough...
The sun begins to set and darkness bleeds out from the shadows. His anger is growing now. Where in the hell is he?! He should have been back by now! He always comes back after a few hours in town, and if the fight was bad, a few drinks too. <Duo never stays out this late. He'd be back by now and we'd realize how stupid this whole goddamn thing was and we'd say we're sorry. I can't apologize if the baka doesn't come back!>
A cold wind blows and brings with it an unwelcome thought. What if Duo never came back? <Impossible!> he shook his head violently in denial. <Never! My koi won't leave me, not over something so stupid. But he did seem really upset this time... > Suddenly panicked eyes focused on the road as Heero's mind considered this. <He... he loves me! I love him! This was just a misunderstanding! He knows that! He *knows*!! It won't happen again. He'll come back to me... right?>
The anger was long gone from his face, replaced by tears. He mouthed an apology to a long-gone love. "Duo... gomen." The wind whipped by and he realized he was all alone. "I'm... I'm sorry..."
{Every little thing that you said was true
I believed in you
But it wasn't meant to be}
Duo sobbed into the pillow. Another fight, another set of injuries, another day to check up to his miserable life. Why in the hell did this have to happen?! Hadn't they suffered enough?! What was wrong with him, with them?! Why did this keep going on when they tried to change, to make things better?! *WHY*?!
Covered in bandages and having already exceeded the limit of painkillers you could take in a day and not die by a good margin, he lay in pain on a cheap motel bed and cried his eyes out. <Oh Heero... what happened to us?> The door wasn't locked but he wasn't worried about that. He knew that Heero wouldn't come for him. He was probably standing on the damn porch like he always was whenever Duo decided to crawl home and apologize. Even if it wasn't his fault. Heero always apologized too, regardless. They were never really sure who caused the fight or who was right. So they hedged their bets, swallowed their damnable pride and said I'm sorry. And there would be peace for a while. Lately, the time between fights was getting shorter. Days or even hours instead of weeks.
It was getting worse.
And yet he kept going back. Every time he'd run, he'd always return. Heero knew that and was waiting. But he'd never been gone this long before. <Will Heero be worried? Hn. He's expecting me. He realizes I'll be back. Though he'll be pissed it took so long.> He thought about the beautiful boy he called his lover and what was occurring between them. <Why am I going back, again?> Stupid question; he already knew the answer to that.
Because Heero loved him. And he loved the bastard right back.
Heero had always said he loved him. After every bout of lovemaking, after they came to their senses after the stupid fights that seemed to make up the majority of their relationship. He whispered it when he slept and it seemed reflected in his eyes.
But did he really? Or were they just words that the Japanese boy knew Duo wanted to hear?
The braided boy sat up and scowled at his reflection in the window. No. Heero cared for him in his own way. Didn't always show it, rarely acted on it, but it was there. He loved. It just wasn't the way Duo loved. And that was the problem. No matter how much they cherished each other, they were incompatible. Ying and yang, as Wu-chan would say. Light and dark, life and death, the total opposites deal. Yeah, they attract and manage to keep the fires burning. But the big question is, can they keep a relationship going?
The answer appeared to be a very big NO.
The Deathscythe pilot sighed. As much as they cared, they also hated. The fights were seriously violent. He'd lost track of the hospital visits they'd incurred, mostly his. They didn't even bother with excuses anymore and the staff had figured out they wouldn't get a straight answer even if they asked. The injuries weren't caused by any cheap shots. They had been aiming to kill, or at least seriously maim. The shouts of "Omae o korosu" were heart-felt. It was only later that reason returned, and brought guilt and shame along for the ride. But for the duration of the "argument", they were honestly trying to take each other out.
Why?
Well, he couldn't speak for his lover, but Duo knew why *he* was so upset. It was because Heero had basically lied to him. Or at least that's how he saw it. The Wing Zero pilot had promised to try to change. Promised repeated, actually. Duo didn't think he was asking for much. Just to have his koi relax a little, lose the tough guy attitude, and minor stuff like that. Nothing really difficult. So he thought at the time.
But it was hard for Heero. He'd tried at first, like Duo had with Heero's requests for him. Calm down, quit with the smart-ass routine and the like. They really had made a significant effort into changing. But now Duo could see it was doomed to failure before they had started. Just like they were. You can't change who you are, not completely. Besides, if you have to change so much for someone, it means that they don't love you for who you are. Correcting a fault is one thing, but major personality overhauls are another. Sister Helen had told him so and he knew she was right.
So what did Heero fall in love with then? And what did he see in his koi? Was it just a passing fascination after all?
He snorted. Nope, if only they were so lucky. It seemed that fate had once again gotten a good laugh at their expense and gave them a love that wasn't meant to be. The two of them just weren't gonna make it. That was painfully obvious. Speaking of painful...…
He got up to take some more painkillers. He passed a mirror and stared at the wreck of a person in front of him. Idly, he wondered if he'd gotten Heero as bad. This had definitely been a bad one. A record number of bruises, even for them. Would the next one be worse?
His eyes hardened. No, no more. This was the last strike. It was over. *They* were over. For good this time. He couldn't take this anymore. He was dying, maybe not physically this time, but most certainly inside. His soul was going to shatter if there was a "next time". He couldn't survive. And neither could Heero. It was better this way. It would hurt like hell, but they would live and maybe someday find someone better for them.
<Sayonara, Hee-koi. This is gonna suck but it's the only way. Ai shiteru. But get the hell out of my life before it's too late for either of us.>
{Cuz every little thing that you promised me
Wasn't honestly what you said it would be
And I swear you'll never learn
So I'm giving you what you deserve
What you deserve}
Heero was pissed. How dare Duo run off like this?! It had been three weeks and he'd seen neither hide nor hair of the American. This was absolutely fucking ridiculous. He was sorry, the fight was nothing, there was no reason for this! Duo was putting him through hell for nothing! Every day, he searched and waited for his braided lover to come back and every night he went to sleep alone. He woke up to cold, empty sheets and a silent house.
Duo had promised him forever. Duo never lied. Duo was not here. Therefore, one of the above statements is false. Logic dictates it was the line about never lying. Heero fumed as he typed away, tracking any leads to the missing American. But if that was true, what else did he lie about? Was everything they had just a lie? Their life, their love?
<IIE!!> His mind raged at the thought. <Masaka! This is all just a mistake. But I can fix it. No, wait... *we* can fix it. I know we can. But he has to come back first. And he wouldn't. Duo, quit being such a stubborn bastard and come back to where you belong. You should be here with me. You belong to me. I belong to you. We promised, remember? Well, I'm not going to let you break your promise. Not now and not ever. You're *mine*, Duo Maxwell. I *will* find you and things *will* get better. Everything will be normal again, just wait and see. When I find you... >
He ran every search protocol he could remember, utilized every tactic he'd learned as a terrorist hacker. No database was safe, no storehouse of information was left unscathed. He spent hours racing across the Internet, searching for any clue that could lead him to Duo. There had to be something somewhere. Even the great Shinigami can't just vanish into thin air. There's always something...
He would find his love. And then he would make it alright. Sure they had problems, what couple didn't? But what they had was something too good to lose to a trivial spat like this. Yes, he had hurt Duo. But Duo had hurt him right back. Injuries were nothing new to them. It used to be their way of life, still was in a way. No, this was about dominance. About right and wrong and them being too stupid and stubborn to admit anything. Of course, it was mostly Duo who caused the fights but even the Perfect Soldier had to admit he was responsible for at least a few. If the baka would just try to cooperate and change a little, everything would run so smoothly. It wasn't much. Just some effort on the American's part to be more like what he wanted the violet-eyed boy to be. He didn't demand perfection, but hell, if he could do it...
The computer beeped, indicating the search was over. Eagerly, he awaited the results. <I'm coming for you, Duo. You better be there... > But the screen showed only a simple message instead of the expected address and information. NO MATCHES FOUND. With an incoherent shriek of rage, he picked up the laptop and threw it across the room. Sturdy plastic met sturdier brick and it shattered into pieces. Heero stared at it and he panted his fury. <No. You can't get away from me that easily, Duo. I will find you. I have to. I can't make things right if I don't. I have to make things better; I can't stand them the way they are now. But why are you making this so goddamned hard?!> He titled his head back and screamed out his anger. "WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?"
{You've been living in a fantasy
If you think that you can be with me
You tried, denied
And now you've got to move on babe
Took a chance when you rolled the dice
Messed around but you didn't think twice
What's done is done I want you out of my life}
Duo looked around his new place. It was nothing fancy, but it was his. Just his. Nothing of Heero here. Nothing of anything, really. Just a mattress, table, chair, and a bare lightbulb. The absolute minimum to live off of. He'd had worse, he'd lived on the streets. He could make due here. He could build up...
It had been hard to get a place without leaving a trail. But he managed to do it. Heero wouldn't find him, at least not for a while. He was safe here. A cheap sanctuary, but one he'd take any day of the week. Blessed peace and solitude. No fights, no yelling, no heartache, no accusations, no bruises, no tears...
The tears had flowed down his face too many times to count. The breathless sobbing, the burning eyes, the pounding headaches that followed... It hurt to cry. It ripped something out of himself that he didn't even know was there until it was gone. And it was damn near impossible to get back when it left. He spent so much time trying to fix what was so carelessly broken in their frequent fights and he so rarely succeeded. The tears fell regardless. It was sad, in a way. OZ had never been able to break him the way Heero had. Torture of the worst kind had never been able to produce the watershed of tears that cascaded down his face every time Heero said something terrible. No guard had been able to shatter that something in him that made him want to get up in the mornings. No battle aftermath could steal his smile as fast as his koi did. No interrogation had ever made him want to kill himself. But Heero did...
Too many times he'd felt so broken after their fights. The words they screamed at each other echoed in his ears as he questioned their validity. The intentionally nasty insults always stung even if he didn't let Heero know. Especially that one word. Worthless. Of all the cruel things to come out of their mouths, that was by far the worst. It somehow cut through his armor and pieced him straight to the core. Maybe because he believed it. Even after his koi apologized and tried to show him that he didn't mean it, Duo always secretly believed he did think that way. That Duo was nothing but street trash. Stupid, a waste of both time and space. Good enough to fuck, but not good enough to be bothered with. That his only purpose in Heero's life was a trophy, and when the trophy was tarnished, it had to be brutally buffed back into glory.
Duo felt the familiar bitter sting as the crystalline tears started to slide their way down his cheek. That was probably it. He was nothing more then a pretty trinket to show off, a prized possession rather then a person. It hurt so much to think that. He'd tried so hard... But it was never enough. Not nearly enough. He constantly disappointed his lover, no matter how much effort he put into things. He could always do better. He didn't try hard enough. He was a failure. And, oh, how Heero Yuy hated failure.
<Maybe love doesn't conquer all... > He had to admit, sometimes he didn't try too hard. But that didn't mean that he treated the relationship lightly. It just meant that he did things different then Heero did. Aren't you supposed to love and value differences? That's what Sister Helen had always said. That love was give and take, bending and changing, growing and learning. That it was ever-patient, kind, caring... She'd read him that beautiful passage from the Bible once and he had memorized it instantly. He had known then that it was true. He wanted to share that with his beloved. He wanted to share everything with him. But Heero didn't care.
What mattered to Duo was trivia. Irrelevant. Do you have any idea how much hearing the one you admire above all else and love with all your heart tell you that what you think, hope and believing in are just... worthless. Always back to that one word. It had to be the most painful word in the English language. And his life seemed to revolve around it. It had shattered his world so many times that it had become his world. He was worthless. To sit here and cry like a two year old... he was a trained terrorist, a gundam pilot for god's sake! No... he was a lost fifteen-year-old boy with nowhere to go, and no one to care.
He looked around his apartment again. It was empty. Just like he was...
{Every time the phone rings it's in your eyes
That you wear a disguise
Oh who could it be?}
The phone rang, disturbing him from his thoughts. He raced over to the comlink and picked up the connection. Eagerly, he waited for the image to appear before him. <DUO! It has to be! I *knew* he'd come back to me! He'll beg and plead and grovel because he's realized how wrong he was. I won't let him hang this time. I'll take him back and we'll have a discussion about how matters have to change. I'll lay down the rules and make sure he understands them. If we have a plan, we'll be fine. Oh, Duo-koi, you came back to me!!!>
The person on the screen before him was NOT his beloved, though. He stared in open-mouthed shocked at the pink-clad demon that was Relena Peacecraft. She smiled sunnily at him. "Hello, Heero."
"What the hell do you want?!"
She blinked, obviously not expecting the rudeness in his tone. "Well, I heard you broke up with Duo and..."
"Who told you that?" he hissed in a deadly tone, eyes blazing fury and promising her the death he'd always threatened. How dare she bother him, much less speak such obscenities. They were not over. Not by a long shot.
"Well, you did leave him, didn't you?"
"Absolutely not!"
Her face contorted with angry righteousness. "Do you mean to tell me *HE* dumped *YOU*?! Why that little street rat! If I'd known that, I would have made absolutely sure he suffers for the rest of eternity! That miserable little nobody, how DARE he do that to you?! I swear, I'll make sure his life is ruined! I'll... " She was cut off by Heero's swift and angry inquiry.
"Do you know where he is?!"
"What?"
"I said, do you know where he is?!"
"What does that matter? He's gone and good riddance! He's better off where he is, somewhere far away from us! Now, Heero... "
"Tell me where he is."
"Why do you care? It's over. You can be with me now."
"You will tell me or I will kill you, Relena."
"Heero, I..."
"DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE *IS*?! I SWEAR IF YOU'RE HIDING SOMETHING FROM ME, I WILL RIP OUT YOUR SPINE AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH IT!! TELL ME RELENA, WHERE THE HELL IS MY DUO?!?"
"I... I..." Stunned by the sheer violence in his voice and the dead certainty in his eyes, the Queen of the World finally began to fear for her safety. And for the first time, a certain braided boy as well...
"TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"A city on Earth... Buffalo, in the old United States. I don't know specifics..."
The connection was suddenly disconnected as Heero slammed his fist down on the control panel, shattering it to pieces. He turned and ran out the door, not stopping for anything. He totally neglected the blood running down his arm and the sparking mess that was once his comlink. He was going to his Duo. And nothing was going to stop him...
{Now you think you can just take me back
But I'll never go back to what we used to be
And you say you've changed cuz you've cried
But it's time for me to draw the line
Time for me to draw the line}
Duo looked over his shoulder. He had sensed something... no, someone behind him. It was following him. Had been for a while now. He'd subtly tried to ditch it but it was good. Too good. Suspiciously good. <Oh no, not now...> He eyes swept the area.
There it was. A shadow were one shouldn't be. A familiar shadow, at that. Duo sighed. <GUESS IT'S NOW OR NEVER. PLEASE GOD, GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO DO THIS. AND PLEASE LET HIM UNDERSTAND......> He called out over his shoulder, naming the presence that had been haunting him for so long.
"Heero."
"Hello, koi. Long time, no see." He stepped out from the darkness he'd been hiding in and frowned at the back still facing him. Silently, he tried to glare his love into facing him.
Duo merely turned his head, though. "Go away, Heero. It's over."
"What are you talking about? I just found you! And it took me forever, too! Why did you try to hide? What are you doing here? Why didn't you come back? I waited for you and you never came back! Why?!" Noticing Duo's posture had gone rigid, he persisted. "What's this all about? Why won't you look at me, talk to me? What's going on?!" All the anger and frustration he'd been feeling poured out into his normally icy tone.
The American looked at his agitated lover briefly before turning away again. He couldn't look into those deep soulful and tormented eyes or he'd be lost again. *THEY* would lost again. This was their last chance for escape for this and Duo was going to take it. "I already told you. It's over. We're over."
"NANI?!" Out of all the scenarios he had formulated, this was definitely not one of them. He knew Duo was but... "What are you saying?!"
Suddenly angry, Duo began to yell. "Exactly what you heard! Gods, don't you even listen to me anymore?! Is what I say really so worthless? You, me, us- it's gone. Done. Finito. Past tense. Do you understand me, Yuy?! Get a clue! There is no more us!"
Rocked to his very core, the Japanese boy desperately tried to understand. "But..... but *WHY*?! After everything we've done, everything we've fought against, everything we've lived through? WHY?!" He choked back what sounded suspiciously like a sob. "Why don't you love me anymore?"
"Because after all that shit, it hasn't gotten any better. In fact, it's gotten worse. We're gonna kill each other if this keeps up and you know it. Face it, Heero, we just weren't meant to be, no matter how much we try. We're too different. Not a matchstick's chance in hell of winning. And a relationship, unlike a battle, can't be built on those odds." Violet eyes misted and focused on the floor. "And who said I still don't love you?"
"But you're leaving me! How can you love me if you'd throw us away?!"
"You stupid jerk! I love you enough to get the hell out of your life before it REALLY goes south! I love you enough to live in misery for the rest of my life so that you and I can actually have an old age! I love you enough to walk away, let you go! Do you have any idea how hard that is?!"
Heero tried to rein in the fury he was experiencing. It wouldn't do to go and spook Duo by showing it, especially not now when he was so clearly thinking irrationally. He wondered if maybe he'd hit Duo in the head one too many times. It certainly seemed possible since his lover was obviously out of his mind.
"Ok, I know. I know you're upset." He attempted to project a calming appearance and a soothing voice. It wasn't working very well. "That last fight was a bad one, I agree. We need to talk about it. Now, let's forget this nonsense and go home, ne? I'll cook you dinner and brush your hair for you. How does that sound?"
"Don't you dare patronize me! I'm not stupid, Heero! I know what's going on!"
"You're letting your emotions get the better of you. If you'd listen to me and think this through rationally, you'd see..."
"Bastard! Why should I listen to you when you're obviously not listening to me! Have you even *heard* a goddamned word I've said?!"
"Hai. I've heard the ramblings of a scared person in love whose trying not to hurt. I know how you feel and I want to help but..." He was cut off by a scream of pure frustration, followed by laughter boarding on the hysterical. "Duo?"
"See? Proof right there. You don't care. You're not listening. You only see and hear what you want to." Tears began to pour from amethyst eyes. "We're no good for each other. All we do is provoke each other and fight and one day there will be nothing left! I'm killing you and you're killing me. All the love in the world won't change the fact that we nearly beat ourselves to death or nothing! And we mean it!"
"That's not true!"
Duo whirled around. "Oh, really? Do you mean the things you scream at me when you're trying to crack my skull open. Cause I mean them when I do the same thing. And I mean my apologies, too. It doesn't work like that. You can't hate and love someone this much and expect things to go smoothly! It won't get better just because you say so."
Cobalt eyes flash anger before being quickly squelched. "I never said things would be smooth. But they will improve. I promise."
"Your promises mean nothing, Heero! You promised to stop picking fights and to not hurt me anymore! Now look at me!" Duo swept a furious arm down to indicate his condition. "I'm a mess and so are you! So much for promises! How can I trust you!?"
"You love me. I love you. Love is about trust. You taught me that."
"Yeah." The braided boy seemed to deflate. "I did. But what's going on here isn't real love."
"How can you say that?!" Before he could stop to think, Heero struck the other boy across the face. Duo went flying and landed hard on the ground. The Wing Zero pilot stared at his love for a few seconds before running over to lend a hand. "Gomen! Duo, I'm so sorry! Here, let me..."
Duo swatted away the offered hand. "I'm fine." The fresh blood running down his face denied that fact but Heero let it slide. "This is what I'm talking about. I said something you didn't like so you felt the need to knock me across the room."
"I didn't mean to hit you that hard! And you were questioning us! What was I supposed to do?!"
"Disagree. Call me an idiot. Tell me you're upset. Frown at me. Walk away in disgust. Even screaming at me would be better then beating me."
Heero froze. "I.... didn't mean it. You have to believe that Duo."
"Even if I do, you'll do it again. And again and again until one of us is six feet under. It's gotta stop. Right here and right now. We're both young. We still have a life ahead of us. I won't give up that life for anyone or anything... not even you, koi. And since you can't change..."
"Who says I can't?" Heero bristled at the implication.
"History, love. And it doesn't lie. Not like us. Give it up, Heero. Give *us* up. It wasn't too bad; it was perfect in the beginning. But some things aren't meant to last. This is one of them."
"NO!!" The dark-haired boy gave Duo's hand fiercely. "It's not over! It can't be over! I can change! Just watch me! Tell me what to do and I can do it. I can and will learn. Anything you want. Everything you want. I don't want you to go. You can't go! This relationship isn't finished until I say so!"
"I have a say in this, too. And I'm saying goodbye." He yanked his hand free. The Deathscythe pilot began to turn but hesitated. He then placed a gentle hand on his former lover's face. "Still love you. Maybe I always will. But this is the way it has to be. Understand that. If you've ever loved me, try and understand. I love you enough to let you go before we really get hurt." He began to back off. "Goodbye, Heero." He turned and ran.
Heero watched as his beloved ran off into the distance. He entertained thoughts of running after him but decided not to. This time. He would give Duo a little more time to think things over. To realized his enormous and foolish mistake. To come back of his own free will. It was inevitable that the American would come to his senses. Duo did say that love conquers all. And their love was the strongest of them all.
"Well, I love you enough to never let you go." The fanatical light that had usually been reserved for missions shown in his eyes. "There is no goodbye, not for us. You can't leave me, Duo. I won't let you. It may take me forever, but I WILL get you back. You'll see just how stupid this little theory of yours is." A decidedly malicious smirk appeared. "I'll follow you to the end of the earth and beyond. This isn't over, love. Not by a long shot..."
{You've been living in a fantasy
If you think that you can be with me
You tried, denied
And now you've got to move on babe
Took a chance when you rolled the dice
Messed around but you didn't think twice
What's done is done I want you out of my life
I want you out of my life}
Duo ran into his new apartment and slammed the door. His third apartment in two months. He quickly gathered his things together. In truth, he never really unpacked. Just had taken a few necessary things out of the OZ-issue backpack he'd swiped some time ago. He barely had time to settle in before IT began. The strange phone calls. The mysterious and often disturbing gifts and cards. Things disappearing from his apartment/car/workplace. Things being moved every so slightly from where they should be.
And the feeling of never being alone.
He swept his place for bugs every morning and night, searched the entire premises at least once a day. He even had friends and the police watching his place day and night. No one heard or saw anything suspicious, ever. And yet the nagging suspicion that he saved his ass more then once insisted somebody had him in their sights.
Correction. Heero had him in his sights.
It had to be him. He wasn't giving up. He didn't understand that this was Duo's choice, what he thought was best. All the Wing Zero pilot cared about was his own wish to get his koi back. That strengthened Duo's resolve. If Heero didn't care about how his lover felt or wanted to honor his wishes, then it wasn't love. It was a crush, lust, obsession, whatever. But not love the way it was meant to be.
It seemed he was going to have to run forever. Heero wouldn't leave him alone. The roses, the hair ties, little reminders of them were appearing everywhere. Some were sweet, some were sad and some were downright frightening. Like the one time he'd come home to find a crucifix on a chain nailed to his front door that was dripping something that looked and smelled like blood. Heero must have cut himself accidentally hanging up. Surely he hadn't deteriorated that far yet as to purposely do such a thing as leave a bloodied cross on his door... Or had he? That had scared the living daylights out of him and prompted his first flight.
And now he was constantly on the run. Too frightened to stay in any place too long, jumping at the slightest sound. Moving from place to place at a moment's notice. It wasn't paranoia. He'd seen Heero several times since that last talk. Lurking in the shadows, reflected in glass only to disappear before he could turn around. He appeared in crowds and Duo had heard his voice whispering in the dark. No matter where he went, he couldn't get away. What did Heero want from him?!
That was easy. He wanted him to come back. To give up everything: his pride, his sense of self, his self-preservation, his very life. To surrender.
Heero did love him. He did. It was just in a really, REALLY warped way. And it was getting more warped by the second. He just couldn't comprehend the significance of Duo's actions. He thought they were childish attempts to delay the inevitable. Duo had on occasion gotten emails and notes that had professed undying love and devotion. Those same notes also carried barely veiled threats if he disobeyed. And when Duo didn't come back after them, things started to happen. His electricity got cut off, even when he was paid for two months in advance. The car was repossessed by a company he never heard of. Mysterious viruses invaded his computers, forcing him to trash it and get a new system. Once, he somehow acquired a police record not his own and had to out-run thirty cop card doing 80mph on city streets. A million other things, all carefully designed to make life miserable and send him packing.
Heero wasn't trying to hurt him. Yet. But he was out to ruin whatever Duo could make on his own. That was enough to keep him from his koi. Despite all he'd done, Duo still loved the bastard. Maybe there was something wrong with him, too.
As he began to pack, the phone started to ring. He ignored it. He knew who it was, anyway. The answering machine picked it up and Heero's voice rang through the tiny room loud and clear.
"I know you're leaving, Duo. Why don't we just stop all this foolishness and you can come back home. I'm not mad. Really, I'm not. I'm doing this for you, you know. Because you can't see what you're doing. You're tearing us apart. We belong together, Duo. Ai shiteru, itsumo zutto. We promised. I won't forget. I won't let you, either. I won't let you ruin your life... ruin *our* life because you're too stubborn to admit I'm right. Come back to me, my darling Duo. Please don't make me hunt you down again. I don't like doing this to you. I've seen you cry because of it. It hurts me when you cry. If you come back, you won't cry ever again. I know you can hear me Duo. I miss your voice. Talk to me. Look at me. Come back to me. I will love you till the end of time, even if you're a miserable baka. I'll find you, wherever you go. I *will* see you again, beloved. We *will* be together again. Good-bye...."
{I want you out of my life}
Duo closed the door and ran to the bus station. He didn't even bother locking it or alerting the super. They'd figure it out eventually. They always did. Part of him wonder why he bothered. It wouldn't do anything to leave. There was no way to win this game. He was outnumbered and outgunned, had been from the start. What he wanted, peace and solitude, didn't mean a damn thing. He was a hunted man, and his time was running out.
There was no escape for him.
He wearily picked a seat as the bus pulled away from the curb, not caring about the destination. Just before they left town, he could have sworn he saw Heero waving goodbye. His mind was definitely not in the best of shape. Not when he knew that out there somewhere, a beautiful cobalt-eyed, love-obsessed and possibly insane Japanese boy was hunting for him with all the skills the Perfect Soldier possessed. And that no matter where he ran or hid, Heero would find him. It was only a matter of time...
~Owari~
Lady DarkAngel
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