07-Jan-2001

Dedicated to all my friends Tabs, Tyr, Tigress Pern, Nanashi Nana, Mars/Lyra, Kurai and Aurélie.

Disclaimers: Gundam Wing is the property of Sunrise, Bandai, and all associated parties. "Copa cabana" is property of Barry Manilow, Bruce Sussman, and J. Feldman. This is a work of fiction produced exclusively for hentai and insanity purposes; no money exchanged hands, and I wish I could claim the rights to any of the characters but unfortunately it's not the case.

Warnings : Alternate Universe, OOC, absolute silliness, some yaoi, yuri, threesome hints, and my English is absolutely awful.

Copa Relena by Hervé

<Latin percussion and strings>

~Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She was merengue and do the cha-cha
And while she tried to be a star, Tony always tended bar
Across a crowded floor, they worked from 8 till 4
They were young and they had each other
Who could ask for more?~

The scene takes places in a small hot club of the Havana where Heero Yuy used to work as bartender. Unfortunately for Heero, his grand father (Dr J), has also hired the daughter of his associate, the international show star Relena Peacecraft. She has been chasing him for month now but he systematically turn down all her advances and propositions protesting the illness of his grand father.

In fact the truth was that his grandfather barely talk to him. After the tragic death of his parent in a car accident his grandfather took him in reluctantly, considering him as a useless burden. In order to reduce his cost, Dr J has forced him to work in his bar for a starvation wage and they didn't even exchange ten phrases during two years.

When Dr J has becoming very ill, Heero has decided to take care of him, hoping receives some fondness in return but the embittered old man has always refused to open his cold heart. And three days ago the old man finally died. Except Relena and Heero there was no one else to his funeral.

Heero and Relena are now sitting in the dining room of the club and are listening attentively to Lady Une (Dr J's lawyer) who's actually reading Dr. J's will.

Lady Une : ..... And finally I bequeath to my worthless grandson my club at the single condition that he'll marry the daughter of my associate Miss Relena Peacecraft before four month after my death. If this condition won't fullfill within the allotted time limit, the club will be sold and the money will be bequeathed to the Society for the Prevention of Car Accident.

Heero : Is it absolutely legal ?

Lady Une : Perfectly legal, I presume you both understand the terms of the inheritance.

::Heero and Relena nodded. ::

Lady Une : Now I need to go. ::She bows politely and leaves the bar.::

Relena : It was an unexpected surprise. I guess your grandfather really liked me after all. Isn't that wonderfull ? I can't believe we're finally getting married under his blessing. I'm so happy, it's like my dream come true ... I must tell the girls.... we could marry in June.... I saw those wonderfull pink dress which would be perfect for my bridesmaids..... Heero, are you listen to me ?

Heero : We'll both discuss this later Relena. It's show time.

During the show, Relena was hit pretty hard by one of her famous Relena's trademark ideas. If Heero wasn't so busy at the bar, he would have noticed the strange glint in her eyes. At the end of her show, Relena stays unusually on the stage and grabs the microphone.

Relena : Everyone! I have a great announcement to make. Heero and I are getting married within the month of June. Isn't that marvelous?

The staffs, the other show girls, artists and even the audience applauded and cheered the newly fiancées and everyone seemed to be happy ......

~At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana (Copacabana)
The hottest spot north of Havana (here)
At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Copa....they fell in love
Copa Copacabana~

Unfortunately Heero wasn't really happy. He never loved Relena, in fact he barely supported her presence, and now , because of a stupid testament , he will be forced to marry this stupid and bumptious showgirl.

Of course he could always refuse this inheritance, but he needed desperately the money to pay his tuition. Heero sighed heavily, and wondered why his deceased grandfather always refused to open his heart and try to understand that he wasn't interested in girls but in boys .

There won't be any perfomance tomorrow, so Relena forced him to take her to a restaurant to celebrate their engagement. This is going to be a very long long night....

Call it love at first sight, destiny or anything else but Heero instantaneously knew that he just met his soul mate and decided to do something absolutely crazy. He apologized to Relena, protesting a sudden ailment, and left the restaurant, firmly decided to catch up this mysterious young man.

After few minutes of pursuit Heero was really desperate because he thought that he had just lost the man of his dreams. But suddenly, two strong arms caught him from the back.

Duo : Are you searching for someone ?

Heero was really embarrassed.

Heero : ...No, who are you?

Duo : My name is Duo Maxwell and you're an awful liar Mr. ?

Heero looked up and took a good look at the braided man for the first time. It was the most gorgeous man that he has ever seen. He wore black tuxedo which emphasized his slender waist, and a tight silk shirt which underlined his muscled chest. And his braided honey hair only made his smiling up violet eyes look so huge that you can fall into them forever.

Heero : Heero Yuy, and I'm not a liar

Duo chuckled, at least I'm not the only one to feel attracted. Oh my god, he's even sexier under the moonlight and his awkwardness is so cute. Why him ? How can he start my heart so much that it feels like I'm going to explode.

Duo : So who are you looking for ?

Heero hesitated before he told the truth to the enthralling creature. He never felt this way before and was afraid to scare the other man.

Heero : I know it sounds crazy, but .... I was looking for you ... I saw you at the restaurant .... I'm sorry for disturbing you. I'm going to leave now.

Heero started to leave when Duo stopped him. Heero's heartbeat stopped, was it possible that Duo feel the same way ?

Duo : Do you believe in destiny Heero ?

Heero : I don't know, why ?

Duo looked inside Heero's Prussian eyes, he could saw Heero's desire and fear but also his sadness and his desperate need of love. Duo immediately knew that he has just met a man ready to willingly share his pain and joy, the man he had desperately searched for spend his life with .

Duo : Because I think I've just met the future Mr. Heero Maxwell

Unexpectedly Duo pounced on a stunned Heero and kissed him. Duo lips were warm and sweet. Heero never feel anything this good before, it seemed so simple, so good, so right. Heero progressively relaxed in the embrace and deepened the kiss exploring Duo's warm mouth while Duo was stroking his hair. As unexpectedly as before, Duo brokes the kiss to Heero's disappointment.

Duo gently caressed Heero's rosened and soft cheek, tasting Heero's scent on his own lips.

Duo : I'm sorry but I have to go to an important appointment. Where can I meet you again ?

Heero gave Duo the club's address before going back to his home while wearing a tiny but nonetheless real smile on his face - his first smile in a long period of time.

~His name was Rico, he wore a diamond
He was escorted to his chair, he saw Lola dancin' there
And when she finished, he called her over
But Rico went a bit too far, Tony sailed across the bar
And then the punches flew and chairs were smashed in two
There was blood and a single gun shot
But just who shot who?~

The morning after Heero has lost his good mood. He had met this enthralling braided man too late - soon he would be married to Relena. Besides it was a hopeless dream - there was no way that this gorgeous man would reciprocate his feeling, specially considering who he was and how he had met him. Who would fall in love with a poor bartender what was more a perfect stranger ten hours ago. So it was a really depressed Heero who went to work that afternoon.

Heero was absolutely wrong. Relena's show had started for at least ten minutes when a magnificent young man directed himself towards the bar. He wore a blue jacket, a tight black pants and a tiny white tank top-so tiny that it exposed his navel and a huge smile on his face.

From the stage, Relena noticed this beautiful man and thought that if she wasn't already in love with Heero, she would have fallen for him.

Duo look at the show girls and knew that they were going wild for him. Everyone was but he only had a Prussian eyed intention .

Duo smirked: Bartender, two glass of your most expensive Champagne.

Heero's mouth falls open, Duo was here and he looked even more sexy than the night before. No, he must be a dream. Suddenly, he heard Duo's words and his heart fall into piece. Heero no baka, Duo is probably come here with his girlfriend, you should stop dreaming. "Sure ...." was the only answer that he could manadge without expressing his despair.

Two minutes later Heero came back with the glass of Champagne .

Heero : Here it is. I hope you and your girlfriend didn't have wait too long, he said bitterly.

Duo chuckled : I don't know, why don't you ask her.

Then he grabbed a glass an gave it to a really puzzled Heero.

Heero : I don't understand...

Duo : It's quite simple in fact. I don't have a girlfriend, so will you be my boyfriend ?

Heero first move was to say yes, but he knew that he had to decline the offer. Heero was poor but profoundly honest and he didn't want to sponge on Duo no matters how much he could love the braided boy.

Heero : I'm sorry but I have to refuse, I'm already engaged. ::Then he sighs heavily. ::

Duo : Why don't you tell me the whole story ?

So Heero told him the story of his life, while Duo listened carefully - compassion written on his face.

Duo : I see, you need to marry her because of the money.

Heero nodded.

Duo : I need to go for an hour, I've got something to purchase. Will you still be here when I come back.

Heero : I'm stuck here till 4:00 am.[ but for you I could wait a life time]

Duo : Ok! Cheer up, I won't be long. [ Wait for me my love, I've got an idea which will solve everything ]

One hour later

Heero : You've made it pretty fast. I hope you find what you were searching for.

Duo : I hope so.

Then he put one knee down.

Duo : I know it's crazy, hasty and corny but Heero Yuy will you marry me. I love you, I've got a comfortable wage and I'm sure I can made you really happy.

Heero : .... I don't know, it's so sudden...[ Why are you tormenting me Duo. My grandfather was right I'm poor and worthless, you deserve someone better than me. You shouldn't waste your pity on me ]

Duo : I understand... [ Game over ! Duo no baka ! How could I dare hoping seducing such a pure and perfect geme. It was a foolish dream. You're right Heero, I'm not good enough for you because you deserve only the best. ]

Then Heero sees despair in Duo's eyes and immediately feels a huge hole in his chest. [ How could I be so blind, it wasn't pity but true love. Duo, I don't know why you love me but I promise to make you truly happy. I only hope it's not to late for repair my mistake]

Heero : Duo, I've made my choice, it's yes.

Duo bounces on Heero and kiss him with all his love and passion.

From the scene :

Relena notices Duo when he came back. My God! He must be a great admirer, which is the only logical reason why he was coming back again.

What is he giving to Heero? Probably worship gift for me. I seduce them all with those yellow feather in my hair; these small dress cut down to there and my exotic dances.

Wait a minute! Why is he kneeling? No, I must be hallucinating for that man can't court my fiancé! It's unnatural, besides Heero isn't gay! He can't be gay! He loves me!

OH MY GOD! What the hell is that slut doing? How can he kiss my fiancé, and why doesn't Heero punch him? Well if Heero doesn't beat the shit out of him, I'll do it myself!

Relena jumps from the stage in the middle of the show, ran toward her private dressing room, grabbed her gun and ran to the bar with murderous gleam in her eyes.

Relena : WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ?

Duo broke the kiss reluctantly: I think it was pretty clear, I kissed him. Ojousan, you should get out more......

Relena : I know what you were doing, I want to know why ...

Duo : Because it feels really good, and people do that when they love each other. You should try to find a boyfriend instead of bothering me you know !!!

~At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana (Copacabana)
The hottest spot north of Havana (here)
At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Copa....she lost her love~

Relena narrowed her eyes and pointed her gun on Duo: Who the hell do you think you are, you brazen braided cheap whore? This is my fiancé!

Relena was trembling, her mouth was lightly foaming and her eyes were red blood shot from barely contained anger when she added : HEERO IS MINE !!! MINE as NOT YOURS!!! Now get away from MY MAN and I won't hurt you!

[So this was Heero's fiancée ?! No wonder, Heero didn't look very happy to marry her. She's like a bear with a sore head, but I won't let this conceited harridan threaten me and above all ruin Heero's life. I wish I could be more gentle, but with this kind of person I need to use strong-arm tactics]

Duo: Heero doesn't love you! He loves me, and he just said that he'd marry me. Look at the engagement ring on his hand if you don't believe me!

Relena narrowed her eyes as she looked at Heero's magnificent solitaire.

Heero noticed the maniacal gleam in her eyes: Relena, give me the gun before you do something stupid.

Relena bit her lips : How could you betray me Heero?

Then she glared at Duo still pointing the gun at him.... : It's your entire fault, and now you're going to PAY for stealing my Heero!

Relena's eyes softened when she aimed the gun at Heero : I'm sorry Heero, I really love you... but if I can't have you, no one will!

Before Duo could warn Heero, Relena shot her former fiancé.......

Duo : Beware Heero, she's going to ..... NOOOOOOO! What have you done you rotten bitch !!!

Fortunately for Heero she didn't kill him, and the bullet only touched his shoulder. Before she tried to complete her task, Duo managed to disarm her then went back to his injured love.

Duo held gently Heero, fighting back his own tears at the sight of his wounded and now defenseless soul mate .

Duo asked softly : Are you suffering my love?

Heero answered in a tiny voice : No, but I can't feel my body anymore.

Duo tried to reassure Heero: It's normal; you are loosing a lot of blood. I'll call an ambulance and the police. Everything gonna be alright, I promise .

Heero said in an anguished voice : Where are you Duo. Everything is getting dark.

Duo held Heero's limp body even tighter than before: It will be ok Heero. I'm here and I'm going to take good care of you because I love you.... Heero listen to me. Onegaï Heero, don't let me alone. Please I can't live without you, you're my light of sun, my air, my life. You must fight until the doctor come !

Heero coughed some blood and smile weakly : I lo.... I love you too, but I'm so tired and cold .... Suddenly he fainted....

Duo : HEERO!!! NOOOOOOOO!!! PLEASE HEERO, DON'T DIE ON ME .......

~Copa. . Copacabana
Copa Copacabana
Copacabana, ahh ahh ahh ahh
Ahh ahh ahh ahh Copa Copacabana
Talking Havana have a banana
Music and passion...always the fashion~

Two months later in the Havana's courthouse, Judge Wufei is reading the jury's verdict on the case.

Wufei : Relena Peacecraft, I sentence you to thirty years of imprisonment in the Havana's penitenciary for attempted murder on Heero Yuy without any sort of reduction of the present sentence.

Relena : NOOOOOOOOOOO! It was a mistake ! I swear ! It's that braided whore's fault! He was trying to steal my fiancé!!!

Wufei : Onna !! Please keep your decency and stop offending this court or I will add two more years of imprisonment. Guards, take her immediately to the state asylum!

Relena : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Meanwhile, Duo was marrying a pregnant and healed Heero before leaving the country for their honeymoon. Heero never felt so happy in his entire life. He loved Duo so much, and he enjoyed the feeling of bearing a new life inside him. This little baby girl will be the perfect start for their new life in Europe - far away from the Havana and from that sinister feathered psychopath who tried to separate him from his soul mate.

<Latin percussion interlude>

~Her name is Lola, she was a showgirl
But that was 30 years ago, when they used to have a show
Now it's a disco, but not for Lola
Still in the dress she used to wear, faded feathers in her hair
She sits there so refined, and drinks herself half-blind
She lost her youth and she lost her Tony
Now she's lost her mind!~

Thirty years have gone by. Heero and Duo have definitively left the Havana a long time ago and now live happily with their small family on a small island in the Mediterranean See.

Relena was finally liberated but she lost most of her money in the trial. She still wears yellow (now faded) feathers in her hair and her seriously outdated and really short dress. In fact, she's using up all her money to drink herself half-blind in that fateful bar, where she used to be a star and where she lost her love thirty years ago. She keeps ruminating about the past and thinks she'll die alone.

But, in the shadow, someone who has waited for her during those thirty years doesn't agree with Relena....

Dorothy wore a sexy dress, all green except for a white collar, where a yellow bow is fixed. Over her arms and shoulders, there is what looks like a small, light jacket, matched to the dress.

The years have been kind to her, and she's still a very attractive woman. Lots of men have proposed to her, during those thirty years, but she always refused. She is now at the entrance of the bar, waiting for her love to show up. After three months, and a considerable amount of money spend on detective's expenses, she finally found her but in a sad state.....

Relena : Barman, one vodka on the rocks.

Barman : I'm sorry miss but I'm not allowed to give credit to you anymore.

Relena winks at him : Come on, just one drink. Please [I desperately need one, it's the only way I found to forget]

Barman : All right but only one. [Poor woman. How can someone as famous as she was could have sunk so low?]

Relena happily take her drink and sit in a corner of the club.

Dorothy watched all the scene hidden behind a giant plastic palm tree. She mustered all her courage, then sat next Relena, and ordered a bottle of vodka.

Dorothy : Good evening, Relena-sama. Would you mind if I keep you company?

Relena gazed at the vodka bottle: Sure ! [I can't afford to refuse free drink ] Relena gulped her drink all down, then she glanced at Dorothy : Your face looks familiar - have I met you somewhere ?

Dorothy beamed [Oh my god, she's remember me. Maybe there's hope after all...] : I was one of your greatest fan! Your show used to be terrific...

Relena answered bitterly : It was a long time ago. It was a time where I used to be happy with the man of my dream.

She gulped another full glass of vodka : We were supposed to get married in June, until this stupid braided chatterbox stole my fiancé and ruined my life. Honestly, I never could have guessed what Heero saw in him. He was nothing compare to my beauty and my intelligence....

::One hour and three bottles of vodka later, Relena is still chattering endlessly about the same subject::

Dorothy finally got tired of waiting for Relena to finish and spoke in an exasperated voice : Relena, it's time to forget the whole story because it was thirty years ago and you can't change the past.

Relena stuttered at Dorothy's remark : But that's all I have! Memories of the past! Besides, no one cares about me. Everyone hates me... Heero, ... Duo, ... ::she starts sobbing heavily::

Dorothy : I don't hate you. In fact, I think you're still a very attractive woman ::then Dorothy rushes to embrace Relena::

Dorothy's action shocked Relena so much, she stumbled off the stool and spilt the alcohol all over her ragged dress. : But.... But, you're a WOMAN !!!

Dorothy : So what ! We don't need men, Relena. Men are stupid and insensitive. They're a nuisance and we can live better off without them. See what they've done to you? They break your heart and cost you your career and your youth. Come with me Relena, I love you and I'm sure we'll be happy together in my castle in Austria. :: Dorothy concludes her little speech by giving a french kiss to a stunned Relena::

Relena, started screaming and finally lost her mind : AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

~At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana (Copacabana)
The hottest spot north of Havana (here)
At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Copa....don't fall in love~

AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

::Relena, who was still screaming, finally woke up in a king-sized bed that she shared with her lovers, Heero and Duo.::

Heero spoke while massaging Relena's arms in a soothing way: Shhhh! Relax honey, we're here. It was again the Copa Cabana's dream, wasn't it?

:: Relena slowly relax in the sweet and warm cuddle, and do some sexy strange noises which made Heero thought that his princess looks like a giant purring cat ::

Duo while kissing her on the forehead: Ojousan, how many times did I tell you that you shouldn't read RFO's fic while eating those disgusting onion with strawberry jelly recipe of yours before going to sleep? It's not good for your health, and for the baby, you know!

Relena nodded while playing with Duo's long and rich brown hair : I know .... I know, but it's this damned pregnant woman's craving's fault. God! It was the most awful and weird nightmare I've ever had. I was such a nasty, wicked, narrow minded, obsessive and stupid person in that dream! God, I wish I could have kicked myself!

Duo chuckled at the thought. He gently caressed Relena's creamy and soft cheek as he mumbled : If only those Relena bashing authors knew the real you. You're the sweetest and the tenderest person we've ever met, and we wouldn't have loved you so much if that wasn't the case. :: then he kissed her while wiping her tears away::

Heero stopped kissing Relena's neck and sat next his lovers : Duo is right. Why don't you imitate me? Since I stopped reading those fic where I was bastardized, I sleep like a baby again.

Relena smiled at them : I guess I'll follow your advice. I love you both dearly, you know that don't you?

Then she added mischievously : Anyway, I'm afraid that I can't get back to sleep tonight.

:: Duo winked at Heero who winked back. Now, they both wore a predatory smile ::

Duo : In that case, Ojousan, you probably wouldn't mind if we kept you company. ::Heero and Duo started to undress themselves slowly and erotically::

Relena, while stripping too : That's definitely an interesting way to conclude this horrible nightmare! I wonder if I could perform this exotic little dance like in the dream....

~Copa don't fall in love
Copacabana
Copacabana~

Relena : But the story doesn't fit Barry Manilow's song very well, specially the end.

Herve : Who cares ? Besides I wasn't in the mood of writing death fic.

Duo : But people will probably be disappointed by the end...

Herve answered dangerously : Okay, so the song was wrong. You can't expect even Barry Manilow to beat the almighty and omnipotent master of the Hentaï's side of the force, now can you ?

Heero used his hand to gag Duo : No he can't ! ::Heero glared at the readers:: Believe me people, don't challenge or contradict him, I dearly learnt it to my cost ::Heero shuddered at the thought of the infamous Heero x Relena x Dr J Threesome where he has once been placed (1)::

~The End~

Note:
(1)confer "Don't Mess With the Hentai Side of the Force"

Hervé

Please send comments to: herve.destrebecq@worldonline.fr

Back to the SDDI's page