07-Jun-2001
Gomen for the cross-post. As promised for this week... By the way, tzigane, Stormy... I came through with Inferno. *gryn* Now how bout more Monkey Boy Mysteries and Heart of Darkness? *gryn*
Title: Inferno's Touch 19/?
Author: Ravynfyre (ravynfyre@hotmail.com)
Archive: GW Addiction, Darkflame
Category: AU, Mild angst
Pairings: To date - 3+4, 5+6. None in this chapter. (yet)
Standard Disclaimer: All parts of Gundam Wing are Not Mine. It's all Theirs. *sigh* Too bad, but otherwise, I guess I'd never get anything done *happy hentai thought*. Anyway, not makin' any money offa this so dun sue me. You'd only get some college debt, a few dogs, and a pair of fuzzy bunny slippers anyway. Ya know... blood. Turnip. Do the math.
Rating: PG-13 at worst. Most likely actually just PG
Warning: None really for once.
Spoiler: None.
Notes: All terms will be explained at the end of each chapter. If I miss something, please let me know and I'll be happy to explain.
Feedback: Yes, please. All comments welcome (although flames may be fed to my dogs, who, since they have notoriously gassy intestinal tracts, will be spending the night with the flamer afterwards)
The rumbling purr of the Camaro's engine drowned out the soft hum of the garage door opener as it slowly winched the overhead door closed once again. Heero flipped the key back and killed the engine, blinking as the door behind him finally closed all the way and plunged Duo's garage into murky gloom.
"Duo, we're home. Wake up," he urged softly, pulling the keys out of the ignition as he gently shook the braided man's shoulder with his free hand.
Heero wasn't sure whether to laugh or sigh with exasperation as Duo curled up a little tighter in his seat and stubbornly refused to allow consciousness to intrude upon him. A low, indistinct groan of disapproval that settled into a quiet snore were Heero's only reward for attempting to awaken his partner. Before he had a chance to give in to either the laugh or the sigh, a huge yawn overtook him, threatening to split his head open with the strength and suddenness of it. Heero shook his head and opened the driver's door, slowly swinging his legs out and swaying to his feet.
Before he forgot, he reached back through the door and retrieved his still wet uniform, tossing it to the floor where it couldn't hurt the Camaro's leather interior. He'd get around to washing it after he'd had a few hours of rest under his belt, and was back at his own apartment.
Duo didn't stir as Heero shut the driver's door with a quiet slam before slipping over to open the passenger door.
"Come on, Duo. At least wake up enough to swing your legs out," Heero urged, kneeling down to gently shake his partner again.
"Hnn?" Duo groaned, eyes slitting open to peer wearily at Heero, "Wha...."
"Stand up, Duo. We're home. Time to go to bed," Heero answered gently as he carefully helped Duo struggle from the deep bucket seats.
Heero's eyes zoomed in on the pendulum swing of the tip of Duo's braid as it dangled between their hips. It took him a moment to realize that Duo's eyes had slid shut again, and he was now standing only by dint of Heero's firm support. Tearing his eyes away from the hypnotizing swing of chestnut silk, Heero slid his free hand up to the suspenders of Duo's bunkers, pushing them off the braided driver. Shifting to keep his shoulder under Duo and keep the other firefighter upright, Heero deftly unsnapped the metal clasp, and ripped open the thick Velcro keeping Duo's bunkers closed over his hips. The heavy fabric slid down the unconscious man's thighs, pooling around the heavy fire boots.
Duo shivered slightly as the cooler air of the dark garage hit his newly exposed skin, a faint frown of discontent creasing his brow as he unconsciously pressed closer to Heero's warmth.
"It's okay, Duo. I've got you," Heero said quietly as he tossed Duo's arm over his shoulder and leaned over enough to slip an arm under Duo's knees.
His vision wavered slightly from his own exhaustion, and Heero bit his lip hard, struggling to keep his balance until the dizziness passed. Once it had, Heero stood once more, lifting Duo easily into his arms, the heavy fire boots dropping back to the floor with dull clumps and the soft jingle of the suspender clasps striking the concrete. Once again, Heero found himself biting his lip hard, fighting down the surge of... contentment as Duo's head turned to rest against his shoulder.
The door into the kitchen swung away as Heero nudged it open with his toe, pausing only long enough to kick his shoes off beside the door before he kicked it shut and headed down the hall to Duo's bedroom.
Despite the few times he'd visited in the past, Heero had never actually been *in* Duo's private sanctum, had never even seen past the doorway. He was pleasantly surprised as he slipped carefully through the doorway to find the bedroom as neat and tidy as the rest of Duo's home.
A wide window across the room admitted a bright splash of natural light, bathing the room in a soft slightly bluish glow of the northern morning sky. The walls were painted in a neutral tone, an odd color that was neither white, nor yellow, which seemed, in reality, more of a soft blue grey, while somehow not seeming oppressive. All the accents, from the door and window trim, to the frame of a rice-paper screen in the corner, were done in oak which had been stained a deep, rich black that perfectly matched the thick down comforter on the queen sized bolster bed.
Heero crossed to the low bed and carefully pushed the blanket down with one knee until he'd freed enough space to deposit his, amazingly, still sleeping burden. Once he had Duo settled onto the bed, and had removed the other man's sweaty shirt and pulled the comforter up over his bare chest, Heero stepped back and rolled his shoulders to work out the kink he'd gotten. As he stretched, he continued to survey the room, brow quirking up in surprise and appreciation at the flawless melding between East and West.
In the corner on the same wall as the door, a strange, round chair, like a huge bowl made from a precise web of thick cane, sat empty, save for the equally large down pillow filling it. A small black oak table sat beside the chair, along with a small footstool made of the same cane and pillow cushion combination as the chair. On the opposite wall, beside the large window, a large oak armoire made of the same black stained oak lorded over a corner beside a doorway that obviously led to Duo's bathroom. A doorway on the same wall, only nearer the door into the hallway, apparently led into a large walk-in closet where Duo must keep most of his things, as there were no other dressers obvious. Between the bathroom and closet, opposite the wall where the bed stood, was an entertainment system, also made from that same black oak.
A comfortably sized TV took up the lion's share of the shelving, although a fairly impressive stereo system occupied another large portion. Speakers were tucked unobtrusively into the corners behind the bed, as well as the ceiling above it. From the other electronic equipment, such as game console, DVD player and VCR, as well as the vast array of movies and games Heero could see tucked on the shelves, he guessed that what time Duo didn't spend out in the garage with his beloved machines, was spent here in this room.
Continuing his survey, Heero noticed that the walls were bare, save for a pair of rice-paper scrolls that hung one on either side of the bed. The one to the left was a beautifully stark haiku about snowflakes falling on water, while the scroll on the right was simply 'Fire of Soul' brushed in perfect kanji.
Unconsciously, Heero's eyes tracked down the scroll and flowed to the bed where Duo was even now nuzzling contentedly into his blanket. The contrast of chestnut gold against deep ebony was as quietly startling as that between the deep black kanji against the soft pale walls.
It was nearly five minutes later when Heero suddenly became aware that he'd been standing in the same spot, staring down at his partner in a perfect state of empty mind. Scowling to himself, Heero crossed over to the wide window, unconsciously checking the lock before drawing the heavy, black drapes closed. He heaved a small sigh of relief for the thickness of the fabric when the room was submerged in tomblike dusk.
With a final glance back at Duo, Heero slipped out of the room and took a quick tour of the house, checking all the doors and windows to be sure they were locked. Satisfied, Heero headed for the living room and the couch, the blanket he'd used last time he'd slept there still draped artfully over the back and one arm.
Not even bothering to peel out of his own clothing, Heero spread the blanket over himself and settled back against the cushions, finally giving in to the lethargy creeping over his abused muscles.
There is a state between wakefulness and dreaming when all senses are both at once hypersensitive, and dulled by the quiet promise of oblivion. The mind, poised as it is between the plunge into the void of unconsciousness and the harsh reality of the waking world, sifts selectively through those sensations which penetrate the fog of weariness, discarding as it sees fit. In this odd floating world, the quietest tick of a drop of water splashing against the kitchen sink can shout across the mind like an atom bomb, while the loud crash of a door slamming can go unnoticed in the din of silence.
It was in this pleasant haze, with his brain just barely beginning its first step into his usual fare of dreamless sleep, that the quiet moan broke through Heero's rest.
Before he was even fully aware of it, Heero found himself striding quickly down the dark hallway into Duo's room, pausing at the threshold to see the braided man curled into a tight, shivering ball on the center of his bed. Dropping the blanket he hadn't even remembered bringing with him, Heero crossed to Duo and reached out to close his hand over one taut forearm.
"Duo!"
The bright, fevered flush to Duo's skin startled Heero, almost making his fingers recoil from the heat of it before he forestalled the reaction. As soon as his fingers tightened, Duo shot awake, eyes wide and flashing strangely in the dim light of the room as he struggled to sit up.
"Shhhh... Go back to sleep Duo. It was just a dream."
The braided man's glazed and unresponsive gaze bounced off of him, concerned, dull, and tense.
"I'll be right here. I promise. I'm not going anywhere..." Heero murmured very quietly.
Duo's face immediately relaxed and his eyes slid shut. He rolled back over, tucking himself into his tumble of blankets again.
"Thanks, Heero..." he sighed softly, almost too softly for Heero to hear.
Heero bit his lip at the flash of warmth and fierce protectiveness and abject trust that the quiet murmur had inspired in him.
"I'll keep you safe."
He frowned suddenly at himself. Where had that come from? With a shake of his head, Heero turned back towards the door, snatching the blanket up off the floor before settling into the odd bowl shaped chair in the corner.
Too close. Things, people... Duo. Duo was getting too close. Heero's brow furrowed as he sought a means to increase their distance again. It was too uncomfortable being so close to his flame. Or rather, it wasn't uncomfortable enough, and that frightened him. With a frustrated sigh, he settled back against the cushion, kicking his feet up on the footstool and pulling the blanket up around him to ward off the chill.
Duo's breathing had since evened back out into sleep, although, truth be told, Heero doubted that Duo ever had been truly awake anytime since their car ride to his home. Heero shifted a little, surprised at how comfortable the curious chair was, as he contemplated his partner.
He jerked a little as he felt his eyelids drooping with exhaustion. No. He couldn't fall asleep. He'd promised Duo he'd stay here and keep him safe. He may not have known where that promise had come from, but he'd said it, so he couldn't fail now. He blinked hard, forcing his eyes wide open and shoving the exhaustion creeping over him as far away as he could. He shifted again, sitting up as straight as the chair would allow him to, his hands clenched into tight fists as he stared at the wrapped bundle of human on the bed.
"Relax, soldier."
Heero jumped, his whole body instinctively curling up into as best a defensive crouch as he could muster, cradled as he was in the round chair. His narrow eyed gaze darted over to the doorway to Duo's bedroom, searching for the voice as a fierce expletive burst from his lips.
"You sure don't follow orders well," the tall blond man suddenly standing beside the chair commented sardonically.
"Wha-"
"I said relax, soldier."
"Odin?" Heero breathed, his eyes huge as saucers as he peered at his old guardian, "I'm insane..."
"No. You're asleep. There's a difference."
"Masaka," Heero hissed.
"'Fraid so, boy. You're asleep. Unless you'd rather be insane. Either way, you failed a mission. If I were you, I'd rather fail the whole inane keeping watch one that the much more important sanity one."
Heero stared at him dumbly for a long moment, his body still tense, fight or flight reflexes ready to spring any second.
"Will you relax? Sleep is a necessary component of human existence. Despite how you may view yourself at times, you really ARE human."
"What are you doing here?"
Odin Lowe blinked calmly and shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his trousers as he glanced back over at the sleeping Duo.
"I don't know," he answered with a shrug, "This is your dream, Heero."
"I don't dream..."
"You do now. Just look at yourself. Do you really think you'd be this flustered or expressive if this were real and you were really awake?" Odin asked with a wave of his hand at Heero's sweating, panting, almost cringing form, still curled on the papasan chair.
Heero thought about that for a long moment before shaking his head in agreement.
"Dreams are a reflection of our unconscious desires... In dreams, people are always better, faster, stronger, more open than they are in real life. Or weaker," Odin added as an afterthought, "Depends on how much a person hates themselves at the time. Humans have an amazing propensity for self-hate and loathing."
"I don't hate myself."
"Really? Then why did you automatically assume I was talking about you?" Odin asked, his voice colored with amusement as he glanced back down at his former charge, "It's too late, you know..."
"Too late? For what?"
"To not care. It's too late. You may hate me, boy, but I did manage to at least teach you that one lesson. It just took a long time for it to sink in."
"Lesson? What the hell kind of nonsense are you talking about?"
"What's your earliest memory?"
Heero blinked, tearing his gaze away from Odin as he contemplated the question.
"Smoke? Fire? Me? Hate and soot and pain and ash? Arson and murder? That's what you remember, isn't it? I don't blame you for hating me."
Heero's eyes darted back up to Odin's face, their cobalt depths sparking with anger and agreement.
"There was something before me, you know. I'm not your father. Think back. Try to think back to a time before me. Don't push too hard, but look. What do you see?"
Heero frowned, and then closed his eyes as he obeyed. A crease deepened upon his brow and his hands balled into fists.
"... a wall..."
"Yeah. A big, charred, thick, ugly titanium wall."
Heero's eyes popped open and he peered up at Odin with confusion in his eyes.
"I found you when you were just a child... So small. Even then you were quiet, withdrawn, almost dead to the world. Think about that, boy. Is that normal for a toddler? Do children so young usually have such darkness in them that makes them so... dead?"
Heero frowned again, closing his eyes once more to think back, to push past that barrier in his mind. A warm hand suddenly closed over his arm.
"Don't. Don't push that."
"Why?"
"What function does a wall perform, Heero? It blocks. It protects. It holds things out or things in. It's a shield from something. Think about that. I know you hate me, I know that, but please... If ever I meant anything at all to you, boy... Just leave it be. You aren't ready."
Heero scowled, shifting in the chair to sit up a little and glare at Odin.
"What's beyond it?" he demanded harshly.
"Your life. Your family."
"Family?" Heero asked, cocking his head in comic bafflement.
"Yeah. Family. The stork's just a fairy tale, boy. You came from somewhere, and it sure as hell wasn't from me. You had a mother. A father. Couple of sisters. A brother. A family."
Heero shook his head, simply unable to comprehend such a revelation. He glanced back up at Odin and his eyes narrowed once again.
"Too late for what?" he asked sharply, returning to their previous discussion.
"That's my Heero," Odin said with a quiet smile, "Too late to not care. The one lesson I managed to pound home to you. Follow your emotions. It's okay to feel."
"It gets in the way," Heero replied, shaking his head and glancing back towards Duo's slumbering form.
"That wall... Before that wall, you weren't like this. You laughed and cried. You had joy. You were alive. The only thing getting 'in the way' is that wall."
"You told me not to push past that," Heero growled.
"I did. But if that's what you were before, when you were so young and innocent... How can that be wrong?"
"I was never innocent," Heero hissed accusingly at the older blond man.
"You were. Before me. My life was shit, Heero. I was a bad person, just living the only way I ever knew. Repeating the mistakes of my father, the same way he did his own father's. But you... You were my redemption. My one chance. By trying to save you, I saved myself. That one lesson... It was my only salvation. You can't give up on it. I won't let you."
"So you're here for yourself, then," Heero snorted mirthlessly.
"No. I'm here for the little kid I found so long ago. The one who lost the ability to cry. The one who doesn't know how to smile anymore. I'm here for him. I'm here to tell him, once again, that it's okay to feel. It's okay to live."
"How can I live without knowing the truth?"
"Don't, Heero. The truth might just kill you. That wall's there for a reason. If anyone could break it down, it would be you. But you aren't ready for that yet. Maybe never. You just have to rebuild, on this side."
"You said you found me..."
"I did."
"And you say that you know what's beyond the wall..."
"I do."
"How? How can the two work? If you found me, how can you know? Did you know me? Before?"
"No."
"Then how? Do you know what happened?"
"I didn't then. I do now," Odin replied cryptically.
Heero blinked, turning his wide cobalt stare up to his former mentor.
"You speak as if.... But you're just a dream. You said so yourself."
"Am I?"
"You can't be a spirit. This is just a dream."
"Is it? Or is it the only way to get you to understand? You said yourself that you don't dream."
"You're trying to make me doubt myself."
"No. You're doing a good job of that on your own already, boy. I'm trying to get you to believe. In yourself. In life. In him."
Heero glanced back over at the lump in Duo's bed, a perplexed frown creasing his brow again.
"I don't understand!"
"That's kinda the point. What are you feeling, Heero? Frustrated? Angry? Weak?"
At Heero's angry nod, Odin chuckled softly.
"Don't you get it? You're feeling. And what you're feeling can only mean that you're trying. Trying to understand. Trying to reach out and feel. You're trying. You want to feel. "
Heero's head snapped back around, spearing Odin with a stupefied stare.
"You want... Him."
"I can't...." Heero gasped, his voice choking off with the constriction of panic in his throat.
"Why not?"
"...safe.... It's not... safe..."
"Oh for heaven's... You're not going to let that asshole J run your life anymore, are you, boy?"
"They'll hurt him."
"Yeah, they'll try," Odin agreed pleasantly, "But I know something you don't."
"You can't. This is just a dream."
"Keep believing that if you like, Heero. But just think on this for a moment. I know things. I know a lot of things now that just make me want to laugh at the irony of it all. If it makes you feel more comfortable thinking of me as nothing more than a dream, a wisp of your own subconscious trying to baffle you, then consider this. I don't fear J or his power over either of you. If I'm just part of you... then neither do you. You can't use that as an excuse."
Odin chuckled at Heero's sudden frown of contemplation.
"It's enough. I should know by now that I can barely lead you to water, never mind getting you to drink it. You'll get thirsty enough one of these days. You'll finally see. I have faith. It's enough to plant the seeds in your mind."
"Will you pick a metaphor and stick with it please?" Heero demanded with exasperation.
"Just trying to keep you on your toes," Odin replied with a smug grin.
"You always were an arrogant prick," Heero muttered darkly before finally relaxing back into the embrace of the chair's thick cushion. Before Odin could respond to that, Heero threw a half-hearted kick in the blonde's general direction, following it up with a softly growled, "Don't you have someone else you could be haunting? I'm supposed to be sleeping now."
Odin made a show of checking a non-existent watch for the time, before smirking down at the exhausted firefighter.
"I suppose it is time for Tsuberov's morning nightmare, isn't it?" Odin asked as he took a step away. He was halted by the iron grip of a clammy hand around his arm.
"What did you say?" Heero asked in a deathly calm voice.
"I thought I was just a dream," Odin replied quietly without looking down at his former charge.
"I thought you implied you were a spirit sent to guide me," Heero countered quickly, voice still low, a bare whisper of menace.
"And if I am?"
"Where is he?" The question was simple, just a mere three syllables of harmless inquiry. The tone, however, that tone which could have flash-boiled a man's heart from the inside out in under a second, was anything but harmless.
"For everything there is a time and place, my lad. And there are some things which even I can't tell you," Odin replied, "You have to chose which to really believe. Am I a dream, a mirror of your subconscious desire to torment The Machine to his grave? Or am I a spirit, wandering the earth, seeking redemption through your life, and the torture of a madman?"
"That's not the right answer," Heero growled, tightening his grip upon Odin's arm until he could feel the bones under his fingers begin to grate painfully against each other.
"You've made your choice, I see," Odin observed casually. "Just remember... You can't chose to believe in something only halfway. Either you do, or you don't. There's no middle ground." Odin paused there, finally ducking his head down to lock eyes with the Japanese youth glaring at him. "The time for your confrontation will come. You'll keep the vows you've made, however unconsciously, to him," he said, indicating Duo with a jerk of his head.
"There's no such thing as a grand fate," Heero spat.
"You're right," Odin agreed with a wry smile, "But I know you, boy. You won't fail. Not like me."
Before Heero could do anything more than growl indistinctly, Odin began slowly fading from sight, the firm warmth of his flesh in Heero's grip dissolving into insubstantiality. Almost like the Cheshire cat, the last thing to fade was the wry twisting grin that had overtaken his mouth.
"I know you'll never believe me, kid," Odin's voice said, filling the room within Heero's dream with it's rich, though regretful, tones, "But I loved you in my own way. I was just trying to do the best I could with what tiny measure of freedom they gave me. Maybe you'll understand someday..."
A frustrated howl ripped from Heero's throat, and he struggled to extricate himself from Duo's chair to somehow chase after the faded wisp of his old mentor. However, even the chair seemed to be intent on thwarting him as well, as it started shaking as soon as he started thrashing within its grasp. The whole world seemed to shake, tossing him about like a ragdoll caught in the jaws of a rabid dog.
It was a testament to his own exhaustion that it took him nearly a half a minute to realize that, no, it wasn't the room and the chair which were shaking... He was the one shaking. Or rather, he was the one being shaken.
Distantly, he noted the deep lines and dark circles rimming the pair of concerned violet eyes that slowly swam into focus, as well as the hoarse rasp of the normally cheerfully composed voice as it called his name.
"Duo?" he croaked awkwardly as he shook his head, attempting to clear the cobwebs from it.
"Heero, wake up. Come on, man... All the way. Wake up."
"I'm awake. What's going on," he said, frowning as he took in the worried expression on Duo's face and the violent dishevel of his friend's bed. With the blanket and sheets lying in tangles all over the floor, it almost looked as if Duo's bed had exploded. Heero frowned tersely, wondering if Duo had had another nightmare while he'd been asleep... or whatever he'd been.
"I was going to ask you that," Duo replied, cutting through the line of self-recriminating thought that was just starting up within Heero's brain. "I heard a weird noise and woke up, and you were having a dream or something. You looked... pissed... or scared or something. Like you were having a nightmare..."
"You're okay?" Heero asked before he could catch himself.
Duo quirked up an eyebrow as he regarded the Japanese man. "Yeah. I'm fine. You were the one having the nightmare."
"You were having them before," Heero explained with a soft shake of his head, "I must have fallen asleep..."
Duo blinked as he realized that Heero had been watching over him as he slept, probably waking him up enough every once in a while to keep the dreams at bay. He wasn't sure if he was relieved, flattered, angry, or something else as he also realized that Heero was angry with himself for having fallen asleep.
"And you're surprised after yesterday?" he said, voice rising with exasperation before another thought occurred to him. "Umm... Heero? How did I get home?"
It was Heero's turn to blink as Duo neatly cut off his slowly darkening thoughts once again.
"You fell asleep at the wheel of your car out in the parking lot. I figured you'd probably kill yourself trying to drive yourself home, so I drove us both to your place. Your car's in the garage," Heero answered slowly.
"Oh," Duo answered ingeniously. "I'm sorry you had to do that. I didn't realize how tir-"
"Duo? Shut up and go back to sleep," Heero sighed, shaking his head with a mixture of amusement and resignation as Duo, like always, attempted to assume blame. It was a habit that it seemed they both shared. "It's only been..." he paused to glance at the clock on the VCR, "three hours, we were both exhausted, you live closer to Station 8 than I do, and the chair's more comfortable than my own bed. Give the apologies a rest and go back to sleep."
Duo's eyes snapped open wide in surprise as Heero's flood of explanation washed over him in a rush. A slow grin started creeping onto his lips as he peered down at Heero.
"Are you giving me orders now? Ya know.... I rank you, Yuy," Duo informed with a smirk.
"Yippie. And if you don't get some rest, and let me get some, then you'll never manage to drag me off to Jake's tonight like you always try," Heero replied blandly, shutting his eyes and settling back against the cushion again with the blanket tucked up under his chin.
Duo's brows shot into his hairline. "'Yippie'? Did you actually just say.... 'yippie'?" he asked, dumbfounded.
Heero cracked an eyelid just barely enough to level a menacing glare at Duo. A silent, menacing glare.
Realizing that he'd gotten the only answer he was going to, Duo finally shook his head and returned to his bed, climbing back into it and pulling the comforter around him again.
"'Yippie'. Will wonders never cease?" the braided man muttered before flopping backward onto his pillow and shutting his eyes.
Several long minutes later, Heero cracked an eye open again, peering over at Duo and noting the slow, even rise and fall of his chest with satisfaction. He heaved a sigh of relief now that Duo was once again asleep and could not longer hear it.
That had been far too close. Apparently Duo either had not realized, not noticed, or not cared that all he'd been clothed in was his boxers. The ones with the Dalmatians in fire helmets and the spotted hearts.
Heero gritted his teeth and tried desperately to not think about them as he firmly closed his eyes and willed himself towards sleep.
'Silk.... Who wears silk to work?' Heero thought to himself. Just before the darkness of oblivion fell over him again, he heard his own voice whisper disjointedly, "Silk... boxers."
~TBC~
RavynFyre
Please send comments to: ravynfyre@hotmail.com