03-Jan-2000
This is my attempt at humor. Wish me luck.
Disclaimer: I do not own the GW characters. This story is only for entertainment. Please don’t get upset. I have no money. Really. The story contains M/M relationships. If this bothers you: leave. Very simple, ne? You should not be here if you are under 18, so please be nice and leave. Nothing in this fic is real. This fic is not to be taken seriously. At all. Ever. Comments and helpful suggestions are welcome. Flames will be made fun of, used to cover birdcage floors, etc. If you can’t say anything nice, then shut up. (Got that from my Grandmother.) The other parts are being worked on. Please enjoy.
Heero Yuy, the perfect soldier, stared at his computer screen. A look of pure terror was on his face. Under most circumstances, Heero could handle anything, but this was just too much. No one could handle this; at least no one even remotely human and Heero was human. For the most part. How could she do this? Relena was obsessive, but he never thought she’d go this far.
How could he tell the others? Duo would panic, no doubt about that. Trowa might be able to handle the news, but Heero doubted it. Quatre would be so hurt. And Wufei...he would go nuts. More so than usual. The hard, cold mask that Heero usually wore slipped into place. They would have to do something about this. It couldn’t be allowed. He would have to tell them. Heero turned off the computer and took a printout of the e-mail to show the others. Relena was so going to pay.
"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" Duo was still screaming. He had been ever since he read the printout. Heero thought about punching Duo, but it seemed better to let him get it out now and be ready for the mission later. At least he was taking it better than Wufei, who lay unconscious on the floor. Trowa was trying to comfort Quatre. The young blond man had been terribly hurt when he’d read the plans in the printout.
"A girl," he sobbed. "They’re going to make me a girl!" Trowa hugged Quatre harder and went over the document. Heero had called everyone together for this meeting and then dropped a nightmarish fact on them. Relena had apparently convinced a company called Dynmation to put Gundam Wing on television in America. Unfortunately the company was going to make some changes. First, Heero was going to fall in love with Relena. The Wing pilot wasn’t taking that well. There was no way he was ever going to love that pompous creature; especially after this.
The other changes included making Quatre a girl. Apparently the people at Dunimation did not think that Quatre looked enough like a guy to convince Americans. Thus, he was now a she. Needless to say, he was taking it rather hard. Quiet sobs filled the room. Another change was to make Zechs and Treize brothers. Duo was Relena’s little brother and half-sister to both Zechs and Treize.
Duo wasn’t taking it as quietly as Quatre. "What the hell are those idiots thinking! I wouldn’t be related to that baka female!" Then he heard the change that had started him screaming. Noin and Duo were going to fall in love. While Duo did like Noin, he was NOT interested in her romantically. She was more like a big sister. The thought of all this just made him scream. Loudly and long. Heero absently wondered what he could do to Duo later to make him that loud, just with a different tone. Several interesting things came to mind.
Trowa and Wufei hadn’t gotten off any better. Trowa was still Catherine’s brother but now the ringmaster was their father. He had been kidnapped as a child and ended up in the care of the scientist who trained him. Wufei had it even worse. Sally Po was supposed to be his long lost mother.
However, the truly big revelation was that he was now a monk who had sworn never to kill women and children. He was no longer a fighter for justice or honor. Indeed, he came off as a complete idiot in the scripts included in the e-mail. The thought had really upset Wufei. So much so that Heero had been forced to knock Wufei out; otherwise the young pilot would have charged Dynmation headquarters on his own. Not what Heero had in mind.
There were other changes as well. Zechs and Treize were now truly evil people. The two of them manipulated all the characters in the series. Any noble qualities they had were erased to make them more "suitable" villains. Noin and Une became helpless females used by the cruel men they loved. Une was later revealed to have been brainwashed by Treize. The kind, gentle personality that appeared later in the series was the real Une. The scientists had become a group of driven, but noble men who gave everything to protect the people they loved. None of the pilots liked that particular change. Then came the plot changes.
Relena was the heir to the world throne, but her evil half -brothers were bent on taking it from her. The noble and dedicated Heero, sent by the colonies with his soldiers of course, was trying desperately to stop the bad guys before it was too late. Trowa changed sides when he saw how brave, and beautiful, Quatre was. (At least they got part of it right, Trowa muttered while gently holding Quatre.) As time went on, Treize tried to drive Heero insane with a new mech. The plot went on that way for some time.
By the end of the series, Heero and Relena were planning their wedding, so were Noin and Duo, Wufei killed Treize because of his unrequited love for Relena, Zechs was discovered to be brainwashed by the evil Treize and was in therapy, and Quatre and Trowa were great friends. None of the boys had the strength to finish reading the e-mail.
A sudden knock at the door broke each young man out of their private hells. Heero was the only who didn’t seem surprised. Duo sat down suddenly in a chair, Trowa guided Quatre to the loveseat, and Wufei, who had regained consciousness, managed to collapse on the couch. Damn, he’d forgotten how hard Heero could hit.
Heero opened the door and further shocked his friends. At the door stood Noin, Une, Treize, and Zechs. Sally Po was busy doing some recon of the Dynmation building. Heero had given her that assignment. The others were needed here. All of them looked very serious. Wufei let out a groan. Could things get worse?
"Thank you for letting us know about this, Heero," Treize said as he walked past the young pilot headed straight for the couch. Wufei immediately tried to run, but found the other three had surrounded him.
"Going somewhere?" Noin breathed huskily into his ear.
Une wrapped her arms around Wufei’s waist and pulled him back onto the couch and into the laps of Noin, Zechs, Treize, and herself.
"Let me go, " Wufei demanded in his strongest voice. No one paid him any attention. He ended up stretched across four laps. Treize had a solid grip on his shoulders, Zechs had his waist, Une most of his legs, and Noin had removed his shoes and was massaging his feet. "Stop that," he hissed. Damn woman knew how much he liked that. Eventually, Wufei just let himself be held. There really was no alternative. At least they were keeping their hands to themselves. Mostly.
Heero watch the little interplay and struggled to keep a smile off his face. Both couples, Treize and Zechs, and Une and Noin, had laid claim to the Chinese pilot, who in turn refused to be claimed. That didn’t stop any of the four. Sooner or later, Heero knew, Wufei would give in to one group. It would be interesting to see which one.
The meeting began with Heero passing out copies of the e-mail and lists of changes made to each character. The reactions were predictable.
"How dare they make me forty," Treize all but yelled. It was bad enough to be made a heartless villain, but to be made an old man as well. That was unforgivable. Then there was the matter of Relena and Duo. Being Duo’s brother wasn’t so bad; Treize held all the pilots in high respect, but RELENA!? He’d rather be related to a snake. They were more trustworthy and smart. Zechs and the ladies were in the same boat.
Zechs sat with a stunned look on his face. "I’m supposed to be thirty-two?" For a man who had just hit twenty-one, this was quite a shock. He actually liked the idea of being related to the brash American. The young man was a good person and a terrific pilot. Too bad he had to stay Relena’s brother. This was all her fault. The brainwashing part didn’t improve his mood. As if his lover would ever force anyone to follow him. If he had been that kind of person, Wufei would have been theirs a long time ago. Zechs put his head down intending to bury it in his lap and ended up in Wufei’s lap. He had forgotten the young man was there.
"Kisama!" Wufei yelped. The young pilot turned bright red and tried to get up. Zechs grabbed him.
"I’m sorry, Wufei. I forgot you were there. This is just so much to take in all at once. Please forgive me?"
Wufei looked up into the man’s face and saw only sincerity and pain there. With a nod, he settled back. The man hadn’t meant anything. Sometimes this whole mess was intolerable. He couldn’t deal with it. Why did these crazy people have to be chasing him? He had never once encouraged them, but they never gave up. Wufei pinched the bridge of his nose. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore.
Une kept her thoughts to herself. She was not happy with being made thirty-seven years old. The whole brainwashing thing was distasteful as well. Despite their fight over Wufei, Une respected Treize a great deal. Having him do such a dishonorable thing was unforgivable. Thirty-seven? Besides that, Noin was hers not Duo’s. Heero couldn’t be happy with the way things were written. He had gone through a lot of trouble to make sure everyone knew Duo was completely off limits. Une had done the same with Noin. Thirty-seven? Now these fools thought they could just come in and dictate, rewrite, and alter everything. The company had to pay. Thirty-seven?! Dynmation would have to face the wrath of a very angry woman. They were going to learn a very important lesson: Never, ever, overestimate a woman’s age.
Noin continued to massage Wufei’s feet and watched with satisfaction as the pilot relaxed and even closed his eyes. Inside she was seething. How dare Relena do this to them! Just so she could get Heero, she was going to mess with everyone’s lives. Duo was nice, but he was Heero’s, as she was Une’s. Noin sighed. The company had decided she was twenty-eight. Not as bad as the others, but still. Being a fool for love wasn’t really her style either. Who wrote this stuff? A bunch of monkeys or fools? Maybe both. Relena definitely had a hand in the rewrites. What really upset her were poor Wufei’s lines. At least most of the others were allowed to sound reasonably intelligent and serious; Wufei sounded like an idiot. Duo wasn’t far behind either. Again, most likely due to Relena. Couldn’t she just grow up and accept that Heero didn’t love her and never would? Heero’s voice brought everyone’s attention to him.
"Now that you’ve looked over Dynmation’s plans for us, I have a few ideas." His voice was low, harsh, and icy. Duo shivered. He’d heard that tone before. It meant Heero had made a decision and nothing, and that meant NOTHING, was going to stop him from his chosen mission. The last time he had used it, Duo had been shocked by the results. Heero hadn’t let him out of bed for almost an entire twenty-four hours. It had been their first time together. Duo had no idea how he had managed to survive the mind-blowing experience. There were no regrets, however. It was still the best time of his young life.
Heero outlined a plan of attack. Quatre and Trowa threw in suggestions every now and then, but over all the plan was excellent. Everyone was impressed. Now they just had to confirm things with Sally. By midnight tomorrow, there would be no Dynmation. Mwahahahahahahahahahah......oops. Sorry.
Phoenix