15-Apr-2001
I looked at Zechs, unsure. Why was it I had to hurt innocent people to get back at the bastards who killed me? I mean Duo. Why? Why couldn't Zechs just jump into bed with me, screw me, and leave it at that? Why did he have to care?
His eyes held no pity or disgust; only compassion and trust. It wasn't fair! I didn't want to hurt him, but maybe he needed to know what he was dealing with. The same way Trowa had.
"Tell me everything, Duo," he said so softly.
I stared at him, stuck in my internal battle.
"Please," he said and ran a gentle hand down my face.
"Don't touch me," I whispered harshly and pulled away. I could see the pain in his eyes. Couldn't he understand? I wasn't there for redemption. I was there for revenge. Leaving the bed, I pulled out the tapes and began playing them.
For hours, we sat listening. His expression became distant as the facts set in. Noin wasn't what he thought. Nor was Relena. He'd given up his kingdom thinking she'd be worthy. Not even close. Little Miss Queen turned out to be worse than Zechs had ever been. He at least regretted his mistakes. Relena didn't think she made mistakes.
The whole plot was laid out for him to hear. Every cruel thing they said. All the envy and hate. It sickened me to have to hear it again. What was it like for him? To listen to people he cared about show their darkest side.
Finally, after about three hours, his hand shot out and turned off the tape player. I noticed a small tremor ran through his body. A closer look showed a single tear working its way down his left cheek. Damn it.
"Zechs?" I said quietly. Not really sure of the response I'd get.
"My name is Wind," the tone was harsh and commanding. I couldn't help but shiver. "Zechs died long ago in space and Millardo died when Sank was destroyed the first time." He turned to me. Something dark lit up his normally bright eyes.
I was suddenly aware I was still wearing nothing more than the sheet from the bed. I tried to back up, but he grasped the sheet and pulled so hard I ended up in his lap imprisoned in his arms.
"You lured me here to seduce me didn't you?" It sounded like a question, but I knew it was a statement. His voice was barely above silence. I mean he was talking right into my ear and I could hardly hear him. "You have cameras here don't you? Noin's watching somewhere isn't she?"
What could I say?
"Yes." I spoke into his ear almost as quietly.
"Good." He pushed me back, tearing the sheet away then covering me with his body. "I won't hurt you."
I found myself shaking. Memories threatened to overwhelm everything I'd worked so hard to arrange.
"I know." I managed to choke out.
The tension suddenly eased from his form. Calm blue orbs looked into my soul. A calloused, but gentle hand ran through my hair. I suddenly wished it were longer so he could play with it more.
"Are you sure?" He asked.
Was I? Suddenly revenge was the furthest thing from my mind. I had always imagined what my first time would be like. Instead of a dream, it'd been a nightmare. Could it be as I had dreamed? I knew Heero would never love me in that way, but I still wanted to know what it was like.
"Does it have to hurt?" I really thought that. Maybe it hurt each time. I don't think I could have forgiven Wind if he caused me more pain and it certainly wouldn't be much of a revenge on Noin if I ended up howling in agony. Hell, she'd probably find that massively funny. Too bad I hadn't thought of this sooner.
"Duo," Wind looked at me with such tenderness I felt something inside me tear loose. "I will prove to you it doesn't have to hurt and can be everything you have ever hoped for."
Then he kissed me. Not just any kiss. His lips coaxed mine open slowly with surprising tenderness. The way I planned, he was supposed to just push me down and do it. Instead, Wind was taking his time. Once he got my mouth open, his tongue leisurely explored it and my tonsils until I thought I would pass out.
When he broke the kiss I was gasping for breath, but he was only breathing a little deeply.
"You are so beautiful," he proclaimed just a bit loudly. Playing for Noin I guess. Yet the tone of his words rang of truth. How could anyone think I was beautiful? Especially with my hair gone.
"I'm going to make love to you, Duo Maxwell," Wind proclaimed.
I couldn't stop the whimper leaping past my lips. OK, so I was afraid. Big deal. My only experience with sex had been pain filled and horrible. Can you blame me for having some doubts?
Then Wind was kissing me again. Did I mention how good his is at that?
He raised himself up a bit, without breaking the kiss I might add, and began stripping. I had no idea a Preventer Uniform could be removed so quickly. Suddenly his body covered mine again with no clothing between us. The proof of his feelings ground into my thigh for a second before he shifted and started rubbing between my legs. In seconds I had an erection to match his. He kept rubbing them together until I came, shouting into his mouth.
"Wonderful," Wind chuckled. "This is going to be fun."
Fun? Sex? The two just did not go together in my mind.
Thoughts deserted me as Wind's hand stroked my erection back to life. His mouth seized a nipple while one hand pinched the other. The sensations left me unable to do more than pant and fist the sheets. Why couldn't my first time have been like this? A part of my mind told me I should do more than just lay there, but I had no strength.
Finally I felt a second orgasm building and it struck me that Wind had yet to have one. Not willing to be the only person enjoying the whole thing, I forced one hand to let go of the linen and tried to touch Wind like he was me. It didn't work. Moving faster than I'd thought he could, my lover took his hand from my chest and pinned my arm at the wrist. For a split second I was back in that damn room with a sweaty, fat, bastard slobbering all over me.
Wind must have felt the sudden tension in me because his voice broke through the fear.
"You are with me, Duo," How could anyone sound so gentle? "You are on a huge four-poster bed which I would love to tie you to simply so I could enjoy you for hours and show you how good being loved can feel. I am not going to hurt you. You're safe."
And surprisingly, I was. Once again I was in my house, on my bed, being delightfully tormented by a man I could so easily fall in love with. I nodded and let him know I was back. The concern in his eyes stunned me. Not even Quatre had ever looked at me with so much worry.
"Are you ready for the next part?" He asked.
I nodded again, not trusting my voice. That's when Wind levered himself off me and walked to the bathroom. To say I was shocked would be a massive understatement. What the hell was he doing? I could hear him rummaging around in my medicine cabinet. He came back carrying a small tube of ointment. I'd been using it on various cuts and scraps.
"What's that for?" I couldn't imagine why he'd gone searching for it.
Sadness covered his face. "This is so I don't hurt you, Duo. You really don't know how to do this do you?"
Well I had a pretty good idea. Sort of. Fit tab A into slot B. Right? I told him as much. I knew how men and women worked and had a good idea how two guys would fit. As for the actual mechanics of it, well I always thought Heero and I would figure everything out when we reached that point. Only Heero and I never happened.
Wind wrapped me in a tight embrace and I swear I felt something wet drip onto my face.
"How could they do that? How could anyone hurt an innocent so badly?" He murmured into my hair.
Innocent? I was about to argue with him when I realized what he meant. I had been a virgin, an innocent in his eyes. Speaking so low I almost couldn't hear him, Wind told me about his first time. With a man named Treize Khusrenada.
Those two really loved each other. In the end though, neither had truly known the other and the resulting misunderstandings tore them apart. He also told me about his second lover, Heero Yuy. Apparently, Heero never thought Zechs had died in space and sought him out. They tried to make a relationship out of the obsession each felt for the other. It was a disaster. Heero was too cold and unused to his emotions. Zechs was too wrapped up in guilt and shame. Then the Eve Wars came.
Wind said the only good thing to come out of the relationship was that both men found a little more peace within themselves. Heero showed more emotion and Zechs knew what he had to do to find absolution.
His story gave me hope for Heero. My revenge on him was going to be terrible, but it might also save him. I thought now the odds for salvation were good. A laugh from Wind made me wonder at his thoughts.
"This is hardly the most romantic encounter I've ever had." He chuckled, letting me in on the joke.
"Do you want to stop?" I didn't want to force him and so far the day had been a roller coaster. Maybe he wasn't in the mood anymore.
"Oh no, my pretty," he smiled, "you're not getting away from me that easily."
His hands roamed over me, quickly reestablishing the mood. Before I could manage to touch Wind back, I felt wet warmth surround the already heated flesh between my thighs. I found my hands clutching at anything nearby.
My second climax masked the feel of slick digit sinking itself deep into my flesh. By the time I noticed the intruder, Wind had already found that special spot connected to the pleasure centers of my brain. Again and again he rubbed his finger against it.
"What....What is that?" I breathed.
"Your prostate."
"I like it." I told him.
"I thought you would," he laughed and added a second finger.
By the time he reached three, I was beyond rational. My entire body was tense with need for release, but Wind wouldn't let me have it. He ignored my pleas and threats, pushing me further than I thought I could go and remain sane.
As my vision darkened at the edges, the feel of being filled disappeared. It was such a shock I almost passed out. Dazed, I looked at my lover.
He took hold of my hips and kneeled before me, spreading my thighs as far as they would go.
"This may hurt for a moment." Wind warned.
Strong hands lifted me up and then slowly pulled down. A piece of flesh larger than his three fingers slid inside me. It hurt at first; not as bad as my first time.
Further and further in he moved. I was being impaled and helpless to stop it. I wanted him as deep as possible. At the same time, I feared the agony I knew had to be coming. I threw my arms around his shoulders just to have something to hang onto.
When our hips met, a small tremble ran through the both of us. Wind licked my ear.
"Now for the really fun part." He hissed and moved! Inside me!
How can I describe it? I could feel every inch of him as he hit my prostate repeatedly. Burying my head in his shoulder, I let Wind's hands guide me. Up and down. In and out. Pleasure building with every thrust. My entire world became heated flesh, sweat, and the sounds my lover was making.
I could hear his moans, the words he spoke to me. Wind called me perfect, beautiful. Me. Until he said it, I didn't realize how badly I needed to hear those words. And he wouldn't stop. Each roll of his hips was accompanied by words of praise. Whatever tore loose earlier rose up inside me and tears coursed down my cheeks. All the emotions I'd surpressed since the rape spilled out from clenched eyes and that festering wound inside me healed just a little.
"Now, Duo," Wind called to me. "Come now!"
All the pain, fear, confusion, anger, joy, and ecstasy collided with those words. I think I screamed Wind's name as I came and felt him following. I can't really be sure, I was too lost in a pleasure so intense it danced the razor's edge of painful. The next thing I knew, Wind was laying me back on the bed, still buried in my body.
"Is that what it's supposed to be like?" I asked weakly.
"Yes, love," a hand ran through my sweat soaked hair. "That is what it's supposed to be like."
For a long time we lay like that. Wind holding me in his arms; the two of us still connected intimately. Somehow, we found a peace with each other. It couldn't last, however.
"You are planning to get revenge on Relena aren't you?"
"Of course." I don't lie after all and the man was smart enough to figure things out on his own.
"At the ceremony tomorrow?"
"She has to lose whatever is most important to her. Can you understand that?"
"Yes. Relena values two things above all else: Heero and the respect of the people."
"So when she addresses everyone, Heero and world get to see her true face." Ice settled into my stomach. If Relena didn't lead, another war could start. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get even with Little Miss Queen. My soul versus the good of the world. I lost again.
"It would seem as if Millardo Peacecraft must rise from the dead once more." Wind sighed.
"Huh?" OK, so I wasn't all that quick on the uptake. I'd just had my mind cooked. Not to mention the sheer exhaustion I was feeling.
"If Relena is unfit to lead, another Peacecraft must come forward. I can come up with a suitable story and since Une was suspended, the World Council recommended Wind take over the Preventers. Using those resources, anything is possible. All record of Zechs Marquise will vanish and only Millardo will remain."
"You're not going to try to stop me?" I asked incredulous.
"No. What she has done is unforgivable. I just want one thing from you."
Blue eyes bored into me. They searched for some answer to a question I already knew.
"Noin is with Howard and the Sweepers. She's been watching everything we've done; heard everything we said. They made sure of it." Now for the part he'd hate. "Nothing bad will happen unless she does something stupid. Howard's never lied to me. She called me trash. Well now the lady is going to learn all about my life. Howard and the guys will have her doing all the things I did while working for them. It's dirty work, but honest. Someday, Noin will come to see that a person's true value is in their hearts, not birth or social status. When that happens, she'll be free to go. You have my word."
"And you never lie." Wind smiled. "I'll have to send Relena someplace after her humiliation. Perhaps the Mars Colony can use some help." An evil gleam lit up his face. "Will Heero be joining her?"
"I don't know. It depends on how well he takes what I'm going to do to him."
"That bad?"
I shrugged. Hope is fragile.
"Noin." Wind spoke loudly. "Enjoy your stay because I will not be coming for you. I never want to see you again. What you and the others did cannot be undone and only Duo can ever forgive you. If he ever forgives you. No matter how harsh life may seem now or in the future, just know it is no where your just deserts. Goodbye, Noin."
Wind carefully pulled away from me and I discovered I missed feeling him inside me. We took a shower without speaking. So much lay between us. Once we were dressed, the silence surpassed uncomfortable, bordering on oppressive.
"Duo," here it came, "when you are done with all this, please visit Sank. I'll be waiting for you."
That said, he leaned over, placed a chaste kiss on my forehead and left.
I stared after him. His statement was not expected. This whole encounter did not go at all like planned. Well, we had sex alright. Man did we have sex! Yet, the damn Preventer stirred up emotions better left dead. They should have died with Duo. So I stood in the house bought under a false name, wondering if I could go through with the last two revenges. When had Shinigami and Duo gotten so mixed up? Damn you Wind! I didn't want redemption! Damn us both.
End Part 5
Phoenix
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