16-Jan-2001
Next up, something a bit dark and mysterious.
Most people call me Dominck. I chose that name as a play on words and to remind me of my former arrogance. You see I do have another name; one used at my job or in everyday life. No one here, however, would call me by that name. The rules are understood, even if this party won't have any "playing."
This little get together was all Relena's idea. No one is wearing anything that might raise an eyebrow. In fact, we look very much like the perfectly normal individuals we are. Ah, there she is now. And there is the reason everyone gathered.
Duo Maxwell. He's changed a lot in the past four years. None of it good. His hair is short, almost a buzz; bones stand out against far too pale skin. Dark circles made those violet orbs look sunken. Black fabric still covered his figure, but from the stiff movements he made, all of us could tell it was to hide injuries not from modesty. Then we all saw it: the way he flinched any time someone got near him. Yes, Duo had changed.
Relena told us the story when convincing us to meet him. After the war, the young Queen encouraged the former pilot to meet new people. I guess she hoped to get him away from Heero. Whatever the reason, she introduced him to a man. Smooth, debonair, clever, with self-assurance in his own good looks. In short, all the things I have always hated in people. Duo's complete opposite. Naturally, the two fell in love.
The guy was very gentle and giving at first, but creeps like him always are....at first. Once Duo was truly in love, the possessiveness started. He objected to meetings with his friends, social gatherings, and anything else that allowed the beautiful boy a life of his own. Contact between Duo and those he cared for became increasingly sporadic until one day everyone looked around to find the braided boy gone.
For years, they went about their own lives, certain the missing fighter would call if he needed help. Such naiveté. Then came the news report of a former Gundam pilot found beaten almost to death, abused by his lover. A mad dash to Duo's side ensued, only to find him willingly going back to the side of the bastard who put him in the hospital. None of them could understand it. I could.
Monsters like that start out sweet, caring, kind. Everything is for you. But, eventually, their dark side comes out. A single blow begins the process. Apologies, candy, flowers, whatever it takes to get forgiven, follow the blow as well as the line "If only you hadn't made me so mad." I love that line. It's such crap; anger is never an excuse for violence. As a matter of fact, the minute control starts to slip, a person should get the hell out of there. You NEVER strike anyone in anger; that was one of the first lessons I learned.
Now I know what you're thinking, but I'll get back to the whole BDSM thing in a minute. What Duo went through is a simple pattern. One hit after another until he's used to it and each time, while making up, the attacker tells the victim that the victim is to blame. With no one to turn to, no one to help, and most importantly, no one to let the poor guy know it's all lies, the victim will accept the blame. Especially if they were desperate for love in the first place.
From there, the spirit is broken down until no independence remains. The abuser becomes the center of the victim's life. All-powerful. Always right. They become GOD. So it should have come as no shock when Duo wanted to go back. Or when he tried to take the blame for the abuse.
This guy didn't count on Relena, though. Despite being Dorothy's Sub, the Queen is very forceful in her public role. Mister Smooth now resides in a Sank Kingdom prison. I'll give you ten to one odds, Dorothy will visit him some day. The wild blond hates people who can't control themselves almost as much as I do.
Unfortunately, his friends weren't in time to "save" Duo. He was broken. Twice they caught him trying to visit the monster in jail. After a month of counseling, he never leaves his house, can't stand to be touched, still has nasty bruises, and trusts no one. Getting him to this party must have taken the little Queen's entire personality.
Yet, Relena hopes something of the real Duo remains; some spark of the fiery, outspoken personality still burns. If it does, she thinks we may be able to turn that spark into a full blaze. Maybe we can.
Now I know what you are thinking. Don't we tie people up and beat them? No. At least, not in the way you're thinking of it. See the very first and the most important rule is both parties must consent. Each has to want to be there; hell, in some cases, people crave to be there. Nothing happens, however, until everyone involved is clear on the rules and safe words.
Whatever happens, the Sub gives permission for it and the Dom NEVER loses control. Rule number two, discipline and self-control. At all times! You do not take your frustrations out on someone else. It can be very easy to truly hurt someone. I can see your thoughts so clearly. 'But isn't that what they want? To be hurt?'
People all need different things. For some, being tied down and made to beg to be touched is a huge turn on; others have to feel pain before they can reach orgasm. Some just like the feel of being helpless. Ah, I see I'm confusing you even worse. Let me put it this way.
Have you ever trusted someone completely? I mean put your life in their hands and knew without a shadow of a doubt, they wouldn't let you down? No? Well Subs do. It's a major turn on. To be able to be totally at someone's mercy and still be safe.
Am I a Sub? Only twice. For my Master and for two other people, but don't get me off track. I'll talk about this in a minute and it even ties into the pain side of things.
Doms may hit, whip, or whatever their Subs, but only if that is what the Sub really wants. Even then, no lasting damage is done. No broken bones. No scars. A good Dom can do what they do without seriously hurting anyone. And, add a bit of pain to pleasure and watch the begging begin. That is also a major turn on. Having someone beg you to touch them, hurt them, or fuck them. Trusting you without reservation.
Pain and pleasure also have the added benefit of stripping away all the barriers people put around themselves. Sometimes we all need to just let go. A good Dom can give their Sub such release. My Master did that for me.
I was an idiot. Hanging on to guilt, pain, and anger so hard I didn't notice they were strangling me. She saw it and wasn't willing to let me falling to darkness without a fight. This remarkable woman used my pride to get me to agree to being a Sub for her. Just once she said. A way to prove I was the stronger person.
Don't go thinking I went into it blind or that she tricked me. We know what we need, although pride and fear often get in the way of going after it. Deep inside, I wanted what she offered and I leapt at the chance. A part of me knew this might be the last time redemption was offered.
So she tied me up, made sure I couldn't move, couldn't achieve orgasm, and started whipping and touching me. Of course, the whole thing isn't all physical. Lots of it is mental, if you haven't guessed from what I've already said. She also talked to me; daring me to use the safe word. Pricking at my arrogance. Digging into the festering wounds of my soul to lance them.
Her words drove the pleasure and pain higher. Isn't it said that sex is in the mind? Well, talk about a mind fuck. Inside an hour, I was crying all over her. The shadows ruling my life fell away as the barriers I put around them were torn down. By someone I once held in contempt.
Afterwards, she taught me everything about pleasure, pain, and control. More than that, she helped me become really whole, for the first time in far too long.
So, I call her Master and she is the only one I will ever call Master. As for the other time I was a Sub. See those two innocent looking blond twins talking with Duo on the couch? They aren't exactly identical. One likes to Dom and the other Subs, but always together. I spent one night with them. The pair knows their stuff. I passed out three times for the sheer intensity of what they made me feel. And no, I will never go back. Why? Because they are too damn addicting. It would be very easy to end up as their Sub permanently. Hmm, looks like they've given up on Duo.
You notice how most people are watching him carefully, but not openly? Everyone can see the beauty hiding behind Duo's battered body, the remnants of what was once the brightest spirit to ever grace the Earth. So they send a Sub over and watch the interactions. Why not themselves? Like I said control.
Duo's been through hell. Put there by a controlling, sick bastard. Doms exude control, self-discipline, and confidence. It might frighten him. Subs might be very powerful people in life, but somehow they can have air of calm and ease. Duo shouldn't be too afraid of them. Nobody here will do anything to hurt the poor guy further. No matter how much a Dom may want Duo, if he or she isn't one hundred percent sure, they will not offer.
And putting Duo back together would be one massive job. He's lost the ability to trust. Physical contact is related to pain in his mind. A sucker's bet that sex is the same. To reach the fire still inside would take an enormous amount of time, energy, and self-control. I'd have to move in with him, just so he could get used to having me around. Let Duo see another person can be near him without pain being involved. It'd also build up the trust between us. No real difficulty since Relena got him a house about a mile from my work.
In the end, though, it is all up to Duo and which he has more of, fear or courage. Abusers leech out a person's inner strength because they have none themselves. They deliberately try to make fear the overriding emotion, a reflection of their own cowardice. If the monster managed that, Duo would never again have the courage to let another get close to him. He would forever be ruled by a fear of pain and trust. Nothing could help him them. Not even my moving in with him.
Of course, if there was already healing going on, such a drastic step might not be necessary, but I don't see any. None of us do. If anything, Duo is withdrawing into himself. Everyday, the fire burns lower, bravery fading. A tragedy.
I probably couldn't even get near him for at least the first month and after that, it would only be for tiny little touches, like handshakes; nothing so grand as a hug. Yet, I am certain I will be able to rebuild his trust. To just let his laughter and smiles fade away is the greatest injustice.
Oh, looks like everyone's leaving. No one is willing to take Duo. It's not cruelty or indifference. These people know their limits. If someone is beyond those limits, they will not do anything that might make matters worse. Counseling could be what he needs. I don't think so.
Poor Relena looks like crying. Of all his friends, she blames herself the most. How could she have knows? Guilt's often more powerful than logic, though. Here they come. Never seen to such dejected looking people.
Duo could be the most incredible Sub, yet I know, in the end, he would be a Dom. A Master to make people's mouths water. He's always had grace, a quick brain, and enough control to put anyone else to shame. All he needs is a chance.
Ah, shit! Ever have one of those incidents where your mind is already made up and its just waiting for you to acknowledge it. I just had one. I am going to help Duo. No matter what it takes. Master brought me back from the edge. She gave me more than I can adequately express. I'm not going to let this incredible spirit burn out without the fight of my life! It was going to be hard and there would be times I'd hate myself for this, but I was going to win.
So over I go.
Relena watched the tall man push away from the wall and felt hope grow in her heart. This was the man she'd originally brought Duo to meet. If anyone could help find his lost soul, it would be one who'd fought their way out of darkness to find their own.
"Hello," his smooth, deep voice interrupted the swirling emotions pouring through her.
Duo looked up and almost gasped.
"Y-You, you're" he whispered, violet eyes wide with shock. A brief hint of true joy entered them.
"My name is Dominck" The man smiled. A genuine, open, friendly smile split his face. "and I think I can help you."
End Part 1
Who is this man? The clues are there if you look. Take a guess. Will he be able to help Duo? Time will tell, but I'm not going to. ;)
Phoenix
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