20-Jul-2000
Title: Deliberate Caution
Author: Traed (Rayjahr@hotmail.com)
Warnings: None really...Kinda deathfic
Archive: If anyone wants it sure, just let me know
Pairing: 1x2
Rating: G-maybe NC-17(if I can stop blushing long enough at the thought) but at least R.
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em more's pity...but boy don't I wish
Note: Ok...it's late. It's really late, and I wish to apologize for that but
it really couldn't be helped, so I'm sorry. Thanks to those that sent me
feedback, and rest assured your words aren't wasted, I will be personally
replying sporadically as I get the chance but I will reply. I ask that if
you do send feedback for this one, please send it personally, as I'm on web
only for the duration of I don't know how long, but at least the next two
months. Thanks again.
...it's back to the povs
"I killed you last night with a plastic gun"
It wasn't real. None of it is. This world, this war, this life. It can't be real. Sometimes I dream, and I'm not Heero Yuy, I am not a weapon in a war that seems as endless as the sun. I am not Heero Yuy.
And I keep trying to push away the illusion that encroaches on my mental field, and the more I try to run the more the end seems further away. But I had an end, with amethyst eyes, and sable hair, and for awhile that was all that mattered. A touch, a stroke, a lick of the lips to feel his taste, and I was found. I was lost, but I was found.
For a brief period, all that I was transfered itself into the keeping of his scarred hands. They're so different his hands, calloused and marked with the history of his life in little knicks, and cresent shaped scars that tell a story all it's own. His was never an easy life and while mine was perhaps more brutal in the reality of cold purpose, his was infinately more alive and terrifying for the realness he experienced. Cold comfort is still comfort, and the coolness of sleeping with a semi-automatic pistol within easy reach was comfort to my eight year old mind. Duo was denied that. If I could change it....
If...
I don't know if I love you Duo, I don't think I can. I know I need and want, but I need and want a lot of things, and none of them I can say I love.
I can't change the past, and the future's too uncertain, but I can shape the present, and I don't want you to have another scar on your hands. I don't need you to hurt...but I've already done that haven't I? You were destined to be killed by me, you said, and I wish....
I wish you weren't so beautiful by moonlight.
It wasn't real Duo, it can't be real. None of it is.
End Part 2
(:./traed/caution2)
