27-Nov-2000
Warnings: Angst, death, shonen-ai
Pairing: Implied 1+2
Disclaimer: GW belongs to whomever it belongs to, and not me.
They said nothing would last forever. They said we are all soldiers, all expendable. They said a human life isn't worth anything, particularly yours or mine. So why do I feel like I'm dying inside?
They told me I was nothing, you were nothing. They told me that we didn't matter, that it didn't matter how many of us fell along the way to the top. I knew that you were going to leave one day. So why is there emptiness in my heart that threatens to swallow me whole?
I told myself that I was nothing but a killing machine. I told myself I would never get too close. I told myself that there was no love, no attachments, and no feelings in my world - just the mission. So why does it hurt so much?
You taught me to live for the moment. You taught me to feel. You taught me the courage of living and the cravenness of dying. You taught me that boys don't cry, no matter what. So why do I feel dangerously close to tears now?
Is that the gift you gave me? The gift of grief and pain that come with love - the gift of tears? The gift that turned my world upside down. I don't understand, I don't know whether it was worth it. But I pray that, one day, I'll know the answer, and I will wait for the light to shine - the light that you gave your life for. And I cry.
The End
In memory of my grandfather
(:./murasaki/lux)
