08-Apr-2000
revised 01-Jun-2000

Hi hi! I know I took forever getting "Thirty" out there to complete my much too long Shinigami arc, but here it is, after having been subjected to extensive and unsuccessful Alternate Universe-ism. I want it noted that this is the original version, not the one I came up with one night while I was jumped up on theology and the Catholic Counter-Reformation of the fifteenth and sixteenth century... long boring story. Anywho, here's the fic! Please to enjoy!
Title: Thirty
Warnings: yaoi, lemon, alternate timeline, songfic (my first and only)
Notes: "Hazy Shade of Winter" by the Bangles, "O Thou Whose Sweet Compassion..." by JH Maunder
Disclaimer: GW belongs to some dude with the name I can't recall, not me, but if Santa is reading this, he might take note.
Feedback appreciated
Hearty thanks go out to Akeru Joyden and Arashi Kashu who might recall the really really extra-religious version of this. This *was* the original though, and after lotsa consideration I think it's probably the better one, hee hee. ^-^;

Thirty by Erin Cayce

Duo knew he wasn't supposed to be up. He had the vague impression that Wufei had ordered him to stay in bed, before drifting off where he sat in an armchair beside the huge four-poster that Duo occupied in his room. But the heavy blankets had been suffocating and Duo had been very thirsty, and so after a long time he'd somehow made it to his feet and he was here now, with no recollection of how he'd arrived here.

It was hard to keep his eyes focused. They felt swollen and the lights were agonisingly bright. He stumbled through the hallways, keeping one hand on the wall and pressing the other to his temple, weakly calling Wufei's name.

He was scared. There was pain, and he was confused. He knew he was sick, and he was scared he would die and no one would find him in his cabin in the woods, fainted on the floor.

He was in Quatre's music room.

It was a music room, wasn't it, filled with all the pretty instruments and shelves with stacks of music on them, and it was very beautiful. Duo touched everything, he had to touch all of it, to be sure it was real, and he was pleased that it was. He took some of the ancient records, all beautiful wonderful classical stuff, hard black discs to the player and set the pin. He slid to the floor, his eyes squeezed shut against the reeling of the room, and he hummed along with the scratchy records, the crazy blasting notes, all that sound flying around the room.

Then he was panting, pressing his forehead against the smooth wood of the wall paneling, and the music was silenced.

Duo called for Wufei again... or maybe he didn't. His voice seemed so small in the great quiet. He would die and no one would ever find him, alone in the music room and dying from the constriction in his chest.

Relena opened yet one more door and peeked inside. No Duo. She sighed. Poor Wufei was frantic, and Quatre wasn't much better. Out of sympathy, she had agreed to help look for the missing boy, had taken a wing that had already been covered by the alarmed and useless servants. Relena was half convinced that the ex-pilot had merely slipped away while he could; after all, he hadn't wanted to be here. But she understood helplessness and worry, and so for Quatre and Wufei, she had agreed to help look.

A faint sound caught her ear. Relena frowned.

Was that music she heard? Curious, she followed the sound, and discovered Quatre's music room, set far back from the main-stream, every-day rooms, sound-proofed except for the slightly propped door.

She peeked inside, and saw a tiny wasted figure huddled in the shadow of a record player.

She entered the room quietly, not wanting to startle the boy. Duo was slumped against the wall, holding his head and moaning, keening softly in pain. Suddenly, Wufei appeared, running in and going straight to the boy, and he took hold of Duo's wrists, and stared down at his tightly drawn face.

"Darren," he said.

Duo looked up at him, and sighed. He leaned his head against Wufei's chest, and the Chinese boy put his arms around him and held him tightly.

Trowa, who had come in with the Chinese pilot, touched Relena's arm. "I'll go call for a doctor," he said calmly. "He should be receiving professional care."

It seemed to Duo that his memories were mixing with the music that wouldn't leave him alone, music he had heard somewhere that shuddered through his head demanding release.

~Oh Thou whose sweet compassion does through the ages shine~

~Can my poor heart enkindle affection such as Thine?~

~Of self unmindful ever, Thy steadfast love shone clear; A star 'mid deep'ning shadows e'en though the Cross was near~

"That's not what he's saying," Zechs interposed smoothly. "Treize, old friend, we're not questioning *you*."

~A star 'mid deep'ning shadows e'en though the Cross was near.~

"Fall back. *Now*. This is the last thing I will ever ask of you, Darren, angel, just obey me one last time. It's for the best."///

Wufei stroked his hair. "Darren?" he whispered. Duo cracked his eyes open, slitting them against the pain of the dim candlelight. "Darren, the doctor is back. Can you sit up? She wants you to try and swallow some medication. Can you do that?"

~Thou ever blest Redeemer, enthroned in Heav'n above~

"God gave me a second chance," Duo tried to explain, gripping the cross so tightly that the gold bit into his palm, sending sharp pain flaring along his nerves. "God gave me, me, a murderer and a sinner, a second chance, through Treize, to redeem myself in His eyes. I have to try. I want that redemption, in His eyes, in *his* eyes..."///

~O help Thy earthly pilgrim to love as Thou didst love!~

Wufei held him tightly, stroking his hair and his cheek and pressing his lips with kisses of frightening intensity. "Don't die," he begged. "Don't die. Oh, Duo, Duo, Darren, please don't die on me. I love you. I've just found you! Please don't die."

~Though dark and wild the pathway, my feet shall never tire~

~If to my soul Thou givest that spark of sacred fire~

"There was static, and I didn't hear all that you said. It was easy to pretend I didn't know how you felt about me. But I knew. And I love you too, Duo, and I want you to come back with me and stay with *me*, be mine, forever. I love you so much it hurts."

"Duo! Do you want me to beg? I will. I want you to be with *me*, not that fucking OZ freak who tricked you into his bed and onto his side! You *know* he tricked you! And you *know* me. I thought you loved me!" Heero felt the pain. Good, Duo thought viciously. And then he was sad, because he'd hurt the man he loved and he was sorry for it. He tried to show he was sorry, in the only way he knew. With kisses and caresses he soothed the hurt... but it would come back.

~If to my soul Thou givest that spark of sacred fire~

~That spark, that spark of sacred fire!~

Wufei was crying. Duo wanted to reach out and touch him, to help him in his despair, but his hand would not lift from where it lay on the coverlet, the flesh strung taut over the bones and the veins collapsed in a line of bruises where IVs had entered his flesh--appalling, the sight of those greenish bruises on his white hand. And Wufei clutching that hand, holding it against his dark cheek and hot salty tears dripping down on his motionless fingers.

"Shh," someone else was saying soothingly, a woman. "The worst is over now. The danger is past."

"I love you," Wufei whispered to him. "It's going to be all right now, koibito."

Quatre set the mug of lukewarm coffee down and shook his head. "I'm glad it's over," he sighed. "It's all so horrible." Trowa smiled slightly and brushed hair out of the blonde's eyes.

"It's been bad for us all," he observed quietly, "but you take it all so personally, little one."

"It isn't fair, that's all. I mean--well--he may be our enemy, technically, but he was our friend before that and the war is over now, so we're all friends again, as we should be." Quatre sat down on the edge of their bed and began to unbutton his shirt. "And just as soon as we find him, he nearly dies. But, it's done with now. The doctor was very good. It's practically a miracle, that she pulled him through."

"Maybe it was a miracle." Trowa, already in his nightshirt, reclined on a few pillows with a book. "And maybe it wasn't. But imagine. If Wufei hadn't brought him here, forced him to come, he would have been alone in the woods with no help nearby when he sickened. To tell you the truth, love, I think that was the real miracle. That after a year, a whole year, Wufei found him again, and just in time to save his life."

Quatre frowned.

They were quiet for a while, as Quatre finished undressing and slid into their bed. He lay staring up at the ceiling, absorbed in his own thoughts.

Eventually Trowa murmured, "Sally and Noin got to the airport on time. They should be landing soon."

"They didn't even stay to see if he was all right."

"They're busy people, Quatre."

"I know that. Forget it. Of course they had to go. Ah, damn!" He rolled onto his stomach and sighed into his pillow. Trowa put his book down and began to stroke Quatre's hair. "I mean--" He picked at imaginary dust, trying to force his tumbling emotions into words. When the words did come, it was in a rush, and he was no longer talking about Sally and Noin. "I mean that, will we ever know? Any of it? Duo and Treize... Duo and Heero... Duo and Wufei, now... Duo. There's so much we just don't know, Trowa. So much."

"I know," Trowa said, but he didn't. He didn't really want to. He hadn't ever loved Duo the way the others did, with their passion and sadness.

Quatre rolled over again and looked up at him. "At least everyone has a chance to be happy now. Maybe Duo will stay with Wufei. There isn't anything threatening about Wufei, you know, nothing that would scare Duo away."

"Quatre," Trowa murmured. "Forget about it for tonight. I understand your worry, truly I do. But I don't want him in our bed. It's quite comfortable enough with just the two of us."

Dismayed, Quatre sat up and stared at him. "Trowa, I'm sorry... "

Trowa picked up his book, and pretended to read. He was not upset, but he didn't want to talk any further about it. Quatre resettled beside him, and finally laid his head on Trowa's shoulder. He fell asleep that way, a tiny frown creasing his forehead and deeping the lines prematurely engraved on his face. Trowa set down his novel and kissed his lover gently, wishing that frown into nonexistence. "Good night," he told his mate, and turned off the light.

~Time, time, time
See what's become of me~

Duo was back on his feet a few days later. Wufei was constantly beside him, holding his hand or leaning over to touch him somehow, no matter where they were or who they were with, needing the reassurance of his life. If Duo knew how close it had been, he said nothing. It was enough that it was over, and the doctor had decided he was not likely to be so sick anytime soon again, with proper medication.

When a call came in from the Preventers, Wufei had to let go of Duo long enough to take the phone. Duo stayed near him, sitting curled up in a chair by one of the numerous windows in Quatre's home and watching him with dark eyes that still looked slightly bewildered and surprised, as if he did not quite know how he had arrived here. Wufei smiled at him even as he greeted Lady Une.

/"Mr. Chang, we urgently require your presence,"/ she told him shortly.

"I'm on leave."

/"I know that. You can finish your holiday some other time, Wufei; right now we need you in space. It's urgent, I said."/

He shook his head, forgetting the Lady couldn't see it. Duo looked at him in curiosity. "Now isn't the best time."

/"It's not a choice, Chang."/

He unhappily took down the information she gave him, and hung up the phone. He met Duo's eyes once more, thrilled they hadn't left his face the whole time and distressed because that whole time he'd been agreeing to leave.

"Let's go find the others," he said.

~See what's become of me
While I looked around
For my possibilities~

Quatre was very understanding. "Of course we'll do everything we can to help," he promised immediately. "Winner resources are at your disposal as well--whatever you're doing. Duo, are you going with him?"

Duo looked at Wufei, his expression neutral.

Wufei stared back at him. Duo needed him so much right now. He was better, it was true, but he had barely spoken since the night he'd sickened and nearly died, and he wouldn't eat unless Wufei held the plate and helped to feed him; if Wufei had to leave the room, Duo was agitated until he returned. But he never asked him to stay. It was almost as though he was scared to ask him anything.

~I was so hard to please~

Just as desperately, Wufei wanted Duo with him.

"He can't," he muttered finally. "You're not well enough to travel," he added, directly to the American. "And it's strictly Preventer business. Technically, you're still a criminal."

Duo nodded obediently. Then he quietly wormed his way into the Chinese pilot's embrace, and laid his head against Wufei's chest.

~Down by the riverside
There's bound to be a better ride
Than what you've got planned~

Heero was watching from where he leaned against the wall. He heard himself saying, "Relena and I have to get back. Duo could come and stay with us."

Quatre's jaw dropped.

Wufei scowled. "Thank you but no," he said hastily.

Quatre looked like someone following a ping-pong match. He also looked vastly relieved.

Relena, looking at Heero, understood how much this boy meant to her fiancé. She was secure in herself--and in him. There would be no disaster if Duo stayed with them briefly.

Briefly.

So she played the brainless chattle. "What a wonderful idea, dearest! Yes, Duo, stay with us. You don't mind at all, do you, Wufei?" She smiled winsomely, and put her hand on his wrist. The poor man, unable to contradict her politely, ground his teeth and glared at Heero.

Quatre looked faint.

~Carry a cup in your hand~

Duo spoke very quietly. "Thank you, Ms. Dorian. I appreciate the offer."

"I thought you were calling me Relena?" She was sure then that Duo saw through her facade, but he said nothing. He even smiled slightly, so that only she would see.

Quite pleased with herself, Relena settled back.

~Look around
Leaves are brown
And the sky
Is a hazy shade of winter
Hang on to your hopes my friend~

Duo watched in silence as Wufei's plane took off. He did not wave, or press up against the glass to try and catch one final glimpse, but he did look vaguely saddened.

Heero shoved his hands into his pockets. "Let's go," he said. He and Relena started off. Quatre took Duo's arm, and together he and Trowa led him off.

His face may not have shown it, but Duo felt the loss of Wufei's physical presence like a blow to the stomach. He couldn't breathe and he was frightened and he longed for safety from the pain. That safety was flying away from him, and Duo didn't know when it was coming back.

Heero glanced back at him once, and something flickered in his cold cobalt eyes. Then he turned and gazed ahead. He did not look back again.

~But if your hopes should pass away
Then simply pretend~

~That you can build them again~

Relena fluffed the pillow one last time, and left it alone. Duo, listless by the window, mumbled a thanks and fingered the cross he wore.

~Seasons change with the scenery
Weaving time in a tapestry~

"Sleep well," she told him. She glanced at the watch; it was barely nine o'clock, but Duo, as he always seemed to lately, looked exhausted almost beyond the ability to stay on his feet. He nodded. "You too."

She expected her fiancé would be in to see him soon. "Would you like me to have a hot toddy sent up to you? Something warm?"

"No. Thanks though. I don't need anything, Relena."

"Are you sure? Maybe some--"

"Really. I don't need anything." He glanced away, and became absorbed in the flower arrangement on a small table. "This is more than I'm used to, as it is."

"Yes, well, all you have to do is ask, Duo. Darren." Oh, this had seemed like such a *good* idea, earlier... With acute misery she heard her Heero in the hallway, and made her departure quick. She passed her fiancé but acted as though she hadn't heard him. It would only make him uncomfortable. Relena spared herself a small smile for the irony. She would spend her life protecting him, and he naively thought he was doing the same for her.

Heero watched carefully to be sure his fiancé had really left. Sometimes she had a habit of waiting around to make sure everything was perfect. He had to do this alone; doubtless Relena would have misunderstood his mission, and he would give his life to protect her. Even from his own past.

Duo was changing when he slipped inside, so softly that the latch did not even click as he closed the door. The American's back was turned, and thus Heero had a good look at how thin his one-time lover had become. He frowned. He could have played Duo's ribs like a xylophone, and the way his shoulder-blades stuck out, any accidental fall would probably snap them in two.

He quietly said Duo's name.

~Won't you stop and remember me?~

The other boy whirled around. "Heero--" He gasped, his face pale, one hand at his breast in an instinctive gesture. Weakly he sat down on the bed.

Heero was concerned. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"You frightened me!"

Heero waited for him to calm down. He wandered aimlessly around the large guest room, noting that the servants had done an excellent job preparing it on short notice. Finally Duo asked what he wanted.

"I came to say good night."

Duo bit his lip. "That's it?"

"That's it."

The American nodded slowly. "Good night, then."

Heero passed by him in his large circle, and stopped and looked down at him. Then, very deliberately, he bent and took Duo's mouth with his. "I'd like you to stay for my wedding," he said.

~Hang on to your hopes my friend~

Duo's eyes filled with tears.

Heero kissed him again, more gently than before. "You understand?"

"Yes," he whispered.

~But if your hopes should pass away~

Once last kiss. "Then good night." He straightened, and left, shutting the door softly behind him.

~Then simply pretend~

Duo laid his head on one of the stiff satin pillows and cried himself to sleep.

Duo, blinded by crusting blood and so, so empty inside, had climbed down from the cot and knelt beside the body of his lover. He had prayed. He had placed his crucifix in Treize's cold hand and clasped the white stiff fist to his chest and prayed over it, begging God to bring life back to the corpse. *Please, God, Jesus, Yahweh, Jehovah, Father, bring him back and I will never, ever be bad again. Bring him back and I will do anything You ask of me, I'll die in his place, I'll give You my soul, I'll... Bring him back to me, please, I can't bear this pain, this grief. It wasn't his time! Oh, I believe in You and I believe in Your mercy. Oh, God! PLEASE!*

Wufei waited impatiently in the parlour with the old man, Pargan, and Relena Peacecraft--or Dorian, or Yuy, whichever she was calling herself now. It had been a long, long month, and he wanted to see Duo so badly he was practically dancing with excitement. He couldn't even be bothered to hide it with a scowl or an impassive face, and he flushed when Relena smiled at him with surprising empathy.

Finally, after an eternity, the door opened, and Duo and Heero entered. Wufei took exactly two and a half steps before he faltered, and froze. Heero sidestepped, sat down beside his wife, and all eyes were on Duo.

In Relena's determined care he had flourished as much as any ex-OZ cadet could in the home of his one-time enemy--and wife of his former lover. He had gained weight, spent time in the sun, was attractively groomed and handsomely dressed in one of Relena's tamer Sank styles, lots of soft, subdued blues and greys. He hesitated at the door, and Wufei realised, with amazement, that Duo was just as nervous as he.

Relena suddenly laughed. "Look at you two," she admonished gently. "You act as though it's been ten years, not thirty days. Wufei, he's been fretting all morning, waiting for you. The least you can do is say hello to him."

Wufei swallowed hard. "Hello--" he began. Duo beat him to the punch. He stepped forward and kissed Wufei, a little off aim and too quick to be tender, but it was a kiss, a real kiss, and Wufei grinned like an idiot and took Duo's hands.

Duo was blushing. "Welcome back," he mumbled.

Wufei drew him close, and held him tightly against his chest. "It's good to be back, Darren."

It was late. Wufei put out all the lights but the one in the bathroom, and sleepily began to divest himself of his casual dinner clothes. Relena's little after-dinner parties had definitely gotten more amusing, he thought. He wobbled to the bed, and found a pair of dark grey pajamas laid out for him. He didn't question. He just put them on.

Duo, sitting on the bed, fingered his crucifix and watched Wufei finish dressing for bed. "Fei-kun?" he asked softly.

"Yes?" The Chinese pilot pushed his house slippers under the bed with a slight movement of his foot, then sat beside his young love. "Is something wrong?"

"Do you want to... you know... tonight?"

Wufei turned bright red. "Uh--"

"I'm not trying to pressure you," Duo hastily assured him. "I'm recovered now, completely, is all, and I did promise you--lovers. What I'm saying is... if you want to... so do I."

Wufei's blush deepened. "Is there some kind of rush?" he stalled.

"No. No rush." Duo carefully kissed Wufei's cheek, pulling back immediately to watch his reaction. "Is it your first time?"

"You know it is."

"It's been a year. Perhaps some things had changed." Duo kissed him again, then began to unbutton his own shirt. "I've never been anyone's first. We'll take it slow, okay? As slow as you want."

Wufei took Duo's hands before he could reach for the zipper of his jeans. "Darren," he began, then shook his head. "You don't have to... just because you think I want to."

Duo's eyes clouded. "Then you don't want to sleep with me?" He pulled away.

"No! I mean, you know I do." Wufei shook his head again, helplessly. "Do *you*? With me? Truly?"

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't." Duo stood to unzip his jeans, and wriggled them down to his ankles. He shivered slightly in his underwear as he got back on the bed, and sat before Wufei, reaching out to smooth his hands over the fabric of Wufei's nightshirt. Wufei jumped a bit as Duo's palms pressed warmly against his nipples.

"Darren... "

"Shh," Duo whispered. "Don't talk now. Let me teach you."

Wufei let him.

In the dim light of the bathroom lamp, Duo's form was appealingly bony, the long but graceful limbs of a boy who seemed doomed to forever hover between adolescence and adulthood. His short hair felt very soft and thick as Wufei ran his hands through it, and his pale skin was faintly luminescent. He looked like a saint--a sad, sensual saint--his crucifix caught the light and threw it back in flashes of gold.

Duo was very gentle. He seemed to know instinctively what Wufei would like and wouldn't. He coached Wufei with low murmurs and encourging tiny sounds, tutored him in preparing Duo's body for his entrance. He explained, very quietly and simply, the purpose of lubricant and described how to stretch his orifice with slicked fingers. He demonstrated different caresses and strokes, laughing softly when Wufei observed that it was almost like masturbation.

Finally, Wufei slid into the hot sheath of Duo's anus, hearing his own loud cries and feeling intensely embarrassed by his lack of control. Duo held him tightly, whispering encouragement, shuddering lightly and clenching around Wufei's shaft, and Wufei realised that his lover was just as overwhelmed as he was. After that, it was wave after wave of frustration, or something infinitely better than frustration, building up and warming his groin, until suddenly muscles clamped and released and Wufei fired his seed deep into Duo's body.

Wufei lay spent on top of Duo, becoming aware, slowly, slowly, that he was drenched in sweat and that he didn't have the energy to remove his softening organ from inside Duo. Duo didn't seem to mind, though, because he kept making those soft little mews of gratification, and he kissed Wufei's face wherever he could reach.

Finally, though, they separated, and Duo led him into the bathroom, kneeling before him like a servant to clean him tenderly with a damp warm cloth. When he had finished, Wufei drew him gently to his feet, and just held him close.

When they lay in bed again, on fresh sheets that Duo found in the closet, Wufei cradled the smaller boy in his arms and sleepily enjoyed the feeling of their togetherness. Duo spoke to him in his low husky voice, the only sound now in the darkness.

"I want to tell you how it became like this, Fei-kun," he said.

Wufei stroked the hollow between Duo's shoulder-blade and spine and silently assented.

"And then afterwards, when you know everything, I'll ask you if you still love me. I'll understand if you don't. And I'll go home, to my little cabin in the woods."

Wufei nodded. He was very tired. It would take a strong effort to stay awake--though of course he would. He caressed Duo's back slowly, just enjoying the velvety texture of his pale skin.

"That night I ran away, do you remember? Heero tried to rape me. You remember? But that isn't exactly how it happened."

He took his time replying, thinking slowly through his memories of that night. "Then what did happen?"

"I goaded Heero into hurting me. I'd been trying to for days. Weeks. I made him want me, and I taunted him and laughed at him and pretended to hate him whenever he wanted to touch me... and I lied about him. He never, ever hit me. I did that to myself, to make it look like he was abusing me."

Wufei shook his head. "No. I don't believe that. I saw you, remember? Bleeding and with your back hunched because of the pain."

"It's true!" Duo was so tense in his arms, as if he wanted to pull away but couldn't until his story was out. "Don't you see, Wufei? I was so desperate to get away from him that I--I created such an awful lie about him. And I was so good at it, that's what haunts me. That night, yes, he slapped me, but I swear he never hurt me before that night! And Heero... " Duo shook his head faintly, and Wufei felt dampness against the curve of his neck, from the boy's tears. "He never once defended himself. He let me lie about him, because he didn't want any of you to know how--how fucked up I was. He was protecting me the whole time, and I just kept screwing around with him. He loved me that much."

Wufei was troubled. He didn't say anything. But the loose ends were suddenly coming together, and he didn't like what that meant. Could he have so grieviously misjudged Heero? Could all of them have fallen for--if it really *had* been a lie, how could they all have believed it?

After a moment, Duo continued, his voice barely above the merest breath. "I went to Treize immediately, of course. I walked in... they let me walk in as if I'd never been gone. He hoped that much that I would come back, wanted me back even after a year, knowing I'd slept in another man's bed and hadn't said good-bye... I went to him, and he held me, just the way you are now, and when I saw that he wasn't angry, I was so happy, so relieved. So sickened by what I'd done to Heero, but that was suddenly so far away--do you understand?"

Wufei nodded. "Yes," he whispered.

"And now, tonight, here with you, this is the first time since Treize that I've--been with anyone to please *them*, not me. I--you know that I--I've been with a lot of people, Wufei. I'm a--there are words for people like me, none of them nice, all of them true. But you're the first person since Treize that I've ever gone to bed with because I--I wanted to do it for *you.* I wanted to make you happy, give you back some of the good feeling that you make in me. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

Duo drew a deep breath. "Do you love me?"

Wufei bit his lip. "You know I do," he breathed.

Duo sat up on his elbow, and looked down at Wufei. "Help me love you, Fei-chan. I'm frightened. I'm scared you'll leave me, too... but you won't, will you?"

Wufei shook his head. "No." He lifted a hand and brushed his fingers over Duo's cheek.

His lover was trembling. "Fei-chan... it will be good, promise it will be good. Normal, good, and all of the past behind me... us... I'll promise you to try so hard, as hard as I can, if you promise me too. I kept the other promise, didn't I? Lovers. Promise me, Fei-chan."

"I promise. I love you." Wufei stroked his pale cheek, feeling his devotion for this sorrowful boy-child like the sun on his bare skin, warming him all over. "I think I'm glad you told me, but that is now the past, Darren. The past doesn't matter, my love."

"You don't care?"

"I don't care. I have you--as much of you as you will give me, anyway--that's enough. Nothing else is important."

"Thank you," Duo said, and laid back down. His arms snuck around Wufei's waist, and he laid his head against Wufei's chest.

"Forget it all," Wufei commanded, gently. He held Duo, stroking up and down his bare back, reveling in the thin body pressed against his.

"I don't deserve you," Duo said very quietly. "I'm cursed, Fei-chan. If that's awful enough for me. Everything I touch dies... or ends up broken, just like me."

"No," Wufei replied. "Not everything." He caressed the silky short hair tucked beneath his chin. "The past, it was just mistakes," he continued softly. "We've all made plenty. Now is the time to move on. Don't you think you've punished yourself enough?"

Duo shook his head, fighting tears again. " ...Fei-chan."

Wufei reached down, and found Duo's hands. He squeezed the callused fingers, stroked the rough skin of the knuckles with his thumbs.

"Tomorrow, let's get going," he said. "You and me, we'll go someplace quiet and take a break. No wars, no missions, no interruptions. Just quiet time."

Duo stared at their intertwined fingers, then dragged his eyes up to Wufei's, only barely visible in the dark. "I'd like that."

Wufei smiled.

The End

(:./erin/still4)