06-Jul-2000
Title: Do Angels Fly Away?
Author: Asuka
Warnings: This part has AU, Angst, future will have yaoi.
Archive: With my permission.
Feedback: All is welcome and begged for!
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and none of the G-Boys belong to me, never had,
never will (damn!). Belongs to Sotsu Agency, Bandai, and its creators.
"Invisible War" is by Julia Fordham. . The opening poem thingy is part of a
song that I heard on "Passions." I don't know the artist or the title, but
it's a beautiful song. ^
Notes: This takes place 2 years after Endless Waltz. Emphasized words in *...*, italics/thoughts in /..../ Massive glomps out to
Angel Ikari and Lizard Queen for beta-ing this for me! ^^
*grins* Thanks for all the lovely feedback I've been getting on this fic!!
I'll try to get back to all of you individually sooner or later!! ^^;; And
now...on to the fic! Oh yeah, this part isn't AU like the first one...
~*I had a broken heart
Loved you right from the start
Wish you could stay with me for always
Is it true -
Do angels fly away?*~
-unknown-
[Invisible war, seems we're fighting an invisible war ]
"Heero, this isn't working out..." the braided pilot began, addressing the figure before him who was clicking away on his laptop, blue light the only thing illuminating the dark room.
"*What* are you rambling on about, Duo?"
"See? You can't even acknowledge or take me seriously for a damn second! Now dammit, Heero, listen to me!" Heero felt his lover's eyes burning into him, his voice seething. /Might as well get this over with,/ he thought, shifting in his chair as he closed the compact computer. "Koi..." Duo began.
"Don't call me that," Heero demanded.
[Strained manoeuvres, keeping silent score ]
"Fine. Whatever. This is exactly what I want to talk about... I can't even call you by any term of endearment. Now, *Heero,*" the American started, "this has been going on long enough. We've been together for almost three years now, and not once have you ever told me you loved me, or showed any sign that you cared. Sometimes I think that our having sex is just so you'll have someone to screw!"
The Wing pilot felt a stabbing sensation in his chest, clenching it and making it hard for him to breathe. /What the hell? I can't let Duo see... let him know... He's a risk I cannot afford. He can never know that I.. I... Perfect Soldiers don't have feelings./ Even with this slight reassurance, the pain didn't leave. He decided just to bear it with his usual stoic face. Tears began to well up in his partner's eyes. "My God, Heero, even with that I can't get any reaction out of you. I guess I never really meant anything to you, did I?"
Silence.
[In this invisible war
Every day I seem to lose you more ]
The boy who called himself Shinigami chuckled bitterly to himself, the same bitter-sweet smirk etched across his lips. He hastly brushed away the glass sins he had allowed to fall from his violet orbs.
[Both wishing it was like before
In this invisible war ]
"I guess I should've taken a hint, huh? I guess I never should've pleaded for you to never take your life. I guess I never should've cared. But I did. Such a fool... I was such a fucking fool to believe...to hope...that you'd ever reciprocate any feelings towards me. I guess I had too much faith in you...that for once something other than 'The Mission' would ever really be important to you, that after the war and everything we've been through together, you'd open up to me. God, was I wrong."
[Talk about a fine line between love and hate
We've lost more than our direction of late ]
/No, don't say that. The only reason I survived that God-forsaken war was because of you. Damn it all to hell!! Why can't I just say it? Why can't I say those three simple words I've been dying to say to someone for an eternity??/ Heero thought back scornfully to one person... Dr. J. /Damn you, J. Damn you and all of your conditioning.../ But the Japanese boy knew he had no one to blame but himself. He gazed into his lover's eyes, blurred and stinging with clear liquid shimmers. /No, sadness should never taint your face. Your eyes should never be filled with such pain. This is all my fault.../ Heero looked away in shame. He couldn't bear to look at his beloved. They stood there, two silent statues grasping for something - anything - to say. Finally, it was Duo who broke the silence, and Heero held his breath, bracing himself as to what his boyfriend was about to proclaim.
[Talk about a fine line between lovers and friends
We've never been lovers and now we're not even friends ]
"I'm assuming you have nothing to say to me?" All he got for a reply was a quiet look. Heero could feel himself being backed into a wall - something he *definitely* did not like. Of course he didn't mean for the glare to come out as cold as it did, but he couldn't help it; it had already slipped, and Duo noticed. "Well Heero, if that's it then...then this is goodbye..." he trailed off, leaving his words hanging in the ex-Wing pilot's ears. The former pilot of Deathscythe promptly turned on his heel, heading for the door.
Heero grasped at Duo's wrist, jerking the boy back.
[In this invisible war, seems we're waging an invisible war
Every day I seem to lose you more
In this invisible war ]
"No, wait..." Duo searched the boy's cobalt eyes. They were distraught and unsure.
"Heero..." The young boy outstretched a hand to carress his lover's cheek. "Don't say anything. Until you are able to say your real feelings to me and truly mean them, I have to leave. This isn't good for me or for you. And that's why... I'm letting you go." The American slowly brought the other's lips to his, planting a soft and tender kiss upon the Japanese boy's mouth. Heero savored it until Duo pulled away, walking out of the door - out of his life without looking back.
/No, this can't be happening! Duo, I- I-....I'm nothing without you... Don't leave me, my angel./ But it was already too late, as Shinigami spread his wings and took off.
[It wounded deeply, the scar is here to stay
Opening up at all the little things I do and say ]
As Duo shut the door to what had been their apartment behind him, he broke down and cried, crystalline beadlets racing down his cheeks. He didn't want to have to do it, but he knew this predicament would be inevitable. Heero wasn't giving him with the emotional support he needed, and so he had to leave Heero, before Heero left *him.* /God knows I've been left behind too many times before... my parents, whoever they were... Solo... Father Maxwell... Sister Helen.../ He walked onto the cold, uncaring pavement, and hauled a taxi.
[You always want things to be as before
So I make you angry and you bleed a little more ]
"Where to?"
He barely managed to choke out his destination through his sobs. "The airport, please."
It was time for him to get out of this place. Too many memories... Too much of the past... The cab driver saw the anguish upon his customer's face, but decided not to pry. It seemed like he already had enough on his mind to want to talk about it.
[In this invisible war, seems that we're waging an invisible war
Every day I seem to lose you more
In this invisible war ]
Within a matter of moments, the former Deathscythe pilot arrived at the airport. It was easy of him to board the plane, since he didn't bring anything other than his wallet and the clothes on his back with him. There wasn't enough time to pack a suitcase, and even if he did, there were too many things that reminded him of Heero... the way he looked... smelled... felt... sounded... /Gah! What am I *thinking*?! I left to get *away* from him, not to think about him! But, what was that expression in his eyes when he reached for me? Maybe I should've waited... Listened to what he had to say... I suppose it doesn't really matter anymore. If he truly *does* feel anything at all for me, he'll find me./
[Want to go away (I still love you) ]
/And if he *doesn't* search for me? I guess it wasn't meant to be then. That all we had - or thought we had at least - amounted to zilch. I can only hope.../ The braided boy fell asleep in his seat, sweet dreams of what could be dancing through his head.
[Got to go away (I always love you) ]
It was nearly an hour after Heero finally snapped himself out of his reverie. It finally dawned on him that the past events *had* taken place, and that he had been standing where Duo left him all the while. He clenched his fists until they blanched, tiny cresents cutting into is skin. /If only I had.../ He fought back tears as he raced out the door. /Maybe, just *maybe* he's still here... Maybe I can convince him to stay... with me./
The former Gundam pilot flung the door open, running down the staircase and outside of his apartment building. He looked all over, but to no avail.
Duo was gone.
He slammed an angry fist into the structure's wall, sending shattered fragments spewing out. His hand was bloodied and cut open, but he couldn't feel the pain. All he could feel was the emptiness in his heart, the constricting feeling flowing back into his chest, more powerful than ever.
/I've lost him... My beautiful angel... If only you knew.../ He slumped against the brick wall, his body shaking uncontrollably. The so-called "Perfect Soldier" experienced tears for the first time. And through his tears, he could see a feather wafting in the wind slowly drift to his side, a winged shadow falling from view.
[Got to be away (Time heals all wounds) ]
End Part 2
(:./asuka/angel2)
