14-Aug-2000
Category: Humor, AU
Rating: NC-17/R for bizarre content
Pairings: None
Warnings: Really crass language.
Feedback: C&C
Notes: To prove to the world, I can write something other than doom and gloom. This story is almost a re-hash of a conversation I had with my sister and her husband. He found this website, sis and I spent many hilarious moments making wisecracks about the product. Descriptions Sally is reading really is on that website. I'll give you the website address if you want it (you have to be 18 to enter). Although it doesn't take a brainiac to figure out the address.
Oh yeah, '--denotes thoughts--'
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters belongs to Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency and are only being used for non profit entertainment purposes.
It was a pretty slow day at the Preventer's Headquarters. Since there were no major cases that needed urgent attention, many of the agents had left for the day. Sally Po was about to take part of the afternoon off when she remembered she needed to print up a report. Because she didn't feel like schlepping over to her desk, she went to Wufei's computer which was the closest to both her and the door.
While waiting for the seventy five page document to print on the neighboring laser printer, she decided to hop on the internet. Having no set designation in mind, she pulled down the bookmarked links on Wufei's computer.
After skimming through various links on katas for judo, karate, etc. One link caught her eye. 'What the heck is this?' she wondered, as she decided to select it.
"OH MY GOD!" Sally bellowed, before laughing.
"What?" Noin asked from the far side of the room.
"Come here, Lucrezia! You have got to see this!"
So Noin came over and looked at the page. She started laughing. "Oh my god! Real doll?"
Une wondering what all the commotion was about, found herself walking towards the cackling ladies. "What's so funny?"
Sally tried putting on a straight face. "Sorry, Lady Une. I can't help but think someone bookmarked this on Wufei's web browser as a joke."
"Well, what is it?"
"REAL DOLLS!" Noin said, before bursting in laughter again.
"I don't understand..." Une asked looking puzzled, she still hadn't looked at the page yet.
"It's the next generation of blow up dolls, only you don't have to blow them up. They are made out of silicone and steel. It's the perfect woman. Hey look, you get to pick the color of the pubic hair, shaved, trimmed or natural!" Sally said as she began reading the FAQ aloud.
Une still looked stunned. "You're kidding, right?"
Noin was snickering. "Nope, check out the little movie demonstrating how realistic the breasts are."
Une looked at the screen and flushed a deep shade of pink before laughing.
Sally continued to read the FAQ, "Question: When will you offer a MALE REALDOLL? A MALE REALDOLL is in development. When it's ready to be sold, we'll immediately make information available on this site. Please don't ask us for early notification of the MALE REALDOLL."
Sally, Noin and Une all replied, "Damn!" Then they looked at each other and started laughing again.
Sally continued to read, "Question: When will you offer a SHE-MALE REALDOLL? We are seeing some interest in a "SHE-MALE" REALDOLL, but we're still trying to determine if such a doll should be equipped with male AND female sex organs. Let us know what you think."
The room filled with shocked laughter.
Duo wandering in from a slow day was wondering what the heck was so funny. 'Oh they're at Wufei's computer!' he thought with a knowing look.
"Hey gang, what's up?" Duo asked.
Sally looked up, deciding whether or not Duo should join in the fun. "Have you seen this website Real doll?"
Duo flashed an evil grin. "Seen it? Hell, I bookmarked it for Wufei! But the baka hasn't spotted it yet. I been hoping to hear the wails and see the tissues fly for days now."
Noin stared at Duo. "You didn't!"
Sally looked up at Duo and smiled, "Of course, he did!"
Noin began reading aloud the highlights of the FAQ, "Tell me more about RealDoll's suction effect."
This brought snorts and cackles.
"How much weight can the doll support? REALDOLL can safely support over 500 lbs," Noin continued.
"What happens if you weigh 501, does she blow out like a tire?" Une asked with a straight face.
Duo quipped, "Maybe it comes with a patch kit!"
Noin looked up at Duo, "Duo, there IS a silicone repair kit for 50 credits!"
"You're kidding, right?" Duo asked, laughing with tears in his eyes.
"Nope, it's right next to The RealCock. While the Male Realdoll is still in development, we do have this to offer: The Realcock is absolutely the most realistic penis available anywhere, bar none! Featuring a convenient flat base...It's the ultimate "Sit n' Sin"! Available in your choice of the same skin tones used for the Realdolls, and with or without pubic hair," Noin read amazed at the size of the thing. They all stopped to stare at the amazing Real Cock including Duo.
"Back to the FAQ," Sally said snapping out of her hentai thought. "Question: What sort of people buy REALDOLL?"
Everyone looked at each other and said in unison, "LOOSSSEEERRRSSS!"
Noin, adding, "Well, losers with 5000 credits to spare!"
Sally still was laughing, when she looked at Duo. "You really want to see Wufei nosebleed over this, don't you?"
Duo looked at Sally, "Umm, yeah?"
"Well, you need to make this his home page, silly!" Sally retorted. So with a few clicks, everyone went back to their desks, still wiping away tears from laughter.
Wufei arrived ten minutes later and fired up his computer.
Noin said, "Oh Wufei, I think someone said you had to check the web for a report or something."
"Okay," Wufei grumbled as he clicked his web browser on.
"Kuso! What the-- MAXWELL!!!"
Sally walked over to Wufei, "What's the problem, Wufei?" All the while maintaining an innocent looking smile.
Wufei was quickly trying to close the browser and grab for tissues at the same time. "Nothing! Maxwell's been playing with my computer again!"
"Oh," Sally smiled, "I just thought you wanted him to see your perfect onna!"
OWARI
(:./babaca/perfectonna)
