Title: Alternate Dualities
Author: WingNut
Archive: http://www.fanworkrecs.com
Disclaimers: I don't own the characters from Gundam Wing, I just play with them for non-profit fun until they run screaming back to their creators.
Warnings: AU - AAAAAAAAAAAU. Some yaoi, lemon, violence, language. You should be a legal adult to read this. Open-mindedness helps, too.
Pairings: all over the map; Duo-centric. yaoi and het.
Author's Notes: A huge helping of "suspension of disbelief" would be appropriate before you read this. I'm sure J or G could explain the science behind it, but they're kinda dead right now...
Part 6 ~ Mess (cont'd)
Love.
Heero... and Trowa. Heero loved Trowa.
Duo literally couldn't move. He could feel the blood rush to his face, then drain away, leaving him swaying dizzily. His ears buzzed and his vision went gray before he managed to suck in a breath of air.
Blindly, he flicked off the radio receiver at his waist. He didn't want to hear any more.
No wonder Trowa had thought Duo might betray him to Wheat. 'I'm probably the last person you want to have here with you,' Trowa had said. He had known the whole time, but Duo had barely remembered that Heero had once been his lover.
Embarrassment, deep hurt, shame, betrayal, confusion, and overwhelming anger rolled through his mind. He wanted to punch something, rip it apart, kick it to pieces. He wanted to hide his head in his arms and cry until the cold lump of pain in his chest dissolved. He wanted to shriek his rage to the universe. He wanted to die.
How had it happened? Had he left Heero? Surely not! He still felt that eager little ball of warmth in his belly when he thought of his partner - or at least, he had until this latest revelation had doused it.
So... Heero had left him.
For Trowa.
Duo drew in an unsteady breath. How could he be surprised by that? He remembered with piercing clarity his own admiration for the acrobat during their shared shower - those clear, green eyes, that beautifully masculine face, the graceful body that had held him up with easy strength. Add even-tempered intelligence, talent, and a dry, understated sense of humour to that amazing physique, and it was inevitable that Heero would notice and be attracted.
As for himself, well - he felt his throat clench as the realization sank in - he just wasn't good enough. He had been sent back from foster homes time and time again as a child - not wanted, never quite satisfactory...
A wave of shame rose up his body, flushing his skin and bringing tears flooding to his eyes. He was stupid to have ever believed that someone would want to be with him, to share a life with him.
He turned and stared blindly out the viewport, blinking the tears away. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't let anyone see his pain. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction. He had learned long ago that any sign of weakness would inevitably be exploited. He would not cry.
"Bad memories, huh?" The man sitting across the narrow aisle was leaning towards Duo, looking at him with predatory interest. "Bliss wipes your memories for a little while, but they always come back, worse than before."
Duo almost winced, wondering how often he had relived the awful realization that Heero had rejected him. How long would it be before specific memories began to return? A cold feeling settled in his belly as he thought of those sure-to-be hellish images slamming into his mind with the subtlety of a buster rifle.
The man leaned a little closer, dropping his voice. "You been without a hit since this morning, huh? You're gonna be needing something soon. Well, I could help you with that. I got a little stash I could let you have, for a price."
Duo swallowed. Soon the memories would be coming back full force. He felt desperate, trapped. He was already reeling mentally; he didn't think he could stand any more of that kind of emotional torture.
If Bliss could blunt the experience, could dull the sharp edges that were slicing his soul to ribbons... would it really be so bad? If he only took it when he couldn't stand the memories anymore? Just this one time?
Just this once...
Duo's gaze fell, and he muttered, ashamed, "I don't have any money."
"That's okay," his new 'friend' whispered back. "We'll work something out later."
A small packet of pale blue powder was pressed into his palm. He almost threw it on the floor with revulsion. Instead, he watched as his hand slowly put it in the pocket of his sweat pants. He looked away, feeling dirty.
He really was a loser, just another piece of street trash. No wonder Heero had left him. He curled up in a ball, wrapping his arms around his knees, and stared resolutely out the viewport.
Damnit, he had to pull himself together. Heero and Wufei would be here any minute. There was nowhere to run and hide from the upcoming confrontation.
Actually - his mind latched on to this distraction with desperate eagerness - actually, he was surprised they weren't here already. His fingers crept towards the radio receiver clipped to the waistband of his sweats.
A little ripple of fear through his belly decided him. If his fr... if they had run into trouble, he'd want to know. He flipped the receiver back on.
To his frustration, the band was quiet. Heero and Wufei were probably directing their team on another band, or close enough together that they did not need to use the radio to talk.
He dialled back momentarily to the original frequency Trowa had told him, but all he could pick up were confused transmissions from L2. It sounded like Monsoon was in danger of facing a full-blown mutiny from his on-site agents.
Duo sighed and looked around the runabout, trying to see if he could piece together what was happening back on the shuttle by the looks on the gang members' faces.
His eyes skated quickly over Trowa, not wanting to linger. The Preventer was restrained tightly in a seat with his arms still twisted behind his back. It looked very uncomfortable. Duo felt a sharp twinge of vindictive satisfaction at the sight.
His gaze moved around the tiny cabin, and he let out his breath in a little 'whuf' of discovery. Now that he had taken the time to look around, he knew why the Preventers hadn't intercepted them. His stomach twisted with apprehension and relief, mingled with annoyance at having missed the obvious. He should have recognized the little ship immediately - it was G's runabout.
The tiny craft had a prototype cloaking mechanism - it wouldn't show up on the Preventers' scanners. The only way to find it would be to physically touch it. With each passing moment, the volume of space the Preventers would have to search got geometrically larger.
By the time the Preventers had stopped, boarded, and searched Wheat's shuttle, the runabout was effectively lost to them.
Duo looked out the viewport again, his mind racing in little circles. Heero and Wufei would never find either the runabout or the shielded lab without a homing signal. The asteroid containing the lab was too big to cloak, but when the shield was up, the lab buildings themselves were invisible unless you were really close.
The TED was still tucked into his gear bag, but he rejected that idea immediately. Tracking a cloaked and moving ship would require a continuous signal, and disrupting radio transmissions that obviously would draw the worst sort of attention from Wheat's gang.
Duo sighed. He should be feeling anxious or worried, now that rescue was farther away, but all he really felt was an overwhelming relief. He could delay facing Heero's indifference towards his pain, or Wufei's contempt for his weakness. Maybe he could avoid seeing them altogether. 'Run and hide' was his specialty, after all.
As for Trowa...
Duo fought to keep his expression unchanged as rage gripped him. That bastard had stolen his lover! He managed to convert the full-fledged glare he wanted to use on Trowa into an impersonal glance instead. He didn't want to attract any notice from the gang.
But when Tro raised his eyes and met his gaze, Duo didn't hesitate. He drew attention to the receiver in his ear by tucking some hair behind it, and then mouthed the word "love." Then he let his features settle into a stony stare over Trowa's left shoulder.
From the corners of his eyes, Duo could see that Trowa paled, almost imperceptibly, and ceased the tiny movements he had been making to ease himself into a slightly more comfortable position.
Good, Duo thought. Let's see how you like it, with your stomach all clenched up and that feeling of falling into disaster flooding your soul. Serves you right, you greedy, insensitive bastard.
With a metallic clang, the runabout's forward motion ceased, and Duo felt the microgravity of the asteroid pull him gently down into the seat. He remembered this feeling well - just enough gravitational pull that things fell - well, drifted - down.
He leaned forward and jerked his gear bag out from under the seat in front, unclipping the tether. He pulled himself forward to the hatch and out, carefully avoiding looking at Trowa, who was being held tightly by two large goons.
The gang assembled in the space just inside the lab's airlock, which was jury-rigged to fool the security system into thinking it was always closed, and controlled by a patched-in panel. The gang's two pilots remained on the runabout, ready to provide immediate escape if the infiltration went sour, as every attempt so far had.
Duo stood quietly as Spider hooked him up with a video recorder to log his every move. He would have to be careful of what he did and said now. He had to assume that the Preventers would eventually get their hands on this recording, and that it would be examined in minute detail for evidence.
He carefully avoided thinking about why he was planning for his actions to be questioned. He pushed those unsettling thoughts out of his mind. He needed to concentrate on staying alive.
He switched on the handheld vid-player with trembling hands. He pulled up the last vid-log and set off down the corridor, prepared to use the player to prompt him with the responses necessary to get past the tricks and traps the other teams had already figured out.
Trowa was being hauled along none too gently behind him, still held fast by the two goons. Wheat was close behind, stun baton at the ready. The rest of the gang stayed back by the airlock.
Duo made the slow leaps and turns, trying to avoid thinking about the growing shivers in his limbs and the turmoil in his heart, trying to avoid thinking about the tall silent Preventer behind him...
He shook his head. Pay attention! He would have to be careful to use the same responses the other teams had used on the vid- logs, rather than the ones he knew off by heart. It wouldn't do to have Wheat suspect he knew more about this lab than he should.
He should be thinking about what he was doing, but all his senses seemed to be straining back towards Tr... towards Wheat's prisoner.
He paused, waiting for the trembling in his hands to subside before attempting to enter an access code. He suspected the shaking was a sign that his body was craving another hit of Bliss, but he didn't have time to worry about that now.
The mess of emotions threatening to steal his focus was not so easily ignored.
Deep down, part of him was whispering that Heero would have already calculated the risks stacked against his lover - cover blown, somehow whisked out of reach of the Preventers, and captive to a ruthless gang of criminals. It would not be surprising if Trowa were to die. It would be understandable - expected even. Heero would grieve, but he would eventually accept the inevitable.
And if Duo couldn't remember the exact sequence of live pressure plates, who could blame him? He was addle-witted, torn by memories and hallucinations. The shock of his comrade's death would be enough to make him swear off Bliss forever, and then maybe... without Trowa around... maybe... he and Heero could... could...
His mind veered away from finishing that thought, but a feeling of grim satisfaction settled in his belly.
Temptation lay directly ahead of him, in a lethal corridor of a cold and abandoned lab.
End Page 22
(:./wingnut/alter22)
