a really weird take on the entire series from a teddy bear's perspective, mentions Evangelion & Darwin Awards
Ka-cha, ka-cha went the keyboard.
"What are you doing, Heero?"
"I'm making a story for Fuyuka for her birthday. It's about the adventures of Mr. Teddy."
"Hmmm, how about a few suggestions?"
"Like what?"
"Well... "
There was once a teddy bear named Mr. Teddy. He was very round and fluffy, dressed in jeans and a denim jacket. He was given an assignment by the leader of the teddies to go to Earth and meet up with a certain boy, who wore black spandex and a green tanktop.
"Nimyu Ryokai," said the little bear, saluting. Then he frowned and said, "But what should I do once I meet him?"
"Further instructions will be forthcoming once you meet him. A magic boat will take you to the planet he'll be landing on called Earth."
"Oh... we can do magic?"
The leader of the teddies sweatdropped.
Now, Mr. Teddy's boat quietly descended on the beach where he was supposed to meet the boy. In the distance, he saw someone drive off in an ambulance. He hurried on his little fluff-filled legs as quickly as he could. He paused and patted the foreheads of two men, who seemed to be taking naps on the beach. He was worried that they might get sunburned.
Unfortunately, he had the misfortune of meeting the Pink Princess Plushie Hunter, who loved teddy bears of all sorts and was almost as addicted to them as she was to brunette bishonen. Seeing the plushie near the men, she picked him up and walked off, not bothering to pat the men awake. "Oh, if I ever meet him again, I must show you to him."
Mr. Teddy sweat dropped and concentrated on resisting the weird psychic field the Pink Princess Plushie Hunter projected that seemed to have a dampening effect on one's brain. As plushies don't really have brains, it didn't hurt him much.
Mr. Teddy found himself in a girl's single dormitory room. Oh, no, he thought. I must find him. He must be at the hospital since he is an ambulance driver. He found the window propped open to air out the room. He quickly jumped out the window and fell into some bushes. Pluff, he went into the plants. However, as he had no bones, he had nothing to break. He quickly brushed himself off and decided to see if he could get a taxi to the nearest hospital. Sadly, he didn't know that the boy he was looking for was at the school he was leaving.
After using his special phone and his password, "I am the plushie," Mr. Teddy was told to see a certain Mr. Panda in an army jeep in a nearby 7-11 parking lot. He hopped into the jeep for a chat. He was very happy to sit down as he had had to walk all the way there as his magic boat was even further away and none of the taxis had noticed him. "Mr. Panda, have you heard of a certain boy in green shirt and spandex?"
"Oh, I heard that he is at the hospital. My owner is going to be driving there very soon."
"I would very much like a ride."
"Hide under the passenger seat. There's so much trash under there, she won't notice you at all."
"An excellent idea."
A few minutes later, a woman with strange blue eyes and two large curls hopped into the jeep and unwittingly gave Mr. Teddy a ride to the hospital. Besides her in the cup holder was a big vat of cherry Slurpee.
After the woman left the car, Mr. Teddy wondered how he could sneak in. Then he remembered the information he was given about the denizens of this planet: In general, they weren't terribly bright and loved to be in the state of denial. So, he decided to walk in through the front door and hope that the hospital staff would believe that he was a hallucination.
Unfortunately for the little bear, Mr. Panda heard on his owner's special radio communications channel that the boy had left the hospital.
"Oh, no!" said the bear. "Mission so hard." He rubbed his head with his paws.
He ran to where the cliff was and jumped off. The Pink Princess Plushie Hunter, seeing the bear plummet, yelled, "Oh, no, the PLUSHIE!" The jeep driver, not noticing the bear, stared at the girl next to her as if she had completely lost her mind. Her opinion was further confirmed when the Pink Princess Plushie Hunter tried to dive after Mr. Teddy.
The bear then hiked along the beach until he finally found his rowboat then tried to fly out to the ship the boy was on.
As his rowboat floated toward the ship, a sailor on the ship said, "What the... Howard, there's a bear on a rowboat out there!"
"What?" said Howard.
Seeing the twinkle of the binoculars, Mr. Teddy remembered to push the button that turned on the invisible setting.
"You dork!" snapped Howard when he looked through the binoculars and saw nothing but water. "There's nothing out there."
Mr. Teddy patted his brow in relief that nobody was shooting missiles or torpedoes at him. However, the cloaking device cut his engine power in half, making travel very slow indeed. By the time, he got there, the boy had already left. By this time, most people would have either a migraine or a nervous breakdown. Mr. Teddy, not having a nervous system of any kind, was very fortunate in that he had only a 0.000001% chance of losing his mind.
Now, Mr. Teddy Bear pulled out his laptop and pawed in his security codes. His e-mail told him that his next contact was Mr. Lion, who was at a traveling circus. Once outside the circus, he had the boat become invisible but took along his tracking device. He thought for a while about how he could avoid detection then came up with this terrific plan. He would say that he was interviewing for a position with the circus as the "Living Plushie."
Confident that nobody would try to steal him as long as he pretended to be human, he quickly ran through the circus as quickly as possible to the trailer whose window was open. He was very fortunate that it was 5 o'clock in the morning and therefore any visions of a running teddy bear would be blamed on lack of coffee.
He saw Mr. Lion sitting on a chair. "Mr. Lion, how do you do? I am Mr. Teddy."
The lion plushie then turned to him and said, "The boy you are looking for was here for a month but has left for a trip around Europe with my owner's friend."
"Do you know why?"
Mr. Lion scratched his head and said, "I don't know. Perhaps he needed a vacation."
"Oh, no, I'll never catch up with him. I will have failed my mission then I'll have to take this and push the button," Mr. Teddy said, holding up a little stick with a red button at the end.
"What does it do?" said Mr. Lion, puzzled.
Mr. Teddy paused and said, "I don't know. I'll put it away for later use."
Mr. Lion then heard the doorknob turn. "Quick, hide!"
Mr. Teddy hid under the bed.
The woman was heard to say, "I wonder where my soup book is. Hmmmm... zebras."
Mr. Teddy sweatdropped.
Mr. Teddy was a very sad bear indeed. After walking out of the circus at 2 a.m. to avoid being turned into plushie soup, he got back in his boat and wondered what the stick with the button did. However, he decided that he might as well do some traveling first before hitting the button.
Mr. Teddy continued to have many strange adventures. He finally got news from the operative Ms. Bunny and went to meet her.
Ms. Bunny was a white bunny with floppy ears. "Yes, my owner has seen this person. He very much upset her. I... " The plushie's floppy ears went straight up. "Oh, no! She's coming!"
"Who?" said Mr. Teddy.
Before he could hide, the Pink Princess Plushie Hunter burst into the room with an open envelope in her hand. "It's you!" she screamed. "Where did you get him?"
The girl standing next to her frowned and said, "I've never seen that plushie before."
"Can I keep it?"
"Well... "
"Thank you!" screamed the Pink Princess Plushie Hunter, running out of the room with the envelope and bear in tow. Help me, help me, he thought.
The teddy bear looked outside the window and saw a landscape of snow and ice. He also noticed two very large things fighting in the distance. Hmmm, he thought, perhaps they are giant plushies? He then noticed the Pink Princess Plushie Hunter yelling into the wind after having opened the door of the airplane. Once he saw the airplane door open, he ran as quickly as his little feet could and jumped out of the airplane.
The Pink Princess Plushie Hunter screamed,"PLUSHIIIIIIIIIIIIE, NOOOOOOOOO!" She would have dived in after him but her faithful butler pulled her back from winning a Darwin Award.
The little bear sighed as he began plummetting toward the ground. This was not one of my better ideas, he thought. Luckily, he fell into some soft snow, creating a very long teddy-bear shaped tunnel. He quickly clambered his way out and sighed. "Oh, no, I'm stranded." He envisioned himself as a bear-sicle to be later found by a geologist centuries later.
Luckily, a penguin plushie came out to help him. "I'm Pen-Pen. What are you doing out here?"
"I was sent by the leader of the teddies on a mission."
"What kind of mission?"
"I don't know."
"Pen-pen!" said a girl's voice. "What are you doing out here? Oh, what's a teddy bear doing here? I better take you both inside."
The girl picked them both up and dragged them inside.
"Misato, how many times do I have to tell you not to go out without supervision."
"Sorry, Dad."
"And stop listening to that J-rock group Third Impact!"
After he managed to sneak unto a luggage compartment going back to Europe and along hike mixed with short trips on various ferries and cruise ships, he finally got back to his rowboat. However by that time, he had lost all trackof the boy he was tracking.
He took out his laptop from inside the rowboat and pawed in his security codes. On his e-mail was a warning that he should not go off-planet as it was too dangerous at the moment. Another of his e-mails,however, said that the boy had gone off-planet. It was a good thing plushies do not have tear ducts.
Mr. Teddy was very tired and decided to take a short break from searching. One night, he saw several stars fall from the sky. If I wish on all of them,perhaps my wish will come true.
Several days later, he sat quietly on a park bench and watched people walk by. He held the stick and wondered whether it was time to push the button. He still had no idea what it did, though.
"Oh, look, Heero."
Mr. Teddy looked up and saw that it was the boy that he had been trying to find for ages standing next to another boy. He was rather crestfallen when he saw another teddy bear in the shopping bag the boy was carrying. However, the boy walked towards him, took the stick out of his hand, deactivated it, then picked him up as well.
A bear was left sitting in the Pink Princess Plushie Hunter's shuttle seat. But there was also one seatbelted in the backseat of a jeep.
"Heero, what's that bear doing in the backseat? I thought you were going to give it to her," said the boy with a braid.
"Oh, I already gave her one. Mr. Teddy is mine," said the boy, smiling at his companion.
"And now he's mine," said Fuyuka, hugging her bear.
"That he is."
The End
(:./mk/fym4)
