06-Jul-2001
Pairings: 1x2, umm... 1.5 x 2.5?
Warning: Adult theme. (Can something be NC-17 even if there's no sex?) Lime?
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, although THIS would have made an episode not soon forgotten.
This is a short follow-up to 'Waking Alice'
Wufei sighed as he sorted through his mail one rainy Thursday afternoon. Bills, bills, new issue of Misogynist Monthly, credit card offer. What was this?
He opened up a thick envelope and pulled out a heavily embossed silver and white card.
"Love is a many splendored thing." The front of the card announced. He opened it. The wedding march began to play.
"You are cordially invited to come to 12 Expectorate Lane at 12PM, July 27, and witness the joining in matrimony of Alice Maxwell and Perfect Sausage Yuy."
The card fell from Wufei's hand as he passed out cold.
"They CAN'T be serious!"
"Oh yes they are. They've registered at 5 different adult stores and Walgreens."
Wufei was holding a beach towel to his nose to stop the flow of blood. "NAMING them is one thing but... a WEDDING CEREMONY? I can't believe Heero would go along with something like this!"
"It was actually his idea. And Duo was all over it." Quatre offered Wufei another towel. "I think they've gone off the deep end, honestly, but they are our friends. If it will make them happy for their genitalia to stop living in sin, then we owe it to them to be there."
"No. Go to this farce if you want to but I refuse."
"Wufei, you have to come. Trowa is Perfect Sausage's best man, and I'm Matron of Honor for Alice. We need you to give away the bride."
"Oh, beans, he's passed out again. Trowa, get the smelling salts."
"Alice looks lovely, Duo." Quatre said, adjusting the veil.
Duo gazed down in pride. "I think she's got her nerve wearing white, but she insisted."
"Where's Wufei?"
"Bound and gagged in the front row. We couldn't make him give Alice away, but we were damned if he was going to miss being here."
The music started. Alice stood tall and proud, and Duo and Quatre walked solemnly down the aisle toward where Heero and Trowa awaited.
Perfect Sausage looked splendid in a tiny bow tie and top hat. Alice quivered in excitement and had to try very hard not to toss her cookies.
"Dearly beloved," began the priest. "We are here today to join in holy matrimony Miss Alice Maxwell and Mr. Perfect Sausage Yuy. If anyone has any reasons why they should not be joined, speak now or forever hold your peace."
"FMSMDOFHODSUJOO" Wufei yelled against the duct tape over his mouth. He was ignored.
"Do you, Alice, promise to take Perfect Sausage as your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better and for worse, from this day forward for the rest of your life?"
Alice nodded happily.
"Do you, Perfect Sausage, promise to take Alice as your lawfully wedded wife?. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better and for worse, from this day forward for the rest of your life?"
Perfect Sausage agreed with a bow. His hat slipped slightly.
"Do you have the rings?"
Quatre held up a pillow containing two silver cockrings.
"Place the rings on each other."
Since Alice and Perfect Sausage lacked hands, Heero and Duo put the rings in place themselves.
"Now by the power the Catholic Church vested in me before I was excommunicated, I pronounce you husband and wife. Perfect Sausage, you may kiss the bride."
Perfect Sausage edged under the veil and pushed it back, exposing his blushing bride, and rubbed against her lovingly.
"Ladies and Gentleman: Mr. and Mrs. Perfect Sausage Yuy."
Everyone applauded as Heero and Duo escorted the happy couple back down the aisle. Everyone except for Wufei.
He was too busy crying.
The reception was one to remember. Perfect Sausage and Alice kept with tradition by smearing cake all over each other, and then danced together the rest of the evening. Wufei had proceeded to get extremely drunk once he was untied and could be heard muttering to someone named "Pinky" to quit wasting his life and settle down with a nice girl like Alice.
Later, once the excitement of the day had wound down, Alice and her groom were free to retire to the bridal suite at a posh hotel. Tomorrow, accompanied by their dear friends Heero and Duo, they would depart on a cruise around the world for their honeymoon.
"That was a beautiful wedding."
"Almost as nice as ours." Duo agreed. "Good wedding cake, too." Alice and Perfect Sausage had both needed a good scrubbing after the reception and Duo licked his lips, removing the final crumbs.
"I opened some of their wedding gifts. They got everything they registered for. And Wufei gave us certificates good for 50 hours of therapy from the doctor of our choice."
"The concept of love is just beyond some people." Duo sighed. "Night, Heero."
Under the blankets, Alice curled up close to her beloved Perfect Sausage, and slept peacefully.
The End
(:./lasha/alice2)
