TITLE: Pussycat, Pussycat
AUTHOR: kumiko
PART: 15
FANDOM: Gundam Wing
PAIRING: 6x2/2x6, hints of 13x6 and 13x5
WARNINGS: yaoi
DISCLAIMER: Gundam Wing belongs to Sunrise, Bandai, and Sotsu Agency.
Wufei had taken refuge in a small fort, perched up high on stilts in the children's play area. It was deserted and hidden and felt safe. He held the letter in his hand, running his fingers over his name, written in that familiar, slanting hand.
Treize had taken the time to write to him - just as he had to Zechs -and that was a good sign, wasn't it? Or did he intend to tell Zechs how much he loved him and tell Wufei that he actually meant nothing?
Closing his eyes for a moment, Wufei felt for the flap on the back of the envelope. It came open easily and he pulled out the thick sheets of paper inside. Caramel colored eyelids fluttered open and he looked down at the paper and began to read.
My Dearest Wufei, honorable warrior and worthy opponent -If you are reading this, then I am dead, a casualty of the war, no doubt. I have been thinking of my mortality lately and what I would want to say to you, if I knew we were speaking for the last time. The letter you hold in your hand is the result of those ponderings.
First, I would want you to know that I have always considered you a man and warrior of the highest caliber. I knew it the moment you left your mobile suit to duel with me. Only a true knight would do such a thing.
You had gained my interest and admiration from that point and it has never wavered, in all the time since then. To me, you were a shining thing, so fierce and beautiful you took my breath away. It was that duel, and your utter intensity in it, that first made we wonder at Romefeller's plans.
I had disagreed with them once before concerning your clan. They would have used biological weapons to kill every one on your colony, but I knew your people were proud and brave and deserved a chance to defend themselves. You did not disappoint me.
Second, I must admit that the feelings I had for you - the admiration and respect I felt at once when we met - deepened into something more complex after that first duel. I had not intended for that to happen, and perhaps it would not have, if other events had turned out differently, but they did not, and, in my loneliness, I found in you a kindred spirit of the most tender kind.
We did not have much time together - just those few meetings when you could steal away - but I want you to know that they were sweet indeed to me. The sweetness and passion I found in your arms were like medicine to me then, and I could never thank you enough for your tenderness. I have missed you greatly and can only assume that you are upset with me, having come upon Milliard and myself, and for that I sincerely apologize, but please know that my feelings for Milliard do not in anyway lessen the affection I have for you. You are both dear to me, both men who understood me when all others could not, and I cherish you both.
Third, and finally, I want you to have no regrets. The war was a part of all of our lives, and it had a profound effect on them, but it should not be the one defining thing about you, Wufei. You are far too beautiful and complex a man to be held forever in a past so painful. If I could grant you one wish, my dear boy, it would be to find the strength to move on. Find the meaning that I saw so clearly in your life - the meaning that seemed to elude you, though I knew all along it was there - and go forward knowing that I loved you dearly, not for a moment or to satisfy an urge, but loved you in the way that one can only love a kindred spirit. So find your strength, and choose your future.
May your path be bright from here on, dear boy.
Love,
Treize
There were tear stains on the paper, and it trembled in Wufei's hands as he read and reread it, memorizing the words and then sitting very quietly to allow them to take hold in his mind.
/He *did* love me... I wasn't just a whim for him to play with. He looked at me... and found something good.../
Wufei let himself go then, huddled inside the fort as it began to rain, sobbing in sadness and in blessed relief.
Zechs had managed to find a gazebo just as the first drops began to fall, and now he sat with the letter in his hands, looking down at his given name on the envelope, a name that no one but Treize had ever used since he had been 6 years old. The strange jumble of emotions he had always felt around Treize welled up inside him, but he managed to keep them under control enough to still his trembling hands and opened the letter.
He looked up at the rainy park, wet green trees dancing in the wind, and took a long, deep breath before looking back down at the sheets of paper and beginning to read.
Milliard, my beloved -How strange it is to write this, knowing that, if it is being read, you are alive and I am not. I have to admit, love, that I always suspected this would happen, though in the depths of my heart I prayed it would not be so. I remember you telling me that you wanted us to die together, if either had to die, and I would have wished that myself. Alas, even the most fervent wishes are not always granted.
So, I write this letter, knowing that these may be my last words to you, and wanting above all else for you to know my feelings because I know you, my dear man, and I know you will have been doubting your worth in my eyes. You've done it since you were a child, no matter how much reassurance I gave you. That was why you always did so well, was it not? You want to show me that you were worthy. The thing of it is, Milliard, that you have always been worthy - more than worthy -in my estimation. You were worthy as a serious six year old who spoke to me of boyhood dreams. You were worthy as a beautiful boy of twelve when I first spoke of my passion for you,and at fifteen when you became my lover. Everything you did while an officer in OZ was perfect and I could never have wanted for a worthier, more honorable soldier.
But you were so much more to me than that, my love. You were, and still are, my true love, the other half of my soul, and it matters not if death comes between us, for I will go on loving you even when my life is over. Nothing can change that, Milliard - absolutely nothing.
We find ourselves now on opposing sides in this great conflict and yet I know that we fight for the same thing, you and I. We both know something that is needed for peace to have any chance, for the people and places we love and cherish to be truly safe. I am glad that you have taken the side of the colonies, for the people there are worthy of your protection.
Yet, I also know that, given you are reading this, something dramatic has happened and if you are being true to your nature, you will be blaming yourself for every last bit of it. Because I am gone, you feel that the forgiveness you would ordinarily have sought will never be granted, isn't that right, love?
Well then, there is something you must know - I need your forgiveness as well. Since we first met each other, I knew you to be shrewd and very perceptive, and I always paid close attention to your opinions. They never steered me wrong. Yet, somehow, in the heat of the war, when I should have listened the most, I fell deaf and chaos was the result.
You knew before I did that Romefeller was too far gone from the ways of honorable leadership to be worthy of power. I should have listened to you when you spoke against them, I should have been more aware of your actions and what they were telling me.
But I did not - I was not, and as a result, I lost you.
I should have listened, Milliard. I should have gone with you - or never let you go. We should have defied my uncle together. Nothing could have stopped us, if only we had been with each other. But can you ever forgive me for that lapse in judgment? For that time when I was blind and deaf to all that was right and good and precious to me? I sincerely hope that you can.
So you see, dearest friend, that we both seek forgiveness, and if both seek it, should it not be granted? I will make a start. For whatever happened between us, Milliard, for whatever was done in the name of peace, I forgive you, completely and utterly. In return, I beg your forgiveness. Let us never be strangers to each other again.
Finally, I want to tell you that my love for you is eternal. No matter where I am, no matter how far away, I will go on loving you and wait for the day we are reunited. But on that day, love, I have a request for you. I want you tell me of a long and happy life, lived without regret, and spent in love and peacefulness. Can you do that for me? Can you move on from the past and give your life the love and meaning it deserves?
You are not meant to be alone, Milliard, no matter how often you have sought solitude. You need someone there, to draw you out of yourself and your habit of brooding over what you see as inadequacies in yourself. Find someone, love - find someone to fill your days with light. Then, when we find each other again, tell me of those days and I will be happy indeed.
I will not say farewell, my beloved Milliard. We *will* meet again. We will be in each other's arms, for that is our destiny, I am sure of it. So, until that time, in some blessed future, be well, be happy, and make your life a shining thing.
I will await your with open arms, eager to hear the tale.
With all my love, for eternity
-Treize
When Duo found Zechs, an hour later, he was sitting in the gazebo, the sheets of paper clutched to his chest, rocking slowly back and forth. It wasn't until the braided boy leaned over him, a worried look on his face, his hand on Zechs's arm that the blond looked up, smiled, and began to cry in earnest.
End of Part 15
(:./kumiko/2road32)
