29 Jan 2005
Title: Boundless - 1/3
Author: tkmaxwell777
Blood Type: Amaretto Sour
Category: Shonen Ai/Yaoi
Pairings: 1+2/2x1, 3+4, 1x5/5x1
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Angst, Attempted Suicide, Character Death, Language, Lemon, and Sap
Archived: Yep! Fanfiction Section at GWA - www.gwaddiction.com
TK Maxwell Original Christian and Yaoi Fiction - http://writing.com/authors/tkmaxwell
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters. It is the property of Shin Kidousenki, Bandai, Sotsu, Sunrise, and other affiliated parties. This story is a parody of its defined universe and is in no way an official continuation of the original series. I consider underage characters engaging in sexual activity as Emancipated Minors. This story is for entertainment purposes and should not be read as a realistic representation of actual romantic or sexual relationships. Content is not intended to either condone or condemn lifestyles or viewpoints portrayed by these characters. I make no money doing this, so please do not sue me. I write for the love of the characters and the pleasure of feedback!
Notes: Okay... I said I'd never do it, but this fic was started for the GWA Angst Contest, and I just got it finished *looks at date and scowls*. There is a major character death, but it happens right at the beginning of the fic. I hope this doesn't put too many people off, but I wanted to try something different, and this fic has a message if you'll give it a chance. *huggles* Please let me know what you think
"He's coming out of it."
Heero heard the words but didn't quite understand them at first. He felt muzzy, which kicked in all of his defensive instincts automatically. He could tell that he was in a moving vehicle, but with whom and going where were not part of his knowledge at that moment. He tried to remain calm, but the last thing he remembered was an explosion inside the warehouse. He and Wufei had almost been ready to arrest the arms dealers, but one of them must have suspected something because he'd pulled out a detonator. Waking after being unconscious for an undetermined amount of time didn't instill confidence in an undercover agent when his last memory was something like that.
"Agent Yuy? Can you hear me? I'm Preventers medic Gallows. You're safe. You are not in enemy hands. I repeat: You are not in enemy hands. If you understand this, please squeeze my fingers."
Heero relaxed a little and did what the other man asked. He recalled seeing Eric Gallows at HQ, and was grateful that Preventers trained their medical personnel thoroughly on how to counter the reactions of soldiers who had been in hostile situations when extracted. He struggled to open his eyes so he could see his surroundings, but the pain was so intense he could only groan in frustration. His head felt like a piece of Libra had fallen on it, his shoulder was on fire, his hand throbbed in time with his heartbeat, and his leg... he tried not to focus on it at all. He must have been partially buried with debris from the structure itself, if his injuries were any indication.
"Agent Yuy? You've been evacuated. We're on route to the hospital now," Gallows told him.
"Status," Heero managed to finally croak out.
There was a slight pause and then, "Several lacerations, concussion, sprained right wrist, impaled right shoulder, and your right leg... it's in pretty bad shape, sir. We're rushing you into surgery as soon as we get to the ER."
"Agent Chang's status?" Heero asked quickly, sensing he was getting ready to lose consciousness again. He wanted to know that his partner was safe before that happened.
There was another pause and then Heero felt the medic reach out and place a hand on his shoulder in a way that made his heart clench. "Agent Chang didn't make it, sir. I'm sorry."
"Wufei... " Heero whispered before darkness took him away from not only the pain in his body, but also in his heart.
Quatre hesitated outside the hospital room for a moment until Trowa placed a reassuring hand on his back. Taking a deep breath, the blond opened the door and walked inside. Heero was lying on his back, his right arm and shoulder bandaged... and his head pointedly turned away. Quatre's gaze was drawn to where the lower half of his friend's right leg should have been, and he closed his eyes briefly before forcing a neutral expression onto his face. He moved to the other side of the room, but dark blue eyes stared at the wall, not even acknowledging him.
"Heero? We got here as quickly as we could. I'm so sorry that this happened. We're going to do whatever is needed to help you... " Quatre faltered when those piercing eyes finally focused on him. He didn't need his empathic ability to be able to feel the depression and anger coming from the other man. Quatre swallowed, desperately trying to find something to say or do that would help Heero find his way out of the dark place he was in. The former Wing pilot was still on a suicide watch, the nurse having found his Morphine drip opened all the way just a few hours after his surgery four days ago. Heero had almost been in a coma by then. Though not quite his intention, it had been damn near close. The blond man shivered at the thought. "I know this has been difficult... "
"You don't know a damn thing about it," the dark-haired man said evenly before looking away again.
The blond bit back his first response and tried to remain calm. "I just want to do whatever I can to help you recover, Heero." Heero didn't say anything to that, just continued to look towards the window. The room was pretty dark, and Quatre walked over and opened the shade, letting some of the sunlight into the room to brighten it up.
Heero's reaction was immediate as he growled, "Close it!"
Quatre turned to face him. "No. You need some light in here other than those damn fluorescents. You need to see that there is a world out there that you are still part of, even if you have lost someone you love."
"Get out," Heero demanded in a voice they hadn't heard since the war.
Trowa approached Quatre, touching his shoulder. "Let's go. We can come back later... "
"I don't want you to come back at all," Heero said with a glare.
Trowa narrowed his eyes at him. "Sometimes it's about what you need, not what you want, Heero. It seems you're not in any kind of condition to make those judgments. We will be back."
Quatre nodded and then reached out to lay his hand on Heero's other leg. "I know that you're hurting, but you're not alone in your grief, Heero."
Heero jerked away from the touch. "I didn't ask for you to come here. Quit acting like you understand."
"But we're your friends," Quatre replied helplessly, withdrawing his hand. "We do understand."
Heero leveled cold blue eyes on him. "My partner is dead. My leg is gone. My life isn't worth anything because of one damn detonator. You don't understand, and nothing you say or do will ever make me believe that you can." He turned his head away again. "Your money can't buy my partner or my leg back, Quatre, so take it and yourself back to L4 where you belong."
Trowa tugged on Quatre's arm, leading him towards the door. Quatre paused and then turned back to Heero. "You survived this for a reason, Heero. Don't let those bastards take your life from you the way they did Wufei's. I've never known you to abandon a fight, and if you give up now, Wufei's death doesn't mean a damn thing."
"His death doesn't mean a damn thing anyway," Heero told them crisply, "because my life ended when his did."
Quatre clenched his fists before Trowa pulled him out of the room.
"I don't know what to do, Duo. He's completely shut off. There's so much anger there, and he's just given up."
Duo sighed heavily. He was sitting at the audio-phone terminal at the spaceport, waiting for them to get the systems back online so his shuttle could leave for Earth. All the vid-phones were down due to the outage, so he was using the old-fashioned way to communicate. Even without the picture, he could see Quatre's upset face in his mind. "It's to be expected, Q. I know it hurts to hear him talk like that, but he's just reacting like this because he doesn't know how to deal with everything. You know how he is. He thinks his life is defined by his usefulness, and right now he feels about as useless as a revolver against a beam cannon."
It was Quatre's turn to sigh. "I know, but... tell me what to do, Duo. I told him that if he gave up, Wufei's death didn't mean anything. He said it didn't mean anything anyway, which made me so angry... "
"Quatre, he's just trying to push you away, man. He knows your buttons and he's going to press them. You have to go into that room knowing it's just a defense mechanism he's using to get rid of you. He's hurting too much inside to be rational. He wants to be alone so he can plan another suicide attempt to stop the pain. I know it's hard, but you can't let him rattle you. What you said about Wufei was good. It will make him think, even if he denies it."
There was silence for a moment. "So, you're saying that I need to say what I'm thinking? Because, Duo, some of the things I was thinking weren't things you'd say to someone in his condition."
Duo snickered. "Yeah, but they might snap him out of his little pity party. Look, man, you have to keep him off balance... be obstinately understanding of his pain, yet uncompromising with the truth of the situation. You have to talk about his leg. You have to discuss Wufei. You have to confront him about his suicide attempt. You can't be afraid of telling him how stupid he's being, because he's expecting you to be too compassionate to do it."
"Okay. You know more about this than I do. I'll be glad when you get here. Going through rehab and working on getting your psychology degree gives you an edge, Duo. I may be able to sense how he feels, but I don't know how to pull him out of it."
"Well, I don't either," the braided man admitted, "but I have some ideas that might help. I'll let you guys know when I get there what my plans are. They're long-term."
"Good. Now that Wufei's gone, Heero needs someone with him, especially until he recovers."
Duo nodded then realized Quatre couldn't see him. Damn outage. "Right. So, I'll call you when I get in."
"Talk to you then," Quatre told him. "Thanks again, Duo. Trowa and I will try to do better tomorrow."
"Just remember to be honest, Quatre. That's the most important thing. Catch you later!"
"See you planet-side. Be safe."
Duo disconnected the call and leaned back against the booth for a moment. If Heero was as bad as Quatre said, and he had no reason to doubt the blond, then he needed to take a few precautions to ensure that his plans went smoothly. Dialing another number, he waited for the call to connect and then gave them his clearance code. He hadn't used it since before he and Hilde had split up, but he knew it would still be good. He felt a pang of loss when he thought of the man who had given it to him. Chang Wufei had been a good friend. Even though he hadn't known how to help Duo, he hadn't complained one damn bit when his partner and lover had taken leave and stayed with Duo while he was recovering from his addiction. Duo missed the Chinese man who had taught him the true meaning of honor and duty. No matter what he had to do, Duo would make sure that Heero didn't join the last of the Dragon Clan before his time. It was the best memorial to his comrade he could give. Heero might not appreciate it now, but one day he would be glad that Duo Maxwell was a tenacious bastard who was there for his friends when they needed him.
Trowa watched as Quatre squared his shoulders and marched into Heero's room. He followed just as calmly. He knew that they were in for a battle today, and he braced himself for what was to come. Looking at the sullen man ignoring them, he resolved to not let Heero's attitude interfere with that they needed to do. Quatre had shared what Duo had said, and Trowas knew the braided man was right; Heero was just reacting to the pain. The anger would run itself out once Heero realized it wasn't going to keep them away.
"Morning, Heero," Quatre greeted. "How did you sleep last night?" When there wasn't any response, the blond continued, seemingly unaffected. "We smuggled in some real food for you." He motioned to the bag hidden under his jacket. "It's from Chi's, your favorite."
Heero flicked his eyes towards him but didn't say anything.
Trowa felt his anger surface as Quatre faltered for a moment, but then the blond man walked over to the table and began taking the food out. "Well, no need to waste it," the former Sandrock pilot murmured, acting like he was ignoring Heero. "Come on, Trowa. Let's eat."
Trowa noticed Heero's startled look as his eyes shifted to rest on the blond. "You're going to eat it in front of me?" The dark-haired man's voice sounded hurt, like a child being punished, and it made Trowa's heart ache. Inside, Heero wasn't as tough as he pretended to be.
"Do you want some of it then?" Quatre asked, his voice the picture of nonchalance.
Heero glared at Quatre but then growled out, "Yes."
Trowa took the container Quatre had gotten for Heero and handed it to him with a fork. "If you want chopsticks, just ask. I didn't know if you could use them left-handed."
Heero took the food without comment and began to practically inhale it. Quatre gave Trowa a pleased smile as they sat down at the little table in the room and ate in companionable silence. Once they were all finished, Trowa threw the containers away, and he and Quatre settled down in the chairs, hoping Heero would be more agreeable now that he'd had something to eat. Apparently, the recalcitrant patient had been refusing the hospital food. Trowa actually couldn't blame him for that, having seen it in on carts in the hallway. Since Heero wasn't demanding that they 'get out', the brunet decided to discuss some things that had to be brought up sooner rather than later.
"Une is placing you on extended leave, but she expects you to fill out a full report once you've been released."
"What's there to report? The bad guy blew up the building and Wufei died," Heero replied in a clipped tone.
Trowa sighed. "They just need official documentation of it, Heero."
"That's just too bad," Heero grated out. "I'm resigning. I don't want to be somewhere if I can't make a difference."
Trowa understood but knew that wasn't the only reason for Heero wanting to get away from Preventers. Heero and Wufei had become lovers shortly after joining Preventers, so Heero had lost his domestic partner as well as his work partner. Heero losing his leg was the final blow, and Trowa could see how facing memories everyday at the office where he had worked with Wufei would be almost unbearable. That made him think of the apartment the two men had shared. Trowa was almost certain Heero wouldn't want to live there when he got out of the hospital.
"Do you want us to look for a new apartment for you?" He offered quietly.
"I don't want anything except to be left alone."
Trowa shook his head. "Do you think Wufei would want you to give up like this, Heero?"
Heero scowled at him. "It really doesn't matter what Chang would want now, does it? He's fucking dead, Barton, and I may as well be for all the good I am now to anyone." He became silent then, refusing to look at either of them.
"You weren't the only one to lose Wufei," the brunet countered, his voice calm but with an edge of resentment.
Silence was the only answer he received. Trowa glanced at Quatre, a frustrated look on his face. The blond shook his head and then gazed at Heero with determination in his eyes. "We know what you're doing, Heero, and it's not going to work. We'll keep coming back, no matter how much you ignore us or make bitter comments."
Heero sat there as if neither of them had spoken. Trowa sighed. "You know, I may not like how you're acting, but you're still my friend, Heero, and friends don't turn their backs on each other when bad things happen. I'm sure you remember me driving you all over Italy." He saw Heero tense - a small reaction, but a reaction nonetheless, and a telling one. "Sometimes saving someone from himself means that you have to watch him work through things until he's ready to accept your help. That can take time, but Quatre and I both have plenty of that."
Quatre nodded. "Even if we have to fight you every step of the way, we're not giving up. We care too much."
Heero looked at them, his eyes hardening again. "I don't want you here. If I have to, I'll get a court order."
Trowa got up and went to stand by the door. He had to distance himself before he throttled the other man. "You can try, but there's not a judge in office who will grant you one in your current mental condition."
"Don't let this destroy you, Heero," Quatre pleaded. "You're stronger than that, and you have people who want you to recover from this... even if you are being an insufferable bastard right now." The sudden anger in Quatre's voice made Trowa raise an eyebrow, but he didn't comment. The blond was right after all.
"You know where the door is," Heero said and turned away as if in dismissal.
Trowa watched as Quatre reached out and gripped Heero's chin, forcing his face back around until aqua met dark blue again. "We will be back, whether you like it or not. Until then, I want you to think about what we've all been through together and remember the times you were there for us when we needed you." He paused. "The bond of friendship we share is stronger than a pissy attitude and a bunch of self-pity. You should know that already."
Heero wrenched his face free. "A weapon broken beyond repair should be discarded, not kept out of sentiment."
Trowa walked back over to the bed, understanding that mentality more than anyone. He placed a hand on Heero's shoulder, and when the dark-haired man tried to shrug it off, Trowa's grip remained firm until blue eyes met his own green ones. "You are not a weapon, Heero. You're just a person who's afraid of not being self-sufficient. You know in your heart that Wufei would want you to go on without him, no matter how difficult it may be. You're being a coward by trying to hide from this, and that's one thing I never thought you'd end up being."
"Maybe you should get used to disappointment then," Heero replied flatly. "I'm not a lot of things you thought I was. At least, not anymore."
"No matter what you are or aren't, you're still Heero Yuy to us, and we won't let you go," the brunet retorted.
"He's right, and you know it," Quatre said. He was obviously sensing what lay beneath Heero's calm demeanor, and was trying to get to it. The blond added thoughtfully, "Wufei gave his life for yours, Heero. It meant something to him. It should mean something to you." With that, Quatre turned and walked out.
When silence greeted that statement, Trowa soon followed, but he paused outside the door long enough to hear Heero's choked reply. "Why can't you see that without him here to live it with me, it doesn't matter at all."
Duo strode down the hallway, his braid whipping around him as he looked from one side of the hallway to the other, glancing at the room numbers as he walked by. He'd talked with Quatre just a couple hours ago when his shuttle had landed, and he wasn't surprised by the blond's update on the situation. Quatre had told him that the visit earlier that day had started out pretty well, but that things had degraded by the time he and Trowa had left. He was worried that they'd done more harm than good. The blond had admitted that they had both been shaken by Heero's reactions. He and Trowa had spent the entire afternoon together at the hotel, just trying to calm each other down. Duo had hidden his grin, wondering if they would ever realize they could have something beyond friendship if they'd only take the chance. It seemed like such a waste of good hormones and fuzzy feelings.
Duo had told them to try and get some rest; he would take over and see how things went from there. When he'd made the comment that it was good for Heero to get his anger and bitterness out instead of locking it away, Quatre had snorted, telling him to 'wait until that bitterness was being aimed at him before being so blasted happy about it'. Duo had said he was like well-aged scotch, extremely smooth and 'bitter proof', and the blond had smiled, saying Duo might be just what Heero needed to come to his senses.
Trowa had agreed and then related the morning's incident with the takeout and Heero's responses to it. The brunet concluded that the more unexpected something was, the better it served to pull Heero out of his brooding. He'd also brought up that Heero was definitely having problems dealing with losing Wufei, and told Duo about the comment he'd overheard. Duo had already decided to tackle the issue of Heero's leg first before moving onto Wufei, but this had just confirmed his plan was the right one. With a few more reassurances, Duo had finally gotten them off the phone, telling them to go to bed. Too bad it wouldn't be the same one. Still, he had hope for them... and Heero.
"You just don't know who you're dealing with, Yuy," Duo said to himself with a grin as he continued down the hall.
Quatre had a soft touch, but he was persistent, and could be downright aggressive when protecting someone he felt was part of his family. Heero should have known better than to try and keep him away. As for Trowa, he looked after those he cared about with a calm resolve. Heero definitely fell into both those categories. If the former Wing pilot thought for an L2 minute that they were going to let him self-destruct, he was sorely mistaken. 'Besides,' Duo thought, 'he's got me to contend with, and I'm worse than those two put together.' The braided man finally spotted the number and stopped outside for a moment. 'Ready or not, Heero, here I come.' With his grin firmly in place, he pushed the door open.
"Hey, buddy. Good to see you're still with us," he greeted as he waltzed into the room and sat down on the side of the bed, foregoing the chairs so he could get into Heero's personal space. "Sorry I couldn't get here sooner, but they had a power outage at the terminal, and it took them this long to get it sorted out."
The dark-haired man stared back at him. "What are you doing here?"
Duo smiled. "I'm here to rescue you from the denial and self-pity you're wallowing in. Time to face reality, buddy."
Heero gritted his teeth and looked away. "I don't need you here. Get out."
The former Deathscythe pilot smirked. "Yeah, well, I don't give a shit what you think you need. I'm not leaving. There isn't much you could say to me that hasn't been said already, so nothing will make me walk away. Get angry? Sure. Yell back? You bet. Take a swing? Maybe even that. But it won't keep me from helping you, so just give it up, pally. Unlike Tro and Q, I don't care how you feel about me. If you hate me for doing this then that's the way it'll have to be. At least you'll be alive, and that's what matters to me."
Heero snorted and continued to look at the wall.
Duo raised an eyebrow and then reached out and pulled the covers back, revealing Heero's bandaged thigh. "Just above the knee, huh?"
Heero's head jerked around. "What the hell are you doing?" His voice sounded a little panicked.
"I'm looking at your injury, you dolt," the braided man explained good-naturedly. "Get used to it. People will be ogling it for a while yet. May as well let your friends see it first, right?"
"I don't have any friends. If I did, they would leave me alone," Heero stated as he tried to pull the blanket back over him, but it was awkward using his left hand. His right wrist was still bandaged from being sprained.
Duo kept his grip on the covers, refusing to let go of them. "That's where you're wrong, Yuy. Remember when you came to L2 and found me drinking myself to death after Hilde and I split up? Remember how you dragged my sorry ass to rehab? Remember how you stayed with me until I'd accepted I had a problem and learned how to deal with it? Well, guess what... the tables have turned, man, and it's my turn. You're coming home with me."
"I don't need your charity!" Heero snarled.
Duo shook his head. "Not charity, buddy. Friendship. And yes, you do need it, asshole, rather you realize it or not."
"I won't go," the dark-haired man said determinedly.
Duo grinned wickedly. "You have to go. As of this morning, I have been assigned as your guardian pending a full psychological evaluation. You are being remanded into my custody so I can oversee your physical rehabilitation."
Heero gaped at him. "On whose authority?"
"Une," Duo replied, completely nonplussed.
"Then I'll resign!" Heero practically shouted, losing his much-vaunted control. "I won't be forced into this!"
Duo leaned in, coming within an inch of Heero's face. Satisfaction spread though him when Heero gasped, and Duo let his words take on a coaxing tone. "Even if you resign, Heero, you'll still have to come with me, buddy. It's not an internal Preventers order. It's filed with a judge on a civilian level. I knew you wouldn't come with me willingly, so I had it done before I even left L2. I also knew you would want this to be as discreet as possible, so only Une, the judge, and I know about it. Quatre and Trowa don't even know, and they won't have to if you agree to it."
Duo crossed his mental fingers that Heero would agree without him having to hogtie him. Heero was a proud man, and Duo didn't want to break his spirit - just his stubborn attitude. His offer was intended to force Heero to accept his help, and much to the former thief's relief, it seemed to be working. He watched the expressions on his friend's face shift, something that he'd always been able to see even when the other man had tried to hide his feelings from everyone. Dark blue eyes burned with anger and defiance for a moment, then changed to longing mixed with fear, and then finally settling on disgruntled surrender. "Fine. I'll go, but you're wasting your time."
Duo gave him a measured look. "You could never be a waste of my time, Heero, and you will recover, or my name isn't Duo Maxwell."
"Your name isn't Duo Maxwell," Heero pointed out, but Duo noticed the tone held a bit of teasing. The former Wing pilot had a dry humor that most people didn't get unless they knew him. Duo knew him pretty damn well.
"You know what I mean, Yuy," he replied, smirking. "Now, what color Jell-O would you like today? I think I can finagle whatever flavor you want. The nurse likes me." He saw Heero roll his eyes before the other man caught himself and scowled. It wasn't a major breakthrough, but it was promising since Heero had agreed to stay with him. Still, Duo wasn't fooled into thinking that the fight was over.
He knew it had just begun.
Heero lay in bed, his mind unable to shut down from the day's events. He'd been stunned when Quatre and Trowa had showed up again, bearing carryout, no less, and trying to prove to him that he couldn't make them go away for good. Even when they had left, Quatre's words had stayed with him, just like the blond man had intended, forcing Heero to recall so many things that he was desperately trying to forget before he tried something like the Morphine again. Even Duo had unknowingly triggered memories, though he'd been easier to deal than the other two for some reason. The problem was that they just didn't understand how painful it was for him to be around them now; they reminded him of the one he would never see again in this lifetime.
Wufei had become his haven. When they'd first begun their friendship, both men had been surprised by how much they had in common when it came to what they wanted in a lover. It didn't take long to establish ways to meet those needs as more than friends. Five years after Mariemaia had found them not only partners in peace, but in passion as well. Chang could fight by Heero's side, taking down the enemy and protecting the innocent, with a combination of lethal beauty and avenging grace, then when the mission was over, Wufei would give himself over to his desires just as freely - wrestling Heero onto their bed, ripping off clothes... touching... until they were one body, filled with an aching need to reach completion together. They'd needed each other because they couldn't find that thrill in anyone or anything else this side of battle. It had been as close to perfection as anything Heero had ever known.
Heero closed his eyes and bit back a sob. He would never feel that way again. Wufei would never be able to touch him with that look of excitement in his burning kohl eyes. Wufei would never be able to smack him playfully when Heero told him his glasses made him look sexy. Wufei would never be able to show Heero how he felt by leaving books of poetry on Heero's pillow, marked with a torn piece of paper with the words 'Zutto-Dake' in his neat script. They had never spoken the words of love out loud, but they had acknowledged them everyday in other ways. Now Heero would never be able to actually say those words to the man who had taught him the meaning of 'soul-mate'.
That was worse than losing his leg.
"I don't want to move to L2," Heero said stubbornly, crossing his arms in defiance - though the wrapped wrist made it look more comical than menacing.
Duo rolled his eyes. He hadn't been there two minutes before Heero had begun complaining. He sat down, knowing this might take a while to muddle through. "That's good, because we're not going to L2. I already got an apartment close by," he informed him casually. "Once we get settled, we'll begin your therapy at the nearby center."
"Apartment? You're moving here?" Heero asked incredulously, his plan of protesting out the window.
Duo grinned. "Yeah. I've wanted to get away from L2 for a while now. This just provided me with the proper motivation. Besides, the physical rehab center here is the best, so it just made sense."
"Rehab? What for? How do you exercise a stump?" The dark-haired man bit out.
Duo furrowed his brows. "Didn't anyone tell you about your options, Heero?"
Heero looked at him, obviously confused, "Options? You mean what model wheelchair I can get?"
"No. I mean the prosthetic options for your leg. They've come a long way since the days of J's arm, let me tell you," Duo reassured him.
"I wouldn't talk with the doctors. I already knew what they were going to tell me, so why bother?" Heero replied, trying to seem indifferent, but looking a little sheepish.
Duo sighed. "I swear, Yuy. Sometimes you're so focused on the Leo in front of you that you can't see that chunk of Libra heading into your path."
Heero glared. "And sometimes you're so focused on Libra when it isn't even your target, and then you can't see the Leo getting ready to shoot you from behind." He then looked down at the blanket over him, struggling to keep from saying what came out next. "I'll never be able to go on missions again, even with an artificial limb, so why bother?"
Duo reached out and took his hand. It was cold and clammy, and Duo felt his heart constrict at how vulnerable the other man seemed at that moment. "Because there are other things that can make just as much a difference. You have to quit being so negative. We got through two wars making the best of things. Why can't you do that now?"
Heero tightened his hold on Duo's fingers. "I don't want people to feel sorry for me," he grated out. He then looked at the braided man with something close to fear in his eyes.
Duo gave him a squeeze in response. "I've never felt sorry for you, Heero. It sucks that this happened, and I want to help you get over it, but pity is something you won't get from me. Understanding? Yeah, but never pity."
"Quatre just... "
"Q is hurting for you," Duo explained quickly. "He feels all the emotional pain you're going through, and although he's a strong person, he's always been over-protective of those he cares about. I know he can be overwhelming, but pushing him away won't help. Besides, he and Trowa have agreed to let me take over torturing you." He grinned.
"I don't want anyone fussing over me," the dark-haired man muttered. "I don't want to be treated any differently."
Duo put his arm around him, surprised when Heero didn't pull away. The former Wing pilot tensed, but he let Duo scoot closer to him without comment. It was a hard-earned victory that Duo didn't let himself get too excited about since they still had so far to go. He smiled anyway; Heero couldn't see him. "I know. They just don't know what to do to help you. They don't mean to fuss over you," he assured his friend then decided to forego that discussion for another time. "Now about an artificial limb. We need to look at brochures. With enough practice, you'll be able to walk again, and no one will even be able to tell the difference."
"Unless they see it," Heero replied darkly, a shudder going through him, "then they'll know that I'm... "
"Heero, it's no different than someone wearing glasses because they can't see," the braided man interrupted before Heero could start that self-deprecating bullshit he'd become so fond of spouting since the accident. Sometimes Duo wanted to shake the dark-haired man until his teeth rattled. Duo could only hope he had enough strength to endure Heero's dark moods. Sighing, he continued, "If someone cares about you, that won't make one bit of difference, and you know it." He had to find a way to make Heero see what the other man needed to do. "The issue is not whether or not you're useful, Heero. It's whether or not you have enough guts to take your life back. I believe you do, so don't you dare make a liar out of me, or you'll be watching Gravitation until you know every song by heart."
Duo could almost hear the gears whirring inside that logical mind of Heero's. If he could get the former Wing pilot into some kind of 'mission mode' about his recovery then perhaps it would help the other man begin healing... from his injury and from Wufei's death. Heero was hiding from the pain of losing his lover, and it would take more than regaining his mobility to ease him back into life, but they had to start somewhere. The dark-haired man had tried to kill himself and then shut everyone out, which just proved how desperately he needed help.
"The living arrangement is acceptable," Heero finally said, his shoulders relaxing a little, "but I have to pay my part of the expenses - rent, utilities and food." He gave Duo a hard look then. "And any chores I'm able to perform."
It was more than Duo had expected. "Great!" He crowed, grinning at a sudden thought that he knew would get Heero going. "We'll get bunk beds, and it'll be just like we're at St. Gabriel's again! Won't that be fun?"
"Duo... "
End Part 1
(:./tk/boundless1)
