25-Feb-2005
Title: Scary Missions
Author: Christine (aka DevilKitty)
Pairing: 1+2
Warnings:Silliness
Rating: PG
Notes: My entry for Sunhawk's contest.
Duo studied the vicinity, leaning against the wall for support. He noted the exists and the movements of those on the perimeters. Watched long enough to get the timing down and movements, figuring out where they had to go to get into their objective.
"There are three lookouts that we have to get by," Duo reported.
Heero grunted, studying the place that they had come from, "That's the easy part," he said dryly.
"I know that," Duo told him. "Even with the lack of guards inside, that place is a maze."
"We go in, see what we can find and get out," Heero said. "We leave behind any evidence that we were here. I'll take lead."
Duo and Heero dropped to their stomachs and leopard crawled into the compound. Heero was grateful that the ground underneath him was soft and spongy, doing this over any length of time was tiring and he didn't want to waste all his energy getting into the target.
"Stop," Duo hissed at him.
Heero halted, he had wandered off course and almost into the light. He corrected and the two of them were able to slip into the building unnoticed. As they got into their objective, Heero and Duo, rolled into a crouch and then slowly stood up. They stretched for a couple of minutes, shaking out their arms and legs,
Infiltration taken care of, Duo and Heero tried to figure out where they were supposed to go after this.
"How did we draw this mission?" Heero grumbled.
"Short straw," Duo replied, scrutinizing the blueprints and notes that he had in a small PDA.
Heero scowled at him. "You know that those are worthless. The area hasn't been mapped, things shift all the time and what's there, is fuzzy and indistinct. You're wasting your time."
Duo shrugged. "I know that after a certain point this thing is useless, but it will get us pointed in the right direction. I don't want to spend any more time in here then we have to. You want to get stuck inside someplace that we really don't belong?"
Heero had to agree with Duo on that one. He was in one of the most frightening places that a pilot could find themselves. He was in the mind of a Gundam wing fan fic writer.
Heero and the rest of them had come to terms with the fact that they were all imaginary characters. They 'lived' only because someone had created them with ink and paper. Even with the series over, the novels written and the movie and manga published, they were still alive because of the fan community, which was both a good thing and a bad thing.
Heero shivered. He was a brave person. A bit of a manic, but what do you expect from a character that blew himself up in episode 10 of a 49 episode series and still survived to the end of it? None of them had been really balanced; thanks to whatever the writers had been smoking when they threw the series together. Wufei suffered the most from that. No matter how you sliced it, he came out looking like an idiot, because of changes to his character since it was created and a backstory that was written to explain his screaming like a crazed hyena half the time.
When the fanfic writing had started, it had been fun. He got out and met people in crossovers. Stretched the limits of his emotions in a lot of different fanfics. He had been in a lot of stories, in and out of canon. Being the main character with a lot of potential love interests got the fic community interested in him and they all had to write him with his own true love, whoever they though that he or she should be.
Heero admitted that there was a lot of crap out there that he hated. Mostly from writers that made he run the gamut of being an emotionless psycho to a weepy crybaby. He had almost as much weepy ukeness as Wufei had. Heero had thought that it was bad in the doujinshi! He now had fond memories of that simpler time. You really can't get too mistreated in one of those. Not like the fic'ers did to them.
But he shouldn't complain because most of the rest the boys had gone through that crap. It made happy hour fun too listen to the comments, good or bad of what happened to them through the imaginations of their fans.
Most of the fic'ers were harmless. Sure, there were the newbies that had overdosed on Barbara Cartland. There were the ones that hadn't quite grasped the concept of grammar and spelling and wrote like it was one long text message. There were the ones that you read their fic because they were so bad, for too many reasons to list.
There were the good ones too. The writers that wrote about them settling down and raising a family. About being normal, surviving the war and any number of things. He had enjoyed those stories very much.
"So where are we?" Heero asked him. He knew that he wasn't going to like the answer. If this was one of the nice, normal ones, his stomach wouldn't be trying to tell him that this had been a very bad idea.
Duo laughed manically at Heero. "Devilkitty."
Heero groaned and not in a good way. She was one of the scariest ones out there. That woman had done things that had made a grown man blush. Rashid hadn't really liked crossdressing fics that he was in. "So what are we in here for?"
"A clue that she's going to finish something and stop screwing around with us," Duo told him seriously. "We're sick of being left on the edge. The readers are pissed too, but they aren't the ones that are left hanging. I'm freakin' tired of hanging on the edge. I might just finish something and make her think that it was her idea."
Heero sighed. "Against the rules. You know that or there would be a lot more finished fics out there. Lets start looking though this mess and hope that she's been working on something and that work hasn't sucked out her brain or something."
Duo handed Heero crumbled bits of data. "Start translating. I want to get of here as soon as possible. The cat hair is making me itchy."
Heero studied them carefully. The light was dim and examining such things too closely wasn't a good idea.
Beya to Neko to ikumashite Boskone. Neko to Beya tsumeta no dobutsu (purushis) desu. Sorera Anime no heya tatemashimate. Sore ga Anime suki.
"It's her homework, a journal in Japanese" Heero reported after a minute, wincing. "Terrible Japanese. Something about being a plushie and going to something called Boskone."
"Insane, no da," Duo laughed. "But there's a ton of things in here. I didn't know that there was this much crap to go through. I feel sorry for her sensei if she translated any of her fics into Japanese."
Heero finished scanning the pile of data and pulled up some more of her writing.
HDS reserves the right to refuse to examine computers that look like a biohazard area.
"Work related," Heero said. "Looks like... damn she's bitchy."
Duo peered over his shoulder. "She really doesn't like the people... "
Heero shrugged. "Tech support. You hate everyone after a while. But tell me that you didn't want to say this to some of the users in the field?"
"This isn't want we are looking for though," Duo sighed. "I had hoped that they were on the top of this mess."
Heero and Duo frantically went through tons of old college papers, old school notes and yearly reports before they got to the section that they were looking for. Fanfiction. It was as big as some of the others and neither one of them was looking forward to some of the stuff that she had written. Devilkitty had admitted to writing at least one sailor moon fanfic.
"This is going to take forever," Heero admitted before he looked at what he had. "Got it! Gundam Wing ficage!"
He looked at the pile in front of him. It was bigger the he thought. She had written a lot more then he realized.
"Yeah and the longer that we stay in here... " Duo warned him. "She might figure out what is going on and it will get... messy."
Heero shrugged and reached out for another pile of information, while Duo started in another section. They started to scan the latest work.
"I think that I may have been rigged," Duo said faintly, blushing furiously.
He didn't care that real pilots didn't blush, this would cause anyone to bush. He handed what he had been reading to Heero. Heero took it and started reading it aloud, dropping it in shock after a few words
"So take me," Quatre challenged Zechs. "Fuck me like that dog did."
"I thought that she liked him," Heero protested. "Aside from when... you know... "
"When you killed him by biting off his equipment?" Duo asked. "Yah. I know. I think that the rest of them had a clue and this was a set up. They don't want to know what she has planned for them if this is a hint of things to come. She does have this big pile of unpublished stuff because she wants to have something finished before it goes out to the internet."
Heero stared at him. He thought of all the unfinished things there were out there. "But... "
"We're part of her imagination. These things are also part of the sick, sick and twisted world of Devilkitty's imagination. I can imagine that Quatre really doesn't want to wander into the fic that he's doing it with fido."
"But... " Heero thought of all the things that she had written about him. It had started off innocent. A little 1x2. A hint of 3x4. Some unrequited 5x2. A dash of Relena bashing. "I can meet... "
"All the different versions of yourself that are running about loose in here," Duo finished for him.
"And we're in here why then?" Heero asked him. "You're in just as many messy situations as I am. I fact, I think I'm causing most of them."
"No wants that, even Wufei," Duo continued. "Even if the crazy bastard came in here by his lonesome to show the onna a thing or two. He got out in a hurry and never said what he saw in here."
"What?" Heero exclaimed.
"Where else did you think that he was going with a flamethrower that time?" Duo asked wryly. "He was really annoyed about something that she was working on."
Heero looked at him. "Wufei... he still pissed about being in that odd twincest thing where he was Treize's sex toy?"
"She started something else," Duo told him. "Another weirder one and then left him hanging in the middle, literally. He lost it."
"After all the crap that she did to you and me, he's pissed about that?" Heero ranted. "He's still human! I've been turned into a sex slave. A slutty cat boy for J. The school fic where I's stuck in catholic girl's school. The ides of march thing where I'm a geisha. A tentacle monster. A gargoyle... "
He stopped at that one. "Hey she finished that one, didn't she?"
Duo scowled. "Almost. I don't like the ending."
"That is one of the earliest things that she's done. Devilkitty's writing again, so lets get the hell out of here before I get it up the ass from another version or six of me," Heero told him. "You know that she's on an orgy kick after the school fic."
Duo grinned. "I was seme there too. And she's writing. Let's get back to the others and tell them that the end is near. And she stated poking at other things again, she just got side tracked by this odd fic about... hey we're in that one now!"
Heero looked around, waiting to get pounced on by something furry with all the cat hair that was in here, but then cat hair got everywhere. Duo tossed the data that he had been looking at around, kicking at one of them. Heero figured it was the ending that he didn't like and shrugged. There was the good, the bad and the ugly to this business and bad fanfic endings were part of it. As much as happily ever after would be loved by the two of them, it wasn't happening all the time.
The two pilots crept out of the fic writer's mind, relieved that they had been found. Happy that they could report to the others that the end was near. Heero grinned. He had left behind some happy thoughts in this little raid and something might come of it, but he doubted it. He couldn't get rid of the cat boy fic, even though he had found it. Oh well, he really liked the gothic Lolita look, even if he wouldn't admit it to anyone.
The End
(:./christine/scary)
