05-Nov-2000
Category: POV (Heero)
Rating: G
Pairings: 1+2
Warnings: None.
Spoilers: None.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This is for fun and
enjoyment, no money is being made. Please don't sue
me, as I am poor.
Feedback: Yes please. All flames received will be used
to light the fire under my ass and get me to write
more fics that are against your liking, so there.
NOTES:
Let me fail. Prove to me that I am not perfect. Please. Let me fail.
Can he love me if I am perfect? How do you love a china doll sitting on a shelf? Like said doll he places me on a pedestal when I only want him to love me.
Instead, he idolizes me. He thinks me perfect and far beyond his reach. He thinks this because he is an orphan... a lowly street child. But what am I? Born unto nothing, a soldier most likely from the day I could crawl.
Please. Let me fail.
I'm not perfect. If I were perfect would I love? Would I fall in love? Least of all with a boy... So am I perfect?
In his eyes, yes. It pains me, he cannot love me as I wish him to because of this foolish idolization. I don't want to be a figurine on a shelf to be gazed upon but never played with. If I wanted it that way I would never have fallen for him. I could have kept myself from him, right?
Right?
In a cold rush it comes to me. No, I could never have prevented myself from falling in love with him. This is deeper than mere physical attraction. This is deep, soul binding love.
Please, do not worship me. I am not a god... not even close to being a demi-god... except in his eyes... In his eyes I am the king of gods and it hurts when I see that. The look of awe in his eyes that lets me know that he is groveling before me without physically doing so.
Stop. Let me fail. Let me do so right in front of him... let him see I am not infallible. Let him see that I too am human...
How can I fail for him? How can I show him that I am not the perfect crystal gem he would set in a band of purest gold to marvel at time and again?
How to fail? That is the hardest question I have ever faced in my life. How to fail, yet not truly fail... for failing to gain him is not a failure at all...
Fail... fail...
Fail.
Love! Show him my love... if I break the emotional cap... the barrier that I have around me... the gleaming exterior of infallibility... if that breaks... then... then I have failed! And if love shows through... I can win him!
I have to fail! I have to show him my love! It is eating me alive... this hero worship of his...
I walk over to him as he covertly stares at me from behind his Physics book.
"Duo."
He blinks. Good try at acting innocent. "Hai?"
"I..."
"What is it, Heero?" he says, looking at me again. His eyes sparkle with hero worship.
"I love you..." I finally say. He is startled. His jaw practically falls to the floor.
"Y... you..." He tries to speak a coherent thought. He snaps his mouth shut and launches up to hug me tightly.
Inside I smile.
I have failed.
Owari!
(:./willow/fail)
