13 Jun 2000
DISCLAIMER: All Gundam Wing characters are property of Sunrise, Bandai Visuals, Sotsu Agency, and Asahi TV. This work is not written for profit, but for entertainment purposes only.
WARNINGS: Shonen-ai (will become lemon); angst; some sap (my fault, not Tzi's) Pairing: 6x5/5x6 (Implied 13x6, 13x5
Zechs was sitting on the bed, having just taken off his shoes. He turned toward the door, a tired but thoughtful frown on his face, Zechs's sign that he was in deep thought. "Hmm? Oh, Wufei. Is there something you need?"
"I... Are you going to take a nap?" Wufei asked, looking across at him with a little frown on his face.
Zechs tossed his shoes in the corner of the room and watched them fall. "I don't know if I can sleep. I just wanted to take it easy for a while. Why?"
It was difficult to ask. /Maybe I shouldn't.../
"Can... I stay with you?"
Zechs was truly speechless for a moment. It was the last thing he would have expected from Wufei. But after a pause he murmured, "Of course," and aid a weary and very confused head on the right-hand side pillows.
Silent feet moved across the carpet and Wufei slid into the bed on the left side, curling up carefully, not too close to the edge, but not too close to Zechs, either. He wasn't sure what would happen if he got too close, but he didn't feel like being booted out of bed, either.
Just in case.
Zechs held the same opinion as cats - the more room to stretch out, the better, and limbs must always have the option of being extended to their full length. So he let his long, lean body relax against the bed, arms stretched over his head and feet reaching just to the edge. Another inch or two and they would have hung over the end. But he wasn't very wide, so there was no danger of touching Wufei, who obviously did not want to be touched.
/Touch... when was the last time anyone touched me in a caring way? It had to have been Treize... dear God, I'm pathetic.../ He closed his eyes and tried to will the unpleasant thought away.
"Zechs?" Wufei said finally, breaking the silence as he turned onto his side to look at the tall man. "I really AM sorry. I don't mean to upset you." His mouth was turned down into a thoughtful frown.
One ice-blue eye cracked open and regarded the boy. "Apology accepted. It's just hard to hear over and over how worthless you are. Even if that's not what you meant, that's what comes across. I suppose one of these days I just won't care anymore - I'll give up any sense of pride I have and acknowledge that to Treize I was an inferior specimen. But right now it's still awfully raw. Especially since I can't get myself to stop missing him every minute of the day."
The infinite sadness and longing there were things that Wufei understood intimately and he sighed. "I don't mean that at all. If anything... I think he loved you best," Wufei whispered, closing his eyes. "You keep saying... that it was an honor, to be chosen as his murderer. If that's true, then YOU'RE the one he wanted to honor with it. That lieutenant, Une, just denied you the opportunity. And then it fell to me. You see?" he said solemnly. "Nothing more than second best. Look at you! How on earth could anyone want something like me when they had you?" he asked in confusion. "You're beautiful..." His mouth tugged down further. "There are so many things I don't understand. I especially don't understand that."
Another cringe inside. /He really doesn't have any sense of what he's saying and how it comes across.../ "Treize knew what he liked. And for as long as I knew him, which was most of my life, he always chose beautiful things. Treize thought you were beautiful, whether that meant inside or outside or both, I don't know, Obviously he didn't talk to me about it. But it doesn't matter. That's the way he felt. You can keep doubting it, but if you loved him, at some point you have to accept those feelings."
/And how could he want someone like you when he had me? Because obviously I was flawed dear boy, and you weren't./
"I make you unhappy with everything I say, don't I?" Wufei whispered, closing his eyes, the frown on his face seeming to be almost embedded by then. "I don't understand and it's hard to believe. I wouldn't talk to anyone else about it, and I feel stupid and childish even trying to talk about it..." He sighed. "I'll never get it right."
Zechs rolled over suddenly and raised himself up on one elbow, blue eyes flashing with anger. "You know what makes me unhappy? When I tell you what I knew about Treize and how he felt about you and you don't acknowledge a *bit* of it! When I tell you he loved you, when I tell you he found you beautiful, and *still* you remain so unhappy! Now *listen* to me! You are to stop all this doubting and this hatred of yourself and you are to stop it *now!* You will not take what I say, and it is *not* said easily, and pretend that it was never said!"
His face was only and inch or so away from the boy's now and although he spoke forcefully, the tone itself was somewhat hushed. "Now, let's get down to cases, shall we?" He held up one long finger. "One: he loved you, probably more than anything in the world. Two:" another finger held up, "Treize had excellent taste in everything so I'm sure you were no exception. And three," one last finger, "you are not the ugly creature you think yourself to be. You are a beautiful boy who is just too damn prickly for anyone to get close enough to tell you that!" Zechs broke off and stared hard into dark, fathomless eyes. Then softer but just as fiercely, "Do you understand me?"
"I... understand." The tears welling there were awful to see, worse as they spilled over, Wufei's arms moving almost without thought as they wrapped tightly around Zechs's neck and he began to sob. "I don't want to not believe! I don't want to! But nobody else sees what he saw... what you seem to see! I'm... I'm... I'm so LOST!" he choked out finally, tightening that grasp. "Please, Zechs, please, don't let me be lost anymore!"
Zechs arms wrapped tight around the trembling boy, one large hand cradling his head. "You are not lost," he whispered, voice still fierce. "You are *here*, with *me.*" He lay the boy back on the pillows, one hand stroking the side of Wufei's face, brushing away tears. "Look at me Wufei," he said, staring into the boys eyes. "I am not going to let you get lost. You will have to walk out of here of your own accord if you want to get away from me. But I need you to try... I need you to work hard and see that you *are* worth something, because what I tell you will only go so far." He took his hand and laid it, gently, over Wufei's heart.
"At some point, the belief has to come from inside of you."
A childish sniffle brought a weak smile to Wufei's lips as he looked up at Zechs, his own hand coming to cover the one on his chest. "I want to believe," he said finally. "I do. Maybe... with a little help..." He breathed in deeply. "You're too good to me."
Zechs's smile was wry. "You're absolutely right. I'm *far* too good to you." Then, in a softer voice, he added, "But maybe that's what you need right now - someone being too good to you."
The sad expression that drifted across Wufei's face was tempered with sleepiness. "Maybe," he whispered, looking up at Zechs. "Just maybe."
"Why don't you get some sleep," the blond murmured. "I'm going to get my books and do some reading." He got up and went to retrieve his books from the other room, then lay back down, opened one of them, and began to read.
Wufei's eyes were heavy and he sighed slightly, reaching up and pulling out the rubberband in his hair to release some tension, rubbing at his nape for a moment before asking, "What are you reading?"
Stretching out long legs once again, Zechs wriggled against the pillows to get them just right. "It's a history of your country's dealings with the Alliance."
"We were too dangerous for them," Wufei murmured. "Particularly my clan and so they exiled us to that rotting colony, damn them," he spat out, sounding more cutely cranky than truly angry as his eyes fought with him, trying to close.
Zechs looked over at him, then up to the ceiling. "That sounds strangely like their views on the Sank Kingdom," he said softly.
"They de... de..." A yawn broke through. "Deserved to be fought against..."
The blond frowned at the ceiling he happened to be looking at and then over at Wufei. "The *Sank Kingdom* deserved to be fought against?"
"Hm?" That startled Wufei awake a bit and he frowned at Zechs. "No! The Federation!"
"Ah. Yes. I believe we would agree there." He smiled softly, then the frown returned. "I thought you were going to go to sleep," he scolded.
"Mm," Wufei told him agreeably, eyes closing again. "'m going," he sighed, relaxing slowly.
Zechs waited until the boy seemed to be asleep and then stretched his hand out, fingering a lock of hair that seemed to be ebony silk. /Honestly, Zechs. You must be mad. *This* one? As cranky as he is? All prickles and spines? It would never happen. Forget it. You've just been celibate too long and it's starting to turn you funny./
Some time passed, and as the afternoon faded on and Zechs read quietly, Wufei shifted closer and closer in his sleep until he was pressed tightly against the tall Sankian prince, an arm finally sneaking across his chest and holding him close.
The warmth of the boy combined with the stresses of the day finally got to Zechs and he closed his eyes, letting the book fall to the floor. Sleep, when it finally came, was a blissful release from the tension that had come from too much thinking.
End of Part 7
(:./kumiko/lvvs7)
