7 Mar 2000
Hi again -
Sorry to keep bugging you folks, but the muses can be downright insistent sometimes. This is one that would just not go away until it was written. If you haven't heard the song itself (by Melissa Etheridge) I'd recommend it. It was really the music and the passion of her singing that first made me notice this song. (Well, the word "lightning" caught my ear, too. *sigh* Bunny-sama...)
DISCLAIMER: All Gundam Wing characters are property of Sunrise, Bandai Visuals, Sotsu Agency, and Asahi TV. This work is not written for profit, but for entertainment purposes only.
Author's Notes: This fic is set in the summer of A.C. 195. In the series, it corresponds to the events occurring after the episode when Wu Fei and Treize have thier swordfight. It is written in the third person but entirely from Zechs' point of view as he comes to terms with Treize's growing fascination with the Chinese pilot.
Key for punctuation:
"..." - character dialogue
/.../ - character thoughts
As the Lightning Count stepped into the hallway, he was met by a pale flickering of bluish light, the light from a video monitor in the room at the end of the long corridor.
"No," he whispered. "Not again, Treize. Not again."
Slowly, as a man being led to his execution would, he walked down that hallway, even though the flickering blue lights made his mind shout a warning not to. /Don't look, Zechs. You know what you'll see, and won't you die a little more if you see it again?/ Still he walked, wrapped in an cool aura of control, cultivated over six years as a military officer. It functioned now as a calming, anesthetic bandage of gauze that he could summon up if true denial were needed. He kept walking.
> We were all wounded in some domestic war
I found you to settle my score
You looked like father
You felt like mother
My mind told my heart
There is no other...<
As he approached the doorway from which the flickering light spilled, a torrent of memories assailed him. The first, a meeting between two boys, all too brief but golden nonetheless. Sparkling images, maintained over the years with great care, filled his mind: an older boy with a soft, teasing smile, a younger boy admiring the cool and easy grace of the other, a fencing match, long hours of play under open skies with a partner as in love with chivalry and honor as he. And a final soft exchange of words and touches, a long look before goodbye.
But most of the memories were not so involved. They were brief scenes from the time after the Federation had destroyed everything he'd loved. There had been a very unexpected call from Treize Khushrenada, a boy he'd met only that one time, but had never really forgotten. An invitation to visit his family's estate in Kiev over Christmas had turned fond remembrance into fascination for Zechs, then Milliard Peacecraft. Treize's attention was entirely unexpected but it did so much to help him realize that he wanted to go on. And it was there, in that warm and elegant house, on a snowy evening in December, that Treize had offered a devastated boy what he wanted most: vengeance for the death of his father and his country.
At their next meeting, the prince had a new name, a new destiny, and fascination had grown into a fierce and tender passion for the tall nobleman who, at 16, was already an Specials officer, and a hero. /You were so perfect, Treize. And to me - so unreachable, just like my father in a way, someone to stare up at in adoration. And then the god stepped down to his supplicant and enveloped him, warm and safe, yet filled with desire. It had all been such heady stuff.
Things had moved so quickly after that, and the images washed over him as he neared the doorway, staring at the bluish light moving in odd patterns over the wall in the corridor directly opposite. A first, passionate kiss, coming under his idol's command in the Specials, pushing himself to the limits to be the best warrior the world had ever seen, just to be able to bring that to Treize and hold it out for the man's approval. /I did this for you, Treize. Becoming a pilot was something I did for my father and his kingdom, but becoming the best pilot... that was only for you./
> And I gave you my soul
And every ounce of control
I gave you my skin
And my original sin
I gave you my pride and my side
oh my pride...<
He put a hand on the door frame to steady himself. Now the memories were of a mission to the JAP sector, a young girl held hostage by an angry rebel, and the aftermath of their return from that place: Kiev again. A chilly, spring night in front of Treize's fire, held in Treize's arms as he let the older man take his heart and soul - take his innocence and any defenses Zechs might have had left. It had all been so wanton, so impossibly shameless and he knew, after that transforming night, that there was nothing he could deny to the future commander of OZ.
/You took all of it, Treize. Everything you could possibly wring out of me and I gave it to you gladly - the only one who could ever have done that to me. You had me - heart, body, and soul.../
He hesitated briefly and then stepped into the doorway. Treize was sitting, as usual, in his large executive's chair at his desk. His back was to the door at the moment because he had turned to stare at something on his vid monitor. Something he had stared at each day since the surveillance cameras aboard an OZ command ship had recorded it, weeks before. As Zechs watched, the Commander of OZ, his face rapt, a smile on his lips, lifted a gloved hand to the glass and traced the outline of Chang Wu Fei's face.
> Ain't that enough?
I turned your dreams into lightning-
Ain't that enough?
I held the world back for you-
Ain't that enough?
I loved you past the point of dying-
Ain't that enough of me for you? <
/Why, Treize? When everything I did was only for your goals, and your glory. How could this happen when I worked day and night to fight your battles, to win them with a noble heart, to give a warrior's speed to those dreams of yours. How can I be the Lightning Count when his creator has moved on to something - someone - new?/
Zechs looked down at the floor briefly, squeezing the doorframe again as he felt a wave of intense sadness flood him. The he looked back up at the man who'd been his entire life for the past eight years.
The Colonel was still staring, his head tilted to one side, a cheek resting in the gloved hand. He was too far gone in thought to notice the tall blond, who stood in the doorway, unable to move further into the room, unable to run away. /It's like an accident, isn't it Zechs? Frightening and horrible. You know what you'll see and you see it but somehow... there's no turning away...
/Oh, sweet sir - what did I do wrong?/
> I was so sure one and one gave you one
My noisy love is coming undone
Now you leave like father
Disappointed like mother
And I know in my heart
There is no other <
Seeing that beloved form again, Zechs felt the onslaught of more memories, these from his recent past. As he had grown, Treize had given him more and more responsibility and their bond had changed ever so slightly from the more parental feel of their early years together to a deep and tempestuous relationship where they worked as a flawless team in war and playfully vied for dominance in bed. Treize had awakened a part of Zechs he would never have guessed he had - a passionate, enthusiastic lover of sex and every connection two people gained because of it. His kisses had grown just as demanding as Treize's and he no longer waited patiently to be summoned. It had seemed to work so very, very well.
But there had been signs that he had chosen to ignore, signs of a growing divide between them since the colonies had launched Operation Meteor. When Zechs had been in his Leo, freefalling towards the earth, and had seen the gundam and the spirit of the pilot inside, his life had changed forever. And in the moment that Heero Yuy had stepped from 01 and Zechs had seen the determination in the eyes of one who was really only a child, his own sense of accomplishment had vanished. He had known instantly what kind of soldiers the gundam pilots were, and he knew that their kind of fighting was the only thing that could possibly redeem him - the son and heir of a devout pacifist who had taken revenge on the destruction of his world and had soaked his hands in blood by doing so. There was no nobility that he could see in his own actions. Only by having a cause that was universal could a soldier be excused for what he had to do.
> And I gave you my soul
And every ounce of control
And I gave you my shame
And my eternal flame
And I gave you my need and my seed
Oh my need <
From that moment, Zechs had felt an irresistible pull toward the gundam and their brave and reckless pilots. He understood them, he felt, because he, too, had always been reckless. So he rebuilt the 01, against the direct orders of the Romefeller Foundation and Treize. He had contacted Heero Yuy and, instead of capturing or killing him as he'd been expected to do, he had challenged the boy, presenting him with the rebuilt mobile suit in the name of fairness and honor. And he had let the pilots escape when OZ had come for them all. Treize had been so disappointed in him.
The older man had tried to understand why his young lover was seeking out that danger, why he had needed to break out of Treize's control, the pull he couldn't resist towards the gundam, and towards space. But the difference between them had been growing, and each time Zechs saw his own childhood reflected in the eyes of the pilots, the gulf grew wider. Until now, Treize had begun to walk away. His mind and heart were turning toward another, and it was such a bitter irony that the boy whom he'd fixed on was one of those same gundam pilots. If it wasn't so horribly painful, he just might have laughed.
Zechs let his tired and saddened eyes wander to the ceiling of Treize's office. There was a mural painted there, of an achingly blue sky and clouds of softest white, tinged pink and gold by an unseen sun. The wings of majestic birds could almost be made out on the horizon. /I'd planned on loving you until the end of time, Treize. Given you the world, granted every wish... and now this all seems like a cruel and bitter joke. We've been drifting from each other, it's true, but this is more. This, dear commander, is a shove. And you're moving out of reach...
It may have been anything. A small movement of his boots against glowing hardwood, or a rustle from the long, heavy cape over his shoulders, but something alerted the man behind the desk that he wasn't alone. In what seemed like slow motion, Zechs watched as Treize began to turn towards the door and in that instant he turned sharply and strode down the hallway, heading for the hangar where his plane was waiting. Just as his long, pale gold hair flashed around the corner at the far end of the hall, he heard Treize's soft voice. "Milliard?"
By the time the commander of OZ had gotten to his doorway, however, the hallway outside was deserted. A few minutes later, he heard the lonely whine of jet engines as Zechs headed back to his unit.
> Why can't you hold on? <
owari
(:./kumiko/bblood26)
