23-Aug-2001
Title: Lamentations
Author: Draco
Rating: PG
Warnings: Major Angst.
Notes: This is a response to Aciel Skadi's fanfic challenge. She
asked for a fic where Dorothy and Une are somehow together in post EW
timeline. The story kinda decided it didn't want Une and Dorothy to
end up together. So sorry. The song she wanted in it was "How can I
keep from singing" by Enya. I used the lyrics she provided, and not
the entire song.
I can hear a flock of birds taking off from a roof nearby. The combined movements of the flapping wings sound almost like freedom. I smile a little as I look outside my window. I can hear her breathing behind me. It's odd that she of all people should breathe so loudly.
"You don't think I did the right thing, do you?" I ask. She sighs. I often ask questions that I already know the answer. Sometimes the words are just ceremonial, but people always seem to need the affirmation of words. I guess I am not above that weakness.
"A long time ago I would have done the same, but times are different," She answers.
"Are they?" I finally turn to her. It surprises me for a moment that I find myself staring directly into her eyes. I had forgotten how tall I have grown. "Time always moves forward, but human nature does not. Greed for power never changes. Relena had never understood that, but I suspect you do. You used to be quite efficient in acquiring power. Have you really changed that much, Une?"
"I understand why you did what you did, but I no longer agree that the ends justifies the means," She steps a little closer to me and her hand reaches out, but it is far to distant to reach me, "There are some prices that I am no longer willing to pay."
"I believe that there are some things worth the price," I turn back to the window. The clouds are beginning to gather. Soon it will rain.
*My life goes on in endless song
above earth's lamentations*
"They have issued an official statement condemning the bombing as an act of terrorism," her voice is steady. Her voice have always been steady I think. I have studied and dissected the psyche of many people, how strange I never thought to do the same with her. Maybe I have never wanted to think about Une, she was simply a name, a face...
"What is the Preventers going to do about it now?" I wonder aloud.
"I don't know," She answers honestly. Honesty is not always good in diplomacy, "But we will not allow them to take you."
"It's not for my benefit. The Preventers cannot stand to be challenged by the L4 government," I laugh a little, "But I hardly think the Preventers will risk war on my account."
"The Preventers... I am more sympathetic to your situation than you think."
"Perhaps it is because I am willing to do what must be done while they cannot," I smile. People are often frightened by my smile. I think it's because they can never guess what I'm thinking... what I am plotting when I smile.
"Dorothy, you don't always need to be in control," Une states quietly, "People do survive the moments when they are helpless."
"I don't think I could," I whisper as I turn away, not being able to face her eyes. Outside, I can hear the birds beginning to sing. Always singing at the dawn of the day...
*I hear the real, though far-off hymn
that hails a new creation.*
"The L4 government is pressing for detention in their facilities," Une informs me. It's been 3 days since I have come here. Une comes everyday to tell me the latest developments. I wonder why she bothers. I wonder if she knows.
"They want a trial in their courts, don't they?" L4 is infamous for the lack of justice in their courts. I wonder if the Preventers ever realized that peace and justice are quite separate things. I wonder if they ever considered that peace at any price might be worse than war.
"I won't let that happen," Une says firmly.
"Why?" I ask.
"Because..." Une looks away slightly, "I suppose because I think of all people we understand each other best."
"We are nothing alike," I tell her harshly.
She does not answer, but in her face I can see that she does not agree. I lean against the wall of the detention cell and run my hand against the smooth metallic surface. It's raining outside. The percussion of the raindrops is strangely mesmerizing.
*Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear it's music ringing*
Une and I stare intently into one another's eyes. The moment has finally come. She can no longer prolong this charade. "Who is the target of the next bombing, Dorothy?" Une asks.
I smile and shake my head. I know my act is only a semblance of control, but sometimes the appearance of control is as important as the actuality.
"Dorothy, you are not a murderer. You value honor too much to condone senseless murder," Une steps closer to me. I can her breathing.
"Who are you to tell me what I do and do not condone?" I do not back away.
"Your target was an empty factory that produced gundamium," Une places a hand on my shoulder, and I can feel the warmth of her hand, "The latest intelligence tells us that the next target of the Peace Keepers is a person. The nature of an assassination is quite different from bombing an empty building."
"There was a time," I begin with a sly smile, "When the mention of the name Commander Une alone was enough to send fear in the heart of any man. I do wonder, what ever happened to Commander Une?"
Une's hand falls to her side. I am feel coldness on the spot where she touched me.
Une turned away from me, and hiding her face, "Commander Une died with a bullet. A price she paid for all those she's killed."
We stand in silence and I watch Une's shadow slowly falling onto me by the setting sun.
*It sound an echo in my soul.
How can I keep from singing?*
"Tomorrow I am going to go to L4," Une greets me with the declaration.
"Why?" I turn away from the window and stare at her.
"Preventers believe the target is someone at the Trade Conference, they need all the help they can get," Une answers with a frankness that I have never known. And yet...
"I will not tell you who the next target is," I reply and return to watching the birds from my window. These birds are funny creatures. Even though they can fly anywhere they want, they always come back to the ledge outside my window.
"Dorothy," Une calls my name with some exasperation.
When I look at her I realize she is holding a gun to my head.
"Has Commander Une return from the dead?" I grin widely.
"No," Une turns the gun to the wall and fires eight shots rapidly. One the guards rushes into the cell, but Une waves her hand to indicate that everything was aright.
"This is my gun," Une tells me, "This is my first gun. And it will probably be my last gun. I have killed many people with it. Unlike Treize, I never kept count. I may have to use it tomorrow. I am still the one of the best shooters they have."
"I see the Preventers are in good hands," I don't know how well I am hiding my surprise. Even though Une fired eight shots, there is one hole in the wall. All the points of entry connected with each other.
"A long time ago, someone killed my sister with this gun," Une's hand drops to her side, "I picked up this gun and shot him dead. There is no safety on my gun, Dorothy. I don't want to know how far someone has to push for me to go back to being Commander Une. Consider this a personal plead, Dorothy, tell me who the next target is."
This is a trick. You are tricking me. And yet... and yet...
*When tyrants tremble in their fear
and hear their death knell ringing,*
"When my brother was murdered, I watched from behind the curtains," I tell Une suddenly. Une looks at me in complete astonishment as if seeing me for the first time.
"His murderer was never punished for his death," I lower my head a little, "For a while, I wanted revenge more than anything else. My father told me that my brother was a soldier, and that his death was a consequence of war. You would think I would have became a pacifists like Relena." I laughed a little, "But instead I became obsessed with war. Somehow justifying war, would have been the same as justifying my brother's death. And yet, I could not. In the end, I became a pawn in the war like everyone else. Just as now, I am a pawn of peace."
"Dorothy..." Une approaches me, but I walk away from her and go to the window.
"I wonder why the birds always come back here..." As if the birds heard me, they begin to fly away. But they will return. They always have.
*When friends rejoice both far and near how can I keep from singing?*
It's raining outside again. Earth rains so much. The birds are huddled on the ledge, barely managing to stay dry. I can hear footsteps outside of my cell. Finally the footsteps reach the cell, and the door opens. Une is standing there, dressed in the Preventer uniform. And she is carrying her gun.
"Shouldn't you be getting ready to go to L4?" I ask.
"I killed your brother," Une states quietly, "Your brother is Mark Martinez."
"Mark always liked mother's name better," I smile a little. Mark made father so mad when he changed his name.
Une walks closer to me, so close I can smell her soap.
"I am the next target, aren't I," Une whispers.
"The problem with obsession is that it never goes away. Not really," I tell her, "The problem with murder is that you are never absolved. War crimes and countless murders cannot just go away and be forgotten. We all pay in turn."
"I..." before Une could finish, I pull out her gun and fires. Blood gushes out from her chest. Her eyes widen in shock, but she does not make a sound.
"I'm sorry," I apologize as I pull the trigger one more time. This time the nozzle pointed at my own heart. The wings of the birds flatter wildly outside.
*In prison cell and dungeon vile
our thoughts to them are winging,
when friends by shame are undefiled
how can I keep from singing?*
~Owari
Side notes: I wrote a story called 'My Gun' about Une's past, this sort of refers to that. That story is archived at GW Addiction (www.geocities.com/fenris_wolf0)
(:./draco/lament)
