April 2001
"Charming." Quatre looked around the newest safehouse, wrinkling his nose. "I've seen nicer Roach Motels."
"Oh, it's not that bad." Duo shrugged, putting down a sack of groceries. "I've stayed in worse. At least it has a roof." He looked critically at the cracked and water-stained ceiling. "Well, more or less..."
He and Trowa began unpacking the groceries and handing them to Quatre to put away. Wufei entered the kitchen a moment later, waterdrops gleaming like ice beads in his dark hair. "This is the best we could get?" The Chinese pilot looked dubiously at the cracked tile floor and a pile of mouse droppings in the corner.
"Well, we're here for the next week at least. Might as well make the most of it." Duo shrugged, shoving a box of cereal onto a high shelf. His hand brushed against something. "Hummm?"
He withdrew a clear plastic baggy. Quatre peered closer at it. It was filled with dark leaves and what appeared to be small cigarettes. A smile broke out on the boy's face. "No way! Is that..."
Duo opened the bag and sniffed. "Sure is. Good quality, too." His eyes sparkled. "See, I told you this place wasn't so bad."
"Give it to me. I'll dispose of it." Wufei offered.
Duo hugged the bag against his chance. "The hell you will. Finders keepers, Wu."
Wufei gawked at him. "Don't tell you're planning on..." He looked at Trowa and Quatre in silent appeal.
Quatre shrugged and gave Wufei a devilish smile. "It's a house-warming gift. We'd be rude to turn it down. You don't want to be rude to the whomever left it here, do you?"
Trowa cocked his head, his bangs falling over his right eye. "It's medicinal. The more relaxed we are, the better we'll be able to fight when the time comes."
"Trowa, I like the way you think." Duo said happily. "Come on, Wu, don't be a party pooper..."
Wufei's mouth moved silently. He looked at his friends. He looked at the bag still clenched in Duo's fist. "Oh, what the hell. Who's got a lighter?"
"So anyway, instead of us kids singing 'Upon Noah's Ark' at mass that Sunday, we sang a really raunchy one called 'The Bad Touch'. The look on Father's face was priceless!"
Wufei roared with laughter, and took another puff of the joint. "Hey, stop hogging that." Trowa complained from the floor. Quatre tossed a cheese curl into his mouth. Wufei handed him the joint with some difficulty and Trowa took an long puff, leaving an orange ring on the end. "Man, you were SUCH a rotten kid." Trowa remarked.
"Hey, I'll have you know... I'm STILL a rotten kid." Duo said sternly, taking back the joint. "I'm am Death, I am Destruction, I am... totally wasted." he sighed happily and grabbed a handful of corn chips. Quatre removed the joint from his other hand and helped himself.
Duo fiddled with the radio until music began blaring out. "Love this one. Come on, sing along."
"So scared... I almost fell off my chair..." Trowa belted out.
"And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stair." Wufei chimed in.
"Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you." Duo sang, taking another puff. "Stuck in the middle with you..."
"What is going on here!?!"
Duo blinked at the glowering figure standing in the doorway. "Hey, Heero... what's going on is... we are getting... totally... shitfaced." Quatre fell out of his seat and landed on Trowa, both of them giggling. Wufei was rifling the empty snack bags for a corn chip someone might have missed. "Have some." He offered the joint as Heero stormed over to him. "Fine, don't have some. More for us, right amigos?" He put it back in his mouth.
Heero snatched it out of his lips. "What do you think you're doing?"
Calmly Duo blew a puff of smoke into Heero's face. "I... told you already. Getting stoned, man."
"You're a soldier. You're all soldiers. This is inexcusable! Where did you get this?"
"Came with the house." Wufei said brightly. "Gotta... thank that real estate lady." Quatre lost it again. Trowa giggled again and started licking Quatre's ear.
"I'm getting rid of this right now." Heero reached for the bag.
"The hell you are." Duo said calmly. "You don't wanna party with us, go down to your room and play with your computer. Didn't... invite you anyway!"
Heero snatched the plastic bag up. "I said, I'm flushing this!" He stormed off.
"COME BACK HERE WITH THAT!" Trowa howled, leaving Quatre in a giggling heap on the floor. Wufei vaulted after him, Duo on his heels, wondering why it was so hard to walk.
Heero made it to the entrance of the bathroom but before he could get inside steel flashed. Wufei was waving his sword in front of his face, his eyes bloodshot. "You cowardly thief!" The other boy cried. "Return what you have stolen at once!"
Heero stared at the normally staid Chinese boy in shock and then made a move toward the toilet. The sword flashed, whipping the baggy out of his hands and into the air, where Trowa caught it. "Safe." He waved it in the air. "Don't worry, precious. We won't let the bad boy hurt you."
Heero made a move toward it, and Wufei's sword touched his throat. "I think the problem is that Heero doesn't know what he's missing."
"Agreed." Duo lit another joint. "Keep him right there."
"What are you doing?" Heero demanded.
"Most people use drugs because of peer pressure." Quatre advanced toward the Japanese boy. "We're your peers. This is pressure."
"And this is drugs." Duo added, and stuffed the joint in Heero's mouth before the other boy could protest.
"Ummmshhhhh." Heero cried out, and inhaled a large puff of the smoke. A goofy grin broke out on his face.
"I... love you guys." He sniffed.
The pilots tendered their resignations that very day and started a commune. Wufei went on to teach enlightenment, Quatre opened up his own health-food eatery, Trowa became a Psychic Friend, and Duo and Heero did nothing but get high and watch Popeye cartoons for the rest of their lives, supported financially by Relena, who always held out hope the one day, Heero would realize he loved her.
The End
(:./lasha/ganga)
