11 May 2002
Category: Sap, mild angst, shonen-ai
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: 1+4, 2+3
Warnings: Just sap. Some kissing, nothing to terrify anyone.
Feedback: C&C
Notes: This story is kind of an off-shoot of the Duo & Trowa fic, Forty Eight Hours
(which you can read at my site or GWA). It telling some events from Heero's perspective. It's dedicated to Mighty Yoiko. I hope it's not too sappy for you.
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and its characters belongs to Bandai, Sunrise and Sotsu Agency and are only being used for non profit entertainment purposes.
... Initiate Mission Log ...
I thought Trowa Barton would be ... more ... emotional about not being able to work on his Gundam, Heavyarms. Yet another bet I lose to Quatre, not that I mind. However, it is still funny to me. I have always assumed that Trowa and I were just alike. We both put a huge damper on feelings. We are both committed to the cause for the colonies. I know Trowa said his colony wasn't backing the gundams like mine was, but I know commitment when I see it.
Not your standard log here I know. Again, this is something that was Quatre's idea. He felt I should have an 'outlet' to express my thoughts and feelings if I couldn't voice them to the world. Since he knew I spent a lot of time on the computer, he figured an electronic diary was the way to go. That way I could just tell anyone who asked I was working on a mission report. It worked. No one ever bothered to ask what I was doing. It's become somewhat of a running joke with others, that I spend more time here than with them.
Today I'm only writing this to keep myself busy. There are no assignments and even if there were, with Duo and Quatre gone, someone would have to stay behind to look after Trowa, even if he didn't agree. Besides I wouldn't want Duo threatening to 'kick my ass' if I left 'his' Trowa to his own devices.
His Trowa. Very funny. When Quatre told me of Trowa's feelings for Duo I was surprised. I tried to think back on any meaningful conversations the two might have had in the past but came up blank. The past forty eight hours were quite eye-opening for all of us. Trowa confessed his feelings for Duo and Quatre confessed his feelings for me.
I wouldn't think anyone would have feelings for me other that those of security and safety. I know Relena seems to think that she has feelings for me, but the only thing I see when I look at Relena is this is a person needed to ensure the future of earth and the colonies. I've never told her that because I can't help but think that would hurt her somehow. I don't like inflicting pain if I don't have to.
I could see the hesitation in Quatre's eyes as he made his confession. Part of me wondered if he had gone insane. But along with the hesitation I saw the sincerity. I have never been a loved creature. Respected, yes. Admired? Maybe a little, but only for my fighting skills and tolerance to pain. Never loved. Odin Lowe took me in because he recognized a perfect tool for his life of killing. Dr. J took me in because he recognized a perfect tool to master his gundam and save the colonies.
Yet before me stood a boy really. He's my age with delicate features, hands too soft to be killing. A boy in the sense that he still had the ability to smile, to laugh and to love. Things that never came easily to me. He was very close to Trowa thus it was only logical to assume their friendship was more than that. With Trowa I saw the person who I would have called my twin grow with confidence. He grew by allowing others to see a lighter side. A side I saw when he took care of me. But with Quatre by his side it didn't take weeks for others to see Trowa like that but mere days. It's no wonder Duo fell for the guy.
Maybe it was time for me to grow. For me to be something other than soldier and gundam pilot. Maybe it was time to see what magic lies within Quatre that can turn a person many consider cold into a warm being. I told Quatre I wouldn't reject him. He kissed me.
It was something I guess I should have expected, given his confession, however, I was surprised anyway. Warm, soft lips pressed to mine was a wonderfully unique experience. I had only been kissed once before. Relena impulsively kissed me and asked me to return safely to her. Her lips may have been a touch softer, but that kiss I felt nothing. This kiss I experienced indescribable sensations. Without conscious thought my arms had wound around Quatre pulling him closer to me. The next kiss he gave me was different. There was a demand to it that I surrender control to him and I did. We spent that night in my room kissing and touching each other.
The next day an assignment came in and Duo and Quatre took it. In the past I would sometimes get angry when I didn't get an assignment, however, in this case my anger was directed towards the fact that I didn't want Quatre to leave. It was an irrational thought, and obviously one shared by Trowa a little when I saw his grimace at the fact that Duo was leaving.
The assignment shouldn't last much longer. They should be back today. I don't know why forty eight hours should feel like a lifetime. Nor do I know why I'm antsy like a child waiting for Christmas morning. Wufei has been making fun of the "lovesick twins". I don't know what the hell he is talking about. I don't think Trowa or myself have acted any differently than before. He told us both the next assignment, he'll take so he won't have to go on insulin. I'm pretty sure both Trowa and I glared at him, but he merely laughed and left us to brood alone.
I told Trowa we should start sending love letters to Relena in Wufei's name. I needed to remember to be careful with Trowa. He's still injured. He laughed so hard he hurt himself a little.
... Mission log paused and saved ...
... Mission log resumed ...
Quatre and Duo are back. Why does everything feel different? Did the day actually get brighter? Am I really turning into a sap? Duo gave us a quick rundown of what happened so I could report it, only he was giving rather vague details, his eyes never leaving Trowa. Wufei suggested I write the report later since no one seemed to be concentrating.
I helped Quatre carry his gear into his room. The door had barely closed before I found myself covered in Quatre. His arms were around me tight, his lips seeking mine. I dropped his bags and returned the embrace and the kiss. Once oxygen deprivation forced us to break apart, he told me he missed me. I'm sure it wasn't half as much as I missed him and told him so. Is this what happiness feels like?
Another assignment did come through, and Wufei true to his word took it, despite protests from Quatre and Duo that he should have a backup. But Wufei was being Wufei, you know ... stubborn.
After Wufei left, Quatre and I returned to his room, for a quick afternoon nap. It was pleasant lying next to Quatre. It was wonderful holding him in my arms. It was the most relaxed sleep I've ever recalled in recent years. It felt strange waking up alone however. I checked the house to discover Quatre was making the evening meal. I felt a little guilty. Surely I should be doing that, since he had just come back from his assignment. I think he sensed I was feeling bad about it, but he flashed me his brightest smile and told me not to worry about anything, but to tell Duo and the others dinner was ready.
I was surprised not to find Trowa and Duo in the same room together. I guess one should never assume. But gather them I did, Wufei had left hours ago. After eating the best meal I can ever remember having, Trowa and Duo left. I cleaned up. It was only fair since Quatre cooked. When I got back, I found him sitting by the window staring up at the sky.
I sat on the arm of his chair to look at him. He said we were probably all going to have to go back up to space again. I must confess the past few days the war has been only a distant occurrence. My mind has only been on Quatre. That had to be a weakness. I was discomfited to think that I was losing perspective.
I could almost swear he heard my thoughts. He told me not to worry so. These days together had been idyllic and soon enough we'll be forced to separate and worry about the war again. This time it was I who initiated the kiss. I told him I didn't want to be separated from him. However, he reminded me, the decision ultimately wasn't ours to make at this time.
I know he's right of course. But it still hurts. I vowed to myself never to forget this time together, for it could be our last.
... End Mission Log--Yuy H. 197.11.05 ...
OWARI
(:./babaca/mission)
