April 1998
Standard disclaimers! MKR characters belong to CLAMP, Fushigi Yuugi belongs to Watase Yuu and Flower comics, Gwing belongs to Sunrise & Bandai, and of course YYH belongs to the very talented Yoshihiro Togashi and Shonen Jump comics.
Duo jumped on Heero, eliciting another yelp from him, and Hotohori allowed Nuriko to hug him ecstatically. Both those couples were in the lead.
"Next round is for the ladies!" Hikaru announced, and was confronted with three pairs of glaring eyes. "Um, I mean, the female-designated spouses," she amended hastily.
"That's better," Duo muttered.
"Duo-kun, your turn first! The first question for this round is, what is your husband's most commonly-used phrase?"
"That's easy!" Duo replied happily, then glared out at the audience. "Omae wa korosu," he uttered, narrowing his eyes and adopting a chilling monotone.
The audience went wild.
Heero glared at him, then glared at the audience, who tittered nervously and fell silent.
He flipped over his card. *Shut up, Duo,* it read. He glared some more at his spouse.
"You do not!" Duo protested, flabbergasted. "You threaten to kill me all the time! And I do mean, ALL the time!"
"I tell you to shut up all the time!" Heero yelled back. "You talk too much, Duo! Even in the middle of - "
"Stop!" Umi and Hikaru yelled, aghast.
"-the night," Heero finished, flicking his eyes at the jittering pair of Magic Knights. "Dammit, Duo! We might lose now! Omae wa korosu!"
"See! See!?" Duo shouted at him, getting out of his seat and dancing with fury. "You ALWAYS say that!"
They started pounding on each other.
"Ano... moving along," Hikaru said faintly, astonished. "Kurama-san? What does your spouse say most often?"
Kurama drew his brows together in a fierce scowl. "Hn. Stupid fox," he mimicked Hiei, lowering his voice gruffly.
Hiei glared at him and held up his card. *Hn. Stupid fox,* it read. Kurama laughed and hugged him. Hiei submitted to the embrace with a faintly suffering expression.
"Aww... " Hikaru grinned, while Mokona puu-ed happily. Umi made retching noises. "Ten points! Nuriko?"
Nuriko smiled a wicked little grin. " 'Oh, I am so beautiful! No one can match my beauty!' " he mimicked his spouse, even coming close to his voice.
Hotohori lifted an eyebrow at his giggling spouse, silently displaying the card. *No one is as beautiful as I am,* the card read. Hikaru and Umi held a quick conference.
"Close enough!" Hikaru beamed, while Nuriko played with Hotohori's hair, smiling lazily.
"I hope you weren't making fun of me," Hotohori frowned.
"Me!? Nani!?" Nuriko exclaimed, all wide-eyed innocence. "Never!"
"And Miaka?" Hikaru prompted. The former Miko looked up from her rapt contemplation of Tamahome's features.
"Huh? Oh... he says my name a lot!" the girl replied somewhat blankly. Tamahome smiled and held up his card. *MIAKA!!*
The audience went mad with laughter. Some of them got the joke, some didn't.
Umi shuffled through her cards. "AUGGH!" Umi yelled. "NOT AGAIN!"
"Just read it," Hikaru urged her. "It can't be that bad."
Umi glared at her. "Omae wa korosu," she muttered.
"You making fun of me!?" Heero demanded, blue eyes alight with impending doom. He started to get up.
"NO! No, I'm not," Umi assured him. "Ano... the question... " She gulped, then said in a very tiny voice, "Does your spouse wear boxers or briefs?"
Duo chortled.
"I don't want to know," Umi whimpered, traumatized.
"Umm... briefs... " Duo squeezed out. "I guess they could be *considered* briefs... "
"That's enough!" Umi declared, distraught.
Heero silently held up his card. *Might as well call 'em briefs.*
The audience rocked with laughter.
"Moving along," Umi said grimly. She REALLY didn't like that couple.
"Kurama-san?"
Kurama looked speculative. "Does it have to be an either/or question?"
"Stop right there!" Umi wailed, now thoroughly shell-shocked.
"But - " Kurama objected.
"Can we just skip him?" Umi implored Hikaru, who shook her head, wide-eyed.
"Kurama-san, just answer the question," Hikaru urged, blinking.
"Umm... boxers. When he wears... "
"STOP!" Umi yelled, anguished.
Hiei flipped his card up. *Boxers, when I... * It petered off into squiggles.
"Next contestant!" Umi said hurriedly. "Nuriko?"
Nuriko chuckled. "Boxers," he replied. "Silk ones."
"Too much information," Umi gasped, as Hotohori held his card up, smiling at Nuriko. *Silk boxers,* it read.
"My love, you know me too well," he murmured in his sexy bedroom voice.
"Uh... Miaka?" Umi prompted.
Miaka blushed.
"Boxers," she finally said, in a very small voice. "They're really nice ones... "
Tamahome was flushing, too, as he held up his card. *The boxers Miaka likes.*
"Thank god that's over," Umi breathed, grabbing Mokona and waving it in front of her face like a big fan. Mokona puu-ed indignantly.
"Next question for this round!" Hikaru said brightly. "Girls - " Three pairs of male eyes affixed her with cold glares. "Ahem, uh, female-designated spouses! What would your spouse say you do best?"
Duo opened his mouth to say something, snapped his mouth shut, and turned bright red.
Heero glared coldly at his brightly-blushing spouse.
Umi fell flat on the ground, trying desperately to lose consciousness so she wouldn't have to hear the answer.
"Ano... " Duo finally wheezed, trying hard not to laugh. Bubbling little chuckles escaped him. "Probably that I um, I'm really good with... ano, using my tongue."
"AAAUUUGGGHH!!" Umi wailed from the ground, trying to stuff Mokona into her ears.
"To talk?" Duo added hopefully, wondering if that would calm the Magic Knight.
Heero silently flipped his card over. *He's best with using his tongue, for talking or anything else.*
Hikaru looked like she might faint. "I'm too young to be participating in this," she complained. "Ano... ten points... next contestant... Kurama-san?"
The youko grinned at his fire demon spouse. "Heh heh."
"Why do their minds go automatically to the bedroom?" Umi wondered loudly from her prone position.
"Because we're newlyweds, stupid!" Duo called back cheerfully. "What ELSE do you think we do for a month?"
"I don't wanna know!" Umi retorted. She reconsidered. "At least, not yet... "
"I'm going to have to agree with Duo-kun on this one," Kurama replied in his soft alto. "He's going to say 'That thing with my tongue.' "
"I'm going to puke!" Umi announced from her position on the ground.
"Don't choke on it," Heero growled unhelpfully.
Hiei glared in Umi's direction, then held up his card. *That thing Kurama does with his tongue.*
Hikaru was stricken speechless. Feebly she gestured in Nuriko's direction.
"Please, enough with the tongues!" Umi pleaded, getting up and tossing Mokona like a football. The little creature hit a startled Hikaru in the chest, puu-ing violently.
Nuriko smiled innocently. "He's going to say, I'm the best dresser in Konan-koku!" he exclaimed with absolute conviction. Hotohori looked guilty and held up his card. *He's the best at lifting very heavy objects.*
"NANI!?" Nuriko screeched. He looked hurt. "That's all you have to say!?
"Sorry, Nuriko... " Hotohori apologized.
"We were in the lead... " Nuriko mourned as Hikaru pointed at Miaka and Tamahome.
"What do I do best?" Miaka frowned, considering it. Then she brightened.
"I love Tamahome!"
The audience groaned. It was TOO sappy.
Tamahome eyed them sheepishly, smiling at Miaka. *Miaka loves me best.*
"Rub it in, why don't you," Hotohori sniffed. He and Tamahome had at one point been rivals for Miaka's affection.
"HEY!" Nuriko wailed, and the emperor immediately had to turn to his spouse to reassure him.
"Okay," Umi said, gripping the cards with a determined expression. She held it up to her eyes and read it carefully. "GODD@#^ #^&^ __^#% ^.^" Umi broke into a stream of ranting curses.
"Wow!" Hikaru exclaimed, wide-eyed. "Umi, we're not supposed to know what those words mean!"
Umi glared at her. Glared at the contestants. Glared at the audience. Then finally muttered, "Last question is, what is your spouse's biggest hang-up?"
"That's not so bad!" Hikaru replied, astonished at Umi's grim demeanor. Umi clenched her teeth, eyeing Heero and Duo balefully. "Maybe not, but I'm afraid of what that twisted pair could come up with." Heero glowered back.
Duo snickered.
Umi turned bright red.
"Heero's biggest hang-up is... " He paused dramatically, beaming. Umi began to wilt.
Heero eyed him with a dagger-edged stare that promised violence. The audience waited with bated breath.
"Not finishing a mission!" Duo crowed, grinning at his spouse.
Silently Heero displayed his card. *Not finishing a mission.*
Umi collapsed to the ground with relief. "Not ecchi," she mumbled in surprise.
Duo winked. "A mission can mean more than one thing, you know."
Hikaru blushed.
Umi wailed and started tearing up handfuls of the turf. "Shut up Duo! SHUT UP!" She jumped to her feet and turned to the next contestants. "Kurama-san?"
Kurama smiled at the balefully-glaring little fire demon. "Admitting how he feels," the redhead said with a fond smile.
Hiei raised an eyebrow, flipping his card up. *Telling that stupid fox how I feel about him. Thinking about telling Yukina how I feel,* was his reply. Immediately he tore the card to pieces, as if embarrassed by something. Kurama laughed and hugged him, and Hiei snarled and pushed him away.
"Okay, ten points," Umi granted them, then moved to the next couple.
"Nuriko-kun?"
"Hai!" Nuriko replied. He sweatdropped. "Not being able to protect Suzaku no Miko."
Hotohori looked over at his spouse, and held his card up. *Not being able to protect those I love.*
Nuriko looked as if he was about to cry.
Hotohori dropped the card on the ground, and gathered up the purple-haired seishi in his arms. "Nuriko no baka," he said gently, stroking his hair. "That goes for you, too."
Nuriko brightened and snuggled closer. "Honto ni?"
"Of course."
The audience sniffled and there was a smattering of applause.
"And lastly, Miaka! What is Tamahome's biggest hang-up?"
Miaka looked stumped. Then she brightened. "I know! MONEY!"
Tamahome grinned and showed his card. Written on it in big block letters with little heart-signs and loops was "O-KA-NE!" and a little illustrative drawing of gold ryuu.
"Yay!" Miaka clapped her hands and hugged him, practically strangling him.
"Wow!" Hikaru exclaimed, astonished.
"Nani?" Hiei and Heero inquired, in almost identically suspicious tones.
"Everyone is tied! All the couples have seventy points each!" Hikaru exclaimed, frowning. "No one's in the lead!"
"Time for the bonus round, then!" Umi proclaimed.
End Part 2
(:./talya/newlyweds2)
