A parody about Relena's blond fanboy from the first few episodes (the name is purely my investion)
Oh for inspiration, I was thinking of Niles Crane from Frasier when it came to attitude and speech patterns. (OT comment: damn but that actor for Niles COULD pass as Kelsey Graham's brother)
I... I lost to him? Why that boy wouldn't know a comb if it was thrown in his face! I really, really, really don't know what the devil she sees in that cold, nasty, mannerless thug. I don't why he has such an attitude problem! He doesn't even have a title!
When I tried to defend her honor after he tore up the card she so generously handed to him, well... imagine my utter shock when she walks up to me and scolds me for fighting with her Heero! I try, of course, to explain that I was trying to teach him some manners due to his incredibly shockingly harsh behavior. She forcefully chided me and said that it was up to her to scold him for his rudeness and not my business. Her friends must be at fault for encouraging her in this chase of such a cretin. They are superficially impressed by some of his physical achievements. He may know how to ride a horse but so does a jockey! A lack of breeding is something that can not be hidden.
If you look at him, he is really quite hideous. Now, most people would snicker and say that it was jealousy talking. But no, no, wait! He really is quite hideous. He looks quite wasted and sickly. Those silly eyebrows, that mess of a hair and the absolute lack of fashion sense... The poor girl is temporarily blinded.
Why, why, why did I ever tell her about that repugnant scalawag driving down the freeway? Still to this day, I don't know what compelled...
Well, actually I do know what compelled me. I was hoping that he was going to do something horrible, so horrible that she'd give up on him and see how much I, Alfred Morgandale the III, shone next to him. What happens? Well, she saves his life and thinks, Ah, now he will show me the respect I deserve. How wrong she is! When she comes to the hospital to visit him, he runs off to do something I know not what without a word of thanks!
I heard rumors that she called him her childhood sweetheart. Oh, I am crushed like the grapes in my vineyard.
Oh, I finally meet her again at Sank Kingdom! I knew she was royalty the first time I laid eyes on her and such an excellent line!
However, I am most wroth at the fact that the hideous one has shown up again and brought one of his friends in tow. His friend named Quatre is not a bad sort but much too blind to other people's faults. He is, however, cultured, intelligent and polite. He is someone that could be worthy of someone like Relena (however grudgingly I admit it), but I heard that his attentions are elsewhere. Who could it be, I wonder? Perhaps that girl with the eyebrows... She seems fascinated by those two.
He, of course, was just as rude to her as usual and she, for some inexplicable reason, showed only rapt devotion. I truly do not understand it. I weep at night at her folly and chew the pillows with my teeth.
I'm finally glad that he is permanently gone from her life. She has said herself that he must go his way and she must go hers and he has been gone for months! Now, I have to fend off another obstacle... Her name is Dorothy Catalonia. A hideous girl, if ever I saw one. It must be out of charity that Relena takes her as her new best friend... Dorothy's quite a ferocious little vixen, however, I doubt she'll prove much of a hindrance...
The End
(:./mk/loser)
