Here's a quick extra warning: this story is about to go very, very AU to the storyline of the tv show. I know that I mentioned that Relena was Queen of the World earlier in the story, but in the upcoming sections she's still going to be in the Sanq kingdom, because it's more interesting that way. One other major change from the regular timeline is that Zechs is still with Oz here, which is still fighting off the remnants of the Earth Sphere Alliance, etc.
Duo felt the gut-wrenching lurch, and before his eyes cleared, threw himself in the direction of the nearest guard, trusting that the other pilots and their doubles would be doing the same thing. The shock of the travel from one world to another had momentarily stunned the Alliance soldiers, but it was only a short matter of time until they recovered. They had a very narrow window of opportunity, and Duo was determined to make the most of it.
His body slammed into something that gave, and he heard a grunt as someone fell beneath him. Then there was a gunshot, shouting, and he narrowly avoided slamming into a wall as he ran away. His eyes cleared just in time to avoid that fate. He spotted a door and dove through it as bullets hit the wall just beyond him. He found himself standing in a well-lighted hallway with Diana and Shin, both of whom looked very upset. Diana's wrist was bleeding more heavily, and there was a large scrape on Shin's cheek, but they were otherwise untouched. There was no sign of anyone else. Must of headed out another door, he thought. But there shouldn't have been another door - there was only one door into the small room that the device had been stored in before. Duo looked around and cursed.
"What?" Diana asked impatiently. She spun around as more soldiers arrived, these in very familiar Oz uniforms. Duo saw Shin place himself between Diana and the soldiers just before they opened fire.
"Come on!" he shouted, taking off down the hall in the opposite direction. He was a Gundam pilot, which meant that he was willing to commit suicide, but not necessarily that he was suicidal. Charging - unarmed - down a hallway toward a dozen armed Oz soldiers was not a good idea, at least in his mind. Heero probably would have charged them, but then, he was Heero. There was no other possible explanation.
The other two spun and ran after him, always staying right on his heels, although he had no doubts that they could move a lot faster than he could if they wanted to. They got out of the range of the Oz soldiers, ran down two more halls, then Duo led them into a (luckily) empty room. "We have a problem," he said, closing the door behind him and peering out through the window to see if there was any sign they'd been found. "This isn't the base that we left from."
"What?" Diana asked sharply as she tore a strip of cloth from her shirt to form a bandage for her wrist, which had stopped bleeding but still looked very painful. Shin was doing the same thing for his upper arm and thigh, both of which had been struck by bullets when they ran from Oz. He was almost as bad as Heero. Almost, but not quite.
"This isn't the same base. You said a day would have passed? Then in that day they moved the machine that brought us here to a different location, because this isn't the same base."
"Great. I assume this means that you don't know how to get out of here?"
"Not exactly, but most Oz bases have a similar feel to them. I can probably get us out of here. The others will be doing the same thing. We're better off getting out of here and then trying to meet up with them later."
"Fine."
"Ready for another go at it?" Duo asked cheerfully. Diana looked at him like he was nuts, then nodded. "After you."
Wishing very much that he still had his gun, Duo peeked out the window, saw no one, and pushed open the door. He ran through it at full speed, and they made it down three halls before they encountered any more resistance. He was in the lead, followed by Diana and with Shin trailing. He was just passing through the intersection of two halls when a half-dozen Oz soldiers opened fire on them from behind a hastily-erected barricade. Duo automatically threw himself forward, felt a sting on his left arm as he didn't move fast enough, and then he was safely beyond the reach of the soldiers' fire. Well, relatively safe. As safe as you could be, unarmed in an enemy base that was on alert and looking for you.
"Fuck!" Diana hissed from beside him. He turned to look at her, and she was looking across the bullet-riddled hallway... at Shin, who'd obviously thrown himself backwards when they opened fire. He looked fine, but he was now on the other side of the hallway, separated by the fire of a half-dozen idiots who hadn't realized that they couldn't hit anyone.
"Go!" Shin shouted. "I'll find you!"
Duo didn't hesitate. He grabbed Diana's arm and hauled her down the hall, surprised that she didn't resist him. But she seemed to have some common sense, unlike her double on this world, so maybe she understood that waiting for Shin or trying to help him was more likely to get them all caught than help anyone.
"So where are we?" she asked a few minutes later, when he stopped again to get his bearings. As he looked around, he checked the wound on his upper arm. It wasn't bleeding too badly - he'd been lucky, it was only a graze. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt like Hell...
"Could be anyone of the Oz bases," he said, trying to remember if they were supposed to take three rights and then a left to get out from here. He was almost positive it was. Unless it was three lefts and then a right. No, he was practically certain it was three rights and then a left. "Don't think we're in space, though."
"Why not?" she asked as he chose the corridor to the right. She wasn't even breathing hard from all the running and dodging.
"Doesn't feel right," he said between gasps. "You can feel the rotation when you're on a colony. The artificial gravity is pretty good, but you can always feel the difference." He turned right again.
"Right. Your colonies are in space," she said, as if she was reminding herself. But then, she hadn't been present for most of their discussions with their doubles when they described their home world. She truly had no life - every minute of every day was work for her - she didn't 'waste time' on anything that wouldn't help her in her fight. And who would have expected that they'd all end up here? Duo idly wondered what was going to happen to the Alliance soldiers when Oz caught them.
They turned right again.
"So where are we?" she asked.
"On Earth, of course! We haven't colonized other planets yet, remember?" he asked as he skidded to a stop in front of the door to the outside. He dropped to one knee, reaching for the tools he stored in his braid to pick the lock. "Keep an eye out," he muttered to her, probably unnecessarily.
"There are eight soldiers coming this way," she murmured, her eyes locked on the end of the hall.
"How do you know that?" he asked, fumbling at the lock.
"I can hear their footsteps. Sixteen feet, that means eight people, unless your Oz is in the habit of hiring soldiers with only one leg?"
Duo ignored her comment. "How close?"
"Any second now."
Duo cursed, then brightened as the lock finally cooperated. He heard it click open, and then pushed the heavy door, somehow managing to push it open by himself. Must be in a secure area. Great. But at least we'll have a better shot at getting away once we're out in the open. "They're too late! Come on!" He grabbed her wrist and tugged her through the door.
She followed willingly enough - for all of three steps. Then she suddenly froze, and there was no way that he was going to be able to move her. He turned impatiently to look at her - now he could hear the running footsteps of the soldiers. If they didn't get out of there right now, they were going to be caught. He hesitated for a second when he saw her. She was frozen in place, looking at the blue sky above them. Her face was emotionless, as usual, but something told him that she was absolutely, completely terrified. He quickly scanned the sky for mobile suits, but saw nothing.
"Diana!" he hissed.
She swallowed, then glanced at him for a second before returning her gaze to the sky. Then she actually backed up a step, shaking her head. "Go," she instructed as she took shelter back in the doorway.
"What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?"
"I can't do it," she said, shaking her head again, then hunching her shoulders. "Go! Don't get caught because of me!"
"Too late," growled a third voice, and Duo spun around just in time for an Oz soldier to slam his rifle into Duo's chin. His chin exploded in pain, and then there was only darkness.
Quatre's breath came hard as he and Kane, Duo's double, ran through the halls together. They'd managed to steal some guns from two soldiers they stumbled onto and killed, so at least they were armed now, but that was about the only thing that had gone right. They'd lost Diana, Duo, and Shin right off, as they dove through a different door than the rest of their group when they got away from the Alliance soldiers. Well, that was two things - they had managed to get away from Treize's double and his soldiers, but now Oz was after them.
Immediately after they got away from the Alliance soldiers, Heero and his double, Brian, decided to split up to increase the probability that at least some of them would escape. Brian, Kane, Trowa and Quatre had headed in one direction, while Devin, Andrew, Heero and Wufei had headed in the opposite direction. They deliberately made sure the groups had none of the doubles together - if any of them got caught, they didn't want Oz to know that there were people here from another world, and that they were virtually identical - well, maybe not identical, but very similar to - the Gundam pilots. They'd run down a few halls, then they encountered some heavy resistance. Quatre, as the worst hand-to-hand fighter among them, stayed back while Brian and Kane demonstrated that Heero wasn't the only one with suicidal impulses as they threw themselves at four armed Oz soldiers, luckily taking them by surprise. So then they had guns, but more soldiers showed up and they ended up splitting up again to lose the soldiers. So now Kane and Quatre were on their own, which was not necessarily a good thing, because of all the Gundam pilots, Quatre had seen the least of the inside of Oz bases.
He heard a low rumble coming from the room on his right, and without really thinking about it, turned. He held up his purloined gun and shot out the lock, then kicked the door open. He ran inside, raising his gun and aiming it at the few people who were standing inside. "Freeze!" he shouted, hoping none of them was armed.
Luckily, they weren't. The six techs who were servicing the mobile suits stored here all obediently raised their hands in surrender, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He disliked unnecessary killing a lot, so he tried to always give his enemy a chance to surrender. It rarely worked, though. But it had this time, and he had a problem - what in the world was he going to do with them?
Kane glanced at him, then moved swiftly around the room, disabling each of the techs with a swift blow to the head.
"Sorry," Quatre felt he should apologize for the inconvenience to his companion.
"No problem. Andrew doesn't like killing either. It's no big deal." Kane's expression indicated that he had no idea what their problem was, but that he didn't think it was worth fussing about. Then his eyes got wide as he looked up at the mobile suits. "Shit. Are these... are these your Gundams?"
"No," Quatre said with a nervous laugh and a smile. "These are just normal mobile suits. Ares model. Our Gundams are larger."
"You don't do anything small, do you?" Kane asked, following him to the nearest usable suit.
"Sure, I'm small." Quatre was irritated that he was still the smallest of the Gundam pilots, especially when it didn't look like he was ever going to come close to his father's height. "It's a good thing now, though. It's going to be tight in that cockpit. Come on, grab on." He grabbed onto the cable that would pull him up into the cockpit.
"We're going to share a seat?" Kane didn't sound happy, and to be honest, Quatre wasn't thrilled about it either, but he didn't think that he could teach Kane to fly a mobile suit in under ten minutes, no matter how smart he was.
"Either that or I'll carry you in one of the hands, but you won't have much protection if we get fired at."
"I'll squeeze," Kane said grimly, also grabbing onto the cable. Quatre pushed the button to retract it, and they were both smoothly pulled up to the open cockpit. Quatre quickly jumped onto the platform in front of it, gesturing for Kane to follow him. Kane made the jump easily, with no sign of a fear of heights or clumsiness, thank Allah. Of course, they had probably engineered such problems out of him, now that he thought of it.
"Wow, you weren't kidding about it being a squeeze," Kane commented.
"You can still go for the hand if you want," Quatre suggested.
"No, I spend enough time playing target, thank you very much. I'll manage," Kane said, stepping into the cockpit, where he proceeded to wedge himself into the small space between the back of the chair and the back of the cockpit. And that space only existed because Quatre had moved the seat as far forward as he could so that he could reach the foot pedals. It was a good thing that they weren't in his Gundam, which had been made tailored to his specifications - there wasn't this much extra space there.
"You set?"
"You may have to pry me out later, but I won't fall out now."
"Good." Quatre climbed into the seat and closed the hatch. "You're not claustrophobic or anything?"
"That sort of behavior wasn't tolerated."
"Oh." Quatre couldn't think of any other way to respond to that, so he just started the preliminary systems-checks. Already his mind was flying ahead, considering his options. It all depended on whatever he would find outside: what base he was at, what stationary defenses Oz maintained here, how many mobile troops there were...
Heero ducked his head down and pushed the gas pedal of the jeep they'd stolen to the floor. Andrew was in the seat next to him, and Devin and Wufei were in the back seat. The other three were all facing backwards, stolen guns in their hands, firing at the... Heero glanced in the rearview mirror... six jeeps that were chasing them. At least the base hadn't managed to scramble any mobile suits yet, but that was only a matter of time.
He saw one of the jeeps swerve into another, sending both of them careening into the woods as one of his companions managed to shoot out a tire. Two down, four to go.
Heero recognized this base. It was a small research station in southwest Asia. They weren't supposed to have any suits, but if there were any sent here for upgrades, they could be put into use against him. Behind them, someone managed to shoot the driver of another vehicle which went crashing into the trees on the side of the road. Three down, three to go.
"Kisama!" Wufei suddenly shouted as a mobile suit appeared in the air above them, and Heero was momentarily tempted to swear himself. It would be very difficult to fight the mobile suit with a couple of handguns, and they couldn't jump out and go to the woods, not with the three jeeps still following them and with Andrew and Devin along. The chances of them getting separated was too great, and if he lost them, he would fail in his self-appointed mission to protect them until they could be sent home. He wasn't about to let that happen, but he was also under standing orders not to allow himself to be captured. Which was more important? To follow his own orders, or those handed down from above?
The decision was taken out of his hand as the mobile suit opened fire. Heero braced himself for the impact, but the missiles soared over his head and smashed into the three jeeps that had been following them, before they were blown up. Heero's head snapped back to the mobile suit, which was pacing them, flying along above the road. No pilot with enough skill to follow them so closely could possibly have missed that badly. Heero hit the brake, nearly unseating his passengers.
As the jeep screeched to a halt, the mobile suit landed just in front of them, and the hatch popped open. Quatre walked to the end of the little platform and waved. "We're clear! We destroyed the rest of the mobile suits! There's a safehouse near here!" he shouted. "Down this road to the end and turn left onto the main highway. Three miles down there will be a little road to the right. Take that to the end - the house is there."
Heero nodded his understanding, wondering who the 'we' was. Quatre had obviously gotten separated from his group, but Heero didn't see any other mobile suits. Quatre turned to look into his cockpit, then shouted, "Wait a second!" A second figure emerged from the mobile suit cockpit, paler than Quatre and slightly taller.
"That's Kane," Andrew murmured to Heero.
Without any regard to the height, Kane jumped off the platform, landing lightly on his feet on the ground right in front of the jeep. "I'm riding with you guys," he announced as he climbed into the jeep. "Those things are not made for two people. Quatre says that he's going to dump the suit and then meet us there."
"What happened to the others?" Andrew asked as Heero took off again.
"We got separated. Any sign of Diana and the others?"
"No."
Adam Velanz realized what they'd done about three seconds after the fact, which was far too late to stop any of his enemies, who all immediately launched themselves at his soldiers. Every single one of them got away, and he wasn't even sure that any of his soldiers had gotten off a shot. Fools, all of them, he thought derisively before taking off himself, leaving them behind. They didn't know what had happened before, so they couldn't possibly know what had happened to them now, but he knew. The little bitch had sent them all to the other world, the one that boy who looked like Four came from, rather than allow them to be captured.
Now, not only had they escaped - again - but now he was stranded on this other world by himself. He didn't have the slightest idea how to get back, either. All he knew about the process was the little the scientists had told him, about the machines being linked and parallel universes or something. All he had been interested in was when they needed to get to the machine so that he could set a trap for them - he didn't even know why they needed to return at that time. Now he cursed his impatience and laziness.
He pushed such thoughts out of his mind as he began running through the halls, his gun drawn. First things first - he had to get out of here with his hide intact. After that he could work on figuring out where the hell he was and what his options were.
He turned a corner and ran straight into eight soldiers in an unfamiliar uniform, all carrying weapons. They stared at him for a second as he hesitated - there were a lot of them, should he try to fight his way out of here, or surrender? He knew nothing of the government on this world, but he knew that he would not want to be captured by the Alliance if the circumstances were reversed. He had just about made up his mind to fight when all of the soldiers straightened to attention, saluting him.
"Your Excellancy! What are you doing here?" one of the soldiers stammered, looking directly at him.
He froze. He hadn't gotten where he was now by being a complete idiot, and his mind flew as he tried to figure out what was going on. Suddenly he realized what was happening, and f ought the urge to smile. Four's clone had called him 'Treize' twice! Treize Khushrenada, if he remembered correctly. This Treize must be his double on this world, and apparently Treize was a powerful man. "That is my business, soldier," he said sharply, and all of the men jumped.
"Yes... yes sir!" the man who'd spoken before stammered. "Ah, sir, we are on alert. There are intruders in the base, it's not safe."
"Very well. I require an escort to the nearest vehicles."
"Sir?" the stunned look on the faces of the soldiers told him that he was acting very differently than his double would, but it didn't matter. They'd never guess the truth, and until they found out he wasn't Treize, they were going to obey him, no matter how strangely he was acting. And once he got to a position where he could commandeer (or steal) some sort of transportation, he was going to escape.
"Is there a question, soldier?" he asked sharply.
"No... no sir! You two! Escort his Excellency to the hangar!" the soldier directed some of his companions.
"Yes sir!" the men saluted and moved to flank him, and he allowed a small smile of approval to appear on his face.
"After you," he said with a nod of his head.
The soldiers exchanged a startled glance, then started working. Adam continued to smile as the enemy soldiers lead him to his freedom.
Trowa jumped over the sentry who was trying to hold a gun on him, landing behind him, and disarmed him with a quick motion. Brian then rushed the man, snapping his neck with one smooth, efficient motion. He looked at Trowa with an emotionless expression. "What now?"
Trowa pointed at the forest. "My Gundam is hidden near here, along with some supplies."
They started jogging through the forest. "Why is your Gundam here?" Brian asked as they ran. He was breathing easily, and his voice was calm.
"I was supposed to have a mission after we invaded that base."
"Mission?" Trowa was certain he saw Brian's eyes light up at the word.
"Destroy the base we just escaped from."
Brian's lips twitched downward. "You'll have to wait. We need that machine."
Trowa nodded silently as the forest started to look familiar. A few minutes later they reached the glade where he'd hidden Heavyarms. There was a large camouflage net covering his Gundam, but from this distance it was easy to see. Brian stopped to stare, and even on him his surprise was evident. Trowa smiled to himself and walked to the 'foot' of his Gundam and started sifting through the boxed stacked next to it.
"This... your Gundam?" Brian finally asked.
"Yes."
"It could not stand up in some of the smaller colonies without demolishing them," Brian observed, his eyes traveling up and down the length of it.
"You have colonies that small?"
"A few. The Alliance experimented with domes in other shapes than bubbles, so see if they were more efficient." Brian continued to examine Heavyarms.
Trowa didn't respond. He tossed a spare emergency rations pack he'd stolen from Oz to Brian.
Brian opened the pack and began to mechanically eat it's contents. He either didn't notice or didn't care that the emergency rations tasted like sawdust. Trowa knew. He worked at a circus sometimes, and that's what sawdust tasted like. He was used to it, by now. Quatre hated the taste of the emergency rations, although he was too polite to complain about them, especially when it was the only thing they had to eat. I hope he got out of the base safely, Trowa thought. As usual, the depth of the emotions he felt for the blond pilot startled them. He wasn't used to feeling anything. He basked in the sensation for a moment, then pushed it aside. He started eating his own rations.
"Trowa, can you teach me how to pilot a mobile suit?" Brian asked after he finished eating. He was still staring at the huge mobile suit.
Trowa just stared at him.
"All of the fighting on your world is done in mobile suits," Brian pointed out, never taking his eyes off the Gundam. "I know nothing of them. In order for me to be of any assistance to you, I must know how to operate one."
Trowa sighed. Brian had a good point, but he didn't like letting anyone in his cockpit. But it wasn't as if Brian was going to try sabotaging it or was going to give information away to Oz. "Just a basic lesson. We can't risk powering up out here, or Oz will see us. You'll have to use a simulator for actual practice." There was no way he was letting anyone practice piloting in Heavyarms.
Shin slowly crept through the woods that surrounded the base. He'd browned his skin and hair, which was as close as they could come to camouflage using their chameleon ability. He'd managed to make it out of the base with few problems, mostly because he'd created a new door to the outside by slamming his fist repeatedly through the cement wall, which wasn't particularly well built. But if they wanted to make their walls less than a foot thick, that was their problem. His problem was what he was supposed to do now. He was on Earth, he knew that much, but hadn't spent much time there before. He wasn't sure that he would be able to identify his location on his Earth, much less one in a parallel dimension.
With a sigh, he climbed the biggest tree he could find, wondering why he couldn't find a better way to figure out where he was. He was supposed to be a genius - there had to be something more he could do, right? Not without some sort of tool - even they couldn't create something from nothing. And the only way that he was going to get anything right now was to steal it. He didn't have any problems with that, provided he wasn't stealing from someone who really couldn't afford it, but he needed to be around people in order to steal anything. Which brought him back to where he was, climbing this stupid tree.
He reached the top and looked around, and saw lots and lots of forest. A dozen or more miles away, beyond where the forest ended, he saw a small city. That was the only sign of civilaztion he could see, except for the base, and he wasn't going back there. As Shin focused his almost-binocular eyes on the figures moving around in the distant city - they looked like little miniatures from this distance, but he could make out one detail that caused a hint of a frown to cross his face. All of the figures were Earthlings. Even colonists here looked like Earthlings, he remembered. As he thought of it, he automatically darkened his hair to black, his skin changing tones to match. There was nothing he could do about his eyes out here, but he ought to be able to steal some sunglasses or something. Worse case, he could pretend that he was blind. Most people assumed that, anyway.
He took one last look at the city, judging how long it would take him to get there if he didn't take the road. He couldn't now - not with those other soldiers searching for him, not knowing anything about this world. He'd figure out how to contact the others once he had some supplies, but for now, he just had to get to civilization. They had just under a month until they had to get back to that machine in order to get home - he'd already calculated the time down to three tenths of a second. But he was the only one with this information - he had to get in contact with the others.
It was well over a dozen miles through woods, up and down hills. At top speed he could make it in just under an hour. A very long time by his standards, but there was nothing he could do about it. He started climbing down the tree, trying not to glance up at the endless expanse of sky. It wasn't a conscious thing - the open space just made him uncomfortable. That was a common problem among colonists. It wasn't a phobia - that wasn't permitted - but it didn't change the fact that he'd been created and trained in an underground colony, and did most of his work in domed colonies. He just wasn't used to having so much space above him. At least he'd been to Earth a few times while he was still working for the Alliance. That helped, as long as he didn't look straight up.
As he started running at top speed through the forest, he wondered how Diana was dealing with the open sky. She'd never been anywhere but the colonies...
Diana stumbled and then automatically rolled to avoid injuring herself as the Oz soldiers sved her into the dimly-lit cell. All of that barely registered on her mind. She was still in shock. I froze! Like some rank amateur, I froze! Worse than that, I managed to get Duo captured as well! I... I just saw the sky... Diana shuddered, and realized with some surprise that she was unable to stop trembling.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Duo asked, a concerned look on his face. He' regained consciousness as the soldiers were dragging them down here.
Diana found herself unable to speak, she was trembling so badly. She silently shook her head and sank to the ground, tucking her manacled hands up against her chest. I can't remember the last time I felt like that. I was scared when the Alliance had me, scared that they'd break me and I'd betray everything I've fought to built, but this wasn't like that. I was just... terrified. Of what? The stupid sky? But even as she berated herself for her idiotic behavior, a shudder ran through her at the thought of all that open space. Even outer space didn't seem as open as the sky she'd glimpsed. She'd lived her entire life in a domed colony. All that open space seemed... indecent at best, a monstrosity at worst.
Intellectually she knew that her situation was odd at best. Humans had lived on Earth for thousands of years before they even thought about leaving the planet. But the domed skies of the colonies were all she'd ever seen, all she'd ever known.
"It's being on Earth, isn't it?" Duo asked, walking over and putting a surprisingly gentle hand on her shoulder.
"Don't touch me," she said sharply, striving for control. She stood up and walked several feet away, taking deep breaths to get control of herself. She didn't see any cameras, but that didn't mean that they weren't there. She couldn't show any weakness. "I'm fine." It was almost true. She was in control of herself now, she wasn't shaking anymore. Now all she had to do was stop hyperventilating every time she thought of that open sky... she shivered, and forced herself to stop.
"Man, you're as bad as Heero!" Duo exclaimed. "Look! You don't have to be perfect all the time! No one's going to kill you if you admit that you need help once!"
The analytical part of her mind (which was very distinct and separate from other parts of her mind) noted that most of Duo's comments were probably supposed to be directed at Heero, and that he was just venting his frustration on her, although his accusations might be true. That part of her mind also noted that he was acting as though he didn't think anyone was watching them.
Her analytical mind took over while her emotional side was still reeling from first the shock and fear, then from his accusations. "Aren't you afraid that they're watching us?" she asked.
"Who? Oz? They don't bother. Trowa infiltrated them once and gave me and Wufei the plans for our Gundams, they never even suspected a thing," Duo scoffed at his enemy's abilities. "Now, what the hell is going on? I was right, wasn't I? You're afraid of open spaces," he accused. "It's 'cause you were raised in a colony, right? I've heard some people have that problem."
Diana glared at him. "Yes, that is probably the problem. It won't happen again."
"Hey! It's all right! Jeeze, you are as bad as Heero! You're allowed to have a fear or two, it won't kill you!"
"You have no idea what you're talking about," she growled. "It could kill me. Do you have any idea what would have happened if the Alliance had found out that I have this... this weakness? They would have exploited it, and I would have cracked, and all of my people would have died! I am not allowed to have weaknesses! People... my people... die when I falter, even for an instant! It's not like you guys - I'm not just killing the enemy, and we're not just risking ourselves! We don't have superweapons like you - I can't do it by myself. So I order my people into battle, I order them to their deaths! So any weakness on my part is a death sentence for someone! Don't tell me that I'm allowed to have weaknesses, because that's the same thing as telling me I like killing my soldiers!"
Duo stared at her with wide eyes, and she knew she'd alienated him, possibly permanently, but she wasn't sure if she could keep going. This latest incident was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Maybe the Alliance really had broken her, and she just hadn't realized it until now. She'd gotten caught twice by the Alliance in the last month, after successfully eluding them for fifteen years. Maybe she was slipping. Maybe this fear of open spaces was just a symptom of something else that was wrong...
Damnit, that's not right. I'm just looking for an excuse to quit, she thought to herself. The only way she was ever going to quit was if the Alliance was completely destroyed, she died, or she was forced to leave because she was endangering the Rebels. The first wasn't likely to happen in her lifetime (who knew how long that would be?). That meant her only ways out would be death or insanity. She'd never quit on her own, for two very good reasons. Her own sense of morality wouldn't allow it - she couldn't sit there, off somewhere safe while she knew that the Alliance could be killing people, while other people fought in her place. The second reason was also because of the Alliance - when they'd designed her, they did something so that she was only satisfied with herself if she was fighting. She couldn't stop because her own mind wouldn't let her.
"I'm sorry, Duo, I didn't mean it," she said wearily, trying to put out the fires before she burned her bridges completely. "I was just... upset about the whole phobia thing. I've faced imprisonment, torture, and death with a whole lot more poise than a clear blue sky. I really didn't mean any of it."
"Yes you did," he said, walking closer again, eyeing her suspiciously. "You really do think that."
"No I don't," she said, silently using all of the curse words she knew. She should have known better than to underestimate him, try to get him to believe a blatant lie like that. It was easy to forget, both with him and Kane, that beneath the joking surface was a mind as intelligent as any.
"Yes you do. You think that any time you're less than perfect, you're killing people. You really believe that."
Diana avoided looking at his eyes. "So?"
"You're really fucked up."
"I am aware of that fact."
"You can't expect yourself to be perfect. No one is perfect. And being less than perfect doesn't mean that you kill people."
"People die when I mess up. Hell! They even die when I don't mess up!" she said, and was horrified to hear her voice crack slightly. She was losing control. She couldn't...
"Did it ever occur to you that you're fighting a war?" he demanded. "You're a commander, people don't expect you to keep everyone alive!"
"You're saying that they're expecting to die?" she asked bitterly, and felt tears pricking her eyes. NO! I can't lose control!
"Damn it! They don't want to die, and no one expects to die, but that doesn't mean that you're expected to fight a war without losing anyone!"
Diana didn't answer. She was too busy fighting back tears. Andrew had told her this before, and so had Dev, and numerous others, but she'd never been able to believe it before. They were all her subordinates - they had to tell her whatever they thought would keep her going. If she broke down with self-recriminations, she wasn't any good to anyone. But Duo wasn't her subordinate - he would tell her the truth (he claimed he never lied, although she had a hard time conceiving that), and he was telling her the same thing. That it wasn't wrong if she made a mistake, if she wasn't perfect all the time.
"How many people would have died if you didn't take command?" Duo said, not realizing he'd already gotten his point across. "How many of the Rebels you think you've killed would have been killed if you didn't help? A lot more, I'd say."
That did it. Diana knew all too well how many people would have died if she hadn't taken command - she'd seen the numbers before she joined the Rebels, and knew from projections she'd made that the numbers would have gone up as the Alliance started to take the Rebel threat seriously.
Diana started to sob silently, tears running down her face, and once she started, she couldn't stop. All the grief she'd been containing, concealing for the six years she'd been in command suddenly came out in a flood of emotions, triggered by one irrational fear and a few kind words.
Duo just stared at her with a confused and worried expression on his face, and when she finally got herself back under control, several minutes later, he asked, "Are you all right? Were you choking or something?"
Diana laughed. "No, that was my version of crying. I'm feeling better now. Thank you very much."
"Crying?" Duo asked. "You can't even do that right! Remind me to find someone who knows how to cry to show you how to do it right!" he said with a grin.
"You don't cry?" she asked. Her five didn't - it had been trained out of them - and actually, normally she didn't cry either. She simulated it numerous times, but she couldn't remember the last time she'd actually cried for no reason other than emotion. All of that was normal for genetically engineered beings, but she couldn't understand why Duo wouldn't cry.
"Nah. I stopped crying years ago. Used up all my tears," he said with a shrug that was only partially successful in hiding the pain he felt at something in his past. Whatever it was, she wasn't about to pry. She had painful memories of her own she'd prefer not to examine too closely.
They sat together in silence for several minutes, then Duo asked, "Were you serious before when you said that you could get over that fear of open spaces thing?"
"It just caught me by surprise this time. I wasn't expecting the open sky, and I wasn't expecting the fear, either. I'll be ready next time. Why?"
"We can't stay here forever, you know," he said with a grin. "We have to escape soon, or the Doctors will send Heero in to kill us. They did that once before, you know."
"Sent Heero to kill you?"
"Yup."
"But he didn't."
"Nope."
"Was this before or after you became lovers?"
"Before, but don't you go thinking that a little thing like sex would stop Heero once he was on a mission."
"So why didn't he kill you?"
"My overwhelming personality?" Duo suggested in a voice that left her with no doubt that Duo didn't believe that. "'Cause he's Heero. His orders were to silence the leak, i.e. me, but he decided to rescue me instead. Go figure." There was a slightly dreamy expression on Duo's face, and Diana smiled.
"So when you want to run?"
"Night is usually better than day. Just how strong are you?" he asked.
"Strong enough to punch a hole through the wall to escape if we have to. But it might be easier to kick the door in."
Duo stared at her. "Those doctors of yours didn't mess around, did they?"
"No."
"Then the door it is," he said with a grin that quickly disappeared as the door opened, letting normal light into the room for the first time. Diana blinked as she got to her feet, her eyes adjusting quickly to the change in illumination. She gazed evenly at the Oz soldiers who came in.
The lead soldier looked between her and Duo, then grinned and pointed at her. "That one. The girl. Bring her."
Two soldiers moved to flanking positions as another gestured for her to walk out of the cell. She kept her face carefully blank, but inwardly she was smiling. They'd obviously picked her because they thought that she'd be easier to break. The Alliance had thought she'd break easily, too. She always got a certain satisfaction out of proving them wrong.
End Part 5
(:./marika/others5)
